The Lie That We Live
by JemmaLynn13
Summary: In an alternate universe Magnus never shows up at Alec's wedding. As Alec gets used to his new role as Husband and Co-Head of the New York Institute he continues to struggle with his feelings for Magnus while Lydia begins to build bonds within the Lightwood family. How long before Alec realises the mistake he's made and how will they all survive the fallout. Rated M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Hey everyone this is my first fanfic so please be gentle with me. This is going to be a multi chapter fanfic but I'm not yet sure how many chapters it will be. It is also an eventual Malec fic just for anyone who is worried. Though I'm not gonna tell you whether its a happy ending or not because that would spoil it ;) As an update to any returning readers as of the 6th April 2016 this chapter has been heavily edited and is now longer, I got struck by some inspiration I guess also someone said they'd like to see a chapter with Lydia's POV and although I was planning on having one later in the story I thought it might be nice to see how she was feeling running up to the wedding so that's been added to this chapter as well. Also I do not own any of the characters they belong to Cassandra Clare and the producers of Shadowhunters which is currently airing on Freeform. Some of the plot lines and dialogue also belong to the show and the title comes from a shadowhunter nursery rhyme which is also written/owned by Cassandra Clare. There are spoilers up to 1x12 and everything that happens in all episodes before that is canon in this story. Please let me know what you think in the reviews and I hope you enjoy it.**

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 **Chapter 1: Gold for a Bride**

 **Alec's POV**

Alec was feeling irritated by his meeting with Magnus. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to erase the memory of Magnus' breath tingling his skin. When that failed his irritation grew. Magnus just didn't understand. He didn't get it this was about more than what he did or did not feel. This was about doing what's right for his family. And Magnus was wrong in his parting statement, he didn't have a choice to make; He had already made his choice. He tried to put Magnus out of his mind as he headed for Lydia's office. Some representatives of the Clave has arrived early for the wedding and so he and Lydia needed to go and greet them.

She was standing by the desk organising papers, her back half to him, when he arrived. She looked different, more carefree and relaxed. Happier. Gone were the dark clothes and formal suit jackets. In their place she was wearing a teal coloured dress. Her hair was flowing round her shoulders and her make-up was light and natural instead of the dark eye shadow and brightly coloured lipstick he had seen her wear so far. As he watched her unnoticed he began to wonder if this was more like the person she used to be before John died. A little more girly and a little less harsh. Was she finding some of her old self again? He began to wonder who that person was, who Lydia Branwell was. He imagined that she was adventurous and fun-loving. That she was caring and kind-hearted. She was definitely confident. He imagined she was a woman who loved quickly and laughed often. As he watched her she picked something up of the desk and he saw a contented smile light up her face which brought a small smile to his. If she was starting to find herself again then he was glad. He had seen glimpses of that girl before. When she gave her speech at Izzy's trial and when she got excited talking about how her ancestor helped create the portal with Magnus. Dammit! Now he was thinking about Magnus again. The smile fell from his lips and he sighed sadly then knocked on the door.

 **Lydia's POV**

As she was sorting through the paperwork in the office a photograph fell from the pack. Picking it up a smile graced her face. It was a picture of the Lightwood siblings. It must of accidentally got mixed up in the mission reports the last time Robert or Maryse went through them. They all looked a bit younger than they were now. On the far left was Isabelle, she was holding a young boy who looked to be 6 or 7. That must be Max, Lydia had only seen him briefly when she first arrived at the Institute. He had soon been sent back to Idris where it was safe. He had one of his arms wrapped around Isabelle's neck, his cheek pressed to hers and the other wrapped around Alec's neck who had his arm around the both of them resting on Isabelle's shoulder. His other arm was wrapped round Jace's shoulders, who was pulling a face as the other three laughed at him. They all looked so happy and their love for each other was as bright as day. Lydia never really had that growing up. Her parents had been somewhat stern and strict, always reminding her of her duty to the family. She never had any siblings to share the burden with her, to love her and be there by her side through thick and thin. Looking at that photograph she could see why Alec was so determined to protect his family and do right by them. That kind of love should be protected.

She heard a knock and looked up to find Alec in the doorway. He had a sad look in his eyes. Did something happen with Magnus? He had seemed in fairly good spirits this morning when he came by to let her know he was going there. "Hey is everything ok? What did Magnus want? Did he have any information on how to wake up Jocelyn Fairchild?" She heard him sigh before he answered.

"No he didn't, it was a complete waste of time. But he did say he is looking in to it." He sounded angry, but it was tinged with some other emotion that Lydia couldn't quite place. She wondered if she should just leave it at that but she hated seeing him so sad. She reached out a hand and soothingly rubbed his upper arm. He was tense.

"Hey, Alec did something happen when you were at Magnus' place? You seem a bit... I don't know... upset. I guess." He looked away from her and down at the floor before letting out a harsh breath.

"It was nothing, we just had a difference in opinion that's all. We should get going. We don't want to keep those representatives waiting." As he looked back at her she nodded her head and followed him from the room. If he didn't want to talk then she wasn't going to force him to. She just hoped he knew she would be there for him if he ever did. As they were walking through the Op's Centre they noticed Clary, Jace and Hodge talking to none other than Magnus Bane. Lydia looked nervously at Alec as she followed him down the steps. They reached the bottom just as Magnus turned to leave. There were a couple of seconds of uncomfortable silence until Lydia decided to break it.

"Magnus." she greeted him cheerfully. "I didn't know you were here." She smiled brightly at him trying to ignore the awkwardness in the air.

"That was the point." She saw a flash of anger and hurt darken Alec's face and so quickly replied keeping her tone cheery.

"We're just on our way to greet a few representatives from the Clave who arrived early for tomorrows wedding. How long are you staying?" As Magnus opened his mouth to reply Alec cut across him.

"What's going on here? Nobody told me about a meeting." Lydia kept Alec in the corner of her eye as she half listened to Clary explain about Ragnor Fell. She could see he was getting more upset by the minute. Something definitely wasn't right. "What can I do to help?" Alec asked.

"We're just recovering a Warlock, Alec. We got this covered." Jace crossed his arms defensively as he spoke. Lydia was saddened as she thought back to that photograph sitting on the desk in the office. Jace and Alec had looked so close in that photo, like the brothers they were. It was heart breaking to see them so distant now. The situation didn't get any better when Magnus added.

"Besides you have emissaries from the Clave to meet. You don't want to tarnish your family's perfectly crafted image now do you?" Magnus looked like he regretted the comment as soon as he made it but looking at Alec Lydia could see the damage was already done. The hurt was apparent and the anger; she needed to get Alec out of here now. She smiled at Magnus and said "Again lovely seeing you Magnus." He gave her a nod and smile in reply and as they left Lydia knew that something a lot more than just a 'difference of opinion' had gone down at Magnus' place and whatever it was it had Alec tied in knots. Once they were far enough away Lydia whispered "Are you Ok?" He didn't reply at first but then he let out a breath he seemed to have been holding and rubbed the back of his neck. "No. But I don't want to talk about it." After walking in silence a little longer Lydia stopped Alec and taking a deep breath said "I know you don't want to talk and that's ok but I just want to say one thing ok?" He nodded and she took a deep breath before continuing "If you've changed your mind about this marriage its ok. I won't get mad or angry. I just want to be sure that this is still what you want." He didn't answer right away. He seemed to be contemplating what she had just said. When he looked back up at her she couldn't figure out the look in his eyes but they held an intensity she had never seen before.

"This is what I want." Lydia nodded. She plastered a smile on her face as she saw the dignitaries from the Clave approaching and prepared herself for the long, tedious small talk that would undoubtedly follow. It was going to be a long day.

 **Alec's POV**

It was only two hours until the wedding ceremony and Alec would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous in fact he was trying to swallow down a rising feeling of pure panic. He had already put on most of his tux. His pale gold jacket hung over the chair as he stood staring in the mirror trying to get his bow tie right. They really should of got clip ons. It didn't help that his hands had a slight tremor to them. There was a knock at the door and Alec opened it to find Jace standing with his tux jacket over his arm while he was looking down trying to tie his own bow. "Seriously dude couldn't you have just got us clip on bow ties?" Alec rolled his eyes and let Jace in. It was great to be back on speaking terms with Jace again. They has a good talk last night at his bachelor party. It was obvious that Jace was still struggling with finding out about Valentine being his father and Clary being his sister. It was all pretty screwed up and sometimes Alec longed for the simpler times. "Hey." Jace's voice cut through his thoughts bringing him back to the present. "You ok? You seem a bit out of it?"

"I'm fine. Just thinking. Big day and all that." he gave him a weak smile.

"Buddy, are you sure about this? If you want to back out I will have your back with Mum and Dad." There was an understanding in Jace's eyes that made Alec feel calmer.

"Jace I appreciate it, I really do. But this is what I want. Lydia was my choice and this was my decision. I promise you I am sure about this." Jace put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze.

"Ok. But we can't get you hitched until we figure out how to tie these damn bow ties" he joked. Alec chuckled lightly when there was a second knock at the door. He threw Jace a confused look who just shrugged.

Izzy came waltzing through the door the moment Alec opened it. She was wearing a red dressing gown with a gold cherry blossom decorating the hem. Her hair and make-up had already been done. "Hey I thought you were getting ready with Lydia" he greeted her.

"I am but I knew you two clowns wouldn't be able to tie those bow ties so Lydia sent me to do it for you." She smiled brightly at them. As she began to tie Alec's first as Jace scoffed. "Hey we had it under control." Izzy just threw him a 'yeah if you say so' look then moved to tie Jace's.

"Well besides that I wanted to check and see how my big brother was holding up before his big moment." she said playfully and then continued more seriously "How are you doing? You nervous?" She looked worried.

"I'm a little nervous but I'll be ok. Now go get ready there's not much time left before the ceremony and Jace and I are going to meet Hodge at the chapel to make sure everything is going ok." He gave her a tight hug and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you guys. I'll see you there" she said as she hugged them both tight then left blowing them both kisses as she went.

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia was still having her hair done when Isabelle made it back. As she disappeared behind the screen to change into her bridesmaid dress Lydia asked her nervously. "How are they doing?" She was praying that nothing went wrong today.

"Relax they're fine." Isabelle replied gently. "I tied their bow ties and now they are on their way to the chapel with Hodge to make sure everything is set up properly. Everything is under control." She smiled at her as she came back around the screen and moved to sit across from Lydia on her bed. "Lydia... I just wanted to say thank you. You know for what you said at my trial, defending me and all. I know you took a big risk with your career and reputation when you did so...yeah thank you." Lydia was surprised. She stayed silent for a few moments before she answered.

"It was the right thing to do. Besides I wanted to thank you too. For standing up as my suggenes today. I know you are not a fan of this marriage and I can understand why. You don't know me so its hard to trust me." Lydia was reminded of her conversation with Clary earlier that day when she had accused her of working for Valentine. She couldn't help but be angered by the accusation and hurt by it. But she also understood it. The people here were like family to each other, they trusted each other and the idea that one of them would betray another was unthinkable. She was the new girl, the stranger. No one really knew her and given the circumstances in which she had arrived here it was no surprise that everyone believed she was out to get them and so wanted her gone. She hoped one day they would come to trust her and she was truly touched by Isabelle's gratitude and her acceptance to stand up for her today. "I know you are doing it for your brother but still I want you to know I appreciate it."

"Your welcome." She looked hesitant before she spoke again. "I hope you don't take offence to this but... I noticed that you don't have any family on the guest list."

"My family and I don't talk any more." She felt sadness creep up on her. John hadn't been far from her thoughts today. Once upon a time she had dreamed of their wedding day they had had so many dreams together and they used talk about them together late into the night. But now he was gone and nothing was going to bring him back. She never had made up with her family, even after his death. They hadn't even come to his funeral. She had been left utterly alone. She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked up at Isabelle who was watching her intensely. "I disobeyed them once, went against their wishes and they never forgave me for it. I don't have anyone to invite to the wedding." Isabelle took her hand and gave it a light squeeze.

Before she could get lost in her thoughts again the hairdresser finally declared that her hair was done. Looking in the mirror Lydia's face brightened up. It looked exactly how she imagined it would. She thanked the hairdresser who gathered up her stuff and after wishing Lydia the best of luck left. "Ok time to get in your dress" Isabelle said excitedly. Lydia grinned at her and stepped behind the screen. She carefully slipped into the dress and Isabelle did up the buttons for her. As she stepped back to look at her Isabelle smiled. "You look amazing." She peeked at herself in the mirror and gasped. The dress was stunning, her hair was too, everything fit together so perfectly. It was like a dream come true. She couldn't keep the smile off her face. Right now she could believe in fairy tales again for the first time since she lost John and maybe, just maybe she could find that family she had always longed for in the Lightwoods. "Ok it's time. You ready?" Lydia nodded and followed Isabelle out of the room and toward the chapel.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec's heart was pounding and his palms were clammy as he stood at the alter. He was a little reassured that Jace stood beside him as his suggenes. He was once again struck by how glad he was that they had hashed things out and made up. He couldn't imagine getting married without his parabatai at his side. Looking around the room he had to admit it looked amazing. The chandeliers twinkled like stars as the flames from the candles they held flickered. The lights reflected off of the stain glass windows causing colourful patterns to dance around the room. Down the centre of the aisle was a rich red carpet with a black border. Across the whole floor white rose petals were artfully strewn and dotted around the room were bouquets of flowers, their scent sweetening the air. The guests all turned to stare at the entrance as the music started.

He was reassured a little more when he saw Izzy enter. She was wearing a deep gold dress and was smiling to the guests as she came down the aisle carrying a gold pillow that held Lydia's stele and the golden bracelet that would be given as a wedding token. Jace held an identical pillow holding Alec's stele and a gold necklace with a sparkling tear-drop pendant which he would in turn give to Lydia. As Izzy reached him she gave him a comforting nod and smile.

He looked up as he heard gasps from around the room and saw Lydia enter and begin her walk down the aisle. She was dressed in a pale gold dress. The skirt was embossed with bright golden leaves and flowers and the bodice had intricately patterned gold beads adorning it. Her sun-spun hair was tied in an elaborate up-do with a single braid entwining round her shoulder. She looked as radiant as the sun, there was no denying that, but Alec still felt sick to his stomach. Suddenly Magnus' words from the night before came back to him. _You lose your breath every time they enter a room._ He shook the thought from his head and took Lydia's hand, helping her up the steps and as he looked into her eyes he realised he felt numb. _Your heart beats faster when they walk by._ Alec felt annoyed; even when Magnus wasn't there Alec still couldn't escape his words. He shut his eyes then looked back at Lydia. She gave him a small smile which he managed to return as she placed the golden band around his wrist. Turning he picked up the necklace with trembling hands from the gold pillow that Jace was holding. He gently placed it around Lydia's neck and fumbled with the clasp until he finally managed to fasten it. Taking her hand in his they turned to face the Silent Brother as he announced that it was time for them to mark each other with the wedded rune.

He took some comfort in the feeling of her small hand in his. While he trembled her hand was steady and strong as she clasped his. She released his hand to turn and take her stele from Izzy. She pressed it to the crystal which was carved with the wedded rune. Mist billowed from the crystal as she did so. As she faced him again she looked up into his eyes checking for any sign that he might of changed his mind; giving him one last chance to back out. But suddenly, looking into her eyes, Alec felt calm. He knew why he was doing this. To protect his family, save the Lightwood name, for the chance to run the Institute with a strong and intelligent partner beside him. So he gave Lydia another smile and a small nod. She smiled in return and placed her stele to his skin. The rune burnt as it appeared red on his skin. The stinging sensation faded as the rune darkened slightly leaving his skin permanently marked. Taking his stele he also placed it to crystal then to the skin over Lydia's heart and drew out the wedded rune. He let out a sharp breath as the Silent Brother announced them Husband and Wife. Leaning forward he pressed a quick kiss to her lips and solidified their union. The gathered guests applauded and Izzy embraced a beaming Lydia in a hug welcoming her to the Lightwood family. As his parents rose from their seats to come and congratulate them all that Alec could think of was Magnus.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: Ok just so there is no confusion this chapters events happen simultaneously with the scenes where everyone is getting ready for the wedding and the actual wedding in chapter 1 but are from Magnus' point of view. A lot of the dialogue is from episode 12 of the show Shadowhunters. Now for the copyright part. All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare and Shadowhunters Tv Show which is currently on Freeform. I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think constructive criticism is always welcome. This is a short chapter but a necessary one.**

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 **Chapter 2: The Ghost of Lovers Past**

Magnus was sure he had never felt worse in his life. One of his closest friends had just been killed and the first guy he had had feelings for in well over a hundred years was about to marry someone else. He had told Clary and Jace that he would look through Ragnor's old things in an attempt to find anything that might help them locate The Book of the White, but he couldn't seem to bring himself to look at any of his friend's old belongings, the pain was just too fresh. He knew he was being somewhat selfish, that waking up Jocelyn was important to Clary and to stopping Valentine but right now he just couldn't face any of it. He stared up at the antique clock on his wall and tried not to imagine what Alec was doing right now. It was futile. Magnus began to wonder if Alec was getting dressed for his ceremony. Putting on his tux, styling his hair and struggling to tie his bow tie. Maybe Jace was there with him struggling to tie his own bow just as much. Magnus found himself wondering how Alec was feeling. Did he have any doubts? Was he nervous? Was he thinking about him as much as Magnus was thinking about Alec? Should he try one last time to convince Alec of the mistake he was making?

Magnus scoffed in irritation. Look at him moping about like he was some kind of kicked puppy. He had faced heartbreak before and had got over it. No doubt he would face it again many times more in his long immortal life. He could get over this too. He just needed a distraction something to keep his mind occupied. With a sigh he turned to Ragnor's pile of belongings. Whether he was thinking of his friend or thinking of Alec his heart still hurt either way. At least if he was completing the task of searching through Ragnor's possessions some good may come from it. So he began sorting through the items putting aside any with magical importance. Soon he came across a photo album. As he turned the pages he stopped at a picture of himself, Ragnor and Camille. A smile spread across his face as memories flooded his mind. They had some good times together.

"How I loathe that photograph. I must remember chin down eyes up or else I look like a squinty toad." With a start Magnus turned around to see Ragnor standing behind him.

"You're here." Magnus replied in amazement.

"You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily did you. Oh my dear friend I'll always be with you." Ragnor reached out and touched his cheek. "Now please put away that horrid photograph. It commemorates a night I would rather forget. Oh wow I had to comfort you." He flopped down into the chair as he smiled over at Magnus.

Magnus looked back down at the photo. "How I loved her. I prayed she would love me the same but she just laughed. To Camille immortals aren't suppose to feel true love. She was so cynical. Camille broke my heart." he finished sadly.

"And you let her break your heart my friend. You're immortal but she killed you." Magnus looked back up but Ragnor had disappeared. Magnus knew he was right. He had let Camille break his heart all those years ago. He hadn't fought for her. What was worse was that he was letting Alec break his heart now. He was immortal but Alec was killing him. He reached over for his phone and opened the address book, scrolling down to Alec's name. _You don't have any clue how I feel. So just back off._ He remembered Alec saying those words; and the look of anger on his face as he did so. Maybe he was right, maybe Magnus wasn't as sure of Alec's feelings as he seems. With a huff he put the phone back down. Alec had made his decision there wasn't anything else Magnus could do.

He stared longingly back at the chair Ragnor had occupied. Oh how he wished his friend would return. Sighing Magnus turned back to Ragnor's possessions and picked up a Charango. As he strummed the strings his friend reappeared slouched in the chair as if he had never left. "I wouldn't describe that as an instrument of music. An instrument of torture perhaps. "

" You never liked the Charango." he smiled fondly as he replied.

"No I did not. And I pray you don't play it, death has already given me enough of a headache."

"Do you remember Imasu? He played this so beautifully." Magnus smiled fondly at the memories.

"I'm surprise that lasted as long as it did. He was always so much better looking than you." Magnus pulled a face at Ragnor who continued " I don't understand why you didn't go after the boy. I'm certain with very little effort you could have won him back."

" No. Imasu wanted more than I can give." he poured himself a drink and pondered "Maybe Camille was right. I am immortal. I can party and have fun to my hearts content without the anchors of love around my feet."

Ragnor sighed "You are not Camille and though I know you won't believe me someday someone will come along who will tear down those walls you have built around your heart. And when that love comes back to you, you must do everything in your power to fight for it." There was an intensity in Ragnor's voice and in his eyes as he looked at Magnus. That was when Magnus realised just how right he was. Alec had already torn down those walls around his heart; had made him feel alive again in so many different ways and now Magnus was going to go and fight for Alec. With a smile he rose from his seat. "Going somewhere?" Ragnor asked in a teasing tone.

"Even in death you give the best advice." Magnus smiled to him.

"Be nice if you took it more than once every 300 hundred years." That made Magnus smile again. He looked away and when he turned back to thank his friend he had once again vanished.

Magnus rushed to get ready putting on a deep red velvet jacket and placing red streaks in his stylised hair. He wanted to look irresistible for his man after all. With a smile he left his apartment and took a portal to around the corner from the institute. He wanted to take some time to figure out what he was going to say, to calm his nerves. But the closer he got to the Institute and the further from his friend's belongings the more he began to doubt. _This is all just a game to you. Isn't it? You flirt, you laugh, you use magic. But at the end of the day what do you risk?_ He stopped. As he heard Alec's voice in his head once again he suddenly became hesitant. What if he was wrong about Alec's feelings? Alec was right what did he risk by doing this? Then he thought of how he risked Alec's rejection, he risked a broken heart and closing himself off to feeling anything again. What if Alec rejects him and marries Lydia anyway? Maybe it would be better to just walk away now and at least save himself some pain. Then he remembered Ragnor's words. _You must do everything in your power to fight for it_. He might not be 100% sure of how Alec felt but he was sure of his own feelings. And if he was expecting Alec to take a risk for him then he should be taking a risk for Alec. After all Alec was worth fighting for and if he didn't try then he would never know. So he gathered all the courage he could and continued to the institute.

As he passed by the window he caught a glimpse inside and saw Alec at the alter with Lydia. As he watched he saw Lydia draw the rune onto Alec's wrist as Alec smiled at her. Magnus found himself suddenly unable to move. He stood trapped, frozen on the spot as he watched Alec pick up his stele and without hesitation draw the wedded rune over Lydia's heart. It was with a sinking feeling that he realised he had hesitated too long; he was too late. There was also a sense of disbelief. Apart of him deep down had always believed Alec wouldn't actually go through with the wedding. There was always that hope that Alec would realise who he really was and would be true to himself. Magnus had been sure that he knew Alec and that Alec had felt something for him. He might not have been certain whether those feeling were love but how could he not feel what Magnus felt when they were together? _Even if I did feel something for you. You want me to give up my life for you? I have to do what's right for me. I could lose my family, my career, everything_. The saddest part was that what Alec didn't realise when he said those words was that he wasn't doing what was right for him he was doing what he thought was right and one day he would come to the realisation that his marriage to Lydia could not work and by then they will all be trapped by it. As his heart broke he watched as Alec leant forward and placed a small kiss to his new wife's lips and sealed all of their fates.

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 **Author's note: Ok the first two chapters did follow quite closely to episode 12 however this is where things change the rest of the storyline from here is pretty much mostly from my imagination. As a warning I have not read the books although I am aware of some plot lines so please bear in mind that most of the information I have comes from the tv show which this fic is based on. Next chapter is coming soon and I will give you a little clue. Hodge ;) Again please review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: OK I'll get this out the way first. All characters belong to Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters tv show respectively I own nothing. There are some lines of dialogue from episode 12 and some plotlines from the books but the rest is my own original work. This chapter is told from two POV's Alec's and Hodge's both storylines happen simultaneously but in different places in the Institute. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think.**

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 **Chapter 3: The Butterfly Waltz**

 **Alec's POV**

Now that the ceremony was over Alec felt calmer. It helped seeing the pride and happiness on his parent's faces. His mother was particularly cheerful. In fact they both looked like a large weight had been lifted from their shoulders. And yeah ok that weight was now on his shoulders but he took some relief in the fact that he was making his parents happy. It was also comforting to know that he would have Lydia to help share the burden with him. He also knew that Jace and Izzy would be there to support him. He had some regrets about Magnus but his family was everything to him and seeing how carefree they were now lightened his heart somewhat. As he looked to Lydia standing at his side he smiled a little at how happy she also looked. He'd never seen her smile so brightly and there was a warm light in her eyes that Alec had never seen before. So what if he might of missed out on something with Magnus? Alec was never entirely sure of what his feelings were towards the warlock anyway and now he had the chance of helping Lydia get some of her dreams back. She deserved that. It was like he said when he proposed; he might not be able to bring John back but he could help her achieve her dream of running an institute again and that made him feel lighter still. Besides if Magnus really had been that interested in him then he would of come to the wedding, he wouldn't have stopped fighting for Alec. So really Magnus' absence had spoken volumes.

Some of the guests began to filter out of the chapel and towards the greenhouse where the reception was being held. However some members of the Clave came up to congratulate Lydia and Alec. Many were rattling on about how they felt Lydia and Alec would do a wonderful job of running the Institute together and what a great team they thought the pair made. As Lydia was the current head now that they were married it was Alec's right as her husband to co-head the Institute with her. He would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous about it. It was a demanding job but he reminded himself that he did a perfectly good job of running the institute while his parents were away on trips to Idris. Yeah they might have been only gone a few weeks at a time and as Co-Head he would be responsible for the Institute 24/7 but this time he had Lydia to help. It was at that moment that Alec decided to let go of any regrets and let himself be happy. He had made the right decision for everyone involved.

 **Hodge's POV**

This was the perfect opportunity; while everyone was congratulating the bride and groom and enjoying themselves at the reception he could complete his task. All he needed to do was get Lydia's stele. He looked over to where Lydia and Alec stood surrounded by wedding guests who were shaking their hands and commenting on how beautiful the ceremony was. Lydia had placed her stele in a pale gold bag that was attached to her wrist by a slender strap. How on earth was he going to be able to get it without her noticing? He began to formulate a plan in his mind. He could do this; get the stele, get the cup, give it to Valentine and then he would be free. He looked back over at Alec as he led his new wife out off the chapel and felt a pang of guilt. He cared about these people, Alec, Izzy and Jace. He had even come to care for Clary. But he couldn't take it any more. Spending everyday in the same four walls was making the enormous Institute seem more like a small cage. He had to get out, even if that meant getting into bed with Lucifer himself. As the last of the guests left the chapel he raced to his room. If he was quick he could get what he needed and get back before anyone noticed he was missing. Rummaging through his bedside locker he found the small pocket knife that he owned. As he stowed it in his pocket he marvelled at how heavy it seemed to feel all of a sudden. He quickly made his way through the echoing halls and entered the greenhouse. The greenhouse had always been a very beautiful and peaceful place but at this moment it was positively magical. A tent had been set up and had cobalt blue drapes with gold tie backs and trimmings. Inside the tent a glass dance floor had been placed in front of a small stage from which live music was being played. The glass encased golden leaves and flowers which glittered invitingly as the guests danced around in graceful patterns. Tables adorned with cobalt and gold table cloths were scattered around the edge of the dance floor with the long head table at the back in the centre of them all. Small bouquets of white flowers were at the centre of each table and the table cloths were scattered with golden fairy dust. The air was fragrant with the scents of the surrounding flowers and plants and the trickling of water could be heard from the rock pool nearby. There was the buzz of conversation all around and the sound of laughter as the guests mingled and danced together. The entire scene was just like a picture from a fairytale book. In the centre of it all was the glowing bride. She had a beaming smile on her face and was surrounded by adoring guests who were no doubt gushing over her dress and hair and make up. This was a problem for him however he needed to get that bag with out anyone seeing but Lydia was constantly surrounded by people. Hodge was getting more and more frustrated by the moment. If he didn't get the cup then Valentine wouldn't break his punishment rune and he'd continue to live out his miserable existence stuck behind the Institute doors. Then he realised he could make this work for him. As Lydia was surrounded by so many people they would be less likely to notice the small knife in his hand. He pushed away another pang of guilt as he strode across the room towards Lydia. She smiled at him as he reached her side.

"Hodge thank you so much for attending the wedding today. I know how much it meant to Alec having you there and to me as well." It struck Hodge at that moment that despite coming across a bit abrasive at first Lydia really did have a heart of gold. She clearly cared a great deal about Alec. But Hodge couldn't let that influence him. He had been locked up in this place far too long now.

"It was my pleasure to be there. I've watched Alec grow so much throughout the years and it was an honour to witness his wedding day. I just wanted to come over and congratulate you. It truly was a beautiful ceremony and you make the most exquisite bride." As he was talking he shifted with subtlety so that the hand holding the bag was blocked from view. He sliced the bottom of the strap and it fell from her wrist with a thud. He quickly and sneakily slipped the knife back into his pocket as Lydia cursed and bent down to pick up the bag. "Oh dear looks like the stitching came undone on the strap. You want to put that somewhere safe before you misplace it during the festivities."

Lydia sighed as she examined the bag " It's such a shame it was a pretty little bag. Maybe I could stitch it back together?" She looked back up at her guests and smiled apologetically "Please do excuse me. Hodge is right, I had better go put this back in my room before I lose it." Hodge placed a hand out to stop her as she went to move away.

" Well if you like I can take it to your office for you. I was going to go and check in on Jocelyn and Luke anyway." He smiled as he spoke trying to sound as sincere as possible. "Besides it's your wedding day, you should stay and enjoy yourself." He prayed she wouldn't see through him. He knew she was an intelligent woman but he was hoping that she was too high on the euphoria from the wedding to notice how he was manipulating her. He needed to get the cup today. Tomorrow Lydia and Alec would be taking the cup back to Idris where they will be staying for a few days as a kind of honeymoon. Tonight was his last chance at freedom. He began to worry that the desperation might of filtered into his voice but then Lydia gave him a beaming smile.

" Ok if you're sure."She conceded, "See if you can get Luke to take a break and come up for a drink. He's been so vigilant in watching over Jocelyn he deserves it. You'll come back too right?"

" Of course I'll do my best to convince him and don't worry I'll be back before you know it."

"Thank you so much Hodge, you're a good friend." She handed over the bag to him.

"It's not a problem after all today is your day. You're suppose to have everyone waiting on your hand and foot" he jested in a light-hearted tone as she beamed at him. He smiled back then made his way casually towards the door.

After reaching the office he quickly shut the door then cast the rune to open the hidden compartment in the wall. The cup glinted mockingly at him. It felt warm to the touch as he picked it up. He used Lydia's stele to seal the compartment shut again before returning it to the bag which he placed on the desk. He put the cup into the bag he had glamoured invisible then left the room. He briskly made his way to the infirmary. Luke was sitting beside Jocelyn when Hodge entered and as he looked up Hodge could see just how worried and tired Luke was. He had watched Luke love Jocelyn from afar over the years. His feelings for Jocelyn was one of things everyone knew about but nobody brought up or talked about. After all Jocelyn belonged to Valentine at the time and it didn't matter if everyone knew that Luke was a better match for her. He knew the same thing was true of Lydia and Alec. Everyone knew that Alec would be much happier with the warlock Magnus Bane, a blind man could see the attraction between them. But now Alec belonged to Lydia and so that too would be whispered about behind closed doors and in dark corners but never brought up in the light of day or public conversation.

Luke smiled at Hodge and said "I heard the wedding was a wonderful success and the reception is equally magical. How come you're not up there enjoying the festivities?"

" Oh you know me I never was one for large crowds and parties. I came to see how Jocelyn was doing?"

"She's the same. Still asleep but at least we've got her back and she's safe from Valentine. I just want her to wake up you know?. It's been hard without her."

"I understand and we will find a way to wake her. Ragnor Fell may be dead but at least we now know that he used the Book of the White to enchant her to sleep. That's more than we knew a few days a go and once we get the book Magnus can wake her up. But until then you are not doing yourself much good sitting here day and night. Go up to the reception, get a drink and have a dance with Clary. Relax a bit and I'll watch over Jocelyn until you get back. I'm not taking no for an answer." Luke hesitated for a moment before finally conceding but promising he would be back soon. He paused at the door and to say " Thank you my friend" before leaving the infirmary. After checking that Luke had definitely left he took a ring out of his pocket and placed it on his finger. He paused for a moment then twisted it and before him appeared Valentine.

"You have the cup?" he asked. Hodge pulled the cup from his bag and replied. "Help me break my punishment rune and I'll bring it to you."

" A deal is a deal."

 **Alec's POV**

Alec was enjoying himself as he sat at the head table beside Lydia. Everyone was in high spirits drinking and dancing and laughing. His parents suddenly appeared on stage and his father tapped on the microphone.

"Hey there can we have everyone's attention please." His voice echoed out over the babble of noise coming from the guests. The noise died down and everyone turned their attention on the stage. "We would like to make a toast to our son Alec and his lovely bride Lydia." He smiled at over at them both before continuing. "Although we may have had our differences in opinion there is no denying what an intelligent and strong woman Lydia is. She is a fearless shadowhunter, a born leader and an inspiration to us all not mention a truly magnificently beautiful bride." Murmurs of agreement rippled across the room bringing a smile to Lydia's lips and a slight blush to her cheeks. "Another thing that is undeniable is what a good match you are for our son. You both share the same values and beliefs and both understand the importance of conforming to the traditions of the Shadowhunter society. You will both be such wonderful leaders of this Institute and we could not have chosen a better wife for our boy. Lydia it is an absolute honour to call you our daughter in law, welcome to the Lightwood family." There was loud applause as Robert moved aside and Maryse stepped up to the microphone. The applause faded away as his Mother began to speak.

"Alec, you're our first born son and we know that over the years you have carried many of this family's burdens but you have done so with such strength and grace and no words could describe the gratitude and pride that we feel. You have been an exceptional son and an outstanding brother. You have been diligent in your training and have grown into an exceptional Shadowhunter and you have shown unwavering love and loyalty to this family. We have watched you grow over the years and you have brought us such pride on so many occasions." His mother had to pause for a moment as tears came to her eyes. Taking a deep breath she continued. "But we have never been more proud of our baby boy than when he was standing at that altar as a man about to start the next chapter of his life with such a beautiful wife at his side. I know that I have not been the most affectionate of Mothers over the years but know that mine and your Father's love for you and your siblings is unconditional and fills our hearts to the brim. We are so very proud of you and we wish you and Lydia a happy and long marriage filled with all you could possibly dream of." There was thunderous applause at the end of her speech and many of the guests were dabbing tears from their eyes with napkins as Lydia and Alec smiled at them but Alec could not help but wonder if they would have been so proud of him if he had acted on his feelings for Magnus. Would their love be quite so unconditional then? His fathers voice broke him from his thoughts as he said "It is time for the Bride and Groom's first dance. Ladies and Gentlemen please join me in inviting Mr Alec Lightwood to lead his wife Mrs Lydia Lightwood in their first dance together." As those gathered clapped Alec took hold of Lydia's hand and helped her rise from the table. They walked onto the dance floor and Alec placed his other hand on her waist. The band began to play Brian Crain's Butterfly Waltz as they moved together around the floor in graceful circles. After watching them for some time other dancers joined them on the floor. Jace was dancing with Izzy spinning her in circles as they talked quietly together and Alec saw Clary and Luke dancing together out the corner of his eye. He was glad to see that Luke had taken a break and got out of the infirmary, the guy definitely needed it. Clary was beside herself with laughter as Luke lead her around the floor in a comically exaggerated waltz; spinning her too often and too quickly before swooping her down into a dip. The scene brought smiles to the surrounding dancers' faces.

Alec looked down at Lydia's smiling face and was overcome with a wave of gratitude. She had been the only one to trust in his decisions completely; the only one to understand why he needed to do this for his family. She had been prepared to marry him to help save the Lightwood name. She had not personally condemned his parents for their involvement in the Circle. She even defended them to Alec when he was most angry with them. Reminded him that people make mistakes. She had faced hostility from everyone at the Institute from the moment she arrived and yet she still cared about everyone here. Even though Jace had been the most hostile towards her of everyone she still tried to dissuade Alec from using their Parabatai bond to track Jace. She had stood up to the Inquisitor for Izzy at her trial even though she knew it could have a negative effect on her career. She had married him and he somehow knew that if he had decided to call off the wedding she would not have condemned him for it. He had chosen a good and kind hearted woman to spend the rest of his life with. "Lydia, thank you" he whispered into her ear as he laid his cheek on the top of her head.

"For what?" she whispered back as they continued to move around the floor, slower now.

"Everything. For standing by me, for helping Izzy. For helping me save my family's name. For actually marrying me today." he finished jokingly. She laughed lightly then looked up into his eyes. "Well I should be thanking you too. You've stood by me as well. Even when I was making difficult decisions you had my back. We make good partners." She gave him a playful wink and he laughed before resting his cheek back on her head. For the moment he was content.

 **Hodge's POV**

Hodge re-entered the greenhouse after Luke returned to Jocelyn and looked around at the people gathered. Alec was dancing with Izzy who laughed as he spun her around. Alec seemed alot more relaxed and happier. He was smiling and joking around with his sister. Clary was sitting at a table with Simon and they too were laughing together. There were many familiar faces around. A lot of them he had called friends. Some of them he had even come to consider like family. He cared deeply for them all and for a moment he began to doubt his actions. Then he heard a laugh coming across the room and saw Maryse and Robert Lightwood with some members of the Clave. They were chuckling and talking and sipping on their champagne in golden flutes. With a flash of anger he remembered what had drove him to side with Valentine. As much as he cared for these people he also resented them; at times even hated them for their freedom. They could walk out of the doors when ever they wanted. They could go home to Idris whenever they wanted and travel to other institutes. Yet despite the fact that he had committed no worse crime than the Lightwoods he was the one that was damned to this place for the rest of his pitiful life. He was the one who could not speak of the past without a rune burning his neck and causing excruciating pain. And all because he did not have a name like Lightwood. They claimed the honour wasn't in the name but in the deed. But there was power in a name and in having the right allies. One day there would be power tied to the Starkweather name even if he needed to make an ally of Valentine to achieve it. He looked round the room one last time taking a moment to take it all in. For by tomorrow he would be leaving this place and these people behind forever.

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 **Author's note: Oh Alec, he really is trying hard to convince himself he's doing the right thing isn't he and Hodge is just as bad. Ok so next chapter the drama is really gonna kick off. How long before they realise that the cup is gone and how will everyone deal with Hodge's betrayal? Also how awkward is it gonna be when they have to ask Magnus for help? I'll try and upload the next chapter as soon as possible but you know I kinda need to write it first lol. So watch this space.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: Hey guys first of all I just wanted to thank my lovely reviewers, you guys are stars and I'm glad you are enjoying this fic. This chapter does contain a couple of spoilers from 1x13 but to be honest doesn't really follow it all that closely. There is are few lines of dialogue from it. As a disclaimer this chapter is very heavy and does contain scenes of violence that some readers may find disturbing there is also a character death. All the characters belong to Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunter Tv Show. The title is a line from Mika's song Happy Ending which I think fits this chapter really well so if you guys want go give it a listen. Please do review and let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy reading it.**

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 **Chapter 4: This Is The Way You Left Me**

 **Hodge's POV**

It was still dark when he left the Institute. The tarmac was wet from the rain and glittered as the moon reflected off of the raindrops. The street lights cast the street in a warm orange glow. He took a moment to breath in a large lungful of air. It had been so long since he had taken a breath of real fresh air. He could feel the slight breeze rustling his clothes and dancing across his skin, raising goosebumps. There was a chill in that breeze but he didn't care it had been too long since he had felt wind as well. A large smile split across his smile as he continued on his way. Valentine had told him to meet him at the docks. He quickened his pace, he didn't know how long it would be before someone noticed that both he and the cup were gone.

As he came up to the docks he was met by a circle member. "Valentine is expecting you" he informed him and gestured for him to follow him. He was led to a large ship and saw circle members and lines of Mundanes. Valentine was standing by a large tank of what looked like blood.

"I believe you have something that belongs to me."

"As we agreed." Hodge replied as he took the cup from his bag. "Old friend." He handed the cup over and Valentine smiled.

"You have done well Starkweather. You have earned your freedom."

"Thank you. It's been a long time since I've seen the outside world with my own eyes."

"Well take it all in. The world is about to change." Valentine walked back over to the tank and lowered the cup into the blood. As Hodge watched the blood began to boil then change colour from red to a glowing yellow. "Let the cup purify this blood." He took the cup filled with the glowing concoction over to the first Mundane in the line. "Only the worthy shall survive." he warned.

"I'm ready" the Mundie replied as he took the cup and drank from it. He collapsed to the ground with a cry of pain before going still.

"Is he dead." Hodge asked, but as he did the man rose to his feet.

"No." Valentine handed him a seraph blade. It lit up at his touch causing Valentine to smile disturbingly. "He's a shadowhunter."

 **Lydia's POV**

Her head was groggy when she awoke the next day. Rolling over she saw the necklace that Alec had given her resting on her bedside locker, sparkling in the early morning sunlight. She grinned happily as memories of the previous evening came flooding back.

 ** _Flashback_**

 _The entire day had been magical. It was the early hours of the morning and the guests had begun to leave the reception; drifting away in small groups. Some of them were holding up their friends who had celebrated with a bit too much enthusiasm. Simon had at some point fallen asleep under the table he had been sitting at. Clary and Isabelle woke him and said they'd walk him home before the sun came up. It was then that Alec and herself decided to excuse themselves. They had to be up early in the morning to pack for Idris. As they left they both began to feel nervous. They both knew that their marriage would need to be consummated but it was a subject that they had both avoided talking about. All they had discussed was that when the time came they would move into his room rather than hers. She hadn't been with anyone else since John died and although she knew it was expected of them she just wasn't ready to go there tonight. Looking up at Alec she could see a panic in his eyes and knew he wasn't ready either. That made her feel better. They could deal with this later. She smiled at him and stroked his cheek. "It's ok Alec. It doesn't have to happen tonight. We can sleep in our own rooms tonight and then organise moving my stuff into your room when we are back from Idris. After all we need to pack up the rest of my stuff from my apartment in Idris, it's better to just do it all in one go." He smiled in relief at her then took her hand in his._

 _"Come on. I'll walk you back to your room." He said and together they walked through the halls of the Institute together. They were both silent but it was a comfortable one. It was nice being away from all the people and the noise and just being in each others company. The halls were empty of people and there was a peacefulness to the air; a stillness. They eventually reached the door of her room. Alec lent down and kissed the top of her head. "I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well."_

 _"Yeah. You too." They stood together a moment longer before she released his hand and slipped into her room. She was smiling as she got ready for bed. A glint of gold caught her eye as she passed by the mirror. She looked into it and her eye was caught by the necklace hanging around her neck. Her eyes travelled to the rune that Alec had etched into her skin. She wasn't alone any more. She'd always have Alec, her husband, and she felt such relief in that. As if a weight she hadn't known she was carrying had been lifted. She turned back to her bed and reached up, unclasping the latch and gently placing the necklace on her beside locker._

 _ **End Flashback** _

Stretching she leaped out of bed and got to work packing some clothes into a small bag ready for their trip to Idris. It wasn't long before there was a knock at the door. Grabbing her bag she opened the door to a smiling Alec. He too was holding a bag packed for their trip. "Hey. You're cheery this morning. Looking forward to our trip?"

"Yeah it'll be nice to get away from all the drama for a bit. Plus we'll be able to check in on Max. I've missed him."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him properly. Hopefully after things have settled down a bit he can come back and stay here at the Institute." Alec smiled brightly at her nodding.

"We'd best get going. We aren't due at The Clave until this evening but it'd be best if we got settled in before the meeting." Lydia nodded in reply. They headed to the office where Lydia had hidden the cup. Her gold bag still sat on the desk from when Hodge had dropped it off for her last night. She had completely forgotten about it in all the excitement. She took her stele and opened the secret compartment in the wall. She froze on the spot. She felt like an ice cold bucket of water had been thrown over her. "It's gone!" She reached right into the back of the compartment even though she knew it was futile.

"What!?" Alec rushed over.

"It's gone!" Her panic grew. Turning she could see the horror on Alec's face too. "How can it be gone?" she asked desperately. It made no sense it was here yesterday. Obviously someone had taken but how could they have got into the Institute without anyone noticing. They would've had to have used her stele to get into the compartment, with a sinking feeling she realised that she had left her stele in the office all night unprotected. Cursing herself she put her head in her hands. This was a complete disaster.

"We need to find the others. Let them know what's happened." Alec's voice was strained, Lydia nodded flying out the door behind him as they rushed to the Op's centre.

Everyone was already gathered ready to see them off. The smiles dropped from their faces as they saw the worried looks on Alec and Lydia's.

"The cup is gone!" Lydia informed them all. There were startled gasps and floods of questions all around before Alec cut them off.

"We don't know how it happened or who took it. But we need to find out and fast. The problem we have was that this place was crawling with people last night because of the wedding. It could have been anyone of them."

"We could check the security footage from the office. If we are lucky then maybe whoever took the cup was in too much of a rush to disable it." Isabelle suggested.

"Good idea." Lydia said. They all moved over to the monitors and Isabelle brought up the footage. She was fast forwarding through it and pausing it whenever anyone came into the room. It was alot of footage of Lydia, Alec and Clave members. But then Hodge came on the screen as he entered the office.

Clary gasped and said "It was Hodge!?"

"Of course not! We've known Hodge our whole lives. He wouldn't do this to us!" Jace replied defiantly.

"Well what else was he doing there?" Clary countered.

"No. It wasn't Hodge. He was just dropping my bag off. The strap broke and I didn't want to lose it. Jace is right he loves you all, he wouldn't do this." Lydia reassured her. But Hodge soon proved her wrong as they watched him take Lydia's stele and open the compartment. He took the cup before replacing her stele as Alec muttered in disbelief "How could he do this to us. We treated him like family."

"Why would he take the cup? He can't even leave the Institute." Clary questioned. Nobody had an answer for her. Lydia was cursing herself again. She had just handed her bag over to Hodge.

"Ok Izzy can you track where he went next." Alec asked.

"Try the footage from the Infirmary." Lydia suggested. "He told me he was going to check on Jocelyn and see if Luke would take a break. Luke was at the reception so he must have gone there."

Isabelle pulled it up and soon found the footage of Hodge. They watched as he twisted the ring on his finger. "What's that ring?" Clary asked.

"It looks like he's talking to someone." Isabelle replied. It didn't take a genius to figure out who.

"Valentine" spat out Jace as they saw the Circle rune on Hodge's neck burn bright red then disappear.

"So his punishment rune is gone. That means he could have left the Institute." sighed Alec.

"By the Angel. If he gives the cup to Valentine..." Lydia didn't need to finish the sentence.

"Ok we need to find him before that happens." Jace commanded. " We could ask Luke if the werewolves can help us track him. Magnus might be able to help to."

" I doubt Hodge left anything we can track. He's not stupid. There's no point bugging Magnus with it." Alec pointed out.

"But he might have information on the Book of the White." Interjected Lydia. "We still need to wake up Jocelyn. She was Valentine's wife and prisoner maybe she knows where he is." She knew Alec didn't want to see Magnus right now and she understood she really did. But getting the cup is more important. Alec nodded reluctantly. She rubbed his arm sympathetically as Isabelle said "I'll give him a call."

"I'll go talk to Luke in the Infirmary." Clary stated. They all got to their respective tasks all lost in their own thoughts. Lydia could see that Hodge's betrayal was having a huge impact on them all. She herself had been shocked, had felt wounded and betrayed, and she had only known him a few weeks. She couldn't imagine what Alec, Jace and Isabelle were going through considering they had known him all their lives. Even if they were successful in getting the cup back Hodge's betrayal had cut so deep it would be a long time before those scars began to fade.

 **Hodge's POV**

The deck of the boat was littered with Mundane bodies. Many had drunk from the cup but most had died. There was about 50 of them who had survived. "Not many of them were worthy." Hodge commented dryly as he looked down at the bodies.

"No, but I have enough to carry out my plan." Valentine informed him as he inspected his new soldiers. He had been training the Mundanes for months in preparation. They were not nearly skilled enough to beat a properly trained Shadowhunter but there were enough of them to send the right message. "Get them ready to leave." he ordered one of his lackeys.

As he walked across the deck Hodge fell into step beside him. "What is the plan? Maybe I can help. I want to help." Valentine chuckled before turning to him.

"Why would I let you into my ranks. You've proven yourself to be a traitor on more than one occasion. No now that you have given me the cup I no longer have a use for you." Hodge felt a sudden pain in his neck as Valentine rammed a needle into his flesh and injected him with a green liquid. His skin began to burn with intense pain which spread out from his neck around the rest of his body. He felt like his blood was boiling and he let out a scream. Valentine grabbed him by the neck and whispered into his ear.

"Only the worthy survive." he pushed him over the side of the ship and his body slammed into the water.

He was pulled by the current away from the boat and by some miracle was able to stay concious long enough to pull himself from the water. He lay on his back as the pain radiated through his body. He took long deep breaths as he lay and looked up at the sun as it shone down on him mockingly.

 **Magnus' POV**

He was pulled from his sleep but the irritating ringing of his phone. He groaned and groggily rubbed his eyes. His head was pounding and the sunlight only made the pain worse. All around the chair he had fell asleep in were empty bottles of alcohol. He groaned again as he got up and stumbled across the room, kicking empty bottles out his way as he did. He picked up the phone without looking to see who was calling and growled "What!" down the phone. He heard a sigh before Isabelle Lightwood answered.

"Magnus it's Izzy. We really need your help."

"I'm a little busy today I'm afraid. You know avoiding your brother and his lovely new wife." he replied bitterly. There was a pause before Izzy spoke again.

"Magnus I know you're upset but please this is important. Hodge's punishment rune has been broken and he has stolen the cup!" That woke him up.

"What can I do to help."

"We need to wake up Jocelyn now more than ever. Do you have any leads on the Book of the White? Was there anything in Ragnor Fell's belongings?"

"I found several items of magical significance but I can't figure out if any of them are related to the Book."

"Can you bring them to the Institute? Maybe Clary will recognise something." Magnus sighed that would mean having to see Alec which wasn't something he particularly wanted to do right now. But he knew the cup was more important.

"Alright I'm on my way." Hanging up the phone he rushed from the apartment, uncaring that he was still wearing the clothes he had on the night before.

As he walked into the Op's centre he saw Lydia approaching him. He sighed it was just his luck that the first person he sees is Alec's wife. It wasn't her fault really. She was a sweet woman with a good heart. But that only made it worse, it would be easier if he could hate her. Her voice broke him from his musings.

"Magnus, Thank the Angel! It's a good thing you're here."

" Well that's a matter of opinion." he muttered under his breath and nearly groaned when he looked up to see Alec at the top of the stairs. He paused a moment when he caught Magnus' eye before he broke his gaze away and continued down the stairs. He nodded at Magnus before saying "Thanks for coming." He stood beside Lydia and took her hand in an obvious attempt at putting a warning barrier up. Magnus wasn't sure if the warning was for him or whether Alec was tying to remind himself that he was a married man now. Either way it caused a bitter smile to pull at the corners of Magnus' mouth.

They were shortly joined by Clary, Jace and Izzy and as the gang moved up the stairs Magnus waved his hand and Ragnor's possessions appeared on the table before them. It didn't take long for Clary to recognise the bookmark that belonged to the Book of The White. Magnus took it in his hands and was about to perform a tracking spell when a loud bang resonated through the building causing the walls to shake. They all watched the wards Magnus had placed around the Institute become visible, glowing blue for moment before they began to burn red. Fizzing and popping sounds could be heard as smoke began to rise from the wards accompanied by the putrid smell of burning as the red light began to dissolve away and disappear. Everyone turned their gaze onto Magnus. "What just happened?" It was Lydia who spoke first. She had a fearful look on her face. Looking around he saw many looks of worry and fear. They were right to be afraid he thought. "My wards have been brought down... This Institute is unprotected."

 **Alec's POV**

As Magnus' words sunk in the doors of the Institute suddenly crashed open as with a battle cry a small army exploded into the Institute. The leader swung his seraph blade at the nearest Shadowhunter and sliced through their neck taking their head from their shoulders. As the body dropped to the floor there was complete chaos as the surrounding Shadowhunters scrambled to grab weapons. Alec himself quickly snatched up his bow and began to rain arrows down on the attackers. But the attack had taken them by surprise and many of the Institute's Shadowhunters were being cut down. He could see Lydia, Jace, Clary and Izzy engaging the enemy but despite their efforts the intruders were pushing further and further into the building bringing pain and death with them as they did. Magnus attempted to cast spells to push them back but nothing was happening. "What's wrong? Why isn't your magic working?" Alec called to him. Magnus stared down at his hands for a few moments before he replied.

"Someone's blocking me. A warlock. They've got a warlock with them outside the walls. I'm sorry but I'm not gonna be any use to you. Whoever they are they are very powerful."

"Magnus listen to me. There are children here in the Institute, they can't defend themselves against these people. I need you to gather them up and take them to the Greenhouse. It's as far away from here as you're gonna get. Please protect them as best you can ok." Magnus nodded and after hesitating a moment reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. As he rubbed it softly he whispered "Please. Be careful. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you." Alec swallowed then said "You too." He kept one eye on Magnus as he left.

The attack must only have began five minutes ago but the floor was already littered with bodies and still more were being struck down. They needed to get organised now or they were going to lose the Institute and everyone in it. He saw Lydia dash towards the consoles and watched as she pushed various buttons. He knew she had come to the same conclusion as he had. He covered her, shooting at anyone who tried to go near her. A deafening siren began to wail as Lydia activated the alarm to alert the rest of the Institute that they were under attack. Soon floods of armed Shadowhunters came pouring into the Op's centre and joined the battle. Alec had run out of arrows and so grabbed a Seraph blade and dove down the stairs. He was attacked immediately by a large guy with dark hair who looked like he had broken his nose a few times. Their seraph blades clashed together as the fought and it suddenly struck Alec that these guys were Shadowhunters; something wasn't right about this. He heard Izzy cry out in pain and after knocking his opponent down and kicking his blade away he turned to check on her. He watched as she flung out her leg and kicked her assailant in the stomach before pushing her blade through his torso. He did not notice when his foe reached out and snatched his blade from his hand. He felt a sharp pain as the blade cut deep into his leg. His blood spilled from the wound soaking into his trousers, as he dropped to his knees. He saw the guy raise his blade and swing it at his neck. He closed his eyes but the blow never came. When he opened them it was to Jace tackling the guy to the ground and running a blade across his neck. The guy choked and gurgled as the blood swelled up from the deep cut before his eyes went dead and he fell still. Lydia appeared at his side suddenly. "Hey, Hey stay with us ok." Her voice was shaking but also seemed so far away. He tried to focus but his vision was getting blurry. Jace pulled out his stele and ran it over Alec's healing rune. The bleeding slowed then stopped and some of the pain ebbed away. Lydia and Jace helped him to his feet as Izzy and Clary rushed to his side. He knew it was going to take a bit more time to heal fully but at least he was able to stand. He looked around. The attack was over but they had lost alot of their own. People they had known and fought with their whole lives. Many of the survivors were huddled together, comforting each other and trying to make sense of what had happened. "We were too slow." Alec whispered defeated.

"Come on, we should get you to the infirmary so Magnus can check your leg. Where is he?" Lydia asked as she brushed tears from her eyes.

"His magic wasn't working. He said there was a warlock blocking him. I sent him to get the children to the Greenhouse safely."

"I'll go get him." Izzy wrapped Alec in a tight hug before racing off.

They had barely got him settled on the bed in the Infirmary when Magnus came bursting in like his hair was on fire. His face was pale and there seemed to be a hint of fear in his eyes. "You said you'd be careful." He scolded him making Alec roll his eyes.

"I'm fine. It doesn't even hurt that much. Are the children ok?" Magnus nodded his head then proceeded to examine his injury. His leg stung as the blue mist of Magnus' magic swept over his wound. He watched with morbid fascination as the skin began to close up as if it was stitching itself back together. "There you'll need plenty of rest but you should be fine." Magnus said as he took a step back.

When they returned to the Op's centre the clean up had already began. There were grieving friends and family moving their loved ones bodies to the chapel. Getting to work the gang began to examine the bodies of the intruders. As they walked the drying blood felt sticky under their feet. "Look they all have circle runes." Clary called out. "They must be Valentine's followers."

"They don't have any other runes though. But they definitely aren't Forsakens either." Replied Jace.

"They're Shadowhunters. The seraph blades they used lit up for them." Silence followed Alec's remark. It could only mean one thing.

"Valentine has the cup." Lydia whispered in shock. Luke suddenly came rushing into the room stopping suddenly as he took in the carnage around him.

"Luke what is it?" asked Alec.

"I just got off the phone with Alaric. They tracked Hodge to the docks. He was dying when they got there but he told them that Valentine was on a boat nearby and that he had the cup. The ship was gone by the time we got there."

"Hodge is dead?" Jace asked. Luke nodded as everyone tried to process the new knowledge.

This was a nightmare come true. As they stood there in the blood of their friends they came to the horrific realisation that a lot more blood was going to be spilled.

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 **Author's note: Everyone ok? Anyone still with me? I know this was a heavy chapter. Next chapter they're gonna have to deal with the fallout. Someone is gonna have to tell the clave what's happened so you know yikes on that front. Somehow don't think it's gonna go over well . Also as a little spoiler to keep you guys going there is gonna to be an OC character of mine introduced in the next chapter who is someone important from Lydia's past. So watch this space and I will try to update as soon as possible.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's note: Hey guys this chapter is a bit longer than the others because I wanted to show how all of the characters were feeling. So there is a POV from each of the main group even if some of them are a bit short. This definitely isn't an action chapter its all about the emotions and also setting up a couple of plotlines for coming chapters so there is plenty of angst. As a trigger warning there is a funeral scene at the end and an autopsy scene in the middle so tread carefully if that is something likely to bring back bad memories for you. I don't own any of the characters apart from one original character the rest belong to Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters tv show. The title again comes from the shadowhunters nursery rhyme. I hope you enjoy reading it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 5: White Silk When Our Bodies Burn**

 **Alec's POV**

It had been several hours since the attack. The institute was eerily quiet. Nobody was talking in less they really needed to; everyone was lost in their grief. The bodies of Valentine's men had been removed to be buried in an unmarked ditch at a crossroad somewhere. Hodge's body had been recovered from the docks and was now in the lab. Later on this evening they would begin the funerals for those who had fallen. They had lost 27. Magnus had began going around the Institute putting back up the wards. Currently the rest of the group were all sitting around the monitors in the Op's centre. They were all silent as they tried to erase the horrific memories. Lydia was the first to speak. "We need to inform the Clave of what's happened." A collective sigh ran around the group. This wasn't going to go over well. The Clave would be looking for someone to blame and with the Lightwoods already under scrutiny this was the worst thing that could have happened. But they all knew they couldn't avoid telling the Clave. "I'll go send the message." Alec watched her as she left before turning his attention back to the others. They all had the same haunted look in their eyes and their faces were pale.

"We need to find Valentine." Alec stated.

"And how are we suppose to do that?" Izzy replied angrily. "He's on a boat in the middle of the ocean, we can't track him over water and we have no idea where he is heading." Alec sighed. He understood Izzy's anger and frustration. They were Shadowhunters they were suppose to be able to protect people and yet at this moment they had never been more helpless. They had no cup, no Valentine, no information and no clue where to begin to find any of them. With a start Alec remembered what Magnus had said about a warlock being with the attack force.

"Guys what about that warlock. We can't find Valentine because he's on water but maybe Magnus can track the warlock. If they were on Valentine's pay roll they might know where he is." It was a moment before his words sunk in but when they did suddenly everyone leapt up, encouraged that at least now they had some kind of lead.

"Clary and I can go and talk to Magnus. It might also been an idea to get him to track that bookmark and see if he can get a lead on the Book of the White. We still need to wake up Jocelyn. " Jace replied.

"Good idea. I'll go let Lydia know what's going on and find out how it went with the Clave." Alec rose to his feet.

"I'm expected at the lab. I need to do a post mortem on Hodge." Izzy informed them solemnly. Clary reached over and placed a comforting hand on Izzy's elbow.

"Hey are you going to be ok?" She asked. Izzy just shrugged in reply. Alec knew how she felt. He hated Hodge for betraying them. The blood that had been spilt today was in part on his hands. If he hadn't of given the cup to Valentine then he never would have been able to create the attack force. But at the same time Hodge had been like family to them, they had loved him and so felt his loss like a knife to the chest. Alec had never felt so conflicted, he hated Hodge and yet he grieved for him to. He pulled Izzy into a quick hug then made his way to the office.

When he entered the office Lydia was sitting at the desk her face hidden in her hands. He slowly walked over to her and gently pulled her hands into his, clasping them tightly. "Hey. You ok? How'd it go with the Clave. What did they say?"

"They are sending the Inquisitor to talk to us, get information on what happened and find out what we've found out. Please tell me you've got some kind of lead. Anything that we can give to the Clave."

"Magnus is going to attempt to track the warlock that assisted Valentine and also the Book of the White. Isabelle is on her way to the morgue to do a post mortem on Hodge's body to find out how he was killed. It probably won't tell us much but you never know it might give us some clues." Lydia just nodded. Alec absent-mindedly rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. "When can we expect the Inquisitor?"

"They said she'll be here in the next couple of hours so we don't have long to get as much information as we can."

"Well then we'd best get to work."

 **Magnus' POV**

He had almost finished putting the wards back up on the west side of the Institute when Clary and Jace came racing round the corner. "Magnus, we need your help." Clary gasped. "Alec was wondering if there was any way for you to track the warlock that was blocking you last night. We think that they might know where Valentine is."

"Also whether you could use the bookmark to track the Book of the White." added Jace.

"Well the bookmark should be easy enough to track, I've already made a start on tracking the warlock however it might take a bit more time to get any useful information. Do you have the bookmark?" Jace handed it over. Magnus clasped it between his hands and closed his eyes. He focussed his magic on the bookmark then sent out waves like a sonar. He got a sudden vision of a dark haired woman screaming from with in a coffin. Oh great, he thought sarcastically the owner of the book was Camille. "Well good news is I was able to track the owner. The bad is its Camille." Jace and Clary both groaned.

"I can ask Simon if he will talk to Raphael." said Clary. Jace nodded in agreement.

"What about the warlock can you get anything on them?" he asked Magnus.

"I have been focussing in on their magic, each warlock has a kind of... flavour I guess you could call it. This particular warlock is trying very hard to block me. But what I can tell you is that our warlock is female. As far as I can tell she is also still in New York. I can continue trying to track her but be warned if she uses a portal than I'll unlikely be able to track her through it."

"Ok keep us updated and thank you Magnus." Jace said sincerely. As Magnus watched them walk away he tried to hold in the question that was burning in his head. Tried to tell himself he didn't care but just as they were about to turn the corner Magnus called out.

"Oh, by the way, how's Alec doing?" he tried to sound casual. They turned back and Magnus was sure he could see a knowing smile on Clary's face.

"He's recovering well." Jace called.

"Well good, I'm glad." After a pause he said "I'll let you know if I get anything more on the Warlock." They nodded then continued on their way as Magnus' thoughts turned back to Alec and his well being, he worried about his injury and he worried about his emotional state as well. He wished he could be with him right now but he supposed he had Lydia to comfort him now. Besides the best way Magnus could help keep Alec safe was by insuring nothing got through these shields again. So with that he got back to work but Alec was never far from his thoughts.

 **Izzy's POV**

Hodge's body lay on a metal table under a white sheet. Taking a deep breath Izzy reached forward with shaky hands and pulled the sheet back. She stepped back with a horrified gasp as she saw the disfigured condition of his body. What had they done to him? Ok pull yourself together, she thought to herself. You have a job to do. Just look at it as the same as all the other bodies you've done autopsies on. Taking a shaky breath she set to work examining the body. She started by recording any injuries and making a report on the external condition of the body. Her task was made difficult by the condition of the skin which looked like it had been burnt. It was red raw and covered in blisters. But she noticed what looked like a needle mark in his neck. There was also a large bruise across his back which was consistent with an impact of some kind, like a fall from a considerable height for example. She took swabs from the skin and placed them in plastic tubes to be examined later. Once that was completed she picked up the scalpel cutting into his flesh, pushing away memories as she did, so she could begin the internal examination. She took biopsies and blood and tissue samples to be examined under the microscope. They would run some standard lab tests on the samples looking for anything out of the ordinary. His inside were a wreck. His lungs had injuries consistent with chemical burns but examination of the blood and tissue samples showed that although there were traces of chemicals there was no where near enough to cause this kind of damage. His heart and veins looked like they had been pumping liquid fire rather than blood around his body. One thing was clear he would have died an agonising death. Izzy was amazed he had survived long enough to tell the wolves where Valentine was. He should have died pretty much instantly. Izzy turned her focus on examining the blood in more detail. That was when she noticed that there was something of a cocktail of blood in his body. There was angel and mundane blood as you would expect but also traces of werewolf and warlock blood. There was also a large amount of demon blood. The mixture had been lethal. Izzy couldn't imagine what Valentine had hoped to achieve in injected Hodge with it. No one could have survived having that much blood from so many other species. She recorded all of her findings maintaining her clinical cold façade. Once finished she turned back to the body, covered it back over with the sheet and moved it back to the morgue. As she began to close the metal door flashes of memories came back to her. She remembered her first training session with Hodge, him teaching her the different runes and about Shadowhunter history, him teasing her about her first crush. Him taking her aside to give her a pep talk before her first mission. Memory upon memory flooded her mind like an inescapable picture show until she could take it no more and she sank to the floor. With her back pressed against the cold hard metal of the door heart wrenching sobs wrecked her body. Her shoulders shook and her heart hurt as she cried for Hodge and cried for the 27 Shadowhunters who had lost their lives that morning.

 **Lydia POV**

With her back pressed against the cold hard stone of the wall, Lydia sat on the floor of the office as heart wrenching sobs wrecked her body. She couldn't get the images out of her head, she kept seeing those Shadowhunters getting sliced down over and over. It wasn't the first time she had seen something like that and memories of the demon attack that had killed John and many her friends from the Lisbon Institute also plagued her mind until the sick scenes muddled together and overwhelmed her. She pulled her knees up to her chest and buried her head under her arms trying to block everything out. A loud knock pulled her from her agony and she took one more shuddering breath and wiped the tears away. As she moved to open the door she pushed the ghosts of her loved ones from her mind. It was Clary. "Hey we're all meeting in the Op's Centre." Lydia nodded and followed Clary from the room. They didn't speak on the way, neither of them had the energy for it. Everyone else apart from Magnus was already gathered when they arrived. She sat next to Alec and noticed him give her a concerned look out of the corner of her eye. She met his gaze and he smiled understandingly at her before wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her so she was cradled in his side.

"Where's Magnus?" Alec asked.

"He's still working on putting the wards back up he said he'll let us know when he's finished." answered Jace.

"Was he able to track the warlock or the Book of the White?" Lydia asked.

"He tracked the Book. Turns out Camille is the owner. We spoke to Simon and he is setting up a meeting with Raphael for us." Clary informed them.

"He was also able to give us a bit of information on the warlock. He told us that the warlock is female and that although he can't get a lock on her exact location she is still here in the city. He's going to keep trying to track her but she keeps blocking him." explained Jace.

"Well, what about the wolves? Would it be worth asking Luke if he could help track her?" suggested Isabelle. Her voice was strained and she looked pale. Her eyes were red rimmed and Lydia got the feeling she hadn't been the only one crying today.

"It's worth a try. I'll give him a ring. Did...did you find anything in Hodge's autopsy." stuttered Alec. The atmosphere became even more tense. Clearing her throat Isabelle said.

"He was injected with some kind of serum. It was made up of blood from different species and a small amount of chemicals. There was werewolf, warlock and demon blood. Clearly Valentine is continuing with his experiments. But there wasn't really anything that could help."

"Well we could talk to the wolves about that too. They were the last ones to speak to him maybe he said something important." Alec reassured her. Suddenly Clary's phone beeped. They waited as she pulled it out and read the message.

"Its Simon. Raphael is willing to meet us at midnight tonight in the Hotel Du'Mort."

"Ok good we can all go and meet him then. We need to figure out a Plan B though. It's highly unlikely that Raphael is gonna let Camille out even under supervision." Alec said.

"Well we can act as a distraction while Simon sneaks Clary in and talks to Camille." Jace suggested.

"Ok we'll go with that in the mean time can you and Clary go talk to the wolves, Lydia and I need to deal with the Inquisitor when she arrives." Alec answered. Jace nodded in response though somewhat reluctantly he was still trying to avoid Clary as much as he could he seemed ok when they were in the Institute surrounded by people but he seemed to get anxious about going out alone with her. "The funerals are being held in the courtyard at 7 tonight. We can deal with Raphael and Camille after." They all nodded solemnly everyone was dreading the funerals, they had a lot of bodies to burn.

It wasn't long after the others had gone about their various tasks that the doors of the Institute lit up purple as the Inquisitor and her guard came marching through the portal. Lydia and Alec shared a look of nervousness before moving forward to stand before her. She looked at them both sternly before speaking.

"So you lost the cup and now it is in the hands of Valentine which he used to create an attack force which cost the Institute a number of its Shadowhunters. Would you like to explain to me how exactly this was allowed to happen?"

"We are really sorry Inquisitor Herondale..." Lydia began.

"Yes well sorry is of little help now isn't it. What I want to know now is the details of how this happened and what you have been doing to rectify the situation not how sorry you are." The Inquisitor cut across her harshly. Lydia felt Alec take her hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

"From what we learnt from the security footage Hodge broke into the office and stole the cup while everyone was at the wedding reception. He then contacted Valentine using a ring that had been smuggled in during the Forsaken attack, who removed his punishment rune allowing him to leave the Institute. We discovered the cup was missing the next morning when we went to collect it and bring it to the Clave. We began searching for Hodge and we brought in Lucian Graymark and his pack of wolves and the High Warlock of Brooklyn Magnus Bane to assist. It was then that we were attacked out of the blue by a force of about 50 newly turned Shadowhunters. They were assisted by a warlock who brought down the protective wards and blocked Magnus Bane's magic. We lost 27 of our own but we stopped them before they got any further into the Institute. Lucian Graymark's wolves tracked down Hodge to the docks who informed them that Valentine was on a boat nearby, however when they got there the boat was gone. Hodge died a few minutes later." Alec explained it all to her. Lydia was surprised by how steady his voice was and how calm and collected he seemed. Right now she was a nervous wreck.

"I see," The Inquisitor commented coldly. "And what efforts have you made to find Valentine and get the Cup back?"

"Magnus Bane was able to track the Book of the White to the vampire Camille Belcourt. We are hoping if we wake up Jocelyn Fairchild she might have some idea of where he is heading. We've set up a meeting with Raphael Santiago tonight. Magnus is also attempting to track the warlock who assisted Valentine. He was able to determine that they are female and are still currently in the city. Jace and Clary are currently talking to Lucian Graymark to see if he can also help track the warlock. Magnus Bane is also reinstating the wards and also adding extra protection. We won't be caught of guard again." Lydia attempted to sound confident as she spoke and watched the Inquisitor closely but the woman had one hell of a poker face. Lydia couldn't tell what she was thinking. She was silent for several minutes as she paced back and forth. Finally she stopped and looked up at them.

"I'll be honest many at the Clave had high hopes for the two of you. Seemed to think that you would make a capable team. Needless to say they are somewhat disappointed with your performance thus far. However we appreciate that many people were distracted by the wedding and so we are willing to give you one more chance. There for you will for the moment stay as the Heads of the Institute. But mark my words if the Cup is not recovered and soon you will face severe consequences. We have will also be allocating a trusted member of the Clave to assist you in the recovery of the Cup."

"But I thought that was why you sent Lydia. She was your envoy, doesn't that make her a trusted member of the Clave?" Alec's voice had a slight twinge of anger it in that Lydia hoped Inquisitor Herondale hadn't picked up on.

"When we first sent her here that was true. However it seems that the moment she married into the Lightwood family she was infected by your incompetence." She snapped back. Before Alec could argue back Lydia squeezed his had in warning and shook her head. The Inquisitor continued " I must go and get ready for the funeral. Your allocated Clave member will be arriving later this evening he is currently being briefed on the situation. Please do keep me informed on any progress." With that she turned on her heel and briskly left the room. Alec and Lydia both let out the breaths they were holding.

"Well I suppose it could've gone worse." sighed Alec. Lydia bobbed her head in agreement.

"Come on we best get ready for the funeral to."

The Institute's courtyard had been lit up with candles. A large funeral pyre was in the centre. The bodies of the 27 were all laid side by side. They were all dressed in white silk garments and had their arms crossed over their chests. Each one held a seraph blade in their right hand held over their heart. Their eyes were bound in white silk. All around the Pyre white chairs had been placed. The mourners began to gather. Everyone was wearing white. Most of the women wore white dresses and had white flowers entwined in their hair and the men wore white shirts and trousers. There was a long line to the pyre as one by one the mourners went up to pay their last respects. Lydia stepped up, placing a hand on the wood of the pyre she whispered out a blessing. May the Angel protect you on your journey home, may you find peace and know that our love follows you as you go. And may you be remembered with honour and love until we all meet again. Dropping her hand she moved to the chairs and took her seat next to Alec. Reaching over she took his hand in hers needing the comfort. He entwined his fingers with hers and soothingly rubbed the back of her hand. Once everyone had paid their respects and taken their seats the Silent Brother who was conducting the proceedings stood to address those gathered. He was dressed in a long white robe. He began by reading out the name of one of the fallen and then inviting their family up to speak. As the families talked of their lost loved ones Lydia lost herself in the memory of a very similar funeral. The one where she said farewell to John and most of her team.

 _ **Flashback**_

 _Lydia sat in her chair and tried not to look up at the pyre where John's body lay beside many of her friends. She hadn't slept in days she'd wake up from nightmares in the night and find herself reaching out to John only to find the bed beside her cold and empty. She rubbed her hands over the long white dress she was wearing trying to smooth out invisible wrinkles. She had never felt more alone in her life than she did at that moment. She had lost her family when she chose her beloved over them. Now she had lost the love of her life, lost her friends including her best friend Arabelle. Then there was Robin the only other one to survive the attack apart from her. John's parabatai. He hated her. She heard the Silent Brother announce John's name and invite her up to speak. On shaky legs she rose and made her way up to stand before the pyre. She dared not look at his body laying there or she'd never get through the speech. She swallowed the lump in her throat. "John Monteverde was the love of my life. From the moment I first laid eyes on him my first day here at the Lisbon Institute I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Miraculously he felt the same. Together we made plans for our future together and we dreamed of the life we would have. But as Shadowhunters we have a responsibility to protect others and no one took that responsibility more seriously than John. He was an outstanding Shadowhunter who cared deeply about those around him, he was the best protector anyone could ask for and he sacrificed his life so that so many others could live. So that others could plan their futures and live out their dreams. And he wasn't the only one, every single one of these Shadowhunters gave up their lives to make this world a better and safer place to live in. They all died heroes and that is how we should remember them. When we speak of them let it be to tell of their brave deeds, let us tell of how they fiercely fought a hundred demons, let us tell of how they each lived every day to the fill , let us tell of how much they loved and how loved they were in return. For if we honour them by telling their story than they will never truly die." The tears were streaming fast from her eyes but she gulped and managed to finish. "I loved a man once. His name was John Monteverde. He was a great man, he was hero and he died fighting a hundred demons so that I and countless others may live." Through the blur of her tears she stepped down and took her seat again. She was the last to speak and as the Silent Brother picked up the flaming torch to light the pyre her eyes caught John. He was dressed in a white silk shirt and silk trousers. His eyes were wrapped in a white silk cloth and he held his seraph blade over his heart. He was laying so still and as the pyre burst alight in flames it finally hit her that John was never coming back. Her heart shattered into millions of tiny fragments as she let out an inhuman wail as if she had been mortally wounded. No one came to comfort her, there wasn't anyone to comfort her. So she just wrapped her arms around her chest as if she could hold all the tiny pieces of her heart together and sobbed. She didn't know how long she sat there but when she looked back up everyone had left. Everyone apart from one lone figure who sat at the opposite end of the row. It was Robin Beaumont. He was sitting staring at the pyre with a lost look in his eyes and silent tears rolling down his cheeks. She wanted to comfort him so she stood and moved down to where he sat. "Robin." she whispered to him. He stood suddenly and turned his back to her._

 _"Just don't ok."_

 _"Robin please, I know how you feel, just talk to me." she pleaded. He turned back to her angrily, she could see the fire from the pyre reflecting in his eyes._

 _"You know how I feel? You want me to talk to you? To YOU?! YOU'RE THE REASON I FEEL LIKE THIS! YOU'RE THE REASON THEY ARE DEAD! BECAUSE OF YOU I LOST MY PARABATAI AND I LOST MY SISTER! I LOST ARABELLE THE ONLY FAMILY I HAD LEFT. YOU'VE LEFT ME WITH NOTHING!" His voice had risen in volume with each painful word._

 _"It wasn't... I didn't mean for this to happen." she said in a small voice._

 _"YOU DIDN'T MEAN FOR IT TO HAPPEN?! WELL THAT DOESN'T DO JOHN OR ARABELLE OR ANY OF THE OTHERS ANY GOOD DOES IT! IF YOU HAD JUST HAD THE GUTS TO DO WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE WE NEVER WOULD HAVE GONE IN BLIND AND THEY'D STILL BE ALIVE NOW. YOU KILLED THEM!" She felt like he had slapped her then punched through her chest and ripped out what was left of her heart. But she knew he was right it was her fault. She had not ruled with her head but her heart and look at what it had cost her, had cost them. As she looked at Robin she saw him breathing heavily he looked at her with cold eyes before he moved close to her. There was barely any space between them and when he bent his head to speak in her ear she could feel his breath on her neck. "I never want to see you ever again. You don't belong here any more there's no place for you here. As far as I'm concerned you're dead to me." he spat out before he turned and walked away from her._

 ** _End Flashback_**

She was pulled from the painful memory by the feeling of an arm wrapping around her shoulders and a kiss being pressed to her hair. She turned to Alec beside her. "Hey you ok I lost you for a second there." he whispered in her ear. She tried to smile at him and nod yes but she couldn't quite manage it. "Thinking about John and the others you lost that day huh?" he whispered sympathetically. She sighed and brushed away some tears that were gathering in her eyes. He pulled her tighter to him offering her whatever comfort he could. From beside her she heard quiet sobs and looked to see Isabelle tears streaming from her closed eyes. Lydia felt a sense of protectiveness come over her and she hesitantly reached out a hand and took Isabelle's in hers. She half expected Isabelle to pull away instead she clutched Lydia's hand tighter and looked up to give her a small tear-filled smile of thanks. As she sat there with Alec's arm around her and Isabelle's hand clasped in hers she realised that although these funeral's were similar there was one thing very different. She wasn't alone any more.

 **Jace's POV**

After the families had spoken the Silent Brother stood back up, he asked the Angel to watch over his children as they journeyed to the next realm. Then he said the words "Ave Atque Vale." Everyone gathered repeated the phrase with tear stained faces. It meant "Hail and farewell" in Latin and was a traditionally spoken in the funeral ceremony. The Silent Brother took a fire lit torch and placed it to the fuel soaked wood of the pyre. It burst into bright, hot flames that engulfed the 27 bodies that lay there. As the bodies burnt a few of the family members got up began to sing the chosen funeral song.

 _Cover my eyes, Cover my ears_

 _Tell me these words are a lie._

 _It can't be true that I'm losing you._

 _The Sun cannot fall from the sky._

 _Can you hear heaven cry_

 _The tears of an angel?_

As they sang and he listened to the words Jace couldn't help but think of the man he had thought was his father. The man he had believed he had seen die right in front of him.

 _Stop every clock._

 _The stars are in shock._

 _The river would run to the sea._

 _I won't let you fly,_

 _I won't say goodbye._

 _I won't let you slip away from me._

 _Can you hear heaven cry_

 _The tears_ _of an angel?_

He remembered the shock he had felt when he saw his father fall. He remembered begging him not to go. He remembered how hard he found it accepting that his father was gone. Sometimes he wondered if it was because his father had no funeral for him to go to. He was considered a traitor so did not deserve one. Jace knew that the same would be true for Hodge. He was now considered a traitor and so he would get no funeral. His body will be buried whole and unburned in a cross road. People would not speak of him unless it was as a warning about the consequences of disloyalty. Jace wasn't sure how he felt about Hodge. He was angry, he was confused. He couldn't understand how Hodge could hurt them like this, he had thought Hodge cared about them. But then lately everything he thought he knew had been wrong. Michael Wayland had never been his father, Valentine was. The girl he thought was possibly his soul mate turned out to be his sister. And he thought his mother had died when he was a baby but apparently she was laying in a coma in the Infirmary. On top of it all 27 of his fellow shadowhunters had been brutally murdered in an attack orchestrated by his supposed father. His life was a complete mess and he had never felt so lost in his life.

 _So hold on._

 _Be Strong._

 _Everyday hope will grow._

 _I'm here don't you fear._

 _Little one don't let go._

 _Don't let go._

As he watched the flames burn higher and listened to the song he felt Clary reach over and take his hand. He knew what she was trying to tell him. That she was there for him. That they were in this together. To just hold on a little longer and that it would all be alright. The thing was though he wasn't sure he could.

 **Clary's POV**

Sitting next to Jace holding his hand Clary listened to the words of the song. She couldn't help but be moved by it. She hadn't known any of these lost Shadowhunters and yet she was saddened by their deaths. She also felt a sense of responsibility it had after all been her deranged father who had orchestrated the attack that had killed them. Her life was such a mess right now. Her whole world had been turned upside down. She had found out she was part of some secret world and had to learn how to be this kick ass no fear warrior in just a few weeks. She had lost her mum and found out that her father wasn't the man she thought he was but a complete lunatic who had taken her mum. She had found out that the man who had been like a father to her her whole life was actually a werewolf. She had lost best friend when he died and had to make the decision to turn him into a vampire. She had discovered that the guy she was falling in love with and who she thought could've been her soul mate was actually her brother and she had finally managed to get her mother back but she was stuck in some magically induced coma. She needed to find a way of waking her mother. She knew it was stupid but she just felt like if she could do that then things would start to make sense again. As she looked at the pyre and watched the bodies burn she thought of Dot. She had been like an older sister to Clary over the years and she had loved her dearly. Dot had done so much for them. She could have escaped Valentine and gone through the portal into hiding with Magnus but instead she chose to stay behind and try and help protect Clary and her mum. Clary couldn't help but think of how she died. Scared and alone and in pain. She thought of the Silent Brothers words when he asked the Angel to watch over the deceased and wondered if the Angel also watched over warlocks who had passed on. Figuring it was worth asking she sent up a quick prayer for Dot and prayed that she had now found some peace.

 _Cover my eyes,_

 _Cover my ears._

 _Tell me these words are a lie._

The song came to an end and the singers sat back down. The flames were beginning to die down and now the bodies were just piles of ashes and small fragments of white silk. The Silent Brother stood up yet once again to conclude the ceremony. He uttered the phrase "Pulvis et umbra sumus" and once again the saying was repeated. Clary leant over to Jace and whispered "what does it mean?" He paused for a moment before answering.

"We are dust and shadows. It is usually spoken to conclude the ceremony." he whispered back and looking around she could see that people were indeed rising from their seats and making their way back into the Institute. Many of them had tears on their faces and their arms wrapped around their friends or family. If all of this had taught Clary anything it was to appreciated those that you have in your life because you never know when they are going to be snatched away. She felt a sudden overwhelming need to go see how her mother was. She followed Jace back into the Institute then headed for the infirmary.

 **Lydia's POV**

As they re-entered the Op's centre they saw Inquisitor Herondale talking to someone who had their back to them. The guy had sandy blonde hair and was clearly very muscular. He looked to be about 5'11. Suddenly she spotted the block rune on the back of his neck. It started at the very top of his neck just below his hair line then disappeared under his black t shirt. She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. It couldn't be, there was just no way. "That must be the trusted member of the Clave we were promised." Alec whispered to her. Lydia couldn't reply she felt too light headed. It didn't take Alec long to notice that something was amiss. "Hey what's wrong?" he asked but all she could do was shake her head. The Inquisitor spotted them and called them over. "Ah Alec, Lydia I want you to meet your new colleague." As he turned to face them both Lydia knew a whole new nightmare was just beginning. "This is Robin Beaumont."

* * *

 **Author's note: Aww our poor babies are really going through the ringer. So this chapter was all about showing how the characters were dealing with everything that's happened but also to show some of the bonds already beginning to form between Lydia and Alec and a little bit with Izzy as well. We've also got the introduction of Robin Beaumont who's going to be having a bit of tension with Lydia. We'll also be having some more flashbacks to when Lydia, John, Robin and Arabelle were all at the Lisbon Institute together. So I promise they'll be some fluffy scenes. Also the team are going to be focussed on getting the Book of the White next chapter. As a last note the song that is sang in the funeral scene is called Tears of an Angel by RyanDan if you want to check it out. As always I will try to update as soon as possible so watch this space and also please do let me know what you think in the reviews. I love reviews they make me very happy lol.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors note: First of all I just want to say thank you to those who wrote reviews. I really appreciated them and I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Ok wow this turned into long one. At one point I even considered turning it into two chapters but decided against it in the end. There are spoilers for 1x13 and again a couple of lines of dialogue from that episode. Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters tv show own all the characters apart from the two OC characters Robin and Arabelle Beaumont.**

* * *

 **Chapter 6: The Book of The White**

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia felt dizzy and she clutched at Alec's hand like a lifeline. She could feel Robin's stare burning into her but she refused to meet his gaze.

"Robin this is Alec Lightwood and his wife Lydia Lightwood. I'm sure you will all work well together and I am confident that you will recover the Cup." To Lydia it sounded as if she was listening to the Inquisitor speak from underwater. She finally looked up and met Robin's eyes. They were ice cold as he took in her hand holding Alec's. She noticed his gaze flick to the marriage rune on her chest and the matching one on the inside of Alec's wrist. Lydia couldn't tell what Robin was thinking. She felt as if she was drowning. Alec held out his other hand to Robin.

"It's nice to meet you. We're looking forward to working with you. If there is anything we can do to make you feel more comfortable here please do let us know." Robin kept his eyes locked on Lydia for a moment longer before he broke their gaze and looked at Alec. He reached out his hand and shook Alec's offered one.

"Thank you. Imogen here was just debriefing me on the situation. As I understand it you are meeting with the Leader of the vampires, Raphael Santiago, this evening. I would like to accompany you. If that's quite alright?"

"Of course the meeting is at midnight. We're all meeting here in the Op's centre at 11:30 for a quick briefing of the plan and we'll head over there then." Lydia was glad Alec was doing all the talking she don't think she could have managed to squeak out even a single word at this moment.

"Very good. Shall I show Robin to his room. I was thinking we could put him in Lydia's old room now that she is in with you. After all it is near the office and the Op's centre so it'll make Robin's job easier while he is here." Alec and Lydia exchanged a quick look at the Inquisitor's suggestion. They couldn't admit that they weren't sleeping in the same bed it would cause all kinds of rumours. Luckily the limited amount of possessions and clothing Lydia had brought with her had already been packed for their failed trip to Idris. The bag was still sitting in the office.

"Of course whatever you think is best." Alec said "Please do excuse us we need to get ready for the mission tonight. Again it was nice meeting you Robin." Alec led Lydia out of the Op's centre and to the office. Once there he directed Lydia to the nearest chair and sat her in it. He knelt before her with his hands resting on her forearms. "Hey Lyds are you ok...Come on talk to me. You're as white as a ghost. Do you know this Robin Beaumont?" Sitting with her eyes closed she tried to take a few deep breaths and calm her racing heart. When she opened them again Alec was looking at her with concern.

"He..." she swallowed down the lump in her throat and continued "he was John's Parabatai. We were all at the Lisbon institute together along with Robin's sister Arabelle." Alec nodded slowly .

"Ok." Alec looked uncomfortable for a moment like he was unsure about what to say next. He sighed and looked back up at her. "Does he blame you for John's death?"

"Yes, his sister's too." Her voice was cracking as she spoke and she tried in vain to hold back tears. Alec pulled her into his embrace and whispered reassurances in her ear. As she felt Alec rubbing her back she lost herself in the memory of when she first met Robin and the others.

 **Flashback**

Lydia was fuming as she stood in front of her family. Her parents were currently rattling on about how important it was that she keep her behaviour in check. They weren't happy about the way she had been acting. She personally didn't know what the problem was. So what if she had a few downworlder friends and that she liked to go to parties. It wasn't like she came home blind drunk, she just liked to dance and have a good time, what 18 year old doesn't. But her parents believed her to be wild and unruly. So their solution was to send her away to the Lisbon institute before she disgraced the family name any further with her antics. They were hoping that the Monteverdes would be able to straighten her out. "Lydia we are doing this for your own good. Lisbon is very good institute and it is important for a Shadowhunter to be well travelled. You might even find you like it there. But please do not do anything to embarrass this family further. We beg of you." Her mother insisted. Just then the portal opened, her father patted her on the shoulder and said. "Goodbye Lydia, I'm confident you'll make us proud." Lydia gave him a forced smile as she bade them all goodbye and walked through the portal.

She looked around as she got re-orientated. Behind her where she had just come in were large, heavy and very old looking wooden doors. Above the door was a round window that was intricately decorated. The glass was cut to look like a flower and thin golden lines criss-crossed across the pane of glass. As the sun shone through, it made patterns dance on the floor before her. The floor was colourfully patterned with diamond tiles. She was standing in a long corridor that had stone brick walls and on the ceiling was a painted masterpiece. It seemed to depict the First Ascension when the Angel Raziel came down and turned the crusader, Jonathan into the first Shadowhunter. It was beautifully painted and so realistic. She broke her awed gaze away from the ceiling when she heard footsteps echoing down the corridor. She looked down to see a tall, blonde haired guy walking towards her. His hair had a tousled, windswept look about it and his eyes were a greyish blue. He stopped before her and gave her a warm smile. "You must be Lydia Branwell." He held out a hand to her. His skin was warm to the touch and she felt butterflies flutter in her belly as she looked into his eyes. "I'm John Monteverde. Welcome to the Lisbon Institute."

"Thank you." She realised that she was still holding his hand and quickly let it go but continued smiling at him, hoping he wouldn't notice how flustered she was.

"How about I show you around and introduce you to everyone?"

"Sounds great, lead the way." She followed him down the hallway. They entered an enormous room. It seemed to stretch on forever. John informed her that it was the Op's centre. It had the same pale cream stone bricks on the walls which seemed to stretch up endlessly. Evenly spaced throughout the room were huge pillars. They were ornately decorated, the crafting was simply exquisite. Her eyes followed them up until she was craning her neck to stare in amazement at the ceiling. Stone beams extended out in a spider web like pattern. There were people all around and she noticed that many of them were looking at her. Some with curiosity, others were giving her welcoming smiles and nods. John was naming many of them as they walked by but there was no way Lydia was going to remember all of the names so she smiled politely back and continued to follow him. As they walked the length of the room she noticed that they had alot of computers and monitors around the room as well as caches of weapons. At the end of the room was an archway. Again it was stunningly decorated. This time with what appeared to be figures of Shadowhunters battling various demons up both sides. At the top was the Angel Raziel again, this time looking down on his children as he held the mortal cup and sword. They passed through it into another corridor it was very much the same as the rest of the Institute in that it was the same bricks and the same spider web ceilings. This time it had rows of blue wooden doors. Around each door was a decorated arch. "To the right you have living quarters, I'll show you to yours in a bit but first if we go to the left we have the training room." As he spoke he turned to the left and continued down the hallway passing through another archway into yet another large room. The walls in this room were smoother as if they had been plastered over. All around the room there were painted panels on the walls depicting Shadowhunters performing various combat moves. It was like an instruction manual on the walls. The floor was engraved with different runes. John began to point out all the equipment they had. If the far corner was a punching bag that was currently being pummelled by a tall muscular guy who looked somewhat similar to John. He had the same sandy blonde hair and stubble. They pretty much had the same build too. John was taller though.

"Is that your brother?" She asked curiously. John chuckled a little before answering her.

"No, but he might as well be. We were both born here and trained here, we've known each other all our lives. He's my parabatai." He explained as he approached the guy. Lydia watched as John clapped him on the shoulder and gestured towards her. "This is Lydia Branwell. Lydia meet Robin Beaumont." As she met his eyes she noticed that he and John had the same greyish blue eyes as well. He held out his hand to her and she shook it.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled at her. "I hope you settle in ok here. It is a great place to call home."

"Thanks. I'm sure I will."

"Hey where's Arabelle at? I promised her I'd introduce her to Lydia when she arrived." Looking down at Lydia he jokingly said "She's really looking forward to having another female around. I should warn you she intends to make you her best friend." Lydia giggled as Robin smiled and shook his head.

"She's in the library. Where else?" he answered John. "Again it was nice meeting you Lydia, I hope to catch up with you again later when you're more settled." Lydia smiled at him before following John from the training room through a wooden blue door identical to the ones in the hallway they had just come from.

Lydia blinked rapidly as they stepped out into the dazzling sunshine. Once her eyes were accustomed to the light she looked around and was once again awed by the beauty of the architecture. They were standing in an aisle that had stone archways that looked out onto a square courtyard. She had never seen grass so green. From each corner a path led to the centre where there was a circular feature. She followed John down the steps and along one of the pathways, across the courtyard and back through yet another blue door. She was definitely going to need a map to navigate this place. A gasp escaped from her as she looked around the Library they had entered. It had shelves upon shelves of books. It had three storeys and there were staircases leading up to the other levels. The railings were gold with mahogany bannisters. The ceiling had a floral pattern crafted onto it and was gilded in gold leafing. The floor was marble. On the ground floor there were long wooden tables set out with lamps placed on them. There were many Shadowhunters studying at the tables as they passed by. Sitting at the last table alone was a girl. She looked to be the same age as Lydia. She had long light brown hair that she had tied back in a ponytail. She looked up as they approached her. A bright smile came across her face as she leapt to her feet and moved to meet them. "Hey I'm Arabelle." She introduced herself brightly holding out her hand to Lydia as John chuckled and whispered in her ear.

"I told you so." Lydia tried not to shiver as she felt his breath tingle the skin on her neck. She smiled brightly back at Arabelle.

"Hey nice to meet you. I'm Lydia."

"We've been looking forward to your arrival. It's been so long since we've had someone new here. It's so exciting." Arabelle babbled. Lydia couldn't help but like the girl. She was the definition of a ray of sunshine.

"Ok I need to take Lydia to her rooms so she can get settled." John cut in.

"Ok but you should join us all for dinner tonight, we can all get to know each other better."

"Absolutely. I wouldn't miss it." Lydia reassured her and was rewarded with another bright smile. Arabelle waved to them as they left the Library. "She was nice. How long has she been here?"

"She's Robin's sister. Their parents came here when they were young Shadowhunters, met and fell in love, got married and started a family. They were good friends with my parents. When Robin and I were 6 and Arabelle was 4 our parents were all killed in a werewolf attack. My Aunt and Uncle took over as Heads of the Institute and became our guardians."

"I'm so sorry. That must have been hard losing your parents at such a young age"

"Yes, but I had Robin and Arabelle. They've been my family all these years. We'll always have each other." He smiled at her. "Ah here we are." They had reached another blue door. John held it open for her to enter first. The walls were painted a pale grey and there was a plush black carpet under her feet. A king sized, elegant four poster bed sat against the back wall. It was made of a dark mahogany wood and had teal hangings. The bedding was black satin and there was an arrangement of teal and grey cushions along with a matching teal runner along the bottom of the bed. A matching mahogany dressing table sat against the opposite wall. The mirror was reflecting the sunlight from the large arched windows that looked out onto the courtyard. Grey curtains with a teal floral pattern hang on either side of the windows. On the wall opposite to the windows were two more doors. "Through there is the en suite." John gestured to the door furthest from them. "And this one leads to the study room. There's a desk and some books in there. You can take books from the Library just be sure to sign them in and out. I'm sure Arabelle will show how to do that. The Library is her favourite place." John smiled and Lydia found she rather liked his smile. "I'll leave you to get settled. Dinner is in about an hour. I'll come by and pick you up. We don't want you getting lost." He winked at her and treated her to one last smile before he left closing the door behind him. As Lydia looked around her new room she actually felt quite hopeful. Maybe she would like it here after all.

 **End Flashback**

Lydia and Alec were the first ones to arrive at the Op's centre at 11:30 but they were soon joined by the others. Robin was the last to arrive. "Everyone this is Robin Beaumont. He's going to be joining us tonight The Clave sent him to help us get the cup back. Robin this is Jace Wayland, Isabelle Lightwood and Clary Fairchild." Alec made the introductions and Robin nodded at each of them in turn.

"It's nice to meet you all. So what's the plan?" he asked.

"We are meeting Simon at the Hotel Du'Mort. He'll take you guys to meet with Raphael then will come back to get me. He'll smuggle me in and put me in a coffin pretending I'm a prisoner then take me to Camille. We'll talk to her and find out where the book is." Clary made the plan sound simple but they all knew there was a lot that could go wrong. They spent some time discussing various points and asking questions before eventually everyone was clear on what they needed to do and they set off. The sooner they got the cup back the better, then Robin could leave.

 **Clary's POV**

The coffin was suffocating. She was surrounded by darkness and taking short shallow breaths while trying not to panic. She could hear the mumbling of voices but couldn't quite make out what was being said. She felt the vibrations of the coffin being rolled along the floor and a moment later the lid was opened and she looked up at Simon as she clamoured from the coffin. "I sure hope this plan works." Simon worried as they approached Camille's coffin.

"It will they're pros they know what they are doing. They'll keep Raphael busy while we talk to Camille. But let's be quick, anyone catches us then we're dead."

"Some of us already are." Clary smiled at Simon's quip shaking her head a little.

"Once we open this there's no going back. Everything we've done to unite the downworld will go out the window."

"We've got no choice. Valentine has the cup if we don't get it back then there will be no downworld to unite." Simon nodded then cut the chains keeping the coffin shut. They lifted the lid. Camille was lying very still and looked very pale. "She's dead!" Clary exclaimed. Simon gave her a incredulous look.

"Well yeah. What do you expect? She's a vampire." Just then Camille sprung up from the coffin snarling and baring her teeth at them. Clary whipped her seraph blade round and help it against her neck as Simon pulled out a wooden stake.

"Not so fast." Clary warned her. But Camille turned her gaze to Simon.

"What took you so long?"

"Excuse me?" Simon asked as he shared a confused look with Clary.

"I knew you'd come back for your sire. Just like you did before. We're forever linked you and I."

"How do you know I don't want to stake you." Simon leant forward menacingly.

"Do you?" Camille also leant forward ignoring Clary's blade. Simon hesitated as the stake in his hand shook a little.

"No" he sounded defeated as Camille gave him a victorious smile.

"I do. But that's not why we're here. Where's the Book of the White?" Clary said threateningly.

"The Book of the what?" Camille sounded annoyed.

"The Book of the White. Big white spell book kinda explains itself." Simon replied sarcastically.

"I've never heard of it."

"And yet we tracked it to you." Clary was getting irritated they didn't have much time.

"Darling what would I possibly want with a spell book?"

"We don't have time for this. Put her back in." Clary pushed Camille back as she spoke.

"Ok ok ok. You said it was a warlock book." Camille sat back up in protest.

"Yeah. I think my mum gave it you. She ran an antique's store. Vampires sell that kind of stuff right."

"All the time. But if your mother was even half as charming as you I think I'd remember her."

"What about Dorothea Rollins? She was my mother's assistant?"

"Dot. But of course, she was our favourite customer. So your entire life has been paid for by my antiquities. I guess that means you owe me." She mocked.

"Do you know where it is or not?"

"It's at my apartment on the Upper East side. I can take you there. But you'll have to get me out of here first." Clary looked at Simon they were both thinking the same thing. It was one thing to break in and talk to Camille but if they let her out there was definitely no going back when it came to the alliance with the vampires. Then there was the fact that she would be free to go around killing more people. "Or you could leave me in here and never get the book." She laid back casually in the coffin. "Totally up to you." Clary shook her head as anger built up inside her. She knew they had no choice. They had to get the book.

"Fine." She seethed as she lowered her blade and let her climb from the coffin. Simon looked to see if the coast was clear and they left the room. They were met by Jace, Isabelle, Alec, Lydia and that guy Robin.

"Did you take care of Raphael?" Clary asked them.

"Chained up in the basement. I think our alliance with the vampires maybe broken though." Izzy said Clary nodded her head sadly.

"Did you find out where the book is?" Lydia asked.

"Um sort of?" Clary replied hesitantly. They all leapt back and pulled out their weapons when Camille came into view.

"Ok, Clary nobody said anything about letting her go. You were just suppose to interrogate her and find out where the book was." Jace scolded her. Her annoyance grew.

"Yeah well she told us where it is but we need her to take us to her apartment. We don't really have the time for an interrogation."

"And you actually think she's going to show us where the book really is for free?" Isabelle asked suspicious of Camille.

"Well of course I won't my dear. There's something I want from..." Camille drawled as she pointed at Simon. "A writ of transmutation."

"What the hell is that?" Simon asked nervously.

"A document stating that you asked her to turn you into a vampire." Isabelle told him.

"Signed and sealed in your blood of course." Camille smiled. "After all I don't want the Clave to falsely accuse me of killing innocent mundanes." She looked at Robin as she said it who sneered back at her. Clary noticed a nervous look pass between Jace, Izzy and Alec. Lydia looked at Alec in disbelief for a moment before also looking worried. That's when Clary realised that Camille had just dropped them right in it. Robin was the Clave's man and Camille had pretty much informed him that a mundane had been turned into a vampire and they had known about it and yet kept it a secret. And judging by Lydia's look Alec had kept her in the dark too. Clary felt her rage grow. She was already tired of Camille's games.

"You want Simon to pardon you? No way! How about we just kill you instead." Clary threatened angrily, raising her blade again and pinning Camille against the wall.

"You'll never get the book." Camille reasoned as Simon stopped her reassuring her it was ok.

"So where do we get this document?" Robin spoke for the first time. Camille looked at him seeming to be getting a measure of him before answering.

"I know a guy. Magnus Bane? The High Warlock of Brooklyn."

"Well then I guess we're heading to Magnus'." Alec informed them all. Lydia sighed then lead them out of the hotel.

Once they reached Magnus' place Alec turned to them and said. "Ok, Jace, Lydia, Robin and I will check the perimeter. You guys go on in and we'll be with you as soon as possible." They all nodded in agreement as Simon, Isabelle and her escorted Camille into the building and up the stairs that lead to Magnus' front door.

 **Magnus' POV**

Magnus had been taking a moment to relax in his favourite chair after the taxing task of putting the Institute's wards back up when there was a knock on the door. Sighing he got up and answered it. It was a shock to see Camille standing there. She had a seductive smile on her face as she pushed past him followed by Clary, Simon, and Isabelle. "I'm sorry showing up like this Magnus. But we need your help again." Clary said apologetically. Magnus sighed and nodded closing the door behind them. As they walked into the living room Camille turned to him.

"So Magnus how long has it been? 100, 150 years?"

"138, oddly I haven't missed you." He answered scathingly. Camille smiled at him.

"Of course you have my love. " He opened his mouth to dispute her when Clary cut in.

"Alright you two can catch up later. Right now we need to find the Book of the White."

"And you will but not without payment." Camille told her. Briefly breaking her gaze from Magnus before flicking her eyes back to him. "You of all people should understand that."

"Of course, and what is it that you require?" Magnus asked.

"A clean slate."

"She wants a writ of turning me into a vampire." Simon explained. Before Clary finished the explanation.

"And we need you to draft it." Magnus shook his head as he continued his staring competition with Camille. She was the last person he wanted to see right now.

"Hmm, I thought I was done with you."

"We'll never been done with each other." She smiled satisfactorily. As they continued their intense staring contest they heard Izzy say that she was going to check where the others were. Clary asked to speak to Simon and they went into the other room.

"Well I best get to it. The faster you get what you want the faster you can get the hell back out of my life." He snapped at her, finally breaking his gaze away and moving to his desk. He pulled out a parchment and placed it on the table. As he began to draft the writ Camille circled around him leaning in close to him.

"You're still upset by my dalliance with that short lived Russian."

"Upset? Noo I gave up feeling anything for you over a century ago." He tried to fight the annoyance and act nonchalant.

"Love is fleeting. Even more so when you're immortal." He refused to meet her gaze keeping his eyes on his task, but out the corner of his eye he could see her studying him intently.

"Yet true love cannot die."

"But people can." He felt the anger building as he countered her hotly.

"People are more than just toys for your amusement."

"Hundreds of years old yet still so naive." She nettled him. He smiled amused at her, letting her know that her tricks weren't working on him. Him naive? That's the best she could do? "You wouldn't know what to do with love if you found it." The smile fell from his face as he thought of Alec. He definitely didn't know what to do when it came to him. Noticing his expression Camille's face lit up in an intrigued smile as she walked around him so that she was standing behind him. She raised onto her toes and whispered in his ear. "Or do you think already have?" Camille sniffed and whispered "Angel blood." As they heard the door open Camille suddenly took a hold of his arms and spun him round placing a hard kiss to his mouth. As the kiss broke and he looked over to the doorway he saw Alec standing there. Lydia stood next to him giving him a worried look. Jace and some other shadowhunter stood behind them. Izzy was next to Lydia staring at him accusatory. He sighed as Camille silently laughed.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec felt a stab of jealousy when he walked in to find Camille and Magnus kissing. He pushed it away telling himself he didn't care. He was married now, whatever was between them, if there had been anything between them, was in the past. He had Lydia now.

"Well this is awkward." Magnus tried to jest as he tried to meet Alec's eyes. He resolutely avoided Magnus' gaze as he moved forward and asked. "Have you drawn up the writ yet?"

"Almost, but it's complicated." Magnus moved forward towards him again. His eyes seemed to be begging him but Alec wasn't sure what for.

"Clearly." Alec said coldly as he felt more jealousy rise up. He pushed it away again in annoyance. As Lydia came to stand beside him he reached out and took her hand. "How much longer will it take."

"Not long a few more minutes." Magnus rushed to answer staring down at their joined hands. Alec nodded and the room was silent and thick with tension for a moment. Izzy was sending death glares at Camille and Robin just looked curious and very confused. The more in the dark that guy stayed the better. It was already bad enough that Camille had revealed that Simon had been turned on their watch. It got to the point where he couldn't stand the tension any more. He wanted out of here.

"Where's Clary and Simon?" He asked. Magnus gestured through a doorway and Alec silently left pulling Lydia with him and leaving Isabelle or Jace to introduce Robin. As he entered the room he rolled his eyes and tried to keep in a sigh of exasperation, great the bedroom, this was the last place he wanted to be in. He focussed his gaze on Clary to stop himself from inspecting the room. He knew it was stupid but being in Magnus' bedroom just felt way too intimate. It didn't help that he could smell Magnus' scent in the room. "Come on we need to get a move on Magnus is pretty much done with the writ." Clary and Simon followed him back out. Magnus looked up as they entered and then proudly held up the completed writ to Alec as if in appeasement. "Good. Let's get a move on. Camille show us the way. Once we have the book then Simon will sign the writ."

"Fine." She answered annoyed. Alec knew her game and didn't trust her at all. He tucked the writ into his inside pocket. She wasn't getting her hands on it until the book was safely in their hands.

"I'll come along too." Magnus jumped to join them as they began to move to the door. "It might be useful to have a warlock with you." he winked playfully.

"Yeah, fine whatever." Alec answered as they left.

They finally arrived at Camille's apartment on the Upper East side. It was luxuriously decorated and as they entered the main room there were bookcases floor to ceiling. "Wow you got a lot of books" he muttered looking up at them all.

"I've got a lot of free time on my hands." As she spoke a man entered and approached her.

"Welcome home Madame Belcourt." he greeted her.

"This place creeps me out" whispered Izzy.

"Yeah," Alec agreed with her. "Let's check the perimeter. Lydia, Robin, Izzy, Magnus and I can search. You guys stay here get the book."

"Good idea. If I know Camille she'll have a trick or three up her sleeve." Magnus concurred.

"Ok we should go in pairs." Robin cut in, "Alec if you stay with Bane, Wayland go with Isabelle and I'll go with Lydia." Alec wanted to argue with him, he didn't want to be alone with Magnus and he definitely wasn't about to leave Lydia alone with this guy. But as he opened his mouth to protest Lydia caught his eye and shook her head. She was right disagreeing with the Clave's guy would only make things worst. So he gave her slight nod and agreed with him.

"That's a good idea. We'll be back soon guys." He turned to inform Clary and Simon and to give Camille a warning glance. "In case you think of doing anything to stab us in the back just remember I've got your pardon." They headed out and went their separate ways in their pairs. It wasn't long before Magnus spoke.

"Look Alec, about that kiss you saw... It was just Camille playing games, it's what she does. I want you to know it meant nothing to me." Alec sighed he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to think about that kiss between Camille and Magnus or how it made him feel jealous or that he couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if Magnus were to kiss him. He shook his thoughts away and looked up into Magnus' worried and pleading eyes.

"Why are you telling me this Magnus? You owe me no explanation. It's not like there's anything between us." Alec tried to sound casual even when he saw a flash of hurt cross Magnus' face. It wasn't like he enjoyed hurting Magnus, in fact he hated it, but Magnus just never seemed to know when to back off. It always seemed like a game to him. But as he stared into his eyes he wondered for the first time if perhaps Magnus' feelings for him were deeper than he first realised. Not as flippant as Magnus often came across.

"I just thought that you looked somewhat... upset about it. I hoped... maybe that might be an indication... that you might... you know be a little jealous. That maybe there was a chance that you did in fact have some feelings for me... So... I don't really know... I just felt like I owed you an explanation... I just don't want you to think that I have feelings for anyone else. There's only you in my heart." Magnus wasn't his usual coherent, smooth-talking self. In fact Alec thought he seemed to be very doubtful, nervous even. That made him think maybe he was right, maybe Magnus' feeling for him were stronger than he first thought. He swallowed down the feeling of panic rising in him. This isn't what he needed right now. He didn't want to be doubting himself or his decisions. So he looked down at the floor breaking his gaze from Magnus' before replying.

"Look Magnus... You owe me nothing ok." He took a breath and met his eyes again. There was a sadness in them and a regret. Maybe he regretted not coming to the wedding? Alec didn't know he just knew that it didn't matter any more. " Maybe there were some feelings there, and maybe I regret not acting on them. But I married Lydia, I made my decision and I'm not going to go back on it. I'm not going to betray Lydia's trust in me. So please, I beg of you, please don't bring it up again. It's fine you can kiss whoever you like. It's fine." Alec stared into his eyes and silently begged him to understand. Magnus looked miserable but then an acceptance seemed to enter his eyes and he nodded.

"Ok good. I guess. We best get to checking the perimeter." Magnus replied quietly, Alec sighed and nodded following Magnus.

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia and Robin walked side by side in silence. She could feel her own nervous energy in the air as she waited for him to speak. Surely there was something he wanted to say, why else would he want to get her alone? She shot nervous looks at him. His entire body was tense as if it caused him physical pain to be near her. She could feel the hatred rolling off of him in waves. Maybe he didn't have anything to say? Maybe he was just trying to make her feel uncomfortable or intimidated? Or maybe he just wanted to scrutinise the way she did her job? She looked down at her feet as she walked and as a result nearly walked right into him when he suddenly turned and stepped in front of her. She looked up startled. "You're married." he stated. That threw her off guard. That wasn't what she was expecting him to bring up. Why would he care if she was married?

"Yes. We got married a couple of days ago." her voice was quiet and she studied his face trying to figure out what he was thinking.

"When did you meet him? Where did you meet him?" he demanded to know. Lydia's confusion grew she was so startled she just answered his questions as they came without thinking.

"At the New York Institute when the Clave sent me to investigate them about a month ago." Robin scoffed and looked away from her.

"Whirlwind romance?" he asked scathingly. Lydia began to get irritated. Who the hell was he to come here and judge her after two years of silence especially after the way he had left things.

"No, it was a political marriage that was mutually beneficial to the both of us." she told him hotly. His mocking grin only grew wider.

"A political marriage!? Well that's interesting I seem to recall a time when you swore that you would never enter into a political engagement. Not even for the betterment of your own family." She looked away not able to take the disdain evident in his eyes or the mocking tone of his voice. "And one that's mutually beneficial, well that sounds hot. You guys must really have a party in the bedroom." Lydia flicked her angry gaze back at him. He had a challenging look in his eyes. He had moved closer into her personal space in an attempt to intimidate her. But she didn't get frightened easily particularly not by Robin Beaumont.

"What happens in our marriage is between Alec and I. I don't owe you any explanation. You are just somebody from my past that I have long since moved on from. As I remember rightly I'm dead to you, so why you care why I got married is beyond me. Alec is a good man who wanted to do whatever he could to protect and help his family I was able to help by marrying him. The Lightwoods are a good family who love each other and they deserve to be happy so I'll protect them in anyway I can." She told him fiercely. For a moment he was silent and she thought perhaps she had won this battle of wills. Then he smirked down at her and shook his head at her. He leant in closer, pain and anger and hate reflecting in his eyes.

"But Lydia, you have a habit of tearing families apart, of destroying them. You couldn't protect this family if you tried; Face it all you're likely to do is cause them a whole world of suffering and pain. As for your new husband I sure hope your poisonous love doesn't cause him to meet the same fate as your last lover." The stinging sound of flesh hitting flesh rang through the air as her hand connected to his face. The force of her slap threw his head to the side and as his cheek began to turn red she brought her aching hand to her mouth in horror. They heard a gasp behind them and turned to see Jace and Isabelle standing some distance behind them. They both looked shocked. What had she just done! As she watched them move towards them she noticed Jace's eyes turn from shock to suspicion. Great, she thought sarcastically, just what she needed Jace having even more reason to be distrusting of her.

"Hey you guys done with the perimeter? We're gonna head back in and see if they had any luck with finding the book." Isabelle said, choosing to deliberately not address what they had just witnessed. Lydia shot a quick nervous look at Robin. She couldn't make out the look in his eyes. He simply nodded and followed Jace and Isabelle back into the apartment.

When they entered the main room it was to Clary, Simon and Camille still searching the bookcases. Having seen them enter Simon dropped from the ladder he was on.

"Yeah Miss Sure-I-Can-Show-You-Where-The-Book-Is over there doesn't know the exact location of the book, just that it is in this building somewhere. Oh and to make it all the more fun she has four more rooms just like this one." Simon informed them with annoyed sarcasm as Camille shot him an irate look.

"I'm helping you look aren't I?" Camille replied.

"Yeah well you better because you're not getting that writ until we have the book." Came Alec's voice from the doorway. As he and Magnus came in Lydia saw Alec's gaze freeze on the red mark that had bloomed across Robin's face. He quickly sent a worried look her way. His eyes seemed to be asking if she was ok. She tried to send him a reassuring smile but she just couldn't manage it and instead had to fight down tears as the full realisation of what she had done hit her. She had slapped the guy who was here investigating them for the Clave. She very much doubted that she had helped their cause. What Robin had said was already coming true. How much pain and suffering had she caused the Lightwoods with this mistake. She kept her eyes on the floor as she fought back the tears and tried to discreetly brush away the ones that had already escaped. She felt Alec's presence beside her as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders pulling her to him. She drew strength from him and looked back up.

"Come on how about me and you go search the other room?" He said."Robin and Izzy if you guys get the second and Magnus can you manage the third, while these guys carry on in here?" Everyone nodded and they once again all split into their groups. She felt Isabelle give her hand a quick reassuring squeeze as she went past and she gave her a quick smile of thanks in return. Once they were alone in the next room Alec pulled her into a warm hug. Wrapping his arms around her he rested his cheek on the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around his waist and sunk into his embrace.

"I hit him." she whispered into his chest.

"It's ok. I'm not angry, I'm just worried about you. I can't imagine how many memories him being here would bring back." he reassured her. She lost herself once again in memories as she stood there nestled in her husbands arms.

 **Flashback**

She had put on a knee length pale yellow sun dress and clipped her hair back in a half up, half down style. She was wearing very light, natural make-up and she was nervously pacing the room. There was a knock on the door which made her jump a little. She opened it and felt those butterflies again as she looked up at a smiling John.

"Hey you ready for dinner?" he held out an arm for her. He was wearing a cotton pale blue shirt that matched his eyes and grey trousers. She smiled and linked her arm through his. He looked down at her as he lead her through the maze of corridors. "So did you get settled in ok? Get everything unpacked. Got everything you need? Didn't forget anything like I don't a toothbrush or a towel? I always forget a towel when I travel anywhere." He joked with her lightly as she laughed.

"No its ok I remembered everything, towel and all." she replied. They continued to make small talk as they walked arm in arm. Eventually they came to a blue door and Lydia briefly wondered if all the doors here were that colour. It certainly seemed to be the case. John reached forward and knocked on the door. They heard Arabelle squeal in excitement from behind the door causing them both to chuckle before the door was thrown open. Arabelle stood with a bright smile on her face and her thick mane of hair bouncing around her shoulders as she beamed brightly at them. She stepped aside for them to pass through the door. She was wearing a pale pink dress that had little white flowers growing up from the hem.

"I'm so glad you're here" she said excitedly as she closed the door behind them. Lydia spotted Robin sitting at a six seat dining table. He gave her a warm smile and raised his hand in a wave. She waved back and turned her attention back to Arabelle. "I made Caldo Verde for starter..." as Arabelle spoke John leant down and muttered in her ear.

"That's soup."

"... And for main there's Bacalhau à brás." Arabelle continued as John once again whispered.

"Yeah that one is shredded codfish with onions and straw fried potato." Lydia smiled as Arabelle finished.

"For dessert we have Arroz Doce."

"Rice pudding." John once again filled her in. Lydia smiled brightly at Arabelle.

"It all sounds delicious I can't wait to try it." She was rewarded by another smile from Arabelle. She gestured to the table and invited Lydia to take a seat. John pulled out the chair opposite to Robin for her and Lydia smiled in thanks. He patted her lightly on the shoulder, his touch burning into her skin, before sitting down next to her. After checking the food Arabelle sat down next to Robin.

"So Lydia how are you finding it here so far?" Robin asked.

"So far so good." She smiled back at him. "It's a little strange being so far from home."

"You must miss your family." Arabelle gave her a sympathetic look. "Do you have a large family?"

"No it's just me and my parents. I have a couple of aunts and uncles but I don't see them often." She chose not to mention that she was actually relieved to be away from her parents. Truth was she didn't really miss them all that much.

"No sisters, lucky you." Robin jested as Arabelle tutted at him and lightly hit him on the arm.

"Or brothers, even luckier." Arabelle counted as they all laughed. Lydia saw Robin take Arabelle's hand and give it a squeeze as she beamed back at him. The love between them was obvious and Lydia got a warm feeling in her chest as she watched them. How she would have loved to have a sibling.

"Have you been to many other Institutes?" Robin asked curiously.

"No this is actually the first Institute I'll have an extended stay in. My parents preferred to keep me close to them. So I only went to Institute's they were visiting on business. The trips were never very long, a week or two at most."

"What about training?" John asked.

"They elected to train me themselves."

"But what about friends?" Arabelle asked. Lydia felt uncomfortable for a moment. Her parents didn't want her talking about her downworlder friends thinking it would embarrass them. But these guys seemed quite open minded.

"I had a few friends but it was difficult meeting people without going to Institutes. I was often sent on diplomatic missions by my parents, to the warlocks in particular. I have some acquaintances among them." She looked for any change in their expressions but if anything they just looked more interested. Arabelle leant further across the table.

"Really how interesting. I've never actually met a warlock myself. What are they like? Have you ever seen one do magic? Is it true that their hands glow blue when they do?" Lydia laughed lightly at Arabelle's excitement. As Robin and John smiled fondly at Arabelle shaking their heads at her.

"Yes I've seen them do magic. And yes their hands really do glow blue. Its like smoke, is the best way I can describe it." Suddenly there was a ringing noise and they all turned to see what the noise was.

"Shoot that's the timer. Soups ready. I'll be right back." Arabelle jumped from her seat and headed through a door into what Lydia assumed was the kitchen.

"I'll go help her bring the food through." John smiled at them both and made his way into the kitchen as well.

"Sorry about Arabelle, She's very excited about you coming here. Its been the same old people all her life, she's never really met anyone new. Some of the other Shadowhunters here find her a bit much." Robin apologised. Lydia shook her head and smiled at him.

"Really it's ok, I really like your sister. It's nice to see someone so happy and bubbly for a change." she reassured him. His face brightened into a relieved smile.

"Not many bubbly people at home huh?" He half joked.

"No, definitely not. In fact you could say my parents are the absolute opposite of bubbly. They're very stern and very much about duty. Duty to the clave, duty as a shadowhunter, duty to your family name etc." She tried not to sound bitter. Robin was looking at her curiously.

"You don't sound that close to them."

"I love my parents... it's just that I think there's more to life than just duty. You know? What about falling in love? What about having fun and seeing the world and meeting new people? What about having people around you that you believe in and trust? Or having a cause to fight and believe in. I just want to have something meaningful in my life." When she looked at him she saw he was nodding.

"Those are all important things too. Hopefully you'll find some of them here." He had a strange look in his eyes for a moment before he blinked and it was gone. He smiled at her and then turned as Arabelle and John came back in carrying steaming plates of food. The rest of the evening was filled with laughter as they chatted and ate. The food was absolutely magnificent and so full of flavour. Arabelle was a fantastic cook. After they had finished eating they continued to sit at the table and talk. The conversation had turned to who the best swordsman was and Robin and John we both boasting of their skills as Arabelle shook her head and rolled her eyes at them and Lydia just sat back laughing at their antics and taking it all in.

"You know what Lydia you should come and join our training session tomorrow morning. We can check out how well your parents trained you." Robin suggested.

"That's a great idea. After all whose to say that Lydia isn't the best swordsman here." Arabelle teased. Lydia laughed again as the boys feigned outrage.

"Yeah alright bring it newbie." John challenged throwing Lydia a wink and causing the butterflies to erupt once again. "I'd best get you back to your room it's getting late." John finally said. Arabelle sighed in disappointment and got up giving Lydia a hug.

"Thanks for joining us." Arabelle said sweetly. Robin shook her hand and smiled.

"See you tomorrow." he nodded at her.

"Yeah looking forward to it. Thank you for having me." Lydia waved as John placed a hand on her back and guided her from the room. As she looked back she saw Robin wrap his beaming sister in a tight hug.

 **End Flashback**

"It's not ok" she mumbled as she came back to the present. "I've made everything worse. I got his parabatai and his sister killed and now he hates me. I hate me." Alec took her arms and set her back from him so he could look her in the eyes. His gaze was intense and there was some anger in his eyes, though it didn't seem to be aimed at her.

"Lydia, listen to me very carefully ok. What happened was not your fault. Ok. It wasn't. They were Shadowhunters it was their job to fight demons and sometimes things don't go our way, its as simple as that. Robin has no right to put that blame on you. If I get you to believe one thing I say it is that. This is not your fault." He said each word clearly and slowly trying to get it to sink in. She nodded her head. She wasn't sure if he was right but she didn't have the energy to fight any more. She felt emotionally drained.

"Guys we think we found it!" Came an excited call from the other room. They all rushed back into the main room. Clary had a book laid out on the desk and she was holding the bookmark in her hand. They all gathered around and looked down at the book.

"Um Clary that's a cookbook." Jace informed her. Clary gave him a look and rolled her eyes at him.

"I've seen it before. My mum always used to cook Chicken Cocciatore. Look at the bookmark." As she said it she held the bookmark in her hand to the ripped bookmark of the cook book. It was an exact match. They all looked at each other excitedly. Had they done it? Had they finally found the Book? It seemed almost to good to be true. Clary laid the bookmark so that the two pieces met. As they watched the bookmark repaired itself and the entire book began to glow with a bright dazzling white light. As the light faded away they looked down and there sitting on the desk in front of them was the Book of the White.

* * *

 **Author's note: Well done you made it to the end lol. Ok alot happened in this chapter. We had some flashbacks to Lisbon and Alec kinda admitted to having some feelings for Magnus. Also Lydia and Robin are less than stellar right now so we'll have to see how that progresses. They've finally got the Book of the White now lets see if they can get it back to the institute without any more incidents. So to get you excited for the next chapter we're going to have Jocelyn maybe waking up lets see how she reacts to everything. Also more Robin and Lydia and Magnus and Alec as they work together while searching for the warlock. Jace will also be doing a bit of detective work... on Lydia. For those of you interested if I had an actor play John and Robin then Robin would be Joseph Morgan and John would be Luke Mitchell. So if you're having trouble imagining what they look like just picture them. Also I based the Lisbon institute on the Mosteiro de Jeronimos, look it up the architecture is stunning. Anyway, once again watch this space and I will try to update as soon as possible.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Gonna get the copyright bit out the way first. So I don't own the characters Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters TV show do. There are some lines from 1x13 of the TV show. The title is a line from Ruelle's song Bad Dream. I also want to thank my lovely reviewers. Your reviews are very much appreciated and I love reading them. Someone asked if Robin and Lydia have love chemistry so in answer to that, without spoiling too much, is they definitely have strong feelings for each other but at the moment there is a lot of anger and guilt so any other feelings that may or may not exist between them are very much in the background at the moment. So we'll have to see how it goes and whether they can get over the past. But I would love to hear your opinions and theories so feel free to throw them my way along with any questions you might have. As a forewarning there is a nightmare sequence in this chapter that is a bit gory. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 7: Caught In A Bad Dream**

 **Clary's POV**

They all stared in a amazement for a moment. You could feel the excitement in the air. It had been so long since anything had gone their way it seemed unreal that they had actually found the book. Suddenly Camille snatched the book off the desk and zoomed to the other side of the room. "You've got what you want. Now give me what I want." She demanded as she clutched the book to her chest. "Simon my dear Caramel be a doll and sign that writ for me." A look ran around the group but they knew that once again they didn't really have a choice. Alec huffed in irritation and then pulled the writ from the inside pocket of his jacket. He laid it on the desk and then moved so Simon could reach it. Simon picked up a quill from the desk and after a small hesitation pricked his finger. Blood bloomed from the small pinprick and Simon placed the quill to the parchment and signed his name. Once he had placed the quill down Alec took the parchment and slowly approached Camille. Everyone had one hand on their weapons. The atmosphere had turned tense, once Alec was close enough Camille threw the book to him, then vamp sped the parchment out of his hand as he scrambled for the book. She stopped in the doorway and said "Oh by the way, you have some company." Turning to Simon she smiled slowly, "I'll be seeing you again." Then she was gone. Clary rushed to the window and looking down at the pavement below saw that there were circle members gathered all around the apartment. They were surrounded.

"Um guys we've got a problem." The others quickly joined her. She should've known this wasn't going to be that easy.

"Looks like we're fighting our way out of here." Robin said grimly. Everyone pulled out their weapons and steeled themselves for battle, while Magnus waved his arms in the background trying to get their attention.

"What's the plan? We do have a plan right?" She asked looking round at them all. Magnus went to speak but was interrupted before he could.

"Don't die, first off." Jace said sarcastically. She didn't bother responding to him. Alec walked over to Simon and handed him the book.

"Simon take the book. You have vamp speed so we'll clear a hole for you an you just run for it ok. Get that book back to the Institute, don't stop, don't look back, no matter what. Ok?" Simon nodded and clutched tightly to the book. He had a nervous but determined look on his face. As he looked at her she gave him a reassuring smile and got one in return. "Most of Valentine's men are round the front so Clary, Jace, Simon, Izzy and Magnus go out the back..."

"GUYS!" Everyone jumped at Magnus' shout and all the attention suddenly snapped to him. "Not to be a party pooper or anything, after all Alec I'm sure your plan would be an utter success. But why don't I just create a portal for us all to hop through?" Everyone just stood and stared at him for a moment while his words sunk in. Clary nearly laughed out loud. Apparently it would be that easy after all. She noticed that Simon was grinning widely as well but all the others had frozen with baffled looks on their faces. They were so used to having to fight and struggle for everything that such a simple solution seemed foreign.

Jace shrugged "Well it'd definitely be the first time I've just avoided the enemy, but sure why not? Lets hop through a portal." Magnus shook his head and proceeded to flourish his arms about as he muttered under his breath. "Shadowhunters, always have to make a plan and whip out their weapons. Making everything so complex." Clary had to hold back her laughter once again as she listened to him ramble. It didn't take Magnus long and soon the room was aglow with the purple light from the newly created portal. They heard a bang as the Circle members kicked in the door.

"Time to go, I think." Magnus waved them all towards the portal as he spoke. Clary reached out and clasped Jace's hand as they passed through last. She felt him give her hand an involuntary squeeze before he rapidly dropped it once they stepped back out of the portal and into the Institute. As the portal closed behind them they all looked at each other, a sense of relief flooded the group. "See I told you it could be useful having a warlock with you." Magnus jested as he gave them all a wink. A chuckle ran around the group. They had done it, they had the Book of the White. Clary felt hope and excitement build in her as she realised she would finally be able to wake up her Mum. She beamed at the others before she began to sprint towards the infirmary, they followed hot on her heels.

"LUKE! LUKE!" She called as she rushed into the room. He sprung to his feet and moved towards her as she flew into the room.

"What is it? What's wrong?" He looked worried for a moment before he saw the bright smile on her face and the Book in her arms. Then he smiled too.

"We got it!" She said unnecessarily holding it up for him to see. His face broke into a huge smile as he laughed then picked her up in a bear hug. Clary felt happiness swell in her as Luke held her. As he released her Magnus took charge.

"We need to move Jocelyn somewhere else. The spell is a powerful one we're gonna need more space."

"How about the Op's centre?" suggested Lydia.

"That will work." Magnus agreed. Clary handed the book to Magnus, he gave her a quick smile and a wink.

"I'll bring Jocelyn." There was a tenderness in Luke's voice as he spoke her name and looked down at her, a smile still on his face. He gently reached into the green mist surrounding her and cradled her in his arms. As everyone began to filter out of the infirmary, Clary noticed that Jace was hanging back. He looked conflicted. Clary walked to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, are you ok?" She asked softly. He looked up at her with haunted eyes. She knew he had been really struggling since finding out that Valentine had raised him, was his father, it was as if he thought that somehow made him evil. She knew that he didn't know how to feel about Jocelyn, the mother he never knew. She remembered how he believed Jocelyn had abandoned him. How he struggled with his feelings about Clary, how he felt weird now that they knew they were siblings. She knew exactly how he felt. She felt beyond weird about it, sometimes even nauseas when she thought about it. But at the same time she constantly had to fight down her want for him. Had to ignore how badly she just wanted to kiss him and lose herself in him. It was all so complicated now. So... wrong.

Looking into his eyes she could see his internal struggle and the glitter of unshed tears, this was tearing him apart. He just shook his head in reply to her question. He didn't need to, she knew he wasn't ok. But she didn't really know how to help him. She wasn't really ok either. All she could do was cling to the hope that things would be ok now that they were able to wake up Mum. "Hey, its going to be ok. Mum will have some answers, maybe she can help make sense of all this. It'll be ok." She tried to reassure him. He just silently nodded then looked down at her hand on his shoulder like he had only just noticed it was there. When his eyes flicked back to meet her's the atmosphere suddenly became charged. She went to lean towards him before she caught herself and quickly dropped her hand from his shoulder. Jace cleared his throat and took a step back from her.

"We should go, you don't want to miss them waking up your Mum." Clary nodded and they left.

Jocelyn was in the centre of the Op's centre. Magnus stood in front of her with the Book of the White open in his hands. All around shadowhunters had gathered to watch. Luke stood next to Magnus with Alec and Lydia next to him. Simon and Izzy were the other side of Magnus. They turned as her and Jace came into view. They stepped into the space between Magnus and Simon. She looked at Magnus. "Do you really think this is going to work?"

"Let us hope. Ready?" He asked her. She nodded and then looked down at her mum. Please let this work she prayed. Magnus snapped his fingers then placed a hand over Jocelyn and called out her name followed by some kind of incantation in a strange language that Clary had never heard before. As the spell was cast the air in the room grew thicker as some kind of strange energy gathered; wrapping around them all like boa constrictor. As he repeated one particular word he drew his hand up and her body convulsed like they were connected, a puppet to a string. The energy pulsed outwards from her, coursing through them all, vibrating their bones. It suddenly died away as the green mist evaporated and Luke rushed forward to catch her as her body dropped. She laid still for a moment before she began to open her eyes, dazed she looked up and saw Luke.

"I got you." He whispered to her.

"Luke!" There was relief and joy in her voice as she said his name and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. She buried her face in his neck and for a moment it was all about the two of them. Clary smiled teary-eyed at them. Luke gently lowered Jocelyn so her feet were on the ground. She looked around the Institute and at the people gathered before her gaze fell on Clary. Her face broke into a huge smile as Clary fell forward and collapsed crying into her arms.

As her mum stroked her hair she whispered. "Mum! I've missed you so much." Her mum pulled back from her. Brushing her hair from her eyes as she looked at her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about your past."

"Not now," Clary replied, "I've had enough for one day, we can talk about all that later. Right now I just need my mum." Her mum pulled her back into her arms and as she breathed in her mothers comforting scent and felt the warmth of her hug it all finally caught up with her and she broke down into heart wrenching sobs.

 **Alec's POV**

It wasn't long after Jocelyn had been woken up that it was suggested that everyone leave her, Clary and Luke alone to catch up, they had a lot to talk about. It was 2 am and everyone was shattered, physically and emotionally, so everyone began to head to their beds. Alec and Lydia walked to their room hand in hand. It wasn't until they were in the room with the door shut that Alec began to feel nervous. Lydia's bag sat by the door still unpacked. The bed loomed in front of them like a physical representation of the elephant in the room. He looked down at Lydia, wondering if she was as nervous as he was. Looking into her eyes he could see some nervousness but it was drowned out by the utter despair. A feeling of protectiveness came over him. Having Robin here was really messing with her. He brushed a stray hair from her cheek. "We best get ready for bed. It's been a long day, you need to get some rest." He spoke quietly, afraid if he spoke to loud she might fracture in her fragile state. He knew it was irrational but she just looked so broken. She managed to give him a tired smile as she nodded.

"We both need the rest." She gently ran a comforting hand up and down his arm. The mood turned a little awkward as they both wondered what to do next. Should they both just start getting changed or should one of them go in the bathroom? Which side of the bed did she prefer to sleep on? Alec ran a hand through his hair before saying.

"Um... do you want to use the bathroom first?"

"Sure, I'll be right back." Alec felt a little relieved when she pulled her pyjamas as well as her toothbrush from her bag and took them with her into the bathroom. As he listened to the tap running in the bathroom he quickly changed into a vest top and some sweatpants. She was still in the bathroom so he began to pace, he tried not to get himself to worked up. It wasn't that big of a deal. Lydia was his wife it was totally normal for them to share a bed, expected. He was being foolish. His inner monologue was cut short when Lydia came out of the bathroom. Her hair was down and she was wearing a grey camisole top and pyjama bottoms with blue polka dots. He quickly ducked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. When he came out Lydia was brushing out her hair. Before long she caught him staring at her and paused mid brush stroke. "What's up? You ok?"

"Huh? Oh yeah fine I was just wondering which side of the bed you prefer?" She looked down at the bed and a look of uncertainty came over her face. But it was gone with a shake of her head as she smiled back at him.

"Well which side do you normally sleep on? I'll take the other. It doesn't really bother me either way." He acknowledged her comment by stepping up to the right side of the bed and pulling down the covers. Lydia turned out the overhead light leaving the room illuminated by the bedside lamps. She crossed the room and got into the other side of the bed. The bed was big enough that there was a substantial gap between them as they lay in the bed together. The awkwardness grew as they both remained silent.

"Um... goodnight." He wished her. "Sleep well." There was another moment of silence before she responded.

"Yeah you too." They both reached over and switched out the lamps simultaneously, plunging them into darkness. Alec lay as still as possible. He felt uncomfortable and the silence seemed suffocating. It was like there was no air in the room. He could sense her as she breathed in and out. His eyes had grown accustomed to the gloom and he could make out her shadowy silhouette as she laid on her back staring up at the ceiling, also unmoving. Eventually in became to much and he could no longer take the silence.

"This is really awkward. Isn't it?" Lydia suddenly burst into nervous laughter that quickly turned into hysterical laughter. Hearing her laughter echoing out of the shadows seemed to lift the weight from him. He suddenly relaxed as he rolled onto his side facing her, watching her as she tried to get her laughter under control. Her laughs faded away as she too rolled to face him.

"I'm glad you said it first." She admitted. It was a relief knowing that she too had felt the awkwardness. "It's ok, I'm sure all husbands and wives feel awkward their first time sharing a bed." She reasoned.

"Yeah, we'll get used to it, it's just new is all." They lay in a more comfortable silence. "Lydia, we're going to be ok." He don't know why he felt the need to say it, he just did.

"I know," her voice was a whisper, soft and quiet and sleepy. He knew she was drifting off so he shut his eyes and waited for sleep to come. However now that his mind wasn't occupied on a task it began to replay all the horrifying scenes from the attack, all his worries and doubts and stresses began to swarm his mind. Ever since Valentine's return it had been one problem after another followed by one trauma after another and it was all catching up with him. It was like being trapped in a nightmare and being unable to wake up. He didn't know how long he lay their battling with his thoughts but he was suddenly snapped out of it by a moan coming from Lydia. He looked over at her and could see her eyes fluttering rapidly behind her lids. Her face screwed up in a look of anguish. It was then that he realised she was having a nightmare. He reached out and shook her shoulder gently, calling her name, but she seemed to be stuck in her dream. All he could do was stroke her back comfortingly as her cries grew louder and more frequent.

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia felt the tentacles of sleep pulling her down. She could feel herself getting heavier and heavier as she fell deeper into sleep. Then she felt weightless, like she was floating. She opened her eyes and gasped. She was standing in the entrance hall of the Lisbon Institute. It was exactly as she remembered it. The sunlight shining through the window and the colourful floor tiles. The painted ceiling. As she began to walk down the hall her footsteps echoed. She entered into the Op's centre and found herself surrounded by people, all of those lost shadowhunters from her team. They were milling about, nodding and smiling and waving to her as they passed. It was as if the demon attack had never happened. She continued on her way. She didn't know where she was heading but her feet seemed to. It was like she was on auto pilot. She took everything in feeling contentment wash over her. She passed through the door into the training centre and out into the courtyard. She turned her face up to the sun with her eyes closed feeling it soaking into her skin. Opening her eyes again she let out a small giggle before she skipped across the courtyard and into the library. She breathed in that familiar smell of books and old wood. She passed by all the tables where there were shadowhunters sat studying. She froze for a moment as her eyes fell on a girl sitting alone at the last table. Her face was covered by her long brown hair. It couldn't be. She quickened her pace and suddenly the girl looked up and smiled. "There you are. You're late, I've been waiting forever." Arabelle chastised her cheerfully as she stood up. Lydia felt tears well up in her eyes.

"Arabelle. You're here." She choked out.

"Well yeah, this was where we were suppose to meet. Where else would I be." She shook her head at Lydia fondly. "Now come on, we're suppose to be meeting the boys." Lydia blindly followed her back out of the library. Arabelle continued chatting to her the whole way as they weaved in and out of the other passing shadowhunters. They stepped out into the courtyard and as they stepped onto the circle feature at the very centre there was a sudden clap of thunder. Arabelle stopped talking and they both looked up as the sky began to turn dark. Black clouds had gathered and were thickening in the sky, drowning out the sun. Lydia looked back down and noticed that everyone had disappeared. Panicked she called out for Arabelle but there was no answer. Maybe they all went back inside. She rushed across the courtyard and through the gloomy corridors of the Institute. There was no one. It was completely abandoned and she was completely alone. She stood in the hallway trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly she heard the echo of footsteps.

"Hello." Her voice sounded ghostly as it echoed through the empty halls. There was a flash of lightening and as it illuminated the hall she briefly saw a lone figure standing at the other end of the hallway. She began to run towards them calling out but they turned and disappeared around the corner. She raced around the corner and once again saw the figure. It was Arabelle. She called after her again. As another flash of lightning lit the hall she once again disappeared. Lydia raced down the hall. Her lungs were burning as she tried to catch her breath. She raced through the archway into the Op's centre and suddenly tripped over something in the darkness. A flash of lightning showed the floor littered with bodies. Lydia cried out and struggled to her feet. But as the lightning flashed again the bodies had disappeared just like Arabelle. As she stood alone again in the dark she felt her heart rate begin to slow. She closed her eyes and gulped in some air. Opening them she jumped back with a start as she found Arabelle once more standing in front of her. Putting a hand over her heart she gasped. "Arabelle! You scared the life out of me." Arabelle didn't respond. It was then that Lydia noticed that she was wearing the white silk gown she had been burned in. Lydia looked back up into Arabelle's eyes but they were lifeless, there was no light in them. Suddenly Arabelle coughed and a spray of warm sticky blood flew from her mouth and splashed over Lydia's face, neck and chest. As she watched in horror a large red blood stain began to spread across Arabelle's torso as she continued to cough up blood. She slowly fell to her knees and then flopped forward and lay still, face down on the floor. Lydia let out another cry as she dropped to her knees and cradled Arabelle to her. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She sobbed over and over as tears spilled from her closed eyes.

"What are you sorry for?" Her eyes snapped open and she found herself lying on her bed in her room at the Lisbon Institute. She was cradled in John's arms as he stroked her arm. "Were you having a nightmare or something?" She stared at him like she was seeing him for the first time. In a way she kind of was. She took in everything about him. How his eyes sparkled when he smiled. The curve of his lips, she reached up and traced every line of his face with her fingers. She breathed in his almost forgotten scent. He was smiling at her a little confused. "You ok?" She nodded and then leant down and kissed him softly. As she went to pull away he wrapped his hand around the back of her neck and drew her back in. He rolled them over so that he was on top of her. She sighed at that familiar feel of his weight above her. His tongue pushed into her mouth and tangled with hers as her fingers slipped into his hair and tugged him closer. He broke their kiss to pull her top over her head and then quickly buried his face in her neck. Nipping and kissing the skin there as she moaned. His hands were tracing a burning trail of desire down her body as her own hands roamed his back under his shirt. She reached the hem and began to tug it over his head. He looked down at her and stroked her face before bringing his mouth back to hers. She was losing herself in him. In his scent, in the feel of his skin on hers. She felt something wet drip onto her stomach, than another drop. She tried to ignore it but then she ran her hands up his arms to his neck and they slipped on a warm liquid. Pulling back she saw that her hands were red with blood. She leapt back as John stood up. She saw the long, gaping red line across his neck. Blood was spilling from the wound and running in streams down his chest and stomach. "Hey, hey its ok Lydia." He reassured her. She shut her eyes again unable to take the sight any more. "Everything is going to be ok. " That was Alec's voice.

She snapped her eyes open again and found she was sitting in the courtyard of the New York Institute. There was a funeral pyre in front of them and on it were John and Arabelle. Looking to her right she saw Alec sitting next to her wearing his mourning clothes. "Alec? What are you doing here?" She didn't understand. Why was he at John and Arabelle's funeral? His eyes turned ice cold as hate filled them.

"I'm saying goodbye to my family Lydia." He spat with venom in his voice. She looked back at the funeral pyre confused and gasped. John and Arabelle were gone and in their place lay the Lightwoods. Isabelle lay in a white silk gown and had tiny snow white flowers interwoven into her coal coloured hair. Jace lay next to her in his funeral garb his blonde hair styled back and his skin pale. Max lay between his parents, tiny in death. The image began to blur as tears flooded her eyes. She shook her head in disbelief. "You destroyed us Lydia. You ripped as apart." Alec snarled at her as he moved to stand in front of the pyre. Suddenly more bodies began to appear on the pyre. The bodies of the 18 shadowhunters from her team including John and Arabelle and the 27 shadowhunters who were killed by Valentines men yesterday. "You killed them. You and your selfishness. You killed them all." Alec continued to snarl at her. She watched as blood began to seep out of the wood of the pyre. It flowed like water over rocks and gushed down the aisle towards her and flooded around her ankles. She tried to back away but she slipped and fell onto her back, hitting the ground hard. She tried to sit up but the current of the blood was too strong and it pushed her back down. As she struggled helplessly the blood flowed faster and then washed over her head so that she was choking on it. Then everything went black.

She opened her eyes once again. She was staring up at the stars. The moon was full and bright in the sky. It was beautiful. She was laying on something hard. It wasn't all that comfortable so she went to sit up. Only she found she couldn't move. She tried and tried again and again to move. But she couldn't even wiggle her little toe. She could feel herself clutching something cold and metal in her hand. She was holding it to her chest. It was then that she realised that she was laying on a funeral pyre. She began to call for help, she screamed and she shouted but it seemed that she was once again alone. But then she heard footsteps approaching her. She tried to turn her head to see who it was but she still could not move. A figure stepped up to the pyre and suddenly Robin came into view. He was looming over her. "Oh thank the Angel. Robin please help me, help me please. I'm not dead I'm alive you've got to help me." She pleaded with him as fear took her in its choking grip. He smiled bitterly at her, hatred burning in his eyes. "You're dead to me." He whispered to her before he lifted his hand and she saw the burning funeral torch that he held. She let out a blood curdling scream as he lit the pyre and flames engulfed her.

She bolted up in bed, droplets of sweat clinging to her skin. Alec flicked on his bedside lamp and she could see fear and concern in his eyes. She could feel her whole body shaking as Alec moved closer to her and wrapped her in his warm embrace. She started babbling not really thinking about what she was saying, she just talked and talked as the panic grew. Alec stroked her hair and was muttering to her telling her it was ok. It took him hours to calm her back down. But eventually her heart rate slowed back to a normal rate and she was able to breathe easier. He drew her back down so that she laying in his arms, her head resting on his chest. She could hear the steady beat of his heart under his vest top. He reached over and turned the light back off. As she lay there in the safety of his arms and listening to the melody of his soft reassurances and his heartbeat she drifted back off into a more peaceful sleep.

 **Jace's POV**

Jace was on a mission. Something wasn't right. Something had happened between Lydia and this Robin guy and he was going to find out what. It was 5 am and so the Op's centre was empty. He had a couple of hours before everyone woke up and began their daily tasks. Sitting at the computer he opened up the search drive and typed in Robin's name. He began to scroll through his public record. Robin had spent all of his life at the Lisbon Institute. He also had a deceased sister, Arabelle Beaumont who had died 2 years ago. Jace also learnt that Robin had a parabatai named John Monteverde who had died the same day as his sister. Jace began to look through his mission lists. Every shadowhunter had their mission's listed on the database for learning and research purposes. It was basic information, date, mission place, mission type, what group of people were involved for example warlocks or demons and who lead the mission. Robin was an experienced shadowhunter with many missions under his belt. Jace didn't know what he was looking for exactly. But there had to be some connection between Robin and Lydia. He paused near the bottom of the list and read _March 2nd 2014, Rio Favela, Raid, Demon, Mission Leader: Lydia Branwell._ He quickly scrolled back up to where Robin's family was listed. _Sister: Arabelle Beaumont. Jan 6th 1994- Mar 2nd 2014. Parabatai: John Monteverde. July 23rd 1992-Mar 2nd 2014._ Jace's curiosity increased, so Robin's sister and parabatai both died the same day that Lydia lead a mission than Robin had been on. Did they die on the mission? Jace scrolled back down to where the Rio mission was listed and clicked on the link. He cursed when the classified notice came up. He went back to the top and typed in John Monteverde followed by Arabelle Beaumont. Scrolling down their mission lists he discovered that they had both been on the Rio mission. It was their last. He then typed in Lydia's name. He searched through her information. She had spent most of her life in Idris. Her parents had chosen to train her themselves. It was a little unusual but not unheard of. In 2012 she had moved to the Lisbon Institute. That must be where she had met Robin. She then moved back to Idris in March 2014 and had since then moved up the ranks within the Clave becoming a trusted and respected shadowhunter. Looking down her mission list he saw that pre her move to Lisbon she had been on a lot of diplomatic missions to downworlders, mostly warlocks. That was interesting considering how she had dealt with Meliorn. Soon Jace hit a dead end. He sat and reviewed what he had learnt. He now knew that Robin and Lydia had met in 2012 at the Lisbon Institute and that 2 years later Lydia led a raid mission against demons in Rio which seemed to have cost Robin's sister and his parabatai their lives. The details of that mission had also been kept classified. What had Lydia done to cause Robin to hate her so much and how was it related to this classified mission? He needed to know more and the best way he could get more information was by talking to Robin. Looking at the clock he saw that it was nearing 7 am. He closed down the database and wiped his history. The last thing he needed was Alec or Lydia finding out he was investigating her.

As he set off in search of Robin he felt a small twinge of guilt. Lydia was his parabatai's wife after all and Alec trusted her so shouldn't he too. But he just couldn't do it. His research had only increased his suspicion of her. He had known Hodge all his life and he had been deceiving them and working with Valentine, Robert and Maryse had raised him as one of their own and yet they had lied to them about being in the circle. If those closest to him could lie and deceive him whose to say Lydia wouldn't. He didn't know her, didn't know anything about her but Robin did and Jace was going to make sure that Alec wasn't married to someone dangerous. Jace finally found Robin in the training room. He knew he had to be careful about this. He didn't know how Robin would react to Jace asking questions about Lydia so he decided he was going to be subtle about it. Just act like you're trying to get to know him he told himself. He entered the room and acted surprised when Robin looked up at him.

"Hey, sorry didn't mean to interrupt. I was just about to get my morning work out in."

"That's alright. Early bird to I see." Robin walked over to his water bottle and took a swig from it.

"Best time to train, there's not many other people about." Robin nodded in agreement.

"I heard you lost your trainer. Hodge Starkweather right."

"One way of putting it. He betrayed us. Guess you can't really trust anyone any more." Jace could hear the bitterness in his own voice.

"Yeah I know how that feels." Robin muttered. Jace looked at him curiously.

"How what feels?"

"Being let down by someone you trusted... Trusting the wrong person." Robin had an angry look in his eyes. Jace wondered if he was talking about Lydia. He chose not to push it. He needed to get Robin to trust him. Walking over to the weapons cache he picked up two seraph blades.

"Fancy a spar." He threw one of the blades to Robin as he nodded yes. They moved into the centre of the room and squared each other up. As they began to spar Jace asked. "So where are you from? Idris?"

Robin blocked Jace's blade as he brought it down in an arc at Robin's shoulder. "No, I came from the Lisbon Institute."

"You been there long?" He asked as he thrust his blade forward in a jab that Robin once again blocked. He was a good swordsman.

"All my life. I was born there." This time it was Jace who went on the defensive when Robin swung his blade at his neck and Jace raised his in a block. "What about you? How long have you been here at the New York Institute?" Robin continued.

"Since I was ten. I was taken in by Robert and Maryse Lightwood, they raised me as one of their one. Their son Alec is my parabatai. He and his siblings Isabelle and Max are like my own siblings. They're my family."

Robin nodded again. "I know what you mean. I was in a similar situation myself once. Mine and my parabatai's parents were killed in a werewolf attack when I was 6. After that me, John my parabatai, and my sister were all raised by John's aunt and uncle. The three of us became family." As he was speaking Jace managed to disarm Robin ending the spar. Robin smiled at him. "I heard you were a good swordsman." Jace shrugged in return. They both grabbed at their water bottles and there was a moment of silence as they drank and tried to catch their breath.

"It must be hard being away from them now. You must be looking forward to getting back to Lisbon and seeing them again." Jace said. Robin's face dropped and Jace saw the grief cross his face. It was a little while before he answered.

"Actually they passed away. It was couple of years ago now." Jace couldn't help but feel for the guy. He couldn't imagine losing any of the Lightwoods. That pain and loneliness. This guy had lost everyone he loved all in one day.

"I'm sorry... What happened?"

"It was a raid. Demons. We had gone in blind and were outnumbered. It was in Rio. The leader of our team she..." He was suddenly interrupted when Alec came blazing into the room. His eyes were focussed on Robin and he looked livid. There were dark circles under his eyes as if he had had a bad nights sleep.

"Robin I need a word. Privately." He bit out. "Jace get out." He hesitated a moment before slowly making his way out of the training room. He cursed he had been so close to finding out what Lydia had done. He stopped halfway down the corridor when he heard raised voices. He turned back around and crept back to the training room. He could see Alec standing threateningly over Robin. This did not look good.

"I want to know what you said to her!" Alec spat out while Robin shook his head at him.

"Look Alec I'm sorry to hear that your wife is having nightmares but I really don't see what its got to do with me." Robin tried to placate him hands up.

"Don't give me that shit. She kept saying that you were right. She seems to think that she's somehow going to hurt us." Robin had a strange smile on his face almost bitter.

"Alec there is a history between Lydia and I that you don't know about and wouldn't understand. Something Lydia did..."

"You mean Rio." Alec cut across him. Robin looked at him surprised. Jace crept closer his interest piqued. So Alec knew about the mission in Rio, knew what had happened. "I know what happened in Rio and I know that you blame Lydia for it. I am truly sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what you must have gone through. But let me make one thing clear. I will not stand by and let you emotionally abuse my wife." Alec finished passionately. Robin scoffed at him.

"Emotionally abuse her. She physically attacked me." He gestured towards the purple bruise that was spread across his cheekbone. Alec sighed. "You're lucky I haven't reported her to the Clave."

"She's sorry she hit you. It won't happen again. But we all need to work together and that's not going to happen if you keep throwing the past in her face. She lost them too. John was her fiancé and she's grieving as well. All that I am asking is that you do your job and we'll do ours." Alec said reasonably as Robin stared at the floor. Jace stood reeling from what he had just heard. Lydia had been engaged to Robin's parabatai. This got more complicated by the moment. A long silence had fallen in the room as Alec waited for Robin to answer.

"I can't forgive her Alec. I just can't. Every time I look at her I remember what happened." Robin sounded defeated but there was still a twinge of anger in his voice as well. Alec was nodding understandingly.

"I get that and I'm not asking you too. I'm just asking you to back off of her. She's my wife wouldn't you do the same in my position?" He pleaded with him.

"Ok, I'll back off. For the sake of the mission."Robin agreed. Alec nodded his thanks then turned to leave. "I'm glad she's got someone to care about her." Robin half whispered before looking as if he wished he hadn't said it. Alec just nodded once more and walked to the door. Jace quickly scampered away so he didn't get caught eavesdropping.

He was walking back towards the Op's centre when he turned a corner and bumped into Luke and Jocelyn. He stood awkwardly for a moment. He knew that Luke had explained everything to her last night. He could see Jocelyn studying him. "Jonathan?" She whispered unsure.

"Um... It's Jace. I go by Jace." He answered her. She nodded.

"Sorry, Jace. I was hoping we could have a sit down at some point and you know have a talk about things." Jace wasn't sure he liked that idea but he knew it was probably necessary.

"Yeah sure, ok." He felt so awkward, he didn't know what to say. Luke saved him when he cut in. "Magnus just called, thinks he might have a lead on that warlock. We're all meeting in the Op's centre." The three of them continued on their way. Jace felt all of his conflicted feelings bubbling up again as he tried to avoid eye contact with Jocelyn. All the way there he could feel her stare burning into his back as she continued to study him.

 **Magnus' POV**

Magnus paced back and forth in the Op's centre. He knew he should be focussed on the information he had gathered but all he could think about was what Alec had said last night. He knew Alec wanted him to back off, to move on from him. But he kept thinking about how Alec said that he had feelings for him and that he regretted not acting on them. I part of him wished that Alec hadn't said anything because now there was no hope for Magnus. There was no way he would ever be able to move on from Alexander Lightwood. It was a tragedy because he also knew that Alexander was true to his word and he would not leave Lydia. He would not betray her either, he would not be unfaithful to her in any way and Magnus wouldn't want him to be. Alexander's loyalty is one of the many reasons why Magnus loved him. So now they were all trapped. He looked up as he heard footsteps. Luke, Jocelyn and Jace were coming down the steps. He pushed Alec to the back of is mind and forced a smile onto his face. The four of them made small talk as they waited for the others. One by one the others arrived. Alexander and Robin were the last to arrive. Magnus' breath caught in his chest as he looked up at Alexander. His heart pounded. Damn it why did he have to look so bloody good. He forced air into his lungs and wrenched his gaze from him. Looking round the group he noticed that Lydia and Robin were determinedly avoiding each others gazes. Jace was doing the same when it came to Jocelyn. She on the other hand couldn't seem to stop staring at him. Magnus could understand that. For 20 years she had believed her son was dead, now here he was standing in front of her. Jace's gaze however was flicking between Robin, Lydia and Alec. You could see the cogs turning in his head. Magnus sighed there were so many rifts and complex relationships in this group and now somehow they were all going to have to pull together to get the cup back.

"Magnus what did you find out?" Clary's question broke him from his thoughts. He realised everyone was staring at him expectantly.

"I couldn't sleep last night so I started asking around some of the other warlocks in town. Trying to find out if they knew anything about this warlock."

"Did they?" Alec asked hopefully.

"Well apparently warlock society is a buzz right now with rumours of a new arrival in town. This warlock is actually the thing of legends. One of those stories we tell our warlock children but nobody is really sure if she's real. You could say she's almost mythical. She's something of a shadow. She's old, incredibly old. Powerful. She's also very nomadic, never stays in one place very long. Stories of her magical feats have been told for centuries, even I was told stories about her as a child. She's infamous for her dark magic and manipulations. Trust me if she is here it's not good for anyone. She's the thing us warlocks have nightmares about."

" Are you trying to scare us Magnus?" Jace scoffed. Magnus looked at him with irritation.

"You should be scared, we should all be scared. I'm scared." Magnus snapped back. "This woman is evil to the core, there's not a single good thing about her. You think Camille likes to play games? She's nothing compared to the mind games this woman pulls. She manipulates, she seduces, she blackmails. Whatever it takes to get what she wants and she's good at it. They say no one has ever been able to resist her. They say no one has ever escaped her and once she gets what she wants from you she kills you. Brutally and savagely. Then she strings you up like a trophy so everyone else can see. She's insane and she's soul-less. Do not think for one moment that this will be easy." There was silence. Everyone was scared but trying to hide it. Magnus knew that seeing him afraid had unnerved them but he couldn't help it. He had grown up hearing horror stories about this woman and her victims and now she was here in New York.

"Who is this woman, does she have a name?" Lydia asked her voice a little wobbly.

"If she had a name it was long ago forgotten. Now they just call her The Dark Lady."

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 **Author's note: Ok this chapter was starting to get a little long and I still hadn't done everything I wanted to, so I actually decided to split it in two. So next chapter will be the interaction between Lydia and Robin, Magnus and Alec as they research this Dark Lady. Also Lydia and Jace are gonna pair up for a mission and Lydia is going to have her fortune read. So watch this space and I'll update asap.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: Ok copyright bit, I don't own the characters Cassandra Clare and the producers of the Shadowhunters TV show do. This chapter is actually a little bit murder mystery like. Again some bits are a little icky but I wouldn't say its overly gruesome. Anyway I hope you enjoy reading it.**

* * *

 **Chapter 8: The Dark Lady**

 **Robin's POV**

It had been a week since they had found out about the Dark Lady, since then they had been doing research on her and asking around in the warlock community. They still had very little to go on. Bane hadn't been kidding when he said this woman was a shadow. Just when they thought they were getting close to her she'd slip away, like smoke through their fingers. Currently he and Lydia were on their way to meet with a warlock who claimed to have some information. The warlock's sister had been found dead a couple of days before. She had been strung up to the end of the pier. It had been all over the mundane news and word had quickly spread around the downworlders too. Magnus Bane was sure it was the work of the Dark Lady. Alec and Bane were on their way to the police station to meet Lucian Graymark and examine the body and look over the crime scene photos. As they walked he watched Lydia out the corner of his eye. She seemed so different from how he remembered her. She had always been so carefree and light, her hair a flowing mane as she bounced around the place giving of all this energy, like a sun ray or something. Now she was stern, severe. She was wearing dark clothes and her hair was tied back in a ponytail. She had on dark eye shadow and bright lipstick. She screamed authority and intimidation. It was as if someone had reached inside her and snuffed out that fire that had always burnt so bright within her. This wasn't the Lydia he remembered at all. He sighed and looked back ahead. He never thought he'd have to see her again. He remembered that moment he had first laid eyes on her again. How for one moment he had actually been pleased to see her. How he had drank in the sight of her, but then the pain and hate flared up in him as he took in her mourning garments and remembered how she had cost him his family. He had been surprised to learn that she was married. He'd been even more surprised to find that it was a political arrangement. He remembered the day she had got that letter from her parents telling her that they were arranging a political marriage for her. That they were searching for a husband for her and that she was to return home immediately. She had been devastated at the thought of having to leave and they had been devastated by the idea of losing her. There was also the fact that she was deeply in love with John by that point. And that's what she told her parents who in return said it was them or John. Lydia chose John. He remembered how she had tearfully told them how her parents had cut ties with her but that so long as she had them, her real family, she knew she'd be ok. Not long after she and John got engaged. The entire Institute was thrilled. Robin felt his anger grow as he remembered how good things had been and how that was all lost now because of one decision Lydia made. He quietly seethed as he walked beside her. He thought about Alec's pleas to him. How he had reminded him that she had lost John and Arabelle too. Deep down he knew he was being cruel, unfair, but every time he looked at her he saw their deaths. He just could not disassociate her from that tragic day. Anyway it was easier to hate her then to admit how he really felt. But Alec was right if they were going to get the cup back then they would have to work together so he pushed all of his feelings aside and focussed on the mission at hand.

They reached a small café and entered. The warlock was sitting in the corner, a steaming cup of tea cupped between her hands. She had bright blue hair and there were tears in her purple coloured eyes. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. She looked up as they approached her.

"Hey are you Chelsea Wright?" Lydia asked gently. The warlock nodded her head sadly. They sat opposite her. "How are you doing?" Lydia asked sympathetically. Chelsea just shook her head. "I'm really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. But anything you can tell us could help us catch who did this." Chelsea took a deep breath.

"I don't know how useful this could be. But it was a little weird." Chelsea said unsure.

"It's ok even the smallest thing could be significant." Robin reassured her.

"A few days ago my sister went and had her fortune read. Her mates had talked her into it, to be honest its not really her thing. When she came back she was in a state. She was pale white and shaking." Chelsea paused for a moment trying to hold back more tears. Lydia took her hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"It's ok take your time." After taking a few sips of tea Chelsea continued.

"I asked her what was wrong, she told me that this fortune teller knew things about her that she shouldn't know, secrets she had never told anyone. Said it was like this woman was reading her mind. She also swore that she could feel the woman using magic at times but when she tried to focus in on it she would be blocked. She was terrified, she kept saying that something was going to happen to her, something bad. It scared me a little to be honest but I just brushed it off, told her she was being silly. Then the next day she showed up dead." Chelsea then broke down, her chest heaving as sobs consumed her. She buried her face in her hands. Lydia moved next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Robin was deep in thought, the way this warlock was talking about the fortune teller was eerily similar to the way that Magnus had spoken about the Dark Lady. The same fear was in her voice, same mystery. Was it possible that it was the same woman?

"Do you know where she went for this fortune reading?" Robin asked once her sobs had died down and she had looked back up. She nodded and wrote the address and a name on a napkin. She handed it to Robin, they thanked her and Lydia checked that she would be ok. Chelsea assured her that she had a friend on the way.

Once they were back out on the street Robin caught Lydia's arm to stop her. He felt a shock go up his arm at the touch but he quickly dismissed it as she turned to look at him. "What are you thinking?" He asked. She seemed a little startled that he had spoken to her.

"I mean it's possible its her. It's definitely suspicious. It could be how she attracts her victims, poses as a psychic to get people in and chooses the ones she wants to mess with. Obviously it's something we should check out." He nodded his agreement.

"Let's head back to the Institute, see if anyone else has anything useful." Lydia looked down at her arm and that's when he realised he was still touching her. He quickly dropped his hand and turned to continue on his way.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec listened to the birds sing as he and Magnus walked to the police station to meet Luke. Things seemed different between them but Alec couldn't figure out why or even what was different. Maybe it was because of their talk the other night at Camille's apartment? Magnus seemed somewhat dispirited and forlorn. He wasn't talking much. Alec had expected him to try and bring Alec's feelings up again but he hadn't. He watched Magnus out the corner of his eye. His brow was furrowed and he was staring at the ground as they walked. Alec also noticed he wasn't walking as close to him as he usually did. Alec hated seeing him so sad. He tried to search for something to say, something that would take away that dejected look in his eyes. It wasn't long before Alec realised the problem. There was only one thing he could say to make Magnus happy again and it was the one thing he couldn't say. He dragged his gaze from Magnus and stared at the ground as a deep sorrow and regret came over him. It settled in his chest where it ached as if he had bruised his heart. He had worried so much about whether or not he and Lydia and his family would be ok that he had never stopped to think about whether Magnus would be. It was partly because he had been so sure that Magnus' feelings hadn't been as strong as they were, he had truly believed that Magnus just saw him as a fling or flirtation. Or maybe that was just what he told himself so that he wouldn't have to face knowing how badly marrying Lydia would hurt Magnus. Well he had to face it now, there was no denying that Magnus was hurting deeply. Alec exhaled sharply and it was echoed by Magnus. They continued to walk in silence a huge invisible wall between them.

After a while they reached the police station. As they passed through the double doors the back of Magnus' hand brushed against Alec's. He gasped as an electrical shock shot up his arm. It was followed by a tingling sensation and his heart began to thud in his chest. Alec closed his eyes for a moment as he attempted to regain his composure. When he opened his eyes again he saw Magnus watching him closely, he pretended not to notice as he spotted Luke standing in the lobby. They headed towards him and nodded in greeting. "Hey guys, hope you have strong stomachs because this is gruesome." He lead the way to the morgue, there was a chill in the air when they stepped into the room. Luke picked up a clipboard that was sitting on a desk and ran a finger down a list. He than placed the clipboard back and made his way across to a metal door that was labelled with the number 3. He opened it and pulled out the metal tray on which lay a body under a white sheet. He pulled back the sheet to reveal a young female warlock. Her purple hair shone against her pale, greying skin. She was mutilated badly. Her body had long slices covering every inch of it, her arms, legs torso, back, the only thing that had remained untouched was her face. Suddenly Alec noticed something.

"Hey is that writing?" He pointed to her chest, as they both moved round to stand where he was and examine the body from his angle. There carved into her chest were the words _Five of Cups._

"What does it mean?" Luke asked a puzzled look on his face.

"It's a tarot card, one of the minor arcana." Magnus answered as he continued to examine the body looking for any other clues.

"What does that card represent?" Alec asked him. Magnus was silent for a moment before he answered.

"Well it depends. Tarot reading isn't all that straight forward. The meaning of the card has many affecting factors such as the position within the spread, what the querent's question was, even what other cards are present in the spread." Alec stared at him blanking, it was like Magnus was speaking in a different language, he had no idea what he was going on about. The only thing he was sure of was that they still didn't really know anything that could be of a help when it came to The Dark Lady.

"Well do you think this is the work of The Dark Lady?" Luke asked looking at Magnus.

"Oh without a doubt, it fits her MO. She's here and she's already started to have her fun."

"Well then we need to find her and fast. Before she starts having too much fun." Alec turned to look at Luke. "What did you tell the mundane cops?"

"As far as they're concerned this is a copycat killer, copying the demonic killings." Alec nodded. Luke covered the body back up and gestured to them.

"Come on I'll show you the crime scene photos, maybe there'll be a clue in them."

It was a good couple of hours later when they left the station and made their way back to the Institute. They were the last to arrive and everyone was already sitting around the table when they got there. He headed to the empty seat next to Lydia, as he passed her he placed his hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently. She smiled up at him and rested her hand on top of his. Things had been good between them this last week. They had grown closer and found they were more comfortable around each other. Touching came easier and it was no longer awkward sleeping in the same bed. They were happy and content. Once everyone was settled they began the meeting. Alec let Magnus explain what they had found at the morgue. When he mentioned that the Five of Cups was engraved in her chest Alec noticed Lydia and Robin exchange a look. He wasn't the only one who noticed.

"Does that mean something to you guys? What did you find out?" Magnus asked.

"We went to see the victims sister. She told us that the victim went and had a tarot reading the day before she died. Whatever happened at the reading she was really shook up by it. She also claimed she had felt the woman use magic." Lydia explained.

"We got the address." Robin added. "It's definitely worth checking out."

"We should get more information first, we don't want to go in there blind, it could be too dangerous." Jace pointed out. Luke's phone started to ring and he excused himself to answer it. Alec nodded.

"I agree we should definitely wait until we have more information." He said as suddenly Luke came bounding back up the stairs. He looked very upset and tense. Jocelyn got up and gently stroked his fisted hand.

"Two more bodies just showed up at the pier. One of them is a member of my pack. The other is a shadowhunter." Everyone stared at him in shock. Two more bodies already?

"Do you know who the victims are? Do we have names?"

"The werewolf was Danny and the shadowhunter was Sophie." Luke said grimly. Sophie and Danny had been working together doing research on The Dark Lady it couldn't be a coincidence. Alec sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"Ok we'll head back to the police station have a look at these new bodies. Everyone else continue with research. But be careful ok." Everyone nodded tiredly. He stood and leant down leaving a kiss on Lydia's cheek. She gave him another smile.

Luke took them to the morgue yet once again but he soon had to step out of the room to talk to some mundane colleagues. He told them he'd be back shortly and left them to examine the bodies. They were the same as the warlock's. They had been sliced up and yet their faces were untouched. Danny's body was exactly the same as the warlock's except the words _Three of Swords_ were on his chest. On Sophie's chest were the words _The Star_. However there was something different about the writing on Sophie's chest. It was written upside down. Alec didn't know if that was important or not. "More tarot cards?" Alec asked Magnus. He nodded his head in reply before looking up at him. There was an intense look in his eyes and Alec found he could not look away.

"Alec I don't like this. She's getting to close." He looked worried, panicked almost.

"Magnus it's fine we'll be careful." Alec reassured him then turned to see where Luke was; he had some questions for him. Magnus grabbed hold of his arm and as Alec turned back towards him, Magnus stepped so that he was inches from Alec. Suddenly he didn't know how to breathe. He found himself wanting to lean in and...

"Alexander, _please_." Magnus' scent drifted through the air making Alec feel dizzy and stirring unknown emotions, making it difficult for him to concentrate on what Magnus was saying. "You have to listen to me, if something happened to you..." At that moment the door banged open and as Luke came back into the room Alec leapt away from Magnus.

"How's it going?" Luke asked.

"They're pretty much exactly the same as the warlock. Was there anything of any use in the autopsy report?" Magnus asked.

"Not really. Sophie was killed first, she died a couple of hours before Danny. Cause of death was blood loss." Was Luke's answer. Alec fought back the frustration, they were still no closer to catching this woman.

"We should head back." Alec said.

 **Lydia POV**

The rest of the day had been a complete waste. They found nothing to help them at all. It only got worse that night when she and Alec were woken by a frantic banging on their door at 2 o'clock in the morning. Alec groaned and tumbled from the bed, Jace was at the door. "Luke just rang, one of the werewolves just found two more bodies." He told them solemnly. They dressed in a hurry and dashed to the Op's Centre. Izzy was sitting at the computers groggily wiping sleep from her eyes. "They're at the pier, it's vampires this time." She told them.

"Ok we need to get those bodies before the mundane's find them then. It's bad enough they've already got supernatural bodies in their morgue. Call Magnus get hijm to meet us back here. Lydia and I will go to the pier." Alec told her taking charge. They rushed out into the cold night air and as they walked through the dark starlit streets Lydia reached out and took Alec's hand. They didn't talk as they walked and soon they had reached the pier. They could hear the water slapping against the wood. The two bodies were strung up side by side, their arms were above their hands and bound by rope; black silhouettes illuminated by the moonlight. As they got closer Lydia could hear the steady drip, drip, drip of blood falling from the bodies and into the sea. It was a gruesome sight. Their bodies were covered in deep lacerations, they had clearly been tortured awhile. "We need to get the bodies down and back to the Institute. The sun's going to come up soon, we don't want the bodies to burn." Alec said as he gave her hand a squeeze and then released it as they joined Luke and one of his pack members in untying the bodies and placing them in body bags. Once the gruesome task was over they headed back to the Institute and found that thankfully Magnus had already arrived. They handed the bodies over to hijm and Izzy who took them to the morgue to complete their examination.

Now some hours later they found themselves sitting around the table in the Op's centre. They were all grumpy and groggy with tiredness. Magnus and Izzy had finished their examination. They said the bodies were the same as the others and yet once again had tarot card names engraved into their chests. This time it was The Tower and Ten of Cups. The body which was marked with the Ten of Cups had the writing upside down like the writing on Sophie's body. Their had to be some significance to that. Lydia sighed, at the moment there was a loud argument going on as everyone tried to decide whether or not it was a good idea to pay a visit to the psychic's address given to her and Robin by the warlock.

"I'm just saying that I think we should try and get more information before attempting a raid, we don't know what we're walking into." Alec argued.

"We've been trying to gather information, we've got nowhere with that. I say we raid the place now while we have the element of surprise, before she slips away again." Robin replied hotly.

"She's not going to leave again." Lydia said quietly.

"What?" Robin demanded.

"She's not going to leave again." She said louder. "She knows we're looking for her, Sophie and Danny's deaths are proof of that. She wants us to find her."

"Why would she want us to find her." Clary asked confused.

"It's part of the game she's playing." Magnus realised.

"Ok so what do you want to do Lydia?" Robin questioned.

She thought for a moment before answering. "No raid, Alec's right its too much of a risk. What we need is just two people. One to go in us a client and have a reading, acting as a distraction, the other to search the place for any clues."

"We'll never catch her with just two of us." Robin said.

"My priority isn't catching her at the moment. We'd need a much bigger task force than what we've got available here for that. Right now as hard as it is our priority should be The Cup. We know she is working for Valentine we need to find out if she knows where he is." There was silence as everyone pondered what she had said.

"So you just want to let her go?" Robin asked confused.

"No of course not. What I'm saying is we focus on getting the cup now. Then we appeal to the Clave for a task force to deal with The Dark Lady."

"But by then she might have slipped away again." Jace pointed out.

"Possibly, it's a risk I know, but she might also think that she has won and let her guard down."

"Ok, do you have a plan?" Asked Alec.

"I'll go in as the distraction, while Jace searches the rest of the place. The rest of you can mill around near by making it look like you're still doing surveillance on her. That way if things go south than you're nearby enough to back us up if need be." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Several hours later Lydia and Jace were making their way to the address. There was an uncomfortable silence between them. Lydia knew that Jace didn't trust her, now would be a good time to talk it out but she didn't really know how to start. She was wrecking her brains for something to say when Jace suddenly huffed out a hard breath and said.

"Look before we do this, I have to ask you something." Lydia looked up at him. He had a determined look in his eyes.

"Ok, what did you want to ask me?" She was a little apprehensive.

"I did some research on you." He told her unapologetically. "What happened in Rio? Why is Robin so angry at you? Why did you leave the Lisbon Institute?"

Lydia wasn't surprised Jace had researched her past. As much as it hurt that she still wasn't trusted by those at the New York Institute she wasn't angry about it. If fact she would have been disappointed in him if he hadn't looked into her. It's what a good shadowhunter should do. But she also didn't want to talk about Rio, it was still so painful. Yet she also knew that being truthful was the best way to gain Jace's trust. So she took a deep breath and began to explain.

"My parents sent me to the Lisbon Institute when I was 18. That's where I met Robin along with his sister Arabelle and his parabatai John Monteverde. A couple of years later we working on a mission in Rio that I was leading, a demon threat at the Carnival. We heard that the demons were holed up in this club in the Favela. So we brought in this warlock who we suspected was on their pay roll. He wasn't particularly talkative and my team were getting frustrated. People had already been killed and we knew if we didn't stop these demons then alot more would die. If they managed to attack the Carnival it would have been carnage. So they wanted to make him talk using more extreme measures. I said no. I couldn't do it, stand by and watch him being tortured. So I out ruled them. We went ahead with the raid. But we had gone in blind and there were over a hundred demons. We didn't stand a chance and everything went south really quickly." Lydia paused trying to swallow the lump in her throat, Jace was watching her intently. "Robin and I were the only two to make it out. Everyone else was killed. The clave sent in a larger force later, destroyed the demons and recovered the bodies. That's why Robin hates me, because he blames me for Arabelle and John's deaths. After that I just couldn't stand staying at Lisbon, everything reminded me of them, so I moved to Idris and threw myself into work." She watched Jace trying to figure out his reaction. He stared at her thoughtfully, there was something different in his eyes, it looked like he had a grudging respect for her all of a sudden.

Jace nodded at her and was silent for a long while and then he said. "Can I trust you?"

"Yes." Lydia replied firmly and honestly.

He studied her a little longer then broke the silence. "Ok, then lets do this." They continued on their way. Then at the end of the street they split up, Lydia heading for the door and Jace round the back of the building. She stepped up to the door and knocked on it. The door opened and revealed a tall, willowy woman. She had long jet black hair which was a unruly tangle of curls and braids, wild and yet it also seemed elegant in a way. She had hypnotic jade green eyes. Lydia had never seen eyes that colour before. They looked as if they would glow in the dark. She was wearing a long black dress that had lace sleeves and black cords wrapped round the bodice. Just like her hair it was elegant with a touch of wildness.

"Hey are you Ursula?" Lydia asked giving the name that was written on the napkin. She smiled seductively and nodded.

"Please come on in." Her voice was like velvet, she stepped aside and let Lydia pass into the house. The place was dark. The walls were a deep red and there were polished dark oak floorboards under foot. The Dark Lady led Lydia down the hall and into a small room. The room was decorated the same as the hallway and in the centre of the room was a small round table with a black velvet cloth covering it. On the table was a crystal ball and a deck of tarot cards. All around the room were candles. "Please take a seat, I'll be with you soon." As Lydia sat down she watched the Dark Lady as she moved around the room lighting the candles one by one. The way she moved was like she was dancing, so fluid and graceful. Once she had lit the candles she brew a tea and then danced back over to the table bringing a cup of the brew with her. She handed the cup to Lydia. "Please do drink." Lydia found she couldn't look away from her eyes and she raised the cup to her lips and took a sip as the Dark Lady sat opposite her. "Have you ever had a reading before?" She asked in her velvety voice.

"No. This is the first time." She croaked out.

"Ok let's start with the cards." She scooped them off the table and then handed them over to Lydia. "I want you to give those a shuffle, it will allow your energy to transfer to the cards and give a more accurate reading. If you have a specific question you want answered think of it while you shuffle." The Dark Lady explained. Lydia dutifully began to shuffle the cards some of them caught her eye, _The Six of Cups, The Ace of Swords_ and _Justice_. Once she had finished she handed them back over. The Dark Lady took the cards and fanned them out face down between them. "Pick out five cards." Lydia hesitated for a moment but then reached forward and picked one card handed it over to her and then another and another until she had picked five. The Dark Lady removed the other cards and laid the five she chose out in a horizontal line across the table. "This is a five card spread, each card follows on from the next in the timeline and has direct affect on the next card." She turned over the first card and an inexplicable cold shiver ran down Lydia's spine. "The Five of Cups, you've had a trauma in your past. It is a tragedy that you still mourn and feel the loss of. I get the feeling that you lost people who were close to you and that you loved dearly. I'm getting the names John and Arabelle." Lydia suddenly felt colder and tried to keep her face passive. "You also have alot of guilt about it, you blame yourself for it. You wish Robin would forgive you but you can't even forgive yourself. His hate for you has caused you to hate yourself. The guilt, grief, hate and pain has shaped you into the person you are now and you don't like that person." Lydia said nothing just nodded her head, how could she know all this. She watched as the Dark Lady reached over and turned the second card. The Star. The card was laying upside down from Lydia's angle. She looked up to see Dark Lady smiling at her. "The Reversed Star indicates that you are feeling hopeful and optimistic, things are going well for you and you're looking forward to the future. Having Alec's support and some of your dreams back has lead to you rediscovering your old self. Your marriage to Alec has given you hope that you might get what you've always longed for. A family who love and support you unconditionally." Lydia couldn't help but smile as she thought of how close and happy she and Alec had been over the last week, how the others had become more accepting of her. She even seemed to have made a little progress with Jace just now. "But that is a false hope. You are both living a lie. You are being led astray by your own stubbornness and you are both standing in the way of your own happiness because you are refusing to see or acknowledge the problem." Lydia barely had time to process what she had said before she turned the third card. "The Three of Swords. There is a third person in your relationship. You know who it is but you are choosing to look the other way because you trust and respect this person. You have convinced yourself that you trust your husband and that you will not have an issue with it. But you and your husband will begin to feel lonely despite being together, there will be arguments and heartbreak to come." Lydia's mind suddenly flitted to Magnus and how Alec clearly had feelings for him, was that going to come between her and Alec? She pushed the thought away as quickly as it had come. The fourth card was turned. "The Tower. You and your husband are not compatible, you will be unable to handle the reality of the relationship you are in. This will lead to disaster." Lydia watched as she turned over the final card. "The Reversed Ten Of Cups. You and your husband are not being true to yourselves or to your own values, you are living your lives by others expectations of you. The communication between you both will begin to break down and misunderstandings will cause rifts and disagreements. Eventually you will separate from your husband and isolate yourself from those closest to you. " Lydia stared at the cards as an uneasy feeling came over her. If this was her and Alec's future then it definitely didn't look bright. But something else was bothering her, something seemed familiar about these cards. Suddenly it hit her and shock run through her, she felt the colour drain from her face as she put it all together. She looked up to see the Dark Lady watching her intently. A smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. Lydia jumped up from the table and muttered "I'm really sorry but I've got to get going. Thank you so much you've been a great help." She dashed for the door and practically fell through it in her haste to get out of there. She could hear the Dark Lady laughing as she fled.

She hoped that Jace had gotten enough time to search the place properly. She hoped he had found something to help she thought as she text him telling him to leave. Her heart was still pounding and she was shaking, The Dark Lady's laughter was still ringing in her ears. She rounded the corner and bumped straight into Alec. She wrapped her arms around him tightly seeking some comfort. He rubbed her back gently.

"Hey you're shaking like a leaf. What's wrong, what happened?" He demanded as the others gathered around. Lydia just shook her head.

"I'll explain when we're all back at the Institute." She croaked out. They all turned when they heard footsteps approaching and saw Jace bound round the corner. He was stowing something in the pocket of his jacket. "Did you find something?" She asked hopefully.

Jace nodded, "I'll show you when we get back."

Soon they were all once again sitting round the table in the Op's Centre. Lydia's mind was still reeling from everything that had happened. She was brought out of her thoughts by a nudge to her shoulder. She looked up to see everyone staring at her. "Sorry," She said. "What did you say?"

"What happened with the Dark Lady?" Alec asked looking at her concerned.

"The cards they... the cards she laid out during the reading were the same cards that were carved into the bodies. They were in the same order that we found the bodies to." Everyone stared at her.

"What do you mean it was the same cards?" Jace asked.

"I mean the first card was the Five of Cups which was what was carved into the warlock's chest, then it was The Reversed Star which was written on Sophie's chest, you know upside down. Then the three of swords which was written on Danny. The last two were the Tower and the reversed Ten of Cups which were on the last two victims." Lydia explained fearfully. More silence followed.

"Well she must have known we were watching her and made sure that it was those cards that she chose." Robin tried to reason. Lydia suddenly felt frustrated and panicked, though she didn't know why.

"NO!" She shouted making everyone jump. "You don't understand, _I_ shuffled the cards, _I_ chose the cards, I watched as she laid them on the table. She didn't tamper with them. Don't you get it!? She knew I was coming! She knew before she killed those people what cards I would pick! How could she have known that!?" She was getting more and more upset by the moment. She felt like she was losing her mind.

"It's ok Lydia. You're ok." Alec murmured to her softly. Trying to calm her.

"It's not, she knew stuff about me. Stuff she shouldn't have known!"

"Lydia calm down. She was just trying to scare you, it's part of her mind games." Robin said. She rounded on him angrily.

"Well you know what it worked! I am scared out of mind!" She noticed everyone staring at her like she had lost it and maybe she had, maybe she was crazy with fear. After a long pause of silence she calmed her heart rate. "Jace what did you find?" He looked up at her concerned but then reached into his pocket and pulled out a stack of photos.

"I found them in her safe under a floor board." He explained laying them out. They were photographs of a red boat. It looked as if every inch of the boat had been photographed, the top deck, the sleeping quarters and the cargo bays. They all leant over the table studying the images.

"Do you think it's Valentine's boat?" Alec asked.

"It's got to be." Luke said. "It's exactly like Hodge described it before he died."

Jace nodded. "I thought it probably was. My question is this." He looked up at Magnus. "Are photographs enough for you to create a portal to the ship?"

Magnus suddenly beamed. "Yes they are." The air felt a little lighter, they had a way of getting on the ship, they could get The Cup back.

"Ok I say we bring in The Dark Lady, question her find out what she knows about this boat, any traps we can expect, how many people are with Valentine etc." Suggested Robin. There was a murmur of agreement. "Ok I'll contact the Clave see if they can send us some reinforcements."

The Clave approved the raid and sent them a team of shadowhunters which arrived just as the sun was setting in the sky. They held a briefing and once everyone was clear of the plan they made their way to The Dark Lady's residence. They split into four task forces. One to break in the front, one in the back and two to surround the place and stand guard. Lydia lead the task force breaking in the front. At exactly midnight the two groups kicked in the doors and moved through the house, weapons at the ready. Each room was checked but The Dark Lady was no where in sight. Lydia went through to the room where she had her reading. On the velvet covered table lay one single tarot card. It was face down and on the back a single word was written, _Lydia_. She moved forward and picked it up with a shaky hand as the others gathered round, turning it over she saw that it was The Six of Cups. She looked over at Magnus. "What does this card mean?" She asked apprehensively. He took it from her and sighed, looking worried.

"The Six of Cups is the card for reunion. In short it means she'll be back."

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 **Authors note: Little bit of knowledge for you my mum raised me on Cher and one of my fave songs was Dark Lady so my character is actually loosely based on the woman from that song. Anyway next chapter the team will be launching an attack on the boat and attempting to get the cup back. Will they succeed? Will they all survive? Watch this space to find out and as always I will update as soon as I can. In the mean time do feel free to let me know what you think of the fic so far.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: First off I want to apologize for taking so long to update, I've been helping a friend move and redecorate so I've been rather busy. Anyway once again thank you for the reviews they are much appreciated and I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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 **Chapter 9: Battle Ships**

 **Alec's POV**

It had been almost a week since they had found the photograph's under The Dark Lady's floorboards. Once again they were all sitting around the table in the Op's Centre. To be honest Alec felt like they lived round that table sometimes. They would spend hours just sitting there talking and strategizing. Everyone was feeling the stress and the pressure. They had let The Dark Lady slip away and were very aware of The Clave's scrutiny on them.

Alec was also very worried about his wife. Lydia had not been coping well the last few days. Paranoid didn't even begin to describe how she was acting. She spent the nights plagued by nightmares and her days in a permanent state of fear. She looked crazy. Her hair was unruly and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her skin was pale and she hadn't eaten in days. They had began to sleep with the light on and every half hour she would be up out of the bed and checking the room for anything out of place. Nothing Alec did could soothe her. He sighed and broke his gaze away from Lydia and back at the pictures that were spread out on the table.

They were currently trying to come up with an attack plan. The photographs gave them access to Valentine's boat which meant they now had a shot at not only getting The Cup back but also capturing Valentine. The only problem was that they would be going in blind. Yes they knew the layout of the boat which is an advantage but they had no idea how many followers Valentine had on the boat, or where on the boat they were keeping The Cup so they were going to have to split up into search teams. Tomorrow they would be presenting their plan to The Clave, the day after they would launch the attack on the boat. After some more arguing and debating they finally had a plan.

"Ok so there are six cargo holds, Robin and Lydia will start at hold 3 and make there way back to hold 1. Jace and Clary will search holds 6,5 and 4. Izzy and I will go to the engine room and disable it then search in there. Luke and Jocelyn will be searching the living quarters. Simon and Magnus will secure the top deck. The element of surprise is pretty much the only thing we've got going for us so its imperative that you make sure nobody sounds the alarm. Disarm and silence any of Valentine's men you come across. Once you have cleared your area make your way to the top deck at the bow where Magnus will be. From there we will portal back out. Is everyone clear on what they have to do?" Alec saw nods all around as he finished explaining. Alec nodded back and everyone began to leave the table. He saw a few of them send Lydia worried glances. He made his way over to her and as he laid his hand on her shoulder she flinched and whipped round to look at him. Once she saw it was him some of the tension left her but she still remained on edge. "Hey come on you need to get some rest." He told her gently.

Once they were in their room he got her settled in bed then tucked the covers round her. He made a big show of securing and checking the windows and doors. Then he laid in the bed next to her and watched as tiredness pulled her down into a deep sleep. Soon he too had drifted off. It wasn't long though before he was awoken by her screams. He shot up off the bed when he saw her swinging her seraph blade at some unseen foe. "Lydia, hey Lyds what's wrong?" He moved towards her but had to jump back quickly as she swung the blade towards him.

"STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU BITCH!" She yelled. He gasped when he saw that her eyes seemed to be shining red. That's when he realised it wasn't him she was seeing. He dodged again as she thrust the blade towards his stomach. Acting on instinct he quickly moved forward ducking under her blade and snatching it from her hand. He grabbed her by the shoulders and gently shook her. The red mist in her eyes faded away and she blinked a few times. A confused look came across her face as she looked around the room then at Alec and the blade in his hand. "Alec?" She sounded so lost and confused but at least she seemed calmer. His heart rate began to slow again as he pulled her to him in relief. After awhile he set her back and said, "Look, I don't think you should come on the mission." She opened her mouth to argue but Alec cut across her. "You've not been yourself lately, you're not thinking clearly and you haven't eaten or slept properly for days. I really don't think you're well enough." He tried to reason with her. But she was shaking her head.

"I'm fine it was just a few nightmares. Besides its too late to change the plan and its built for 10 people. I'm coming and you can't stop me." She stared at him defiantly. Before moving back to the bed and climbing in. He sighed then joined her.

Early the next morning he headed over to Magnus'. He was desperate, Lydia was refusing to stay behind while the others went on the mission. It was obvious that it was some kind of magic that was affecting her. He suspected the Dark Lady had done something to her. He banged on Magnus' door. He caught his breath when Magnus opened it. He was wearing only a silk blue dressing gown which was loosely tied showing off the smooth skin of his chest.

"Alec, this is a surprise." Magnus greeted him sleepily.

Dragging his eyes back up to his face Alec asked. "Can I come in?" Magnus moved aside and let Alec pass into the apartment. He directed him to one of the chairs.

"Coffee?" Alec nodded as he hid a yawn behind his hand. They were silent as Magnus brew a pot of coffee then poured out two mugs and brought them over along with milk and a pot of sugar. He left his black and added one sugar, he noticed that Magnus took his with milk and two sugars, why he noticed he wasn't sure. "So what brings you here?" Magnus asked.

"I'm sorry I know its early." Magnus shook his head letting him know it was ok. "It's Lydia, I'm worried about her. She's been acting strangely."

"Ok tell me everything you can." Alec did, he explained every little detail he could think of. How Lydia had been paranoid and afraid, how she seemed to be hallucinating last night and how he had suspected for a while now that The Dark Lady had done something to cause her strange behaviour. Magnus stayed silent throughout only occasionally asking questions. Once he had finished Magnus looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I think you're right, I think the Dark Lady has put some kind of enchantment on her. However I don't know how much I can do for her without examining her myself."

"Well you could come by the institute later on today. I'm sure she'll be ok with you taking a look at her." Alec said relieved. He was sure Magnus would be able to help Lydia. He had never let them down in the past. Magnus nodded his agreement. "I should get back, I don't want to leave her on her own too long." Magnus followed him to the door.

"Alec, I just have one question." Alec nodded at him to continue. "How come you didn't come to me sooner about this? When she first started acting strange?" Alec didn't answer right away and turned his gaze to the floor. He was ashamed to admit that he felt like he didn't have a right to ask Magnus for help when it came to Lydia. Was nervous about asking Magnus for help when it came to Lydia. As if he had read his thoughts Magnus placed a hand to his cheek and gently stroked it.

"Oh Alexander, surely you should know that despite what difficulties we might have with each other at the moment, you can always come to me for help." He sounded so sincere that Alec looked back up and met his eyes. He felt strangely emotional.

He nodded before quietly replying. "I know." He took Magnus' hand in his and gave it a light squeeze. "Thank you Magnus." Magnus smiled in return. Then Alec dropped his hand and made his way back to the Institute.

 **Jace's POV**

When he was walking through the Op's centre he ran into Alec.

"Hey, is Lydia ok she's been looking a little... tired lately?" He asked genuine concern in his voice. He couldn't help being worried about her, she looked half crazed nowadays.

"Not really. She came at with a seraph blade last night."

Jace felt alarm shoot through him. "Wait, what!? Why what happened?"

Alec shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "She's been having nightmares ever since her meeting with the Dark Lady, but last night she seemed like she was hallucinating, her eyes were red and she just looked right through me like it wasn't me she was seeing. I tried to persuade her to stay behind instead of going on the mission tomorrow but she was having none of it."

Jace could her the strain caused by worry and stress in Alec's voice. "I agree with you, she shouldn't be going. What if she has one of those hallucinations in the middle of the raid? It's not safe."

"I know but I can't convince her to stay, she's too worried about what The Clave will think. I've spoken to Magnus and he's going to see if there is anything he can do for her."

"You think The Dark Lady did something to her?" Alec nodded in answer to his question. Jace clapped him on the shoulder. "Ok well keep us updated we've all been worried about her."

"Yeah I will do. Where are you off to any way?" He asked.

"Jocelyn wants to talk to me. She's been wanting to for a while but I keep avoiding her, I ran out of excuses." He told Alec sheepishly. He and Jocelyn had spent some time together and he often caught her observing him, but every time she had asked if they could sit down and have a chat he'd found some way of getting out of it. He just hadn't been ready. Now he had no choice and he was dreading it.

"Well it's probably for the best, the two of you have alot to talk about." Alec replied then he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It'll be ok. If you want to talk you know where I am." Jace just nodded, he knew Alec would always be there for him if he needed it.

"Go on get back to your wife. I'll see you later." Alec smiled then made his way towards the living quarters.

Jace found Jocelyn in the greenhouse. She was sitting by the rock pool on a stone bench. She lifted her gaze from the crystal water when she heard his footsteps and gave him a light smile. He half smiled back and took a seat next to her on the bench. "Thanks for coming." She said quietly. He nodded suddenly unable to speak. He knew she was staring at him but he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes either. So instead he stared at their reflections in the water. They looked so different with her red hair glowing like fire in the early morning sunlight, a complete contrast to his icy blonde hair. His eyes were blue where her's were olive green, she had soft feminine features where his were sharp and angular, masculine. She was fire, light and warmth but he was ice and darkness. He was cold.

The water rippled, distorting the image, he finally turned and looked at the woman next to him a stranger in every way and yet she was his mother. She was still smiling at him. Warmth in her eyes. He pulled in a breath then asked. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I know it must have been a shock. When Valentine said that you were our son. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. I wanted to say I'm sorry. I wish I could have protected you from that." Jace felt his heart tug a little at the sincerity in her voice. "But I want to be honest with you. There's more that you don't know."

"Ok," he said slowly. "Like what?"

Jocelyn didn't answer right away, but then she took a deep breath. "When I was in that coma and with Valentine he would talk to me. I don't think he realised that I could hear him. He talked about all the experiments he had done on various different people. One thing he told me was that he had fed another pregnant woman angel's blood like he had me when I was pregnant with Clary. He said that he murdered the woman's husband and then her when she was eight months along then cut the child from her. Miraculously the boy survived and Valentine raised him as his own." When she paused Jace took the time to process what she had said. He looked up to find her staring at him intensely.

"So what are you saying? I'm not your son?"

Jocelyn shook her head, "I'm not sure. Valentine never mentioned who the other woman was or who her son was. But he also told me that our son was alive and that he had also performed an experiment where he fed me demon's blood while I was carrying him. I knew there was something not right about Jonathan from the moment he was born. He never cried and was always so strangely quiet. I really struggled to form a maternal bond with him. I felt so guilty, why was I not able to connect with my own child? But when I looked into my little boy's eyes there were dead, void of any emotion. They were cold, like black ice."

Sounds like me, Jace thought, cold like ice. "But you're not like that. You have so much light in you. My son was incapable of showing any emotion but I've been watching you and you have so much care and love in your heart, for your friends and your family. You have so many emotions, some good and some bad. I'll be honest in many ways you remind me of Valentine, but then in other ways you are so very unlike him." Jace remained silent as she stared into his eyes with a sad smile on her face and the glitter of unshed tears in her eyes. "So I guess what I'm saying is that, I wish you were my son, I really do. But in my heart I know that you're not. But that doesn't mean I won't be there for you if you need me." One of the tears escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek as she gently rubbed his shoulder. Jace wasn't sure how to feel. He was so confused.

"Do you have any idea who my real parents could have been?" He asked her desperately as she brushed the tears from her cheeks. She shook her head slowly.

"Sorry but I don't have a clue. I can help you try and find out though. If you like." He searched her eyes but she seemed completely genuine. He nodded and smiled at her.

"Thank you. I'd really appreciate the help." She beamed at him and they both stood. She hesitated a moment before stepping forward and holding out her arms. He stepped into them and she wrapped him in a hug.

"I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment with everything that's been going on, but it will get better. You have so many people who love and care for you Jace, we'll all be here for you no matter what." She whispered in his ear. Eventually she released him and after exchanging one last smile they went their separate ways.

As he walked back towards his room he mulled over everything Jocelyn had said. He began to feel relief flood over him. He wasn't Valentine's son. A beaming smile broke over his face as he let out a relieved chuckle. He wasn't related to Clary, he hadn't kissed his sister. Thank the Angel. His smile fell away after a moment though when he remembered that he now had no idea who he was. His mother, whoever she was, had been murdered. He began to wonder about her, what she looked like, what personality did she have? Did she love him. Was she scared when Valentine had killed her. Who had his father been what had he been like? He had more questions now than answers. All he knew was that Valentine had murdered his parents then taken him and raised him as his own. He began to worry about that. He might not be Valentine's biological son but he had been raised by him and who knew how that had influenced him. Jocelyn herself admitted that he reminded her of Valentine. Did that mean he was still bad, still evil, did he still have that darkness inside him. Then he remembered what else Jocelyn had said. _You have so much light in you...You have so much care and love in your heart._ He had been surprised when she said that, he never would have described himself as light. He took some comfort in her words. Now that he knew the truth he felt more in control and he decided he was going to choose not to be like Valentine. He felt lighter than he had in a long time and the smile returned to his face. He needed to find Clary and tell her what he had learnt.

 **Magnus' POV**

It was nearing 1 o'clock in the afternoon when he finally arrived at the Institute. Jace was the first person he came across and he seemed to be in much better spirits. Jace informed him that Alec and Lydia could be found in the office. When he reached the office he could see them through the crack in the door. Lydia was sitting in the chair behind the desk and Alec was knelt down in front of her clasping her hands, he seemed to be pleading with her. Magnus stepped forward and knocked on the door.

"Come in." Alec called out, "Ah Magnus." The relief in Alec's voice was apparent. Magnus gave him a reassuring smile then turned his attention to Lydia. He had to hold in a gasp. She hadn't looked particularly great yesterday at the meeting but today she looked worse. Her hair was knotted into tangles and she had dark rings under both eyes. In contrast her skin was deathly pale. She seemed jumpy and her hands shook. Her lip was red and bleeding where she kept biting it.

"Hey Lydia." He said softly as he approached her. "How are you feeling?" She didn't answer him she just shook her head and fought back the tears. "I can't help you unless you tell me what's been going on." He urged her gently. As Alec moved to stand behind her and rubbed her shoulders.

"She won't leave me alone." Lydia whispered brokenly.

"The Dark Lady?" He asked. Lydia nodded, her eyes closed.

"Sometimes she just appears in front of me. She seems as real as you and me. And I can hear her laughing, always laughing. I can't take it any more." It broke his heart to see Lydia like this. She had always seemed so strong like nothing could ever break her. But Magnus had never seen a person look so fragile and broken before in all his 400 plus years. He saw pain flick across Alec's face at Lydia's statement. He had clearly come to care deeply for his wife. Magnus' heart went out to him. He knew what it was like to see some one you care about hurting and not being able to do anything for them.

"Lydia, I think I can help you. But I have to know, did you eat or drink anything while you were with The Dark Lady?" Lydia's eyes were unfocussed and Magnus began to wonder if she had even heard him when she suddenly let out a gasp.

"The tea! She gave me some tea, I remember feeling like I had to drink it. Her eyes they were so green and hypnotic." Suddenly everything began to make sense to him. It hadn't been tea it had been a potion.

Magnus sighed. "There is a potion I can give you but without knowing exactly what was in the potion The Dark Lady gave you it will only give you a temporary fix. Hopefully it will hold off The Dark Lady's enchantment long enough for us to find a way to break it." Both Alec and Lydia nodded.

"That's better than nothing." Alec said. "How long will it take to brew or whatever?"

"Not too long, I've got all the ingredients here, but I will need a lock of your hair Lydia." She nodded and Magnus began setting out the things he'd need on the desk. He pulled out a pair of scissors and snipped the end off a small section of Lydia's hair. Once he mixed the potion he took out a green coloured chain. He gestured to Lydia's wrist and he fastened the bracelet in place. He gave her the potion and as she drank he placed a finger to the chain and muttered an incantation. The chain glowed blue for a moment before going back to its original green colour. "There, so long as you keep the bracelet on you will be protected from The Dark Lady's enchantment." Magnus explained.

"Thank you Magnus." Alec said in relief. Lydia gave Magnus a smile.

"Thank you, I already feel better." Lydia did sound a little better, her voice was a little stronger. "Oh no! We're suppose to meet with The Clave in fifteen minutes. I must look terrible." She fretted. Magnus chuckled lightly.

"Never fear, I'll fix you up in no time." He pulled a hair brush out of his bag and then moved behind Lydia. He ran the brush through her hair being careful not to tug at the knots. He gently worked the knots out then french braided it for her. He then moved so that he was sitting in front of her and pulled out a concealer. He dabbed a small amount under her eyes and blended it into her skin. It covered the shadows under her eyes perfectly. He then put a small amount of a peachy coloured blush on her cheeks to bring some colour back to her skin. Stepping back he observed his handy work and smiled she looked more like her old self again. "See just needed a Warlock's touch." He winked at her. She giggled and some of her old sparkle returned to her eyes. He noticed Alec smile as well out the corner of his eye.

"Thank you Magnus, really and truly." Lydia said again.

"I was glad to help. Now go show those Clave members what your made of. Also make sure you get some rest tonight. Tomorrow's a big day." Lydia nodded and beamed at him. Magnus felt his heart swell a little, he was struck again by how sweet and kind a woman Lydia really was. He bade them both goodbye and left.

 **Alec's POV**

Everyone was once again gathered in the Op's centre. There was a nervous energy in the air. As they all milled around. Magnus had yet to arrive. Alec felt so much gratitude towards him. Lydia had slept the entire night through and had woken up refreshed and clear minded. It seemed like nothing had happened. Alec had been at his wit's end and sick with worry but it actually seemed like Lydia was going to be ok. As he was watching her Robin appeared at his side. He turned his attention to him and greeted him.

"Hey is Lydia ok? She's been a bit out of it the last week." Robin asked him quietly. Alec thought about telling him the truth. After all it was Robin who was going to be paired with Lydia. It would probably be safer for him to know. But the truth was Alec still didn't completely trust Robin. For all he knew he'd go straight to The Clave who would say Lydia had been incompetent by drinking the tea. He wrestled over the decision to tell him for a few seconds longer before the glint of green around Lydia's wrist caught his eye. He trusted Magnus and Magnus had said that the Dark Lady's enchantment would be held back. He looked up at Robin and replied.

"She's fine. She had a couple of restless nights but she's been much better." Robin nodded and patted him on the shoulder.

"Ok, I trust you. Good luck out there." Alec pushed down a stab of guilt and wished him luck in return. He watched him make his way over to Lydia and engage her in conversation. No doubt going over their part in the plan one more time. Soon Izzy appeared at his side.

"You ready big brother?" Alec nodded in reply. "You spoken to Jace?" He looked at her confused then over at Jace. He had noticed that Jace seemed to be in a better mood than yesterday.

"Not since yesterday morning. Why?"

Isabelle smiled at him. "He had a chat with Jocelyn, turns out Valentine lied. Jace isn't their son." Alec looked at her shocked but then felt relieved, he knew Jace had been struggling with that.

"How did I not know? I'm a terrible friend." Alec said. Izzy stroked his arm.

"You've been distracted with Lydia. Speaking of she seems better today, how's she doing?"

"Better Magnus gave her a potion." Izzy smiled looking relieved.

"Good. We've been worried about her." Alec began to wonder when Lydia and the others had become so close. It wasn't long ago that they had been so hostile towards her. He was glad they were warming up to her. Magnus had arrived and he moved to the middle of the room and called for their attention. It was nearly time. Magnus explained the order in which he would be creating the portals to the different sections of the ships. Luke and Jocelyn would be first, then him and Izzy, Lydia and Robin then Clary and Jace before finally Magnus and Simon would go last. They would only have half an hour to search then they all had to be on the top deck to portal out. Magnus gave them a moment to wish each other luck. Alec made his way over to Lydia. He couldn't help but worry about her. She had a rough week. She must have seen the worry in his eyes because she reached out a hand and touched his cheek.

"Hey, I'm ok, I'll be fine. In a half hours time it'll all be over and we'll have The Cup back. Then Robin will leave and things will go back to normal. We can run The Institute in peace and maybe we'll even be able to go on that honeymoon we missed." She teased him.

"That'll be nice. To get away for a bit, we could see Max and my parents. Get your things packed up and moved in so you feel more at home." He smiled at her. But for some reason he couldn't stop a feeling of dread from coming over him. He didn't know why but he couldn't help but feel like this was going to be the last time he saw her. It was stupid and irrational so he calmed his breathing and pushed the feelings away. Then he leant forward and pressed his lips to hers cupping her neck. He knew Magnus was there and could probably see them but in that moment it wasn't about Magnus or Alec's feelings for Magnus. It was about Lydia. It wasn't about desire, it wasn't a romantic kiss. It was a _your my friend and my family I care for you so please don't leave me, but if this goes badly then thank you for everything and goodbye_ kiss. When he broke away from her he could see that Lydia knew that, she felt the same.

She pulled him into a hug and whispered "Be careful. I'll see you in half hour." Alec nodded and then moved away from her before he did something stupid like give in to the fears that were choking him and beg her to stay behind. He came to Magnus next. As they looked into each others eyes Alec searched for something to say. There was so much he wanted to say and yet he couldn't find the words. So instead he pulled Magnus towards him and wrapped him in a tight hug. He felt Magnus' breath ghost across his neck as he wrapped his arms around Alec waist. "Be careful." He whispered into Magnus' ear. And just as it was with Lydia he knew that Magnus understood what he was really trying to say with his actions. He felt Magnus brush a subtle soft kiss to the base of his neck before he pulled away.

"Yeah you be careful too." Magnus had the tell tale sparkle of unshed tears in his eyes.

"I'll see you in half an hour." Nodding Magnus moved back to the centre of the room and opened the first portal. Luke and Jocelyn walked through hand in hand. The portal disappeared behind them. Then Magnus conjured another. Alec looked one last time to Lydia who smiled at him and nodded a farewell. He tore his eyes from her as he and Izzy stepped up towards the portal. His eyes were caught again by Magnus. Then all Alec could see was purple as he and Izzy walked through. Once he stepped out the other side it was into a gloomy room. They could hear the mechanical whirr of the engine. Alec pushed away the feeling of dread once again before he and Izzy set to work. As they crept through the room they noticed that there were two of Valentine's men. They had their guards down and were casually chatting away. They snuck up behind them and pressing the pressure point in their necks they fell unconscious to the floor. They made quick work of tying them up and gagging them in case they woke. While Izzy started searching for the cup Alec started the process of shutting down the engine.

 **Clary's POV**

Once they had passed through the portal it took a moment or two for her eyes to adjust to the gloom of the cargo hold. There were stacks of wooden crates all around. It was like a maze. Jace took her hand and they began to walk towards the nearest stack. Clary thought back to the previous day when Jace had come to her and revealed what her mother had said to him. How he wasn't her brother. It had definitely been a weight off their shoulders. She supposed it was always a relief to find out you hadn't made out with your brother. But she also couldn't help but think about how her father had fed them both angel's blood when they were in their mothers' wombs. What effect could that have had on them? They had talked and wondered together late into the night until eventually they had both fallen asleep there on her bed. Both fully clothed on top of the bed covers.

She suddenly noticed a golden glow coming from a dark corner of the room. "Jace look, I think that's The Cup." They both looked at each other before pulling out their weapons and moving towards it. As they neared they discovered it was The Cup. They exchanged a look. This was way to easy. Clary tightened her grip on her seraph blade as Jace edged closer.

Valentine stepped out from behind a crate to stand in front of The Cup. He was soon followed by about 20 of his men. They were surrounded. "Ah my two children, my beautiful fiery daughter and my ice cold son." Valentine mocked them.

"You're a liar. I'm not your son." Jace snarled at him. "Jocelyn heard everything you said to her, she told me the truth. You murdered my father then my mother and took me from her womb." Valentine smiled wickedly at him.

"Ah but you are my son, maybe not by blood but I raised you. I shaped you into the person you are today."

Jace shook his head. "Wrong again. The Lightwoods raised me, they shaped me into the person I am today. You had nothing to do with it." Valentine shook his head.

Clary was thinking quickly. Valentine had known they were coming. The Dark Lady must've told him. As if he had read her thoughts he spoke again.

"You're here for The Cup. I suppose you had that warlock portal you in using those photos you acquired." It was then that she realised this whole thing was a trap. He had wanted them to come here, but why? Looking at Jace she knew he had come to the same conclusions. Suddenly there were bangs and thuds above them like running footsteps. It sounded like Magnus and Simon had arrived on the top deck and they had some company. Taking advantage of the sudden distraction Clary and Jace attacked the surrounding men. She blocked and parried and hacked and lunged until the floor became sticky with blood. She could see Valentine getting angrier with each man they cut down. There might only be two of them but they were stronger thanks to the extra angel's blood. They were also more experienced as these men had clearly just been turned.

Jace suddenly lunged at Valentine who quickly blocked his blade. The two of them began a deadly duel that looked more like a dance. They were both such skilled swordsmen it was like their blades were apart of their bodies. Clary cut down the last man in her way then while Valentine was distracted she lunged at The Cup. It was warm in her hand and she pulled out the tarot card from her pocket and slammed The Cup back into its old tomb. Valentine upon seeing that The Cup was unattainable to him let out an angry yell. He grabbed Jace by the neck and threw him from him. Jace flew backwards hitting the steel wall of the cargo hold. Clary heard a sickening crunch when his shoulder connected with the wall and Jace screamed out in pain. Clary advanced towards Valentine when a portal appeared behind him. Clary didn't know how he had created the portal but she realised he was going to get away. Without thinking she pulled out her stele and drew a rune on the palm of her hand. She flung her hand out towards him. A blazing bluish white ball sprung from her hand. It burnt hot and you could hear it sizzling. As Valentine and the portal disappeared the flaming ball of light made contact with the wall of the ship. There was a loud bang as the metal tore apart and the force of the explosion threw Clary back and rattled the entire ship.

Clary shook her head and tried to gather her bearings. She realised that she was wet. With a shock of panic she saw that water was flooding in from the hole in the side of the ship. The boat was going down. She rushed to Jace who was struggling to his feet. His arm was hanging limply at his side. His shoulder was dislocated and it looked like his collarbone might be broken. She pulled his good arm over her shoulder and they made their way towards the door that lead to the next hold. "The Cup?" Jace asked through gritted teeth. He was obviously in alot of pain.

"I got it." Clary reassured him. "We need to warn the others and get everyone off the ship now."

 **Lydia's POV**

She tried not to think about the feeling of dread she had been feeling ever since her and Alec's goodbye. She had been a little surprised when he had kissed her. But somehow she knew what he had been trying to tell her. Still she couldn't help but feel like she wouldn't ever see him again. She shook off the feeling and told herself she was being silly. She and Robin had already searched cargo hold 3 and were now nearly done with 2. Something didn't feel right to her. It was too quiet, too easy. They hadn't seen any of Valentine's men. Surely there would at least be someone doing patrols of the ship. She watched Robin out the corner of her eye. She really didn't know what to do about Robin or how to feel. They had been working ok together the last few weeks. But she couldn't get his scathing words out of her head and she still saw glints of hate in his eyes when he looked at her. The sooner they recovered The Cup the better. Then Robin could leave. She knew she'd probably miss him but only for a little while. Then he would once again fade into the back of her mind.

They finished hold 2 and moved into hold 1. It wasn't long before they were ambushed. She knew it had been to quiet. Robin threw a look her way and she nodded back at him silently acknowledging that she had his back. They were both skilled in combat so it didn't take long for them to overpower them and gain the upper hand. There were only two of them left when a loud explosion was heard and the floor beneath their feet rattled as did the walls. If she hadn't been distracted in that moment she might have noticed that the green chain had slipped from her wrist. She looked back at Robin who had a worried look on his face. Something had gone seriously wrong. They had just finished off the last two of Valentine's men when Clary and Jace appeared. Clary was supporting Jace who was pale and sweating. His arm was hanging limply and he was in obvious pain.

"What happened?" Lydia asked in alarm as Robin rushed forward and took Clary's place in supporting Jace.

"I'm not sure what I did. I acted without thinking. Valentine was getting away through a portal so I drew this rune on my hand. It conjured this white hot ball of light. It went through the ships wall and now we're taking on water. I'm really sorry, I screwed up." Clary looked frightened and was only just holding it together. Lydia moved towards her and stroked her arm.

"It's ok, we need to get the others and get out of here. What about The Cup?" Lydia asked.

"We got it." She quickly showed them the tarot card which had the Cup safely inside. Lydia beamed at her.

"Well that's good. Come on lets get out of here." As they started towards the spiral steps that lead up to the top deck water gushed through the hatch from hold 2. Lydia barely noticed as she heard the echoing laugh of The Dark Lady. Not again she thought. She looked at her wrist and saw that the bracelet was gone. But now the water was around her calfs and she couldn't see the chain on the ground. Robin called out to her from halfway up the stairs. Urging her to hurry. She moved towards the bottom stair when suddenly there she was in front of her, hair as black as the midnight sky and eyes glowing green through the gloom of the room. Lydia froze in fear, unable to move an inch. Suddenly The Dark Lady raised her arms up then brought them down fast towards the ground. As she did a steel beam fell. It landed on Lydia's leg pinning her down. Worse than that other falling debris blocked the stairwell. Even if she managed to get out from under the beam there was no way out of the room. She was trapped and the water was rising quickly. She could hear the others calling her name from the other side of the rubble. She fought down panic and fear as she called back.

"I'm stuck, my leg is trapped!" She was pleased that her voice only shook a little. She was hiding her fear well.

"Hang on Lydia, we'll get you out." Robin called back.

"Yeah one sec we'll figure something out." She heard Clary call. But Lydia knew it would be pointless. The water was rising too quickly. If they stayed and tried to get her out then they would all die. She felt like the fear was going to swallow her whole but she managed to push it down a moment longer to call back.

"No, you have to leave me, there's no time. If you stay you'll die too. Please just go. Just tell Alec I'm sorry." Her voice cracked a little at the end. The water was at her neck now. There was a few moments of silence.

"Lydia please..." It was Jace who was calling out that time.

"Go!" She yelled one last time before she took a deep breath. The water rose above her head and she felt the panic rise to. Her leg hurt and she could see tendrils of red blood swirl in the water. She felt her hair float off her shoulders and ripple with the movement of the water. She used to love the water. She remembered long days spent at Guincho beach with John, Arabelle and Robin. John and Arabelle had always preferred to stay resting on the golden sand; but she and Robin would always dive right into the turquoise sea and would spend the day splashing about.

She didn't like the water now. Her lungs had began to burn and though she fought hard not to, she drew in a gasp. But there was no air. She could taste the salt in the water as it rushed down her throat and flooded into her lungs. Now that she had given in the pain began to fade, so did everything else. She thought about Alec, her husband, her friend, her family she hoped he would be ok. Magnus would look after him. She remembered that picture she had found the day before their wedding of the Lightwood siblings and their bright smiles, the love that had been in their eyes. The image floated before her for a moment, then her vision went black.

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 **Author's note: Umm... Please don't hate me. I know I've not been very kind to Lydia in the last couple of chapters. Next chapter we'll see if they can get off the boat and how Alec reacts to what's happened to Lydia. Also Lydia might not be the only one on the boat who's life is in peril.**

 **Also one other little note I put the scene between Jace and Jocelyn in because I'll be honest the incest plot line really creeped me out so I wanted to get it out of the way and resolved as quick as possible in this fic. Like I've said I haven't read the books so have limited knowledge about them so I don't know what the actual relationship between Jace and Jocelyn is like so this is just how I imagine it would be like. Anyway as usual watch this space and I'll try and update quicker this time.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: Ok you know the drill by now, I don't own the characters Cassandra Clare and the Shadowhunters tv show do. So anyway thank you again to my reviewers you guys always make my day. I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.**

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 **Chapter 10: Art of Dying**

 **Lydia's POV**

She blinked twice and then slowly opened her eyes. She was lying on her back in the middle of a long corridor. The floor and ceiling were both mirrored making it seem like she was floating in mid air. She looked up at her reflection in the ceiling. Her hair was loose and spread out in a golden fan with tiny white flowers entwined in it. She was dressed in a white silk dress and her feet were bare. She took a couple of deep breaths and then slowly sat up before rising to her feet. She looked up and down the corridor. It was so long that she couldn't see where either end finished. It was brightly lit and had white walls. As far she could tell there were no doors. She had definitely never been there before and she began to feel frightened as she realised that she had no idea where she was. She tried to remember how she got there, where she had been before she got there. Slowly the memories began to come back. She remembered The Dark Lady and the mission on the boat. She remembered having the hallucination and the beam coming down on her leg. She pulled up her dress and looked down but there was no wound, not a scratch on her. Had she dreamt it? But then she remembered the water and how her lungs had burnt, that feeling of helplessness as she slowly slipped into unconsciousness. She felt sadness tug at her heart as she realised that she was dead. She wished she could have talked to Alec and the others one last time, had the chance to say goodbye.

As she looked up and down the corridor again. She wondered which way she should go. There was nothing to point her in the right direction, no signs and nobody else in sight. Looking behind her down the corridor she noticed that it got darker the further down the corridor you went until it plunged into darkness. But looking up the corridor in front of her it grew lighter and lighter. After a moment more of hesitation she began to walk forward up the corridor. She'd much rather walk into the light than the unknown of the darkness, at least this way she would be able to see where she was going.

She walked and walked and walked but there seemed to be no end to the corridor. But still the light grew brighter and brighter until Lydia had to shield her eyes from the dazzling white light. As she continued she was sure she saw something move in the distance. It looked like the shadowy figure of a person. "Hello?" She called out.

"Lydia." Her name echoed down the corridor and she froze. She knew that voice. Lowering her hand she raced forward quickening her pace. Then she saw John Monteverde standing in front of a white door smiling sadly at her.

 **Alec's POV**

He and Izzy finally finished searching the engine room. Looking at his watch he saw that they had been on the ship about 20 minutes now. "We had better head up its nearly time to portal back." Izzy nodded in reply and followed him out the hatch. As they were walking through cargo hold 1 on their way to the top deck, Alec could hear Robin and Lydia cluttering around in the next cargo hold, could hear her voice. He had a sudden urge to go and check on her but he knew he'd see her soon when they portaled back. So instead he followed Izzy up the metal stairway. As they reached the top deck they saw that it was absolute mayhem. Magnus was near the bow of the ship and was throwing orbs of blue energy at Valentine's men who were surrounding him. Simon was no where to be seen. The sky had gone dark, the moon and stars smothered by thick black clouds. Izzy and Alec pulled out their weapons and as Alec shot arrows at those nearest they moved towards Magnus.

Raindrops began to fall, slowly at first, tapping gently on the wooden deck, then faster until it was cascading down in a heavy curtain, flooding the deck and rolling off the sides. It beat out a tribal like song as it hit the deck, natures very own music. The once calm sea began to churn angrily, causing the ship to rock and sway as the waves struck against the sides. Other sounds began to mix in with the rain, the metal clang of seraph blades meeting and the harsh rasp of those two blades sliding across each other. The crack of Izzy's whip as it flashes through the air. The whizzing and sizzling of Magnus' magic as he catapults it at the incoming enemies. The whistling of his own arrows as they glide across the deck and the dull thud as they hit their mark.

Suddenly he saw Izzy slip out the corner of his eye. He rushed over to her and that's where they found Simon. He was laying lifeless on the deck of the boat as his blood flowed from a gaping wound in his neck. He looked paler than usual and wasn't responding to Izzy's pleas. She had pulled off the black cardigan she was wearing and placed it to his neck in an attempt to stop the bleeding. However looking at the amount of blood around him Alec would be surprised if there was any blood still left in Simon's body. Without really thinking about it he checked Simon's wrist for a pulse. Then he remembered that he was a vampire and so wouldn't even have one ordinarily. There was no way of knowing whether he was alive or gone for good. All they knew for sure was that he didn't seem to be responding to them at all. In a desperate move Izzy made a small cut across her wrist and then placed it to Simon's mouth. Nothing happened. Izzy began to cry.

Magnus struck down the last of Valentine's men and began to make his way to them when a sudden bang rumbled throughout the ship, shaking the deck under their feet. Magnus froze and they all exchanged worried looks. That didn't sound good. Jocelyn and Luke appeared from the living quarters and sprinted down the deck when they spotted Simon on the floor.

"What happened? And what was that noise?" Jocelyn asked frantically as she stroked Simon's hair. Alec just shook his head in answer then pulled out his phone ready to call the others when there was a cluttering sound like something heavy and metal falling. It sounded like it had come from cargo hold one. Alec and Magnus both began to sprint down the deck towards the hatch leading to the cargo holds. Before they reached it Clary appeared closely followed by Jace who was being held up by Robin. Alec noticed that their feet and legs were wet. Looking around at them he could see that Clary had tears streaming down her face and that Robin and Jace were ashen. They all looked terrified. Alec looked behind them searching for Lydia but she did not appear.

"Where's Lydia? What happened?" He asked frantically. Clary gasped in a breath between heaving sobs.

"It was my fault... I caused an explosion and damaged the ship... we're taking on water." Clary was talking in fragments punctuated by loud sobs. "Lydia... She got trapped... some debris fell and trapped her we can't get to her... we can't get to her." Clary broke down as cold shock came over Alec.

"Where is she?" Alec said again attempting to push passed them. Robin grabbed his arm, he too had tears welling in his eyes.

"Alec, I'm sorry... but she's gone." Alec pushed him back and shook his head. He made for the stairs that lead down to the cargo hold. But once again his arm was grabbed. He looked back and saw Magnus.

"Just wait one moment we need a plan." Magnus urged him.

"There is no time! The ship is flooding!" Alec couldn't understand any of them. His wife was in danger and they were all just standing there staring at him with sympathy like she was already dead. "I'm going to save her!" He told them with fury. Suddenly Clary spotted Simon and began to cry louder as she ran to him. Luke and her mother tried to soothe her and reassure her. This was such a mess. Simon was dead they couldn't lose Lydia too. That's when Magnus took charge.

"Ok here's what we're gonna do. If you guys can tell me exactly where Lydia is in the room then I can open a portal right by her. If Clary, Izzy and Jocelyn stay with Simon and Jace and guard for any more of Valentine's men then Alec, Robin and Luke you can go in and get her out by pulling her back through the portal, but you won't have a lot of time I can only hold the portal open for about two minutes." Alec nodded relieved that someone was finally trying to help him. Magnus pulled out his phone and Robin pointed out where Lydia was. Magnus opened the portal and after exchanging nods the three of them took deep breaths then stepped through.

 **Izzy's POV**

She watched as her brother disappeared through the portal. Her hand was still clutching at Simon's as tears continued to roll freely down her cheeks. She looked around at the group gathered. Clary was sobbing as she cradled Simon in her arms and Jocelyn was stroking her daughters hair, trying to comfort her whilst she too struggled with her fear and grief. Jace was slumped on the deck clutching at his shoulder in obvious agony. The rain continued to pound down on them from the darkened sky as the sea buffeted the boat about. She looked back down at Simon and felt her heart ache. He looked as if he was sleeping. She half expected him to sit up and give some comic one liner that would have them all shaking their heads at him while they tried to hold back smiles. But he never did. How could this have happened? She didn't understand. He was a vampire, immortal, he was suppose to live forever.

At that moment she couldn't help but think of Lydia. Trapped, slowly suffocating and alone. What must she be going through? She felt shame creep over her as she remembered how hostile she had been to Lydia when she first arrived. She had warmed up to her a bit after her trail when Lydia had stood up for her and then more as time went on and she saw that Lydia did care for her brother and she wasn't out to get them. Lydia was their family. Then she felt panic rise up in her as she looked once again at the portal and realised her sister was dying down there. She sent up a prayer to the angel begging him to save Lydia, to save Simon. She pleaded for some kind of miracle that allowed them both to come back to them. She prayed to anyone who would listen as she knelt there on the drenched deck, the rain mingling with the tears streaming down her face.

She remembered one afternoon when she had sat watching the rain. She had to have been about six and she was at that stage where she constantly asked questions. That day she had asked Hodge why it rained, where it came from. He had told her that when it rained it was because the angels were crying. 'But why would the angels cry?' She had asked.

'Sometimes they cry when they are overcome with joy. Maybe a newborn baby has been born, or long lost family members have been reunited. And sometimes they cry because they are sad, someone has passed away or there is a war raging, people hurting other people. What makes us happy makes the angels happy too and what makes us sad makes them sad too. So just like us they cry. But when they do their tears fall to the earth." To a six year old his explanation had seemed completely plausible. It made sense. She wondered why the angels were crying now. Were they crying for Lydia? For the rest of their fallen children? Did they cry for Simon or was their grief only reserved for shadowhunters, who were made of their blood?

How had everything changed so quickly? Just under half an hour ago they had all been together in the Op's centre. Now they were facing the possibility of losing two of their friends, it didn't bear thinking about. Suddenly Jace stood up from where he had been sitting and made his way towards Simon. "He needs blood." Jace gasped out.

Izzy sighed, for a moment she thought Jace might have thought of something to help. She shook her head. "No I tried that."

"No it'll work, I know it will, he needs a lot of it. I kept thinking how he could be dead when he's a vampire. Then I realised that they need blood in their system to function, he must be completely drained of it. He just needs some more." Jace moved towards him and like her earlier made a small cut on his wrist. He let his blood flow in a steady stream into Simon's mouth. They waited and waited watching him closely for any sign of life. Then suddenly the cut across his throat sealed closed. But he still did not open his eyes. Isabelle closed her eyes as fresh tears pooled under her eye lids. Opening them again she looked down at Simon again before back at Magnus who was still holding the portal open, her brother did not appear with Lydia. She felt a hopelessness come over her.

Suddenly there was a gasp beside her. She whipped her head back around to see Simon sitting up and clutching at his throat. She felt a smile bloom across her face as relief flooded over her. "What happened?" He squeaked out.

"We'll explain later, You ok?" Jace said as he clapped Simon on the shoulder. Simon nodded as Clary pulled him into a tight hug. Then they all turned to look at the portal. All they could do now was wait and pray that the others returned with Lydia. Was it too much to ask for one more miracle tonight?

 **Alec's POV**

The water was freezing cold as it seeped through his clothing. The portal illuminated the room with an eerie purple light. They had come out just a metre away from Lydia. He could see her golden locks rippling like snakes in the water. Her eyes were closed and she did not open them when he moved beside her and took her arm. Luke and Robin moved to the beam and placed their feet on the floor pushing up trying to move it as Alec wrapped his arms around Lydia supporting her. But the beam would not budge and they were running out of time. Feeling desperation overtake him he let go of Lydia and moved to the beam as well. His lungs were beginning to burn, frantic for air. But he was not leaving here without her. Gathering the last of his strength he pushed with all his might. Together the three of them managed to lift the beam and move it away from her. Alec quickly grabbed Lydia and they glided back through the water and flung themselves back through the portal.

They hit the deck hard. He gasped in deep lungfuls of cold air and looked down at his wife's lifeless form as water ran down his skin and dripped onto the wooden deck. He shook her gently as the chill from the cold wind made him shiver. She didn't move. "Come on Lyd's." He begged her under his breath brushing wet tendrils of her hair away from her pale face.

"We need to go now!" Someone urged. That's when he noticed that the water had spilled up onto the top deck and the ship's bow was beginning to rise out of the water causing the ship to tilt. Magnus was on his knees, his face was white and his skin was clammy, he was shattered. But he drew what little energy he had left and once again opened a portal. Alec lifted Lydia and hugged her close to his chest as he rose to his feet and once again passed through a portal. As soon as they re-emerged in the Op's centre of The Institute Alec lay Lydia flat on the ground and began pressing on her chest.

 **Lydia's POV**

Once she had gotten over her shock of seeing him she flung herself forward and into John's arms. He chuckled as he wrapped her in a warm hug and she breathed in his scent as the stubble on his chin brushed against the soft skin of her cheek. "I've missed you so much." She whispered.

"I've missed you too." He pulled back and smiled warmly at her. "But, and don't take this the wrong way, I wish you weren't here." Lydia giggled lightly.

"It's ok I get what you mean." He touched her cheek softly.

"Oh Lydia. You had so much of you're life ahead of you. So much more to give." He lamented sadly. She sighed.

"So did you. But we all know that sometimes shadowhunters just don't live that long. I have some regrets but there's nothing I can do about it now." John pulled her back into his embrace and rubbed her back. Then the door behind him opened and a dazzling, blinding light poured from the doorway. It faded away a moment later as the door closed again. Blinking away the spots of colour that had appeared before her eyes she focussed on the figure who had just come through the door.

A joyous smile spread across her face as she broke away from John and embrace the girl. "Oh Arabelle, I've missed you." The girl laughed lightly as she hugged Lydia back.

"I've missed you too. But you really shouldn't be here. It's not fair." Arabelle answered a twinge of sadness in her voice. Lydia shook her head in response.

"No it's ok, I've accepted it, maybe its just my time. I wish I had got more time with Alec and the Lightwoods, I was just beginning to feel like I was part of a family again." She felt grief pull at her heart as she thought of Alec and what he must be going through right now. Did he know she was gone yet? Was he upset? In denial? Had they gotten off the ship ok? Were they safe? She looked down the corridor but none of her friends appeared. That was a good sign right? She looked back at John and Arabelle and felt a small bit of happiness creep into her heart. She smiled at them both. "But I'm also happy to be here with you guys. It's been hard living without you." She took a deep breath and then said what she had been holding in ever since they had died. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I got you killed. I should have made better decisions, if I had just had the guts to do what we needed to do then you would both still be alive right now." She looked back up at them to see them shaking their heads at her.

"Lydia we never blamed you for what happened. We chose to be there, we chose to go on that raid." Arabelle told her firmly.

"Arabelle's right. And you don't know what would have happened even if you had made a different decision. We still could have died. It wasn't your fault. It's like you said it's just one of those things. Sometimes shadowhunters just don't live that long. It was simply our time to go." Lydia looked from one to the other searching their eyes but there wasn't a hint of blame in either one of them. She felt tears jerk in her eyes as contentment washed over her. A kind of peace. She was happy.

 **Robin's POV**

Shock kept him frozen on the spot as he watched Alec push on Lydia's chest and attempt to breath some life back into her. Looking at her Robin could see that her skin had taken on a blueish tone. But other than that she looked just as she had that first day they had all gone to the beach together. It had been about two months since Lydia had arrived and it was one of the hottest days of the year. It had been Arabelle's idea to go to the beach and so they all piled onto a coach and off they went. John and Arabelle spent most of their time laid out on the the sand, Arabelle had been reading as she usually did. But to Robin's delight he found that Lydia, like him, preferred being in the water. They had spent their time having swimming races and dunking each other, playing tag in the water or just floating in the water while the waves rocked them. However mid way through the afternoon they had decided to take a break from the sea and lay up on the sand with John and Arabelle. He had watched Lydia laying on her back. He had watched as drops of water had run down the tanned skin of her stomach, disappearing into her navel. Her wet hair clung to her neck and shoulders and her eyes were closed. Just like she was now.

Alec's pleas to Lydia had become more desperate as he continued with the compressions to her chest. Over to his left Isabelle was re-setting Jace's shoulder and running her stele over his healing rune. Robin noticed that shadowhunters had gathered all around and were watching the scene unfold in the middle of the Op's centre. But none of them moved forward to offer help. It was like they too were frozen in shock.

That day on the beach had been the day that he had realised he loved Lydia. He loved the way her hair lit up like molten gold when it caught the sun. Loved the way her eyes danced when she laughed, the way her brow crinkled when she was deep in thought. He loved every little thing about her. The thing was he loved Lydia and he loved John, but they loved each other. They were happy together and because he loved them both he wanted them to be happy. So that day on the beach was also the day he had decided he wouldn't tell her how he felt or try to come between them. He would love her from afar and hope that his love would fade away into a more friendly kind of love. So that's what he did, he became her friend and he set his feelings aside. But then that fateful day had come and they had lost John and Arabelle. Robin had believed he had been cured of his love for Lydia at that point. He had been so full of anger and hate that it had been impossible to feel anything else. He looked back down at her.

Suddenly he was hit by a wave of emotions, panic, grief, disbelieve and then heartbreak. For he realised he had been wrong he did still love her, had always still loved her. But now she was gone. He had lost everyone he had cared about but her, she had been the last true friend he had and he had pushed her away when instead he should have pulled her close. He had blamed her and hated her because he had lost his loved ones when he should have shared his grief with her and taken comfort in her. He had been so focussed and angry about what he had lost that he had failed to recognise what he still had. But now it was too late. She was lost to him now as well.

With that realisation his grief brought him to his knees next to her as silent tears poured down his cheeks. It wasn't long afterwards that Alec too collapsed beside her and began to cry. It was at that moment that Magnus moved so that he was kneeling next to Lydia beside Alec. He looked exhausted but he placed a hand on Alec's shoulder and gave him a reassuring nod. Then he placed one of his hand over Lydia's heart and closed his eyes, magic flowed from his hand into Lydia in a shimmering blue mist. As Robin watched he could see that Magnus was struggling to find the strength to keep the spell going. He quickly moved towards him spurred forward by a glimmer of hope. "Here use my strength." He offered Magnus his hand. Magnus nodded gratefully and took it. Soon the others followed Robin's lead and placed their hands over his and Magnus'. He felt the tug as the magic drew his strength from him. It felt like his very life essence was being tugged from his heart in a ribbon that flowed down his arm, through Magnus and then into Lydia. The unearthly light began to expand and it spread over her entire body until she was cocooned in it. It grew brighter and brighter until it was blinding. Then it faded away as Magnus pulled his hand away.

They all watched Lydia hopefully. Waited for her to open her eyes, to take a breath, to move a finger even. But she remained still, as still as Arabelle and John had been as they lay on their funeral pyre. They looked back at Magnus optimistically but he looked defeated and tears began to fall from his eyes as he slowly shook his head at them. Robin felt grief and despair wrap around him again, smothering him. He watched as Alec reached out and cupped Lydia's cheeks. He leant forward and began to mutter in her ear. "Please Lydia, just come back to me. We all need you, I need you. Please don't go yet." Then everyone else began chiming in to, begging her to come back. Though he knew it was most likely futile he couldn't help but also plead with her to return as if they could bring her back by sheer force of will.

 **Lydia's POV**

"So what happen's now?" She asked them both. She saw the smiles slip a little from their faces.

"That's up to you Lydia?" John said softly. She looked at them both confused.

"What do you mean?"

"Well... you're not quite completely dead yet." Arabelle informed her. But that made no sense of course she was dead.

"What do you mean? I'm either dead or I'm not." Lydia replied more confused than before. John stepped towards her and took her arm lightly.

"No Lydia, you're in what I suppose you could call Limbo, the place between life and death." He explained.

"You've got a choice. If you are sure that you have accepted death and come to terms with it. That there is nothing left for you there then you can follow us through this door." Arabelle continued. Lydia looked at the door. It was completely unassuming. White in colour but it had no handle.

"What's on the other side of the door?" She asked nervously. John and Arabelle smiled like she had said something amusing.

"Who knows? The only way to find out is to go through it." John answered. Well that was cryptic Lydia thought.

"But if you're not ready to find out then you can choose to go back." Arabelle pointed down the corridor as she said it. Lydia shivered as she remembered the darkness that encompassed that end of the corridor.

"But it is so dark." Lydia said quietly. John rubbed her arm in comfort.

"The only way you can truly appreciate the light is to know true darkness." Lydia stared at him for a moment before she burst out laughing and rolled her eyes at him, that was a corny line. He beamed back at her. Arabelle too was shaking her head at him. But soon she became solemn again.

"If I go back then I'll have to leave you both, I'll have to be without you again." Lydia lamented sadly.

"Yes." Arabelle admitted, "But you'll have to leave everyone else if you come through that door with us. And you should know that once you pass through the door there'll be no coming back. So make sure you are certain its what you want."

Lydia thought for a little while longer. She longed to see Alec and the others, to make sure they were ok. But she couldn't help but remember how Robin believed she would ruin them. Maybe they were better off without her. And could she really bear leaving John again and Arabelle. Finally she was sure she had made up her mind.

"I think I want to come with you." She told them as confidently as she could manage. Arabelle nodded and John took her hand. Just as Arabelle reached out to touch the door a voice echoed down the corridor from behind them. Lydia whipped her head round to look down the corridor. But there was no one there.

"Please Lydia..." That was Alec she thought with alarm. "Just come back to me..." She took a few steps away from the door towards the voice. She looked over at John and Arabelle who were again looking at her sadly.

"Is he here?" She asked. John shook his head. Then she heard other voices calling out from the other end of the corridor.

"Yeah come on Lydia, just open your eyes, you can't go yet, please." That was Isabelle. She moved forward a few more steps.

"Lydia please, you can do it, we want you to come back." That time it was Jace and then she heard Clary.

"Please Lydia you have to open your eyes." Other voices joined in and began to muddle together they were all begging her, pleading with her. She could hear the pain and grief in their voices, the desperation. She closed her eyes as their voices washed over her and felt tears gather under her eyelids. Then out of the muddle of voices she caught Robin's voice. It was quieter than the others, softer. She looked at John and Arabelle over her shoulder. They both looked upset and she knew they could hear him too.

"Lydia... I know I have no right to be asking you this. Not after everything I said to you. But I need you to come back. I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." The tears spilled over her cheeks when she realised that Robin was crying the pain was evident in his voice. But what he said next broke her heart. "Please... don't leave me here alone."

Lydia reached up with her free hand and wiped the tears from her eyes. The voices began to fade away one by one though a couple still persisted. She heard Magnus challenging her.

"Are you really gonna let her win, let her take you from us, from Alec. Come on girl he needs you, we all do." The Dark Lady, she felt fury fill her heart as she was reminded of her. She had a score to settle with her. She felt John rub his thumb over her knuckle. But was that score worth leaving John?

"Lydia it's ok I understand why you want to stay there, it's probably really peaceful where you are." She felt a tugging in her heart as she heard Alec's voice again. "But the truth is I don't want to lose you, I know its selfish, but I want my wife back. This hurts too much, I can't take it." She could hear the tears in his voice. Could picture them rolling down his face. "Please Lyd..." She noticed that his voice was beginning to fade like he was leaving. Without thinking she leapt forward and began to run down the corridor. She barely even noticed that she had dropped John's hand when she had done so.

"Wait come back!" She called to him but his voice only got quieter as the corridor got darker and darker. She ran faster as if she could catch him. Soon the darkness had completely enveloped her and she noticed that she was finding it harder to breathe. A dull ache began to thud in her leg getting more painful by the second until eventually she had to stop. She stood there terrified in the darkness, she couldn't hear Alec anymore. She couldn't draw in any air and she felt like she was choking. Suddenly she got the urge to cough. Her eyes closed as the first cough shook her body followed by a second. She felt water rise up her throat and spill out of her mouth. She blinked and opened her eyes.

She was laying on the Op's Centre floor. Magnus was pulling on her arm and shoulder forcing her onto her side as she coughed up sea water. She could feel someone else rubbing her back and the blood leaking from the painful wound in her leg. As the coughing slowed then stopped she looked around at the faces gathered around her. They were all tear stained and grubby but they were also all smiling at her in relief. She focussed in on Alec's face locking her eyes with his. He still had tears in his eyes and he was shaking. She raised her own shaking hand to his cheek as he let his head fall forward and rested his forehead against hers. His arms wrapped around her pulling her close to his warmth. She took another deep breath, taking in his scent and feeling his heartbeat thudding in rhythm with her own. She was alive.

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 **Author's note: Yh I couldn't do it, I mean its Lydia how could I possibly kill her. But I promise this plot line did have a purpose it wasn't just for kicks and the experience is going to have an affect on Lydia which we will be exploring in the next chapter. Obviously Simon's near death experience will also have an impact on him so we'll see how he is doing as well. Also as a bit of trivia the title of this chapter is again a song title this time by George Harrison and he wrote it about re-birth and resurrection which I thought fit this chapter really well. Anyway watch this space and I will update soon.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: Hey guys I'm back, I know it was another long gap but unfortunately I had a bad case of writers block :( So sorry about that. Anyway as you know by now I don't own the characters Cassandra Clare does and the Shadowhunters TV show. This chapter is a bit lighter, I'm giving the characters a little time to breathe but there is still a bit of drama. The title is obviously from taylor swifts song out of the woods. Once again thank you to my lovely reviewers and I hope you enjoy reading this chapter.**

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 **Chapter 11: Are We Out Of The Woods Yet?**

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia was once again packing her overnight bag. She and Alec would be leaving this afternoon to take the cup back to Idris. It was strange to think that it was only a month ago that she had been performing this same task the morning after her wedding. Then she had been alone and in a different room. So much had happened since then, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

She looked over at Alec as he came back out of the bathroom with their toothbrushes and other toiletries and gave him a smile. He'd barely left her side since her accident. That's what they were calling it now, The Accident. It was difficult for Alec to accept that she had actually died and then come back. She was finding it hard to wrap her head around the fact herself. She often thought back to that hallway and John and Arabelle. She didn't know whether it was real or just a dream or vision caused by the lack of oxygen to her brain. But it had given her some kind of peace. For so long she had carried the guilt around, it had weighed down her heart and soul more and more with each passing day, but hearing John and Arabelle say that they didn't blame her for what happened lifted that weight off. She felt different somehow, like she had been reborn.

Her 'death' had also broken the Dark Lady's enchantment on her. Magnus wasn't sure how exactly but there was no longer any trace of it. Lydia was very relieved by that, it was nice to have her own mind back, to sleep the whole night through. She knew that the Dark Lady was still a problem, the threat of her return was still looming over them all like a dark cloud threatening rain on a sunny day. There was also still Valentine to deal with. But despite all that Lydia felt quite hopeful.

She took her toothbrush from Alec as he passed it to her. "Thank you." She smiled as he squeezed her hand. "Ok that's me done." She told him cheerfully as she zipped up her bag. "How are you doing?"

"I'm done to." He beamed back at her. They were both looking forward to the trip. They were planning on visiting Max and Alec's parents while they were in Idris and Lydia was really looking forward to getting to know them all better, especially Max. To be honest it would also be good to be rid of The Cup and hand it over to someone else. The blasted thing had caused them so much trouble, let someone else be responsible for it now. They would be staying at her apartment there and taking the time to pack up her things and move them here to the New York Institute. It would be nice to have her things here, more like home.

Her musings were cut short by a gentle knock at the door. Alec crossed the room and pulled it open. Isabelle smiled at them both. "Hey guys, Robin wants to speak to us all in the Op's Centre." They nodded in reply and then followed Isabelle out the door. Isabelle linked her arm through Lydia's and they walked side by side. They were the last to arrive and they joined the others who were standing around in a rough circle. Lydia couldn't help but smile when she noticed that Jace and Clary were holding hands. The two of them had been through so much it was nice to see them grow back together again. She switched her attention to Robin as he began to speak.

"Hey thanks for coming guys. I just wanted to let you all know that my time here is almost over. Now that The Cup has been recovered I'll be returning to the Lisbon Institute this evening. However there is one last thing that The Clave has asked to me to see to before I leave." Robin paused for a moment and Lydia actually found herself feeling strangely sad that he would be leaving.

"The Clave has cleared Hodge's body for burial. They've ordered that the body be taken to a crossroad and buried." Silence met his statement as everyone avoided each others gazes, staring at the ground instead. Lydia knew that despite what he had done it was still going to be difficult for the others to bury him as a traitor. They were all still so conflicted by his death. She felt Isabelle's grip tighten on her arm as she tensed up and when she looked up at Alec his face was a steel mask, there was no way of telling what he was feeling.

"I thought you guys might want to be the ones to assist me, but if you would find it too difficult I can arrange for some one else to help." Robin continued after a pause as he looked around the group trying to gauge their reactions. Lydia and the others exchanged gazes, it was like they were all communicating silently, knowing what the others were thinking without having to say a word. Of course they would be the ones to bury Hodge, they needed to be the ones to bury him.

"No it's ok. We'll help you." Alec replied after one last glance around the circle. "We'll get him... I mean the body ready for transportation. We'll meet back here in half hour." Robin gave a nod of his head and was the first to leave, breaking the circle. Slowly the rest of them filtered away until it was just Alec, Isabelle and her left. Alec reached forward and brushed a strand of Isabelle's hair behind her ear. Her eyes were glowing with un-shed tears. Lydia stroked her arm and together the three of them silently headed towards the morgue.

 **Alec's POV**

An hour later Alec and the others found themselves digging a grave at a crossroads. Hodge's body lay under a white sheet nearby that was billowing in the wind. The mood was solemn. This was much harder than they had thought it would be. The anger they had first felt at Hodge's betrayal had faded over the weeks but the pain and sorrow they felt at his death had lingered. Despite what he had done he had been family to them for many years and that feeling of love they had for him, as well as the flood of memories, came back to hit them like a blunt force trauma. As they had dug their hands had shook and many often paused to wipe their damp cheeks and eyes whilst trying to cover up their sorrow by blaming their watery eyes on the blasted dust.

Once they had finished digging they climbed from the pit with heavy hearts. As his gaze fell on Hodge's body Alec couldn't hep but feel like this was wrong. He knew that Hodge was a traitor, he had sided with Valentine and had a hand in so many fellow Shadowhunter's deaths. He knew that their laws and traditions dictated that a traitor should not receive a Shadowhunter's burial, that they did not deserve the honour of being burned. They deserve a traitor's burial, unburned at a crossroads. But Hodge had tried to tell them where Valentine's boat was with his dying breath, in his last moments he had tried to help them. Alec wasn't making excuses for Hodge, he had made his choice, he was a traitor. But still this felt wrong.

Looking around at the others he could see that they were struggling with it too. Jace's jaw was clenched tightly and his hands were squeezed into fists, his knuckles shining white and his eyes cold. Izzy was barely holding it together. She was no longer bothering to wipe the tears from her eyes, instead they freely trickled in a steady stream down her cheeks before dropping to dampen the earth by the grave. Clary and Lydia were also struggling to hold back their tears.

With a sigh Jace and Alec moved forward and carried the body to the grave. Using ropes they lowered Hodge down into the darkness of the earth. They all stood around the grave hesitating. Nobody really wanted to rush and pile the soil back into the grave. But The Clave's orders had to be obeyed. So with a sigh Alec walked over to where his spade was stuck in the dirt. Just as he was about to load his shovel with dirt Robin moved next to him. He held out his hand and Alec took the box of matches from him. Then Robin passed him a bottle of lighter fluid.

Without breaking eye contact he said. "I think I'm going to go for a walk, you guys can finish up here right?" Everyone froze as they caught on to Robin's real meaning.

As he was walking away Jace suddenly called after him befuddled. "But why? Why would you do this for him? You didn't even know him."

Robin turned back and smiled sadly at them all. "I'm not doing it for him. It's what you guys need. Saying goodbye to him and giving him a proper funeral is the only way any of you are going to be able to get closure." As he gave them one last nod and walked away Alec felt a wave of gratitude towards him, for what he was doing for them. Because Alec knew he was right this was the only way they were going to be able to get any closure. But Robin was risking so much, if The Clave found out then at best he'd lose his job, at worst he'd be banished. It was a lot to risk for a bunch of people you had only met a few weeks before.

Alec opened the lighter fluid and poured it into the grave, covering Hodge's body with it. The sharp, putrid smell of the chemicals stung as they breathed it in. Alec passed a match to each of them and one by one they lit them and let them fall. Suddenly the darkness fled as bright orange flames burst to life. They all stood hand in hand as their friend burnt. Each lost in their own memories of him. For the first time since his death they all openly grieved and cried for him, taking comfort in the warmth of the flames and each others presence.

Once the flames had died away and their tears had dried up, they began to fill the grave back in. As the soil fell onto the remaining ashes Alec felt like something was ending. He didn't really know how to explain the feeling. It was like Sunday evenings when you know Monday is coming and you're sad that the weekend is over but you're also looking forward to what the new week might bring. Or when summer ends, you can feel the days getting shorter and you see the leaves changing and you know it will soon turn cold and the leaves will begin to die and fall from their branches but you also know that Christmas and the snows will be here soon bringing a whole different kind of joy with them.

 **Robin's POV**

Visiting the Greenhouse had always calmed him. He didn't know what it was exactly about this place, but it somehow seemed kind of magical. It could be the fragrances from all the various exotic blossoms or the soft trickle of the water from the rock pool. Maybe it was the vibrant colours or the way the sunlight shining through the glass roof made rainbows of light dance around the room. Whatever it was Robin always felt instantly more relaxed when he stepped through the doors. This was the place he was going to miss the most when he returned home.

He sighed as he sat on a bench near the rock pool and watched his reflection in the water. He felt a strange kind of sadness when he thought about leaving. When he first got here he couldn't wait to get the mission over and done with so he could leave again. So he could get away from Lydia. Seeing her again had been hard, all the pain and anger had flooded back. All the horror filled memories. But as time had gone on he had began to remember some of the good times they had as well and some of the anger had ebbed away.

The truth was in some ways he was jealous of Lydia. He had spent the last two years of his life alone, avoiding people and throwing himself into work, sinking deeper and deeper into the pit of despair and sorrow, not living at all. He had expected to find Lydia in a similar place but instead she seemed to be doing well for herself. Yes bad things were happening, but she had a family, she was surrounded by people who cared and loved her. Who supported her. Then there was Alec. Robin had been sceptical when he heard Lydia had entered into a political marriage. But Alec was a good guy, he cared about Lydia and seemed so determined to protect her. Lydia herself also seemed content. Somehow that had made him angry too, seeing how well she was doing. It just made him feel even more alone. Now he only felt shame for the way he had acted towards her.

He heard footsteps approaching and looked up to see Lydia walking towards him. He felt a tug in his heart as he took in the sight of her. She was wearing a pastel blue summer dress that came to just above her knees and her hair was down. It bounced and shined gold as she walked, it was like someone had harnessed the light from the sun and woven it into her hair. She was wearing minimal makeup and a small smile graced her lips. This was the Lydia he remembered. This was the Lydia he loved.

"Hey, Alec and I are leaving soon." Her voice was soft as she spoke. "I was hoping to talk to you before we go. You'll be gone by the time we get back." Robin nodded and patted the space on the bench next to him.

They sat in silence for a few moments before he asked. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

She didn't answer right away instead staring pensively into the water. Then she took a deep breath in and looked up at him. There was a kind of determination in her eyes. "I wanted to say I'm sorry." Robin looked at her confused. "I'm sorry you lost Arabelle and John. I'm sorry you're in pain. But I also wanted to say that it wasn't my fault. For so long I believed it was and the guilt was slowly killing me. Even if we had tortured that warlock they still might have died and we would have had to live with what we had done for the rest of our lives. Maybe you would have been ok with that, but I couldn't have handled it. I understand that you were grieving and that you were angry but you were wrong for blaming me. You punished me for showing another person compassion."

During her speech Robin had shifted his gaze to the floor out of shame, he hadn't been able to bear looking at her. But now his eyes flicked up to meet hers as he heard her voice become strained as she held back tears. Once he was looking into her eyes he suddenly found that he could not look away. He saw her swallow and take another deep breath as she tried to regain some composure.

"The way you treated me, the things you said to me; I've carried them with me everyday for two years. I had just lost my fiance and the girl who was like a sister to me and a lot of friends. I had lost my family just like you and I've never felt pain like it. But when we both needed each other the most you pushed me away and you abandoned me. I was left with nothing. I had to leave my home and I had to leave you. You were the last person on this earth that I loved and cared about." Robin was struggling to keep his own tears from falling as he heard the pain in her voice and saw it in her tear filled eyes. "You really hurt me Robin. You broke my heart even more."

Her voice finally broke at the end. He knew it was true, he had hurt her and he was ashamed to say that this was the first time he fully realised the damage he had done to her. Robin reached forward and took her hand in his, gently stroking her knuckles. "You're right. I know saying sorry doesn't make it right but you should know that I am so sorry."

She searched his eyes for a moment before she slowly nodded. "I'm not saying these things to upset you or hurt you back. It's because I want you in my life Robin but I know that we'll never be able to move forward if we don't get all the bad stuff out now, if we just leave it buried then it'll eat away at us and there'll be no hope for us ever being friends again."

"I know, and I shouldn't have treated you the way that I did. I was hurting so much and I was looking for someone to blame. You were there and the truth is every time I looked at you I remembered the attack and it was hard reliving it over and over again, it was unbearable. So I wanted you gone, I wanted it to stop. So I pushed you away and I blamed it on you. I know I hurt you, I hurt myself too. But as angry as I was I never really hated you, I could never hate you. I used the anger to try and convince myself that I didn't miss you or need you but then..." Robin had to take a moment to swallow down the tight lump in his throat as he remembered Lydia laying wet, cold and lifeless after The Accident. "When I thought you were gone after you were trapped on the boat, I realised how badly I had screwed up with you. I couldn't handle the thought of you dying thinking that I hated you. I thought I had lost you and that hurt like hell, but it also made me realise how much time I had wasted being angry with you. Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?"

"Of course I will." Lydia reassured him gently. She paused for a few moments, watching the water rippling again. When she looked back at him she had a strange look in her eyes. "I haven't told anyone this but when I was...unconscious, I saw them. John and Arabelle."

"What do you mean?" Robin asked confused.

"I blacked out in the water and when I opened my eyes again I was in this long corridor. One end was really light and the other really dark, so I walked down the hall towards the light. When I got to the end they were there. They told me I had a choice, I could go back or I could follow them through this door. I wanted to go with them, was certain it was what I wanted but then I heard first Alec's voice then the rest of you calling me from the other end of the corridor. I heard you, saying you were sorry, begging me to stay and asking me not to leave you alone. Then your voices started to fade like you were leaving so I chased after you without thinking. That's when I woke up." Robin listened to her story intently, he didn't really know what to make of it. He had begged her not to leave him. Clearly she had heard them when they had called to her. "I don't know whether it was real or a dream but I am sure of one thing. We're going to be with them again one day." She looked so certain and so content when she said it that Robin had no choice but to believe her. He'd be lying if he said he didn't get some comfort out of it. He beamed back at her.

"So, where do we go from here?" He asked her softly.

"I guess we just try to start over, clean slate and all that. Try and move forward." Robin nodded his agreement. Lydia suddenly looked sad as she added. "I have to get going. Alec's waiting for me. He wanted me to tell you goodbye and thank you for your help over the last few weeks." She stood up from the bench as she spoke.

"So I guess this is goodbye." Robin said as he too stood.

"Yeah, but I'm sure we'll see each other again." Robin smiled back, then after a moments hesitation pulled her into a hug. She came to him willingly, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly. He let his eyes fall shut as he breathed in the scent of her apple shampoo and felt her warmth seep into his skin. He knew that their relationship wasn't fixed, there was still a lot of hurt between them, but that would fade over time. Today they had turned a page and made a fresh start. This was a new beginning for them and although they may not be entirely ok right now he knew that one day they would be.

They broke apart and Robin gave her another smile. "Tell Alec I say goodbye and I wish him the best." Lydia nodded and after giving him a quick kiss to the cheek she turned and walked out of The Greenhouse.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec and the others were at the entrance to The Institute. He was waiting nervously for Lydia to return. He knew that she had gone to talk to Robin and he couldn't help but worry about how it was going. He didn't want Lydia to be upset. His worries were banished though when he saw Lydia walking towards him with a smile on her face. "Hey how'd it go?"

"Fine, we sorted things out. He wanted me to say goodbye to you and that he wishes you the best." Alec smiled back at her. He was relieved, he knew that Lydia cared for Robin, that he was like family to her and so he was glad that they had worked things out. He passed her bag to her and as she took it the portal opened. They turned to the others.

"Have fun guys." Jace stepped forward and hugged Alec. Then after they broke apart Alec was pleased to see him step over and hug Lydia too.

"Yeah we'll see you when you get back. We'll miss you." Izzy hugged them both too as did Clary. Once all the goodbyes had been said Alec turned to Lydia.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Definitely." She beamed back. He took her hand and with one last wave to their friends they stepped through the portal. As the purple light faded Alec found himself standing in an unfamiliar apartment. It was minimally decorated with magnolia walls and basic furniture. But it looked comfortable.

"What do you say we dump our stuff, pass The Cup over, then go get something to eat?" Alec asked.

"Sounds good to me. Here the bedroom is this way." He followed her into the bedroom. It also had magnolia walls, the bedding was silver and there were red accents around the room. They put their bags by the bed and Alec reached into his and pulled out the tarot card that still held The Cup trapped with in it. They figured it was probably safer to keep it the card. Meanwhile Lydia pulled her keys out of her bag and they left the apartment.

It had been a while since Alec had been back to Idris. Lydia lived in Alicante, the capital of Idris and it's only city. She didn't live far from the Hall of Accords. The street was packed with people and the buildings rose above them. The chatter of a hundred different conversations filled the air as they walked hand in hand towards The Hall where they would be meeting The High Inquisitor to pass over The Cup and attend a meeting to give a debriefing of the mission and to discuss what they were going to do about Valentine. It was a nice day and the sun was shining. You could see the mountains looming over the city and the sunlight flashing off the icy shard-like Demon Towers. After some time they made it to the gardens of The Hall of Accords. In the centre was a long rectangular pool of turquoise water that was interspersed with circular water fountains. On either side of them were rows of neatly kept hedges and flower beds.

As they approached the white stone steps that lead up to The Hall they saw Inquisitor Herondale standing at the top of them. They looked at each other nervously before climbing the steps towards her. Alec kind of felt like he was walking into the lion's den. But still he plastered a polite smile on his face and tried to convey confidence.

"Inquisitor Herondale. I hope you are well?" He greeted her.

"Well enough." She replied in her usual clipped voice. "And what of you Mrs Lightwood I heard you had a close call during the raid to recover The Cup, are you recovered?"

"Yes thank you." Lydia replied politely.

"Good. Shall we proceed?" The Inquistor held the glass door to The Hall open for them and they passed through into a large circular room that was ornately decorated. There were several runes marking the floor tiles in gold. A few other Clave members were gathered and Herondale moved to stand with them. "We were very pleased to learn that you had successfully recovered The Cup though it is disappointing that Valentine was able to escape. Still Mr Beaumont tells us you are to be commended for your efforts and professionalism. We are also confident that you will work tirelessly to stop Valentine once and for all."

"Thank you and rest assured that we will." Alec reassured them. Then he pulled The Cup from his jacket pocket and handed it over to the Inquisitor. She took it with a nod.

"Ok well I say we get the debriefing over with and then let these young ones enjoy the rest of their time here." One of the other Clave members suggested. They moved to a nearby table and the meeting began.

It was several hours later when they left the Accords Hall and the sun was just beginning to set painting the sky in reds, pinks and oranges. After quickly nipping back to Lydia's apartment they got changed and then headed to a nearby restaurant. It was littered with round tables that were dressed with lace table cloths and each table had a candle in the centre. They were shown to a table in a dark corner and given menus. After the food had been ordered and the champagne poured Alec raised his glass and Lydia followed suit.

"So what are we toasting?" She asked.

"Us. After all not only are we finally rid of The Cup but today is our one month wedding anniversary." He smiled at her as a look of realisation came across her face. He could hardly believe it had only been a month, so much had happened, losing The Cup, Hodge, the attack on the Institute, Robin turning up, getting the book and waking Jocelyn, The Dark Lady and her curse and then the attack on the boat. He still struggled with how close he had come to losing her. Needing the contact suddenly he reached across the table and took her hand. She gave him a reassuring squeeze but soon had to pull away when their food arrived.

"So when are we meeting you're parents and Max?" Lydia asked as they dug into their food.

"Tomorrow morning, I think we're going for a picnic."

"I'm really looking forward to spending some time with them and getting to know them better." That made Alec smile too.

"Yeah I'm looking forward to it too. I've missed them. You know we've only got a few days here. Is there anything else you want to do while we're here, other than packing up some of your things?"

"I don't mind what we do, we can just take it day by day." Alec nodded his agreement feeling a smile pull at his lips and his muscles begin to relax.

They spent a very enjoyable evening together. It was nice to just relax and spend time with just the two of them. They talked and laughed and swapped stories from their childhoods, getting to know each other better. They were both looking forward to the rest of their trip. After dinner they slowly made their way back home. The houses of Alicante were glowing with the silvery shine of witchlight and there was a gentle breeze. The streets were quieter and everything seemed so peaceful. They got back to the apartment and headed to bed.

 **Lydia's POV**

It was another beautiful day as they made their way through the busy streets to the park where they were meeting The Lightwoods. They soon found them sitting at the picnic benches and as Alec and her approached Max leaped up from the bench and ran towards them. He threw his arms around Alec's neck as he bent to scoop him up into a bear hug. Lydia couldn't help but smile at the scene, the love between the two brothers was so heartwarming. Once he was back on his own two feet Max turned to her with a bright smile.

"Hey I'm Max." He held out his hand to her. Lydia smiled as she shook his hand.

"Nice to meet you Max, I'm Lydia."

"Come sit, we've got food. Tell me all about yourself." As they came up to the table Robert and Maryse also got up and moved to greet them. She was surprised when Maryse gave her a light hug.

"Hello again Lydia. We're glad to see that you're ok, we were worried after we heard about The Accident."

"It's good to see you to." Lydia smiled as she shook Robert's hand.

"Shall we sit and eat?" Robert suggested. They all took their places around the picnic table, Max squeezed himself in between her and Alec. As they were tucking in Maryse suddenly piped up.

"Oh we finally got sent the wedding photos, they came out marvellously, here I'll show you." She reached for her handbag that was under the table and pulled out a stack of photos. She was right they had come out well. They spent the next several minutes exclaiming over the pictures, pointing out their favourites and laughing at the memories. It looked as though every minute of the day had been photographed from them getting set up and ready, to the ceremony, to the reception.

"I wish I had been there." Max lamented causing Alec to ruffle his hair.

Lydia smiled at him. "I wish you could have been there too. I can't believe it was a month ago now." The others nodded their heads. Where had the time gone? In some ways it had seemed to have gone in a blink of an eye and in others it seemed a lifetime ago.

"So anyway, Max hows your training going? Still causing trouble?" Alec asked his little brother who sighed making Alec chuckle.

"I've been on my best behaviour actually, I just still get some of the runes mixed up." Max said while giving them the puppy dog look. Lydia thought he was adorable, she couldn't help but smile at him.

Robert shook his head at his youngest son and added. "We've had to take his stele off of him twice now."

Alec burst out laughing. "Now that sounds more likely." Lydia couldn't help but laugh too when Max stuck his tongue out at Alec, any attempt of looking innocent vanishing.

Suddenly Max turned to her and started asking questions. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No, I'm an only child, I always wanted siblings though."

"Oh well it's good you married Alec then cos now you've got me, Isabelle and Jace." Lydia felt rather touched by his comment.

"What Institutes have you visited?" Max continued.

"I've only been to Lisbon and New York. How about you?" Lydia asked back.

"Oh I've been to the New York and the Mumbai Institutes. But I had to leave the Mumbai Institute because I got the nourishment rune mixed up with the heat rune. So Lisbon huh? That's in Portugal right?"

"Yeah that's right."

"That's cool do you have loads of friends there?"

"I've got one or two." She smiled as he slowly nodded his head while trying to think of another question.

"What's your favourite colour?" He asked quickly.

"Teal, yours?"

Max rubbed his chin while he thought about. "I'm not sure. I like black, but I also like blue and green and silver. There's too many colours to choose from. What's..."

"Ok that's enough questions now Max." Maryse interrupted. "You'll have plenty of time to get to know Lydia, you don't need to find out everything about her right now." They all chuckled again at Max's disappointed sigh.

They spent some more time making small talk and catching up with each other as they ate. Once they had finished Alec and Max moved further out onto the field to play catch. Robert, Maryse and her sat and watched the two of them in a comfortable silence for a while before Robert said quietly. "I heard that the Clave ordered for Hodge's body to be buried."

Lydia looked back at them both. They looked sad and worried as Lydia nodded slowly. "Yeah we buried him yesterday before we came here."

"How are our children handling it? I mean Alec seems to be ok but it always was hard to tell what Alec is feeling. How are Isabelle and Jace?" Maryse asked concerned.

Lydia sighed before answering. "They found it hard, naturally. But I think they're coping. It helps that they've got each other for support." Maryse and Robert looked relieved.

"It was so tough telling Max what had happened with Hodge, how do you explain to a child something as horrific as that, as complicated?"

Lydia shook her head in sympathy. Before looking back at little Max who was laughing as his big brother fell over himself trying to catch a badly thrown ball. "How did he take it?"

"Not great, he shouted and cried for a bit when we first told him then went really quiet and refused to talk about it whenever we asked how he was." Robert explained.

"He'll talk when he's ready. All anyone can really do is show him he's not alone that he has people who care about and love him." Lydia told them softly. She looked back to find them watching her curiously.

"You sound like you're talking from experience." Robert said.

"I lost some people I loved, for a long time I wouldn't talk to anyone about it, I felt like I was alone. But then someone showed me they cared and I opened up to them and then I started to heal." They all suddenly plastered smiles on their faces as Max came running over and began tugging on her hand.

"Come on Lyds! Come play with us!" He urged excitedly. Laughing Lydia jumped up and let him tug her over to where Alec was waiting throwing the ball from one hand to the other. Lydia didn't think she had ever seen Alec look so happy before. For the rest of the morning they played. Running around the field, playing catch or chase and what's the time mister wolf. By the time afternoon had come around the three of them were exhausted and their sides ached from laughing so much. Maryse and Robert called them back over.

"Come on Max, it's time to go. You've got to meet your tutors in half an hour." Max groaned at his Mum's reminder then turned to hug Alec goodbye. Lydia felt her heart soar when he then wrapped her in a tight hug too.

"Bye Lyds, you're gonna come see me again before you leave aren't you?" Lydia nodded her head. Maryse then moved forward and hugged her again this time a little longer and a little tighter.

"It was great seeing you Lydia, and thank you for the advice." She whispered softly into her ear. Lydia again nodded as they pulled apart and then received a hug from Robert too. Just before they left Maryse pulled a pack of photographs from her bag. "Here we got you guys a set too." Lydia took them gratefully and Alec took her hand and they all went their separate ways. They began to walk back towards the apartment. This afternoon they were going to be packing up some of her things so they needed to make a start.

An hour later and they were in her bedroom going through her things deciding what she wanted to bring and filling the boxes dotted around the room.

"Ah Lydia? What is this?" Alec asked puzzled. She looked up to see him holding a brown square shaped clay object. She chuckled.

"Oh that was a clay coaster I made for my mum when I was like seven. She hated it." She answered. "I didn't even realise I still had it."

"Hmm interesting colour choice. And what is that symbol on it?" Alec teased.

"Ok it was suppose to be red and gold but I left it in the kiln to long and so it burnt. And that is clearly the Good luck rune." She chastised him as she took the tile from him while he chuckled.

"You and Max have more in common than I first thought because that looks more like a deformed Acceleration rune." He continued to tease her. She tried to keep the facade of annoyance but she couldn't help but smile at the childish, playful glint in his eyes.

"Well the glaze ran when I was drawing it." She said defensively pouting her lips at him. As he held up a camera he had found and snapped off a quick picture.

"Bring it or leave it?" He asked as he shook the camera.

"Yeah we can bring it. Don't put in the box just yet though, it'll be nice to get some pictures of our trip." Alec nodded and placed it on the bedside cabinet. Lydia turned and continued with the task of sorting through her clothes drawers. When she looked up again she couldn't help the burst of laughter that ripped out of her. Alec had found her small hat collection and had donned her bright fuchsia pink, floppy, straw sunhat. It had a black ribbon tied around it with a big bow at the back. It didn't suit him at all. He tried to look innocent for a moment before a cheeky glint came into his eye. It struck Lydia that in that moment he looked like Max. She reached out and grabbed the camera off the bedside locker snapping a picture. What ensued next was a wasted hour of her and Alec trying on various hats and taking ridiculously exaggerated pictures, in some they were trying to look serious, in others they were pulling faces but throughout it all they were finding it difficult to control their outbursts of laughter.

They managed to pull themselves back together and continue with the packing but it wasn't long before they were distracted again this time by a box of photos.

"Hey this is you and Robin." Alec called to her, he had found the box at the bottom of her closet. He placed the box on the bed then sat next to it, pulling pictures from the box. Lydia soon joined him taking the picture from his hands. It was a picture from their first trip to the beach. Robin had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, he was wearing blue swim trunks and she was dressed in a black bikini, her wet hair clinging to her shoulders. They both looked really happy. Lydia felt nostalgia creep up on her as she stared at the photo.

"Is this John? Whose the girl?" Alec's voice cut through her memories and she looked up at the photo he was holding out to her. That one was all four of them. Lydia and Arabelle were in the centre and then next to Lydia was John and Robin was on the other end next to Arabelle. They all had bright smiles on their faces.

"Yeah that's John. The girl is Arabelle, Robin's sister." She explained. "That was taken at Arabelle's 20th birthday party. It was only two months before she died." Lydia finished sadly. Alec rubbed her shoulder in comfort.

"We should take some of these back with us. Frame them and put them on the wall in our room at the Institute. What do you think?" Alec asked gently. Lydia was touched by the suggestion. She smiled up at him.

"I'd like that." They went through the box picking out the best pictures and Lydia told Alec the stories that went with them. After they finished up the packing then settled on the sofa in the living room with the pack of wedding photos. They had decided to go through them again and pick out a couple to put on the wall along with her ones from Lisbon.

"Gosh you looked so nervous." She giggled as they looked at a picture of Alec standing with Jace at the altar. "You actually look like you might throw up."

"I was so nervous, I'm not even sure why. You know I actually thought I might pass out at one point." He laughed back.

"Hey look at this." She exclaimed as she compared a few pictures from during the ceremony and after. "You can actually pinpoint the exact moment you took a deep breath and relaxed." She teased. Alec just shook his head at her. Then she suddenly spotted something in the background of one of the pictures.

"Hey wait is that..." She picked up a picture taken just after Alec had drawn the wedded rune on her, peering at the window in the picture. "I think that's Magnus." She queried.

"What? It can't be. Magnus wasn't at the wedding or the reception." Alec reminded her bewildered.

"No I'm sure it's him. Look." She pointed to the window behind Alec in the picture. She watched as Alec's expression turned to shock for a moment before he put a mask on and Lydia could no longer tell what he was thinking. The image in the photo was blurry but there was no mistaking it was Magnus.

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 **So this chapter was very much about turning a page, moving on and new beginnings. So next chapter Alec's going to be having a chat to Magnus now that he knows the truth and that Magnus did actually care enough to come to the wedding we'll see what happens there whether they too will have a new beginning or whether they'll move on from each other. Also we are going to have some girl bonding time as after all Lydia never actually got a bachelorette party so that needs to be rectified and Clary and Izzy deserve a bit of a break too. So watch this space and I'll hopefully update soon.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Ok you guys know the drill by now I don't own Shadowhunters. Again sorry for the long gap between chapters I've had a lot on my plate the last few months but I should have more time for writing now so hopefully I'll be quicker updating. The title is some more song lyrics this time its lil mix and secret love song. Anyway as always I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 **Chapter 12: Why Can't I Say That I'm In Love?**

 **Alec's POV**

The beating of his footsteps echoed around the stairwell as he raced up the stairs to Magnus' apartment. As loud as his footsteps were his heart seemed to thump louder. The photograph was clutched tightly in his hand. He had no idea what he was going to say to Magnus, he just knew that he had to talk to him. After Lydia's discovery of the photograph Alec hadn't really been able to focus during the rest of their trip, he was on edge and he wasn't even sure why. He had to talk to Magnus, then maybe things would make more sense, because Alec had never felt more confused in his life than he did right now.

Finally reaching the top of the stairs he reached out a shaking fist and pounded on the door. As he waited for Magnus to answer he took a few calming breaths and tried to regain some composure. The door squeaked as Magnus opened it.

"Alec, its nice to see you. Is everything ok? You look a little... frazzled?"

"I... Um... Can I come in? I need to talk to you. Please?" Magnus stepped aside so that Alec could brush past him and into the apartment. He gestured at the armchair inviting Alec to sit. Alec sank down into the soft cushions but then stood up again a moment later. To wound up to stay still, he began to pace. All the while Magnus watched him worriedly.

"Alec what's wrong? Why are you here? What can I do for you?"

Alec tried to think of something to say, to somehow answer his questions but the truth was Alec wasn't sure why he was so upset by that picture or why he was here or even what he expected Magnus to do. At a complete loss he instead just thrust the picture towards Magnus who gently took it from his hand. Alec suddenly saw Magnus' expression turn stony as he stared down at the picture.

"Well it's a lovely picture Alec, but I'm still at a loss as to what you want from me?" Magnus said drily.

"The window, in the background." Alec choked out finding his voice. He saw Magnus' eyes drift to the slightly blurred but easily recognisable figure in the background of the photo. Magnus sighed, a look of realisation coming across his face as he lowered the photo and looked up at Alec. "You were there."

"Yes, I was there." Magnus replied matter of factly.

"Why?"

"Why was I there? Well your sister invited me and I heard there was going to be some delicious free food at the reception." Magnus jested lightly with a hint of a smile. Alec scowled at him and shook his head. Usually he found Magnus' joking and flirtations charming but right now he just needed Magnus to be serious.

"Magnus please. Why were your really there?" He pleaded desperate to understand.

Magnus let out a soft sigh then stood from the chair and moved to the bar pouring them both a drink. He handed the blue cocktail to Alec. "I was there because I had come to realise that you are the first person in over a hundred years that I've felt this strongly for. I had put up so many walls around my heart, determined to prevent myself from ever being heartbroken again. I decided it was best if I just didn't feel anything for anyone ever. But then you came along and knocked them all down with seemingly no effort at all. I realised that if there was even a chance that you might feel the same way then it was worth fighting for. You are worth fighting for. So I was there to try one last time to get you to reconsider. To tell you how I felt and put all my cards on the table."

Silence filled the room as Alec took in everything Magnus had said. He could feel butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He stared into the blue cocktail he still held in his hand as if it could give him all the answers he seeked. Then he placed it on the nearby table and looked up at Magnus.

"But then why didn't you? Why didn't you come in and say all that stuff?" Alec asked confused.

"Because I got there too late. I arrived just as you were both drawing the wedded runes." He confessed sadly. Suddenly the full realisation of the situation hit Alec and he sank into the chair and buried his face in his hands. After a moment he felt Magnus tug on his hands gently. He looked up to find Magnus crouching before him.

"Alec can I ask you something?" Magnus asked softly. Alec nodded his head. "Would it have made a difference if I had got there in time?" That was the real question wasn't it? Alec thought about it. He couldn't pretend anymore he had to be honest with himself and with Magnus.

"I think it might have, I guess we'll never know for sure. It's too late now." Alec admitted. He saw something glint in Magnus' eyes and felt his hands clutch a little tighter.

"It's not too late Alec, you can still undo it, change things." Alec again pondered on what Magnus had said. He'd be lying if he said it wasn't tempting. The idea of just saying to hell with it all and just being with Magnus. He sometimes found himself wondering what it would be like. Could he do it? Could he take that risk? Would it be worth it? Suddenly his eye was drawn to that photo on the table behind Magnus. To Lydia, a beaming smile on her face and her eyes bright with happiness. He remembered how much she had grown over the last month, how happy she was and how the rest of the family had now come to accept her. Everyone at the Institute had warmed to her too now. He thought back over the last week and how she had connected with Max, he had never seen Max open up so quickly with anyone else. He groaned and looked away again as a nauseous feeling churned in his stomach.

"It's such a mess. It's so much more complicated now. I screwed up and now there are too many other people involved, it's not just you and me and Lydia, there are so many more people who I can hurt now. I don't know what to do I feel like I'm losing my mind." He whispered in despair. He wanted Magnus he couldn't deny that anymore. But he cared deeply for Lydia and he could really hurt her. He could really hurt his family by leaving her, as they had come to love her like family too. If he stayed with her it would likely tear him and Magnus apart but if he left he risked tearing his entire family apart. He had never been so conflicted in his life. He looked at Magnus who was stroking the back of his hand soothingly and looking at him understandingly.

"Hey it's ok. Just tell me what you want me to do?" Magnus asked calmly.

Alec shook his head not knowing what he wanted. "I... I think I need to talk to Lydia. I don't know... Just wait, I'll come talk to you again." He rambled, Magnus nodded reassuring him. "I should go."

Magnus walked him to the door and opened it. "Until I see you again then." He smiled squeezing Alec's shoulder. Alec hesitated just a moment then lent forward and placed a soft kiss to Magnus' forehead. Before turning and quickly leaving.

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia needed a distraction. She knew Alec had gone to speak to Magnus this morning and she was worried. Alec had been acting out of sorts ever since they had discovered that photograph. It was like he had put up a wall and Lydia had no clue what he was thinking or feeling. She just hoped he was ok. Her eye was caught by the boxes they had brought back from her apartment. Well she needed a distraction, she might as well get to unpacking.

Unfortunately the unpacking took little brain power and so she found her thoughts were still drifting back to Alec and Magnus, he had been gone awhile now. What was going on in that apartment? She needed to stop worrying, Alec was a big boy and this wasn't any of her business she told herself firmly.

But you're his wife, another voice contradicted. She pushed it away and tried to go back to her task. She pulled the photos that Alec and her had picked out to frame. Sitting on the bed she picked up the photo of her and Alec taken at their reception during their first dance. It was a close up shot and Lydia was looking up at Alec who had a soft smile tugging at the corners of his lips. She set to the task of putting it in a frame as her thoughts once again wandered. She was his wife, not his keeper. She wasn't going to be one of those wives who constantly had to know where her husband was and what he was doing, who he was with. She had more trust in him than that she reassured herself.

Still she couldn't help but feel uneasy, she knew nothing could tie Alec in knots quite like one Magnus Bane. She cared deeply for Alec and didn't like the idea of him being upset or in pain and Magnus was a good friend she didn't want him getting hurt either. As much as she tried to tell herself that everything was going to be fine she couldn't help but feel like that photo was like Pandora's box and who knew what chaos would unfold now that it was open.

She was broken from her thoughts by a gentle tap on the door. "One sec, I'll be right there!"She called as she clipped the back onto the photo frame. She opened the door to find Izzy and Clary standing there.

"Hey we heard that you had brought a load of your stuff back from Idris, we didn't have anything to do and so were wondering if you needed any help unpacking?" Izzy smiled at her.

"Sure come on in." Lydia stepped aside as they both passed through the door.

"So how can we help?" Clary asked while looking around the room.

"Well at the moment I'm framing some pictures to stick on the wall." She gestured towards the bed. Izzy picked up one of the frames and studied it.

"Hey these look cool, what are these little notches for?"

"You can connect the frames to each other so they form a kind of college." Izzy and Clary made oohing noises as they noticed the photos of the wedding.

"You looked so beautiful." Clary smiled as she studied a picture of Lydia in her wedding dress. Lydia smiled back at her.

Suddenly Izzy spotted the picture of her, John, Arabelle and Robin. Picking up she asked "Isn't that Robin in this picture?"

Lydia nodded, "Yeah that was taken when we were at the Lisbon Institute together."

Clary had moved closer to also look at the photo. "Who are the others in the picture? You all look so happy together."

"That's Robin's sister Arabelle and his Parabatai John, he was my fiance." She pretended not to notice the looks of shock that came across both their faces.

Izzy was the first to recover. "Where is he now?" Lydia could hear the apprehension in Izzy's voice , like she already guessed what the answer was going to be and a part of her didn't want to hear it.

"He died, Arabelle too. Demon attack." Lydia replied sadly.

"I'm so sorry Lydia." Clary whispered gently.

"Thank you, but it was a long time ago. It will always hurt and I'll always miss them but as time's gone on and being here, I've started to heal." She gave them both a sad but hopeful smile. "Anyway lets talk about something else. Something happy, there's been too much stress and sadness over the last month. " Lydia said in an attempt to lighten the mood.

That was when Izzy suddenly gasped and looked up from one of the wedding photos. "You know what I've just realised?!"

"What?" Lydia asked slightly alarmed.

"You never got a bachelorette party!" Izzy lamented.

"Oh we should so do something tonight just us three girls." Clary suggested excitedly.

"I don't know guys."

"Oh come on Lyds!" Izzy pleaded. "It'll be so much fun. We can get all dressed up pretty and paint the town red." Clary was nodding her head enthusiastically. Lydia looked back and forth between their beaming faces before finally giving in.

"Fine, ok then." She replied putting her hands up in surrender. She couldn't help but smile when they both let out a cheer.

"I say we go through Lydia's closet and find something super hot for her to wear tonight." Clary suggested as they moved towards the closet.

They spent the next half an hour pulling out dresses and trying them on. Izzy even popped back to her room and brought back a mountain of different outfits. Their morning had suddenly turned into a runway show and Lydia finally felt more relaxed as her earlier worry seeped away and was replaced with laughter. They took turns trying on different outfits and parading up and down in front of each other, giggling and oohing and aahing and giving each other compliments on how great they looked.

Suddenly around 1 in the afternoon there was a knock at the door. Lydia ran over and unlocked the door, opening it to reveal Alec. He looked tired and very stressed.

"Hey are you ok?" She greeted him softly. Reaching out a hand and rubbing his upper arm in comfort.

"Ah yeah. Um guys could I talk to Lydia alone for a sec?" He called over her shoulder to Izzy and Clary.

"Sure we'll just go and raid Clary's closet and see if she's got anymore outfits we can try." Izzy replied.

Alec gently shut the door behind them as they left and turned to Lydia, he had a serious, tense look on his face and he stood in silence for a few moments. It seemed as if he was struggling to find words. Suddenly she began to feel uneasy again, something was wrong, very wrong. Alec wasn't acting like himself at all and his nervousness was making her nervous.

"Hey Alec its ok, whatever it is that's bothering you, you can tell me." She urged him gently trying to catch his eye, but he was looking at the ground.

"Look Lydia, the thing is..." He paused again as he looked up and suddenly seemed to notice the clothes strewn across the bed and floor. " Um what's with all the dresses?" He asked befuddled.

"Izzy remembered that I never had a bachelorette party and so she and Clary are taking me out to paint the town red tonight." She explained with a smile on her face.

"That'll be nice."

"Yeah I'm so happy. I feel like they're opening up to me a lot more now, I feel closer to them. It's like being part of a family again." When she looked back up at Alec he looked so conflicted. "Hey are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, Yeah really I'm fine."

"Ok." Lydia nodded her head slowly, not really believing him. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I..." Alec hesitated again as he looked back up at her, it was like he was searching her eyes for something, she could see the cogs turning in his brain. And then his face suddenly relaxed and he gave her a small smile. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for acting so weird lately, the last month has been hard and I think the stress of it all just finally caught up with me. I'm sorry if you felt like I've been off with you at all."

Lydia shook her head. "It's ok I know how much stress you've been under. I just hope that you know that I'm always here for you if you ever need to talk. You're not alone in this Alec."

He smiled back at her. "I know, anyway I'm suppose to be meeting Jace for training so I will let you get back to your girl time. Enjoy yourself tonight, you deserve a bit of fun."

"I will and I promise not to be back too late." She joked as he made his way to the door. Once in the door way he stopped and looked back at her.

"Hey Lydia?"

"Yeah?"

"You are a part of a family. You're a part of this family." He gave her one last smile than slipped out the door, pulling it closed behind him. Lydia felt a sudden wave of emotion come over her as she thought about his last words and a warmth that began to burn in her heart.

 **Alec's POV**

He couldn't do it. He couldn't hurt Lydia like this. He could feel panic rising into his throat clutching it like a tight fist choking out any sanity left in him. He came to a stop and lent against the wall trying to steady his breathing. He drew his hand across his face and groaned. How had he let things get this far, how had he made such a mess of things? Now no matter what he did somebody was going to get hurt. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about hurting Lydia but at the same time was it really fair to carrying on living this lie with her?

He could be happy with Magnus and it had been so hard seeing Magnus in pain over the last month, and knowing that he was the cause of it. Being with Magnus would be so easy, it was very tempting. It was his secret dream, living out his life with Magnus and raising a family with him.

But then again it wasn't like he was unhappy with Lydia. Some of his happiest moments he shared with her, were because of her. It might not be passionate and filled with fireworks but they had a good marriage, a strong partnership. She had come to be a very important part of his life and he honestly didn't know what he'd do without her. If he left her he wouldn't just be hurting her either. His family had come to love her to and it would break all their hearts.

However he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep the charade up. He wasn't being true to himself and every time he sees Magnus he is reminded of that. Every time he sees Magnus his heart yearns for him, aches and then breaks. He was constantly in fear that someone would find out the truth and he was afraid of the consequences of it. Would his parents still love him if they knew who he really was? Would Jace still act the same or would he be uncomfortable? Would Lydia still stand by him and support him? Everyday his fears grew like a dark forest of thorns trapping him within himself. He felt like he was slowly losing his mind.

It all came down to one thing and that was whether or not Magnus was worth risking losing his family over. For some reason he thought about Lydia in that moment. Her and John. It struck him that not so many years ago Lydia had faced a similar choice, the man she loved or her family. She had chosen John and had indeed lost her family. He wondered how she dealt with it all, how she came to the decision. Maybe that would help him, if he asked her why she chose John. Not right now though, she deserved to enjoy a night away from any drama or bad memories. Let her have some fun, he'd talk to her in the morning. Right now he needed to clear his head and meet Jace for training. Shaking his head in an attempt to rid his mind of all thoughts of his current predicament, he continued on his way down the hall.

 **Magnus' POV**

The noise of the music pumping through his club did little to drown out his thoughts of Alec. He was still reeling from Alec's earlier appearance on his doorstep. Seeing him so distressed had pulled at Magnus' heartstrings, he had just wanted to take him into his arms and tell him everything was going to be ok. But the honest truth was that Magnus didn't know if it would be. The only thing he could truthfully promise is that he would be there for Alec through anything, thick and thin, for worse or for better.

He made his way through the crowds as the coloured strobe lights flashed with the beat of the music. He couldn't stop himself from feeling hopeful, for the first time since seeing Alec marry Lydia he thought that just maybe there was a chance for him and Alec, that maybe they could have a future together. A smile slowly spread across his face, he was going to hold onto this feeling of hope for as long as he could.

Out the corner of his eye he suddenly caught sight of Izzy, Clary and Lydia entering the club. He made his way over to them and felt his heart wrench a little at the way Lydia smiled brightly at him. He felt a slight feeling of guilt pull at him. He tutted himself I've done nothing wrong, I've got nothing to feel guilty about, he told himself firmly. "Hello Ladies, don't you all look divine tonight." He beamed at them all. It was true they did all look truly amazing. Izzy looked lethal in a blood red dress that complimented her dark tresses. Clary looked dazzling in her baby blue dress with sequins and Lydia was radiant in a pale gold dress with a laurel wreath weaved into her hair. They all gave him broad smiles at his compliment. "So what's the occasion?" He asked curiously.

"Well not that we need an occasion to look this fabulous..." Izzy flicked her hair over her shoulder as she spoke.

"Naturally." He winked at them.

"But it's Lydia's bachelorette party."

"Okay you guys do know you're suppose to do that before the wedding right?" He half jested. He had to admit he always felt uncomfortably when he was reminded that Lydia was Alec's wife.

"We know, but with everything that was happening at the time, she never actually got to have one. So we're doing it now." Clary laughed brightly.

"Also we heard there was going to be karaoke and we do love a good old sing song." Lydia giggled.

"Oh yes, there is going to be karaoke, and I expect each and every one of you to harness your inner Beyonce and sing your hearts out." He winked at them. "Now I'm afraid you will have to excuse me, I have to go and get things set up, but promise you'll all save a dance for me." They all nodded their heads enthusiastically. He turned to the bartender. "Tommy! I want you to look after my girls here and their drinks are on the house tonight ok." Tommy nodded as Lydia piped up.

"Oh Magnus thank you but that's ok, we can pay, I don't want you losing out on money." Magnus took her hand and shook his head.

"Nonsense. Consider it my wedding gift to you. Have a good night ok and I'll see you all in bit." He felt his heart get heavier and the smile begin to fall from his face a little as he walked away. In truth he didn't need to get anything set up but he couldn't bear to stand there with Lydia any longer. It wasn't anything against her. He adored Lydia, but that was the problem. That guilt he had felt earlier continued to grow even though he knew he hadn't done anything wrong. But he couldn't escape the fact that in order for him to get his happily ever after with Alec, Lydia would have to lose hers. That was a hard pill to swallow. But he also knew that continuing living a lie would eventually destroy both Alec and Lydia. It would soon take its toll on them. Still it was a sticky situation they were in.

As the night wore on he could see that the girls were enjoying themselves. They danced together on the dance floor and chatted to other club goers. They had each had a go at the karaoke as well. In fact all three of them were up there now being cheered on by the crowd. Izzy was in between Lydia and Clary. She was holding the microphone in one hand and had her other arm wrapped around Lydia's neck. Her cheek was pressed to Lydia's and all three of them kept bursting into laughter as they belted out the words to Sister Sledge's _We are Family._ They finished the song to thunderous applause and made their way giddily off the stage. Magnus watched as Clary and Lydia made their way arm in arm back to the bar and Izzy headed towards him.

He smiled at her and returned the hug as she threw her arms around him. "I do believe I owe you a dance Mr Bane." She smiled as she held out a hand to him.

"Is Lydia enjoying her hen night?" He asked. Izzy glanced over to where Lydia and Clary were laughing with Tommy and smiled.

"Yeah I think she is. You know I'll be honest. At first I wasn't sure about Lydia. In fact I was positive she was out to get us all. I definitely wasn't happy about her and Alec getting married. After all I was rooting for you and Alec." She looked back to him then and smiled a little sadly and almost apologetically. "A part of me still is rooting for the two of you; but I can't pretend that I haven't noticed that Alec seems to be happy with Lydia. He's smiling more often and seems so much more confident with her support. And I was wrong about her because she has got such a good heart and cares so much about everyone. She's had such a hard few years and lost so many people that she loved but she's still got this strength about her that's so inspiring. Seeing her happy is wonderful its like seeing a whole other side to her. She's changed and grown so much over the last month. If you had told me a month ago that I would come to love Lydia like a sister, I'd have asked what pills you were on, but I do. Now I couldn't imagine our family without her."

During Izzy's speech Magnus had been watching Lydia and he had to admit he could see the change as well. When she had first arrived she had been stern and intimidating, all dark clothes and bright lipstick, hair pulled back with a permanent frown on her face. But now she was the opposite. She was much more likely to wear pastel or bright colours, mostly blues, teals and greens. She nearly always had her hair down now and her make up was a lot more natural and more often than not she had a sweet smile gracing her lips. But the biggest change was in her eyes. Before you could see the horrors of her past lurking behind the mask of professionalism she wore, the pain and grief. Something awful had happened to her and you could see that it haunted her. But now her eyes were bright and full of laughter and joy and love. She had so much love in her eyes for everyone around her. And just like that Magnus felt that awful feeling of doubt creep in. Could he take all that away from her? Suddenly he felt an overpowering need to see Alec again. He knew that Alec said he would come and find him but he just couldn't wait until then. Luckily the song was coming to an end so he took a step back from Izzy and plastered on a smile.

"I'm glad to hear that you are bonding with Lydia. She's a good woman." Izzy smiled in agreement. "Please do excuse me I have some errands to run."

"Of course, I'll see you around." Izzy bounced back towards the girls as Magnus turned on his heel and disappeared through a portal to The Institute.

 **Alec's POV**

It was nearing 1 am and Alec found himself in the training room pummelling the punch bag. He couldn't sleep and was no closer to making sense of his feelings. He cursed that photograph. It was the cause of all his problems. He was happy before he saw it, content. Now as he battled to figure out what he wanted he truly understood the meaning of the saying ignorance is bliss. A part of him wished he could go back a few days and forget ever seeing the picture. But another part of him knew that it would have come to this eventually anyway.

He heard the scuffle of footsteps behind him and turned to see the object of his thoughts. "Hey." He greeted Magnus softly.

"I wasn't sure if you would still be up." Magnus climbed the steps towards him. The glitter around his eyes glimmered as the light caught it.

"I couldn't sleep. Just couldn't stop thinking you know?" Magnus nodded his head slowly in reply, his eyes never leaving Alec's. He had a strange look on his face. "Is everything ok Magnus?" Alec heard him let out a soft, sad sigh.

"I saw Lydia and the girls at the club." Alec felt his stomach drop at the mention of his wife and he found himself looking away from Magnus. "Alec the thing is... something Izzy said got me thinking."

"What did she say?" He asked with trepidation.

"She was talking about how much Lydia had changed since being here. How much happier she is now. She also pointed out that you too seem happy."

Alec paused for a moment then confessed. "I tried to talk to her earlier. Tell her that I wanted to be with you but then I saw how happy she looked when she was talking about being part of a family again and I just couldn't do it." Alec rubbed his forehead and clenched his eyes shut for a moment before looking back at Magnus. But now he was looking at the floor.

"Truthfully the last month, being distant from you and seeing you with her, has been hellish. Yet I always lived in hope that eventually you would admit that you had feelings for me, I was sure I couldn't be the only one to feel this way. I would dream about it. The only thing is, in my dream I would always gloss over how Lydia would be effected by it all. I've come to cherish that woman, she's amazing and so caring." Alec couldn't help but smile at that, Lydia really was amazing and supportive. But the smile slipped as Magnus continued. "Seeing her and Izzy today. How close they've become and how content Lydia looked, it really hit me how much we could hurt her. Not just her either but everyone around us would be effected in someway. You wouldn't just lose your wife, I'd lose a close friend, Izzy and Jace and Max and Clary would lose a sister. The Institute would lose a fantastic leader. Lydia would lose... well she'd lose everything. I want to be with you Alexander but I also don't want to see Lydia hurt. But staying here and watching the two of you together, I can't do that anymore. Its too hard. I guess what I'm trying to say in a long winded fashion, is that if its going to make things easier for you and everyone else, if you want to stay with Lydia than maybe I should leave. It's been a long time since I've visited my old friends in London, I've got an apartment there. I could keep my distance."

Alec was shocked into silence at Magnus' suggestion. It sounded like the easiest solution but Alec couldn't imagine a worse idea. He reached out and tenderly took Magnus' hand in his. "Magnus... I don't know what I want to do about all this yet. With you and Lydia. But one thing I am sure of is that I don't want you to leave. I couldn't bear it if you left." Alec felt a warmth spread through him as he saw a smile brighten Magnus' face. "Besides my feelings aside, Valentine is still out there and the Dark Lady, we'd be lost without you."

Magnus squeezed his hand and gave him a quick nod. "Ok, well you know where to find me once you've figured this all out. I'd best get back to the club. I'll make sure the girls get back to you safe."

"That would be great, thanks." Alec watched him as he walked away before turning back to the punch bag.

A few hours later he woke to the early morning light softly glowing through the gap in the curtains. He rolled over to see Lydia sprawled on the bed next to him still in her gold party dress; her hair a tangle of gold strands and her makeup smudged. It brought a smile to his face, she had obviously had fun last night. As if she could feel his gaze on her she began to rapidly blink then slowly opened her eyes. He grinned at her as she groaned and covered her face with a pillow.

"Good night?" He teased. She reappeared from under the pillow and then laughed a little.

"It actually was, we sung Karaoke and danced and had... well more than a few drinks." Alec laughed at her sheepish expression. But then he felt sombre as he remembered what he wanted to talk to her about. Taking a deep breath he was about to speak when she asked. "Hey are you ok?" She had come to know him too well, she always seemed to instantly know when something was bothering him.

"Um... can I ask you a personal question?" She nodded her head and gave him a reassuring smile. "When your family told you that if you married John they'd cut you out did you find it hard to make that decision to choose John? I mean how did you make that choice between the man you love and your family?" Lydia was watching him intently as he spoke and continued to for a few moments more before she answered.

"It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Despite the fact that I wasn't very close to my parents at the end of the day they were still my family. I loved them. But I also loved John. And Arabelle and Robin too. They had become my family as well. But the thing I came to realise is that while I'm sure deep down that my parents loved me they never supported or accepted me for who I am. John did, he loved me for who I really was, my skills and my faults. He never judged me for the mistakes I made. I knew that if I agreed to my parents arranged marriage I would be miserable and I'd be living a lie and eventually I'd end up hurting a lot more people. It wouldn't have been fair on me or on the poor sucker I ended up married to. So I decided to be true to my heart."

"Did you ever regret it?" Alec watched her closely as she pondered her answer.

"I won't lie there were times after John and Arabelle died that I did. I had given up my family for them and so when they were gone I was left with nothing and no one. But even if I had made up with them we never would have been happy. Not me and not them. That's the problem with people expecting you to be something other than what you are. It is inevitable that you'll eventually disappoint them. You can never live up to their expectations and eventually all the pretending will drive you crazy. So in the end everyone ends up worse off."

He thought about what she said for a bit. Was he pretending, lying to himself? He liked being married to Lydia, he felt comfortable and safe. He knew she would always support him and have his back. Their marriage had made everyone in the family happier. All of this would be so much easier if he was miserable with her but when he was with her he was happy. But then when he was with Magnus it was something else completely. His heart would skip a beat and his breath catches. Magnus unlocks this whole other side to him that no other person ever had. Makes him feel things no other person ever had.

"Alec?" Lydia's voice called his attention back to her. "What's brought all this up? Has this got something to do with Magnus and that picture?"

Alec didn't know what to say to her. He knew she deserved the truth but the fear of hurting her kept him from saying anything. It didn't matter though because as he watched her he could see a slight glistening in her eyes and knew that she was trying to hold back tears. He sighed and reached out a hand to stroke her hair. "I'm sorry." He whispered not really sure what he was apologising for. She shook her head.

"No its ok."

"I'm... I'm just confused. I don't know what I want."

"Alec look, I don't know whats going on between the two of you, obviously there's something. I really do think that you should go to him." Alec could see that Lydia was struggling with this. Her eyes looked wetter and she was swallowing often as if she was trying to get rid of a lump that had formed in her throat.

"What about us?" Alec asked nervously. There was a long, uncomfortable pause while he waited for her to reply.

"That's up to you, whatever you want to do, we'll do. I want you to be happy Alec." She sniffed and looked away attempting to compose herself. When she looked back at him she had fixed a smile on her face. "Go on, go see Magnus. I'll see you later when you get back." There was a fake cheeriness to her tone and he just couldn't leave her like this. So instead he pulled her to him and wrapped her in a hug.

"I care about you so much Lyds. You know that right?" He felt her nod and then pull away a little to look back up at him.

"I know." She reassured him. "Now go." She laughed softly. He gently detached himself from her and walked to the door giving her one last smile he stepped out the room. As he pulled the door closed behind him a glint of glitter on his hand caught his eye. It was the same glitter that Magnus had been wearing around his eyes last night. Now it clung to his skin, stuck. Just like Magnus had become stuck in his heart.

 **Magnus' POV**

It was around 4 in the morning by the time Magnus had finished up at the club. He made his way back to his apartment. His thoughts hadn't been far from Alec all evening, but then that wasn't anything new. The tarmac was hard beneath his feet and the stars were twinkling in the endless sky above him. The air was cold around him and there was a stillness to the night. Usually Magnus loved walking around at night by himself. But for some reason tonight something seemed off.

He found himself quickening his pace as he began to regret not taking a portal back to his apartment. He could feel the little hairs on the back of his neck begin to prickle and he had the unmistakable feeling that he was being watched. What had started out a nice peaceful walk home had become a nightmare. Every crack of a branch and every rustle of a leaf put him more on edge. He paused and looked around searching the shadows for some hidden foe. But it appeared as if he was alone.

He shook his head and told himself to stop being so paranoid. He needed sleep that was all. It had been a long and emotional day. Still he couldn't help but practically run up the stairs to his apartment door. He instantly felt safer as he stepped into the warmth of his home and shut the door on the darkness of the stairwell. He made his way over to his bar and poured himself a drink. He was settling down into his favourite chair when he spotted the photograph on the table. Leaning forward he picked it up. He didn't know where Alec was at with coming to a decision, he himself wasn't entirely sure what he wanted the decision to be. He wanted Alec but hurting Lydia was a high price to pay. He couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if he had got there sooner. Would it have changed anything? He let out a huff of breath and then lent back in his chair and closed his eyes, letting his body relax.

Abruptly that feeling of uneasiness he had felt on the street came back. He snapped his eyes open and bolted upright in his chair. He scanned the room quickly but nothing was out of place. Rising quickly from the chair he moved from room to room. But found nothing out of the ordinary. So why couldn't he shake this feeling?

A flash of red blinded him, causing him to shield his eyes. He looked for the source but again the room seemed to be back to normal. All of sudden there was a second flash and then the room began to glow red. The light seemed to be pulsating as it became brighter and brighter until his apartment faded away. Then as if someone had flicked a light switch everything went black. The last thing Magnus saw before he felt himself slip from consciousness was the suffocating darkness.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Hey I'm back with a new chapter. You guys know the whole copyright thing by now so I own nothing Cassandra Clare does etc etc. You also all know by now how much I love my song titles so this ones another one for you, The title is lyrics from Alan Walker's song Faded. I'll be honest this is a bit of a filler chapter but I hope you guys enjoy it :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 13: Where Are You Now, Atlantis?**

 **Alec's POV**

As he once again found himself in front of Magnus' door he felt butterflies gathering in his stomach. He was nervous but strangely he also felt a little giddy. He reached out and knocked three times on the door. There was no answer. Frowning Alec knocked again. Still there was no reply. Looking at his watch his confusion grew, it was 8 am he should be in. As he knocked one last time the door opened slightly. Alec placed a hand to the cold wood and pushed it further open. Why was the door unlocked? He cautiously made his way into the apartment.

"Magnus!? Are you here?" His voice shook a little as he called out for Magnus. Something didn't feel right. As he moved further into the living room he noticed an envelope on the coffee table. Picking it up he saw that it was addressed to him. Feeling more and more uneasy Alec ripped open the letter with trembling hands.

 _Dear Alec,_

 _By the time you read this letter I'll be long gone. I've decided to go and stay in my London_ _apartment after all, I know that I said I would wait for you but the truth is I'm tired of waiting. Who am I kidding? You were never going to choose me. Your parents have you under their thumb and I suspect they always will. I can't bear to stay here and watch you with Lydia anymore. It's too hard and I can't take seeing you being so untrue to yourself._

 _Maybe if I had acted sooner all this pain could have been avoided. Maybe in another lifetime we might have had a future together. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I know that I am taking the cowards way out by not waiting and saying all this to you face to face, but I just don't think I could have had the strength. It would have been excruciating to have to stand in front of you and hear you say that you didn't want me, that you were choosing to stay with Lydia. I don't think my heart could have taken being rejected by you again. I hope that you can forgive me for doing it this way._

 _It is my sincerest hope that you and Lydia have a happy life together, I'm sure that you will. I also hope that one day you come to accept yourself for who you really are and that you no longer feel the need to hide it. Know that my feelings for you have not changed but that I've come to realise that the best way that I can show my affection for you is by letting you go._

 _Love Always_

 _Magnus._

Alec froze. He felt like an ice cold bucket of water had been thrown over him. Any giddiness he had felt before was gone, replaced with a sharp pain stabbing in his heart. This didn't make any sense. Why would Magnus do this? He quickly re-read the letter, maybe he had read it wrong?

But he hadn't, Magnus was gone. Alec couldn't move from the spot he was standing in. He felt like the entire world was falling apart around him and quite honestly if the sky fell down on him right now he wouldn't even care. But soon the shock and confusion began to wear off. It was then that he felt red hot anger and hurt build up in his chest. How could Magnus leave me like this!? Without even so much as a goodbye. And why wait until now? Just when Alec had decided to choose him. To be with him.

He found it hard to believe, but maybe he was wrong about Magnus' feelings for him. Maybe it had just been a game, all about the chase. He couldn't believe he had nearly left Lydia for him. She never would have done this to him. He let the letter fall from his fingers and then slowly backed towards the door. He couldn't be here anymore. He needed to get out of here. He slammed the door shut and ran back down the stairs. Out on the street he turned towards The Institute and made his way back home, back to Lydia.

When he got there, he headed to the office to find Lydia. The door was ajar and Alec could see her sitting at the desk. She was fiddling with the gold teardrop pendant he had given her on their wedding day. As he continued to watch she brushed away a single tear that was rolling down her cheek. After taking a few slow breaths to compose himself he rapped on the door and attempted a smile as Lydia looked up at him.

"Hey." She greeted him as she rose from her chair and moved around the desk towards him. "How did it go? Did you talk to Magnus?"

"I've come to a decision." He answered her as confidently as he could.

"Ok... well that's good. What... What have you decided?" He could hear the slight shake in her voice, it sounded as if she was trying to prepare herself for hearing bad news.

"I know I can always rely on you, which is why I choose you."

 **10 Months Later.**

As the sun leaked through the curtains Alec was awoken by the incessant beeping of his alarm clock. Opening his eyes he scowled at the neon green blinking numbers before reaching out and hitting the stop button. 7 am Aug 17th. 10 months, 1 week and 3 days since Magnus had left. Alec sighed and rolled over to find that Lydia had already left.

He rolled out of bed and as he began his morning routine he couldn't help but think back to the day he had found that letter. It hadn't taken him long to realise that the anger he felt was more directed towards himself than Magnus. He had waited too long, had messed Magnus around too much. No wonder he had left him. Once he had calmed down and his anger had subsided he had tried to reach out to Magnus, with Lydia's support and encouragement. But he had received no response to any of the letters he had sent to Magnus at his townhouse in London. Guess there was just too much hurt there.

So after 6 months of silence he had tried to put Magnus behind him and focus on his life with Lydia. Things had been good with them. He never did tell her the entire story of what happened but he suspected she had guessed most it. Still she had been understanding and supportive as always. She had become his rock and he knew deep down that he was using her as a kind of safety net. He knew that Magnus would tell him that he was using Lydia to hide his true self away. But without Magnus Alec just couldn't bring himself to care.

He sometimes thought about going to London to see Magnus to talk to him one last time but he always backed out. If Magnus hadn't responded to any of his letters than why would going there make a difference? Besides he had a fairly happy life with Lydia, a comfortable one. They had become close companions and his family adored her; there was no point in rocking the boat.

Once dressed he headed towards the office. He greeted several of his fellow Shadowhunters on the way and began to make a mental list of everything that needed doing that day. After almost a year of being Co-Head of the Institute Alec was fully settled into the role now, it had become second nature. He and Lydia worked really well together and thanks to their hard work and dedication the Lightwood name had pretty much been restored. However they still had to be careful. One misstep or screw up and they would be right back where they started.

As he turned a corner he bumped into Lydia.

"Oh hey, I was just coming to find you." She sounded a little breathless like she had been in a rush. "The Clave's been in contact."

"Is everything ok? Is it Valentine?" Things had been eerily quiet on the Valentine front ever since the boat attack. It was like he and his followers had just disappeared off the face of the earth. Alec found it unlikely that he had just given up so his silence was somewhat unnerving.

Lydia shook her head. "They didn't say what it was about? But it sounded important. They're on their way here now. Come on we're meeting in the Op's Centre."

Alec nodded and followed. He had a feeling this was gong to be one hell of a long day.

 **Lydia's POV**

They were skipping down the steps into the Op's Centre just as the Clave representatives arrived. They were led by Inquisitor Herondale. Lydia forced a polite smile on her face as they moved forward to greet them.

"Inquisitor Herondale. It's a pleasure to see you again." She tried to sound as cheery as possible.

"Yes thank you." She said briskly.

"How can we help you Inquisitor?" Alec inquired.

"The Clave has been notified of a problem that we wish you to investigate." As she was speaking the entrance to the Institute flashed purple as a portal once again opened. Lydia was surprised to see Robin walking towards them. He was accompanied by a warlock. Lydia suddenly felt slightly nervous. She and Robin hadn't seen each other since the day he had left to return to Lisbon. But they had sent a few fire messages back and forth keeping in touch with each other.

As he reached them he gave them a bright smile. "Lydia, Alec it's great to see you both again." He greeted them warmly, shaking both of their hands.

"You and Robin worked so well together last time we thought it would be productive to team you up again." Herondale explained. "Now Robin if you could so kind as to explain the problem."

"Sure, this is Caitlin." He gestured to the warlock standing next to him. "She came to the Lisbon Institute looking for help it seems like her friend, Lilian has gone missing."

"Ok, why don't you tell us what happened Caitlin. When did you realise your friend was missing?" Lydia asked gently.

"It was about a week ago, Lilian and I never go more than a week without speaking to each other but I hadn't heard from her in nearly two so I went to her house to check on her. She wasn't there but the door was unlocked for some reason."

"So you went in, did you notice anything out of place, any signs of a struggle?" Alec asked.

The warlock shook her head. "No nothing was out of place at all. There didn't appear to be any sign of a struggle either, she just wasn't there. Then there was this letter." She pulled a piece of paper from her pocket. "Supposedly it was written by Lilian and in it she says that she has decided to move abroad to go live with her aunt."

"So what makes you think she's gone missing?" Lydia asked confused.

"Well I was the only one she confessed this to. She was so embarrassed by it, but she can't actually write. She never learned."

"Could she have got someone else to write the letter for her?" Alec had a strange tone in his voice that made Lydia glance at him quickly. He looked paler than usual and his back and shoulder muscles were tense.

"I thought that but I also noticed that all of her stuff was still at the house. She hadn't taken a single thing with her. Plus her breakfast was still sitting half eaten on the table. Lilian is a bit of a clean freak she never would have just left it sitting there. I also tried writing to her at her Aunt's but she never replied."

"That's when she came to us." Robin continued. "We began to investigate and finally managed to get a hold of the Aunt. She told us that Lilian wasn't there and that there hadn't been any arrangements for her to come. In fact the Aunt hadn't spoken to Lilian in over a year. We started asking around but nobody has seen her. It's like she just disappeared into thin air. "

"You think Valentine is behind this?" Lydia asked the Inquisitor.

"We can't rule it out. And if Valentine is taking Warlocks then we need to find out why and put a stop to it."

"We'll figure this out Inquisitor." Alec assured her confidently.

"I have every confidence that you will. Now I will leave it in your capable hands. Please do keep us informed of any new information that you learn."

"Of course." Lydia replied and then the Inquisitor and her party turned and left. Lydia noticed that Alec seemed to be somewhat agitated. "Jessica." She beckoned to the young Shadowhunter who was nearby. "This is Caitlin and I'm sure you remember Robin. This is Jessica." She introduced them quickly. "Jess could you take Robin and Caitlin and get them something to eat and keep them company while Alec and I sort out some rooms for them?"

"Of course follow me." Lydia smiled at them as they began to move away and tried to ignore the questioning look Robin threw her way. As soon as they were gone Alec began to hurry towards the front entrance of the institute.

"Alec! Wait up!" She called as she hurried after him. He just kept on moving. "Alec what's going on? Whats wrong? Where are you going?" She puffed out the questions breathlessly as they rushed down the street. He didn't answer any of her questions. It was like he couldn't hear her. Now Lydia was really worried. What on earth had gotten into him. He was acting really erratic. Suddenly he stopped and Lydia looked up at the building they were outside of. It was Magnus' apartment. "Alec why are we here?" But he was already inside the building and racing up the steps. Just as she was about to follow him a sudden uneasy feeling came over her, she felt like she was being watched. She quickly looked around but the street was empty. Letting out a quick sigh Lydia shook her head, she was being paranoid. With one last quick look down the street she ran up the stairs after Alec.

 **Alec's POV**

Bursting into Magnus' apartment Alec was vaguely aware of Lydia following him. Once inside she reached forward and sharply tugged on his arm forcing him to face her. She looked at him intently. "Alec talk to me. What is going on?" She said tensely, desperately. He sighed and looked down.

"I'm sorry it's just I couldn't help thinking what if Magnus didn't just leave? I mean he didn't answer any of the letters I sent to him in London?" He saw a look of realisation come over Lydia's face quickly followed by panic.

"You think he might have been taken too?" He nodded silently. She reached out and stroked his arm gently nodding her head slowly. "Ok I'll go check his bedroom see if his clothes are still there. You have a look in here see if there's any clues." She gave his arm a quick squeeze of comfort that headed to the bedroom. Alec took a steadying breath then slowly looked around the room. The letter was on the floor where Alec had dropped it. He bent down and picked it up. As he stood back up he noticed that a glass sat on the table. The blue cocktail was untouched. Alec felt a feeling of doom and panic come over him. He began to notice other things, Magnus' jacket laying across the back of his favourite chair, his shoes on the floor by that same chair as if they had just been kicked off. On his desk there was a quill and a pot of black ink.

Alec froze then looked at the letter in his hand. The blue ink shone mockingly on the paper. He rushed over to the desk and began to rummage through the drawers. He found several other pots of ink but every single one of them was black. Which could only mean one thing. Magnus hadn't written this letter.

He looked up as Lydia rushed in from the bedroom. She shook her head sadly at him. "All of his clothes are still there. His toothbrush is still in the bathroom as well."

"So I'm right he's been taken too." Alec let out a groan and sank into a nearby chair. Burying his face in his hands. "This is all my fault I should have known."

"There's no way you could have known Alec." Lydia said gently as she crouched before him. "Him leaving fits Magnus' MO. He's always been somewhat nomadic, never staying in one place longer than a decade. And like you said he even mentioned to you that he was thinking of going there earlier that day. This isn't your fault."

"But Lydia, its been 10 months. If somethings happened to him I'll never forgive myself. What if he's..." Alec couldn't finish the sentence, the thought was too unbearable. He tried to swallow passed the lump in his throat.

"Hey don't think like that ok. He's not dead, I know he's not dead." She reached out and cupped his cheek. "We need to put together what we know and go from there."

Alec took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok well it looks as if they both went missing from their homes. The only other clue we've got are the letters which I'm guessing was the abductor's way of covering their tracks, trying to prevent anyone realising they were missing. What I don't understand is how they were abducted. There's no sign of a struggle in either place. It's like Robin said it's as if they literally vanished into thin air. As if by..."

"As if by magic." Lydia finished for him. "I don't think this was Valentine, well not alone anyway he had help from a Warlock."

"So what do we do now?" Alec asked after a few moments silence.

"We need to get more information. We might have a bigger problem. Magnus went missing 10 months ago but Lilian has only been missing for 3 weeks. It's possible that other warlocks have been taken during the time in between the two abductions. If the abductor left a letter each time then they might not have been reported." That was a worrying thought. Alec sighed again and rubbed his forehead.

"Ok we had best head back to the Institute. There's nothing more we can do here." Lydia nodded in agreement.

"Yeah we should probably fill in Robin as well." Lydia answered as she tugged him out of the chair by his hand.

As they walked back to the Institute Alec couldn't help but think of Magnus. He felt as if the guilt was drowning him. How could he have not known that Magnus was in trouble? He had known that letter was out of character. He should have been braver and gone to London then he would known that Magnus wasn't there. What horrors had Magnus suffered through over the last 10 months? Who had taken him? Why had they taken him? Was Valentine involved in it? The questions just kept running round and round in his head giving him no peace. There was only one thing he was certain of, he was going to find Magnus. He had to find Magnus.

 **Robin's POV**

Robin was sitting in the communal dining room with Caitlin and Jessica when Lydia finally arrived back. He could tell something was very wrong just by the look on her face. She briefly met his eyes before smiling brightly at them all. "Hey I've got your rooms all sorted out. If you follow me and then you guys can get settled in. Thank you so much Jessica." She spoke in a cheery tone but Robin knew her too well to be fooled by it.

"It was no problem Lydia. I hope you guys enjoy your stay here." Jessica gave them a small wave then left the room.

Robin and Caitlin followed Lydia down the halls until they came to the guest quarters. "Here you go Caitlin." Lydia gestured into the room. "I'll let you get unpacked and settled. If you need anything at all don't hesitate to ask." Lydia again smiled brightly.

"Thank you so much." Caitlin smiled at them both then went into the room. Lydia set off again walking slightly faster now.

"We've put you in the same room you were in before, near the office." She said. He just nodded in reply perplexed by her strange behaviour. Soon they came to the room and as he stepped through the doorway Lydia stepped in behind him and shut and locked the door.

"Ok what's wrong?" He asked her as she turned to face him.

"What makes you think anything is wrong?" She asked him.

"You've got that look on your face."

"What look?"

"The I just accidentally dropped an entire pot of cinnamon in the Arroz Doce and I'm too afraid to tell anyone I just ruined their favourite dessert look." He teased lightly. A small smile began to tug at the corner of her lips.

"Ok you're exaggerating! It was only half a pot at most and it was an easy mistake to make."

"Tasted like the whole pot." He smiled as he joked. "And it probably wasn't the best idea to stir it into the pudding in an attempt to cover up the blunder." He winked at her as she let out a snort of laughter.

"I panicked ok." She replied defensively as she giggled.

"Come on Lydia what is it that you're so afraid to tell me?"

She let out a sigh, the smile falling from her face. "It's about Magnus Bane." She looked at him with a worried and frightened look in her eyes. "We think he might also have been taken."

"Wait, What!?" Robin exclaimed in shock. "How? When?"

"That's the worst part of it. We think it was 10 months ago." Lydia said with trepidation.

"10 Months! How come its taken so long for anyone to realise. Lydia! This is bad. If the Clave..."

"I know Robin I know! But please you can't tell them not yet, just wait a little bit until we have more information." She pleaded with him.

"Lydia...I."

"I know what I'm asking of you, the position I'm putting you in. But I just..." She looked up at him with such desperation as she took his hands in hers. "This could ruin us Robin and Alec and I have worked so hard to restore the Lightwood name. He already feels so guilty and I'm afraid that the Clave finding out might just break him. Please I'm begging you just wait. For me." He nodded slowly and squeezed her hands.

"Ok, I'll keep quiet but you have to tell me everything you know about Magnus disappearing." She released a relieved sigh and nodded her head moving to sit on the edge of his bed. He sat next to her and waited for her to begin.

"It was right after Alec and I got back from our visit to Idris. Magnus had come to the Institute and mentioned to Alec that he was thinking of moving on, going and staying in his town house in London. Alec believed he had convinced him to stay when he reminded Magnus that we still needed him in the fight against Valentine. But then the next day when he went to speak to Magnus about...um... you know the Institute's protection wards, the apartment was empty and there was a letter saying that Magnus had decided to go to London after all. It wasn't until today when you showed up that we even considered the idea that he might have been taken. Nothing seemed suspicious about him leaving. But when we went to his apartment all of his things were still there. Its the same as Lilian, there's no sign of a struggle, his cocktail was still sitting on the side. It's like he just vanished into thin air." They sat in silence for a few moments while Robin processed everything he had just heard.

"So do you think it was Valentine?"

Lydia shook her head as she replied. "Not alone, I think it was a warlock. The way they just disappeared there had to be magic involved. Maybe the warlock is working with Valentine but there is no way to be sure. Also Alec and I suspect that there are probably other Warlocks that have been taken. We need to get a list of potential victims together." Robin nodded in agreement. When he looked back over at Lydia he noticed that her eyes were glistening with tears. He felt a tugging in his heart and moved closer to her, putting a comforting arm around her.

"Hey come now, it'll be ok."

"I'm sorry, I'm just so worried about Magnus and I feel so guilty for not figuring it out earlier. And I can't stop thinking about it all, what if they've really hurt him or worse? I just can't..." She broke down then, sobs shaking her body and all he could do was pull her into his embrace and stroke her back gently.

"It's ok Lydia, you don't need to apologise, I get it, you're worried about your friend. But we are going to get him back, ok?" He whispered reassuringly in her ear. He felt her nod her head then she pulled back from him and gave him a watery smile. She took a deep shuddering breath then stood up.

"We should go meet the others and decide what to do next. Alec's filling them in." She explained.

"Ok, Let's go."

 **Lydia's POV**

As soon as everyone had realised that Magnus was missing it was all hands on deck. Everyone was determined to find him. They all knew that time was against them. The entire day was spent trying to gather as much information as possible and now as evening was falling they were finally beginning to get a clearer picture.

"Ok so we've identified at least 20 warlocks who seem to have been taken. It looks as though Magnus was the first. We haven't found any information about Warlocks going missing before him." Robin explained. He then gestured to the screen before continuing. "If you look at the map you can see the locations of the missing Warlocks. It looks as though our target took Magnus here and then made their way down taking Warlocks from Mexico, then Colombia, Brazil and Argentina. They crossed the Atlantic. Their next victims were taken from Algeria, Morocco, Spain and then the latest was Lilian in Portugal. We need to figure out where they're going to strike next."

They all nodded in agreement. "They've been taking a new victim pretty much every two weeks. But Lilian went missing about three weeks ago, which means they might even have already taken their next victim. We need to act quickly." Jace reminded them.

"We also still need to figure out who the Warlock is." Lydia sighed.

"I asked around, so did Caitlin, we couldn't find anything, whoever it is they seem to be a bit of a shadow." Izzy replied.

They spent the next three hours staring at the map and arguing about where the Warlock might strike next, but the truth was there were too many directions they could move in. They could go up to the United Kingdom or across through France, Italy, Germany.

"Look if they go up towards the United Kingdom then they pretty much come to a dead end all they can go to from there is Iceland and Greenland, but if they go across through France then they can continue on to Germany, Ukraine and Russia. It's a larger land mass with more people, more Warlocks it makes more sense for them to go that way." Alec was arguing heatedly.

"But that's exactly why they won't go that way, it's too predictable." Countered Clary.

Lydia rubbed her forehead in frustration and then interrupted them before the argument got out of hand. "Ok I think that's enough for tonight." Alec opened his mouth as if to say something but Lydia shook her head at him.

"Lydia is right, we've done all we can for tonight. We should get some rest then carry on in the morning." Robin said tiredly.

Alec looked like he was about to argue so Lydia took his arm and started to tug on it. "Come on." She urged him gently. He let out a huff then followed. Once they were in their room they both got ready for bed in silence. Lydia couldn't help but worry about Alec. She could see that he wasn't dealing with Magnus' disappearance well. He was struggling and in pain and she wished there was something she could do to make it better. She tried to keep telling him that it would be ok that they would find him. But the thing was she didn't really believe it herself. She knew how unlikely it was to find a missing person alive after so long. The only piece of hope they had to cling to was that no bodies had been found.

As she lay in the dark next to Alec she sent up a silent prayer to the Angel begging him to protect Magnus and keep him safe until they found him. Then she felt herself drift asleep. She opened her eyes again as she heard someone whisper her name. She looked over at Alec but he was sound asleep. She heard the voice again and noticed that the door was slightly ajar. Weird she was sure they and shut and locked it. She slowly got out of bed so as not to wake Alec and crept from the room. The hallway was dark and empty and her footsteps echoed as she walked. She heard someone call her name again, it sounded like a woman. But when she looked around there was no one in sight.

"Hello" she called. The only reply she got was her own echo. Shaking her head she headed back to her room. She leaped back startled as she saw a figure standing over Alec as he lay asleep in bed. "NO!" She screamed out as she noticed the blade in their hand.

She woke with a start and quickly looked around the room. It was empty except for her and Alec. She let out a shaky laugh. She had been dreaming. Laying back down in bed she sighed and closed her eyes again. She was just drifting off again when she felt a breath ghost across her face.

Opening her eyes she let out a bloodcurdling scream as she looked into glowing jade green eyes and heard that wild laugh echo through her very bones.

Alec sprung up and quickly turned on the light, looking alarmed. "Lydia what is it? What's wrong?" He asked looking around the empty room.

"The Dark Lady. She's back."


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: I don't own shadowhunters. He guys back you to everyone who reviewed I always appreciate the feedback. I hope you all had a good new year :) This chapter gave me soo much trouble. I desperately wanted to get it right so it ended up getting rewritten about a dozen times but I've finished it now and I hope you all enjoy it. The title, more song lyrics, yh i know I like my lyrics lol. This time its from SYML's Where's My Love, any stydia fans reading this will know this song very well. It fit this chapter really well so I had no choice but to use it. Anyway on with the story!**

* * *

 **Chapter 14: If You're Scared, I'm On My Way**

 **Alec's POV**

He pulled on his shirt as he rushed out into the hallway after Lydia. They came to Robin's door first and Lydia began pounding on it furiously, uncaring who else she woke up in the process she shouted "ROBIN! WAKE UP, OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR!" Alec heard stumbling followed by a stream of curses coming from the room then Robin groggily opened the door dressed only in some loose jogging bottoms.

"What the bleeding hell is going on? Lydia? Do you have any idea what time it is?" He rubbed sleep from his eyes irritably.

"Never mind the time get to the Op's Centre I'm calling an emergency meeting. I know who took Magnus." Without waiting for him to answer she carried on down the hall towards Izzy's bedroom leaving Robin looking questioningly at Alec.

"Um, Alec...?"

Shaking his head he interrupted him, "Don't ask me, I've got no idea. She just woke up screaming then started going on about the Dark Lady." Robin sighed warily nodding his head he grabbed a hoodie and followed Alec.

Fifteen minutes later the group was gathered in the Op's centre. Looking around he saw that everyone had dark circles under their eyes and were wearing disgruntled expressions on their faces, clearly no one was happy about being pulled out of bed so soon. Lydia was standing in front of the group looking a little deranged if Alec was being honest.

"Ok Lydia start talking. What's going on? You said you knew who had taken Magnus and the other Warlocks?" Jace asked while he rubbed his forehead.

"It's the Dark Lady." Lydia answered confidently. Shocked silence met her statement.

"Wait... As in _T_ _he Dark Lady_ from those old Warlock horror stories?" Caitlin asked with a shaky voice. "She's real?"

"Afraid so, we had a run in with her a while ago." Robin explained as calmly as he could. Caitlin suddenly looked terrified.

"So you think that the Dark Lady is back, that she's the one behind these kidnappings?" Clary asked Lydia bringing the focus back to the problem at hand.

"Yes."

"Why would you think that?" Izzy questioned looking as confused as everyone else. Alec could see that Lydia was starting to get irritated with all the questions. She rubbed her eyes before explaining.

"I saw her, just now in our room." A startled look ran around the group. Before they all turned to look at Alec.

"Did you see her?" Jace asked directly.

"No, I didn't." He answered truthfully; meeting Lydia's eyes he could see the frustration in them. The fear. "But that doesn't mean she wasn't there." Lydia smiled in return, thankful for his support. However the others looked sceptical.

"Are you sure she was there Lydia?" Clary asked gently. "Maybe you just had a nightmare?" Lydia just sent an annoyed look her way.

"Or it could have been a shadow, trick of the light?" Suggested Simon sounding half hopeful.

"I didn't have a nightmare." Lydia said through gritted teeth. "It wasn't a shadow, last time I checked shadows don't have glowing green eyes!" Alec could tell that she was past irritated now and verging on angry. "Besides I'm sure I sensed her watching me outside Magnus' apartment yesterday." Alec felt uneasy as he remembered having a similar feeling of being watched the day he had found the letter at Magnus'. He felt his stomach lurch with guilt as he thought about Magnus. Why hadn't he gone to London? Why hadn't he questioned the authenticity of that letter? He knew it was unlike Magnus. How could he let this happen? Attempting to push the guilt away he tuned back into the conversation.

"Lydia it's not that we don't believe you... It's just." Izzy was saying trying to placate her.

"It's just that it doesn't fit The Dark Lady's MO." Jace finished. "She likes to physically torture her victims then string them up to a pier. She's never gone around kidnapping people before."

"But she would if she was being paid to. We know that she has worked for Valentine before maybe she's taking them for him." Lydia replied tensely. "Besides, as much as she likes slicing people into shreds she enjoys psychologically torturing people more, believe me. This is just more of her mind games."

"Maybe, If. This is all just speculation. I'm sorry Lydia but there just isn't any evidence to suggest that The Dark Lady is involved, other than you've got a feeling." Argued Jace.

Anger flashed in Lydia's eyes. Alec sighed getting frustrated himself, they were wasting time and the more they wasted time the worse it was going to get for Magnus. Thanks to him they were already ten months behind. As Lydia opened her mouth to angrily retort Alec cut across her.

"Ok Lyd's why don't you go and get the case file on The Dark Lady from the office? We can look through and see if there's any more information that can help." He squeezed her shoulder in comfort. She gave a quick nod then left. Alec turned to the others.

"What do you all think?" He asked the group.

"I don't know Alec, there's not much to go on. I'm sure she believes she saw the Dark Lady but I'm just not so sure." Izzy said uncertainly.

"I think what Izzy is trying to say is that Lydia, like all of us, was very tired and stressed, plus she had just woken up and the room was dark she could have just imagined it." Clary reasoned as Jace nodded his head in agreement.

Noticing that he had been unusually quiet Alec turned to Robin. "And what about you Robin? What do you think?"

He took a beat before answering, when he did he sounded calm and reasonable. "I think the last time Lydia was acting like this, talking about The Dark Lady and acting erratic we all said that she was stressed and tired and needed to get some more sleep. But it turned out she was dead right about all of it and because we didn't listen to her..."

"She nearly died." Alec finished for him nodding his head.

"I think if Lydia is saying that The Dark Lady is back then we should listen to her." Robin looked around at them all. "We owe her that at least."

"Alright, 'spose it can't hurt to look in to it. It is the only kind of lead we've had." Jace conceded.

At that moment Lydia came back with the file. Soon after they had papers and photographs spread across the table as they searched for anything that might help them find Magnus and the missing Warlocks. Alec tried his best to stay focused and not let his thoughts wander to Magnus. It was a losing battle.

 **Magnus' POV**

 **10 Months Earlier**

Magnus' head felt heavy as he struggled to open his eyes. He quickly became aware that his wrists were shackled by his sides. He finally managed to drag his eyes open and slowly blinked as he tried to adjust to the gloom of the room. Looking around he realised that he seemed to be in some kind of laboratory. He was shackled by his wrists and ankles to a cold metal slab. The room was so dark that he could barely make anything out.

Then he spotted a figure shrouded in darkness moving towards him, their green eyes glowing. "Hush now Magnus." The Dark Lady whispered with her silky voice. She stroked his thigh as he struggled against his restraints. She picked up a tube attached to a long, very sharp looking needle from the table beside him. Gripping his arm with unnatural strength she pierced his skin with the needle taping it into place. Attaching the other end of the tube to a strange looking machine she then ran a finger over the mysterious markings on the top. The room was lit up red by the glow of her magic. Suddenly Magnus felt an intense burning in his chest that grew and grew until it was unbearable. The blue mist of his magic began to glow over his heart before it travelled down his arm and into the machine that was humming beside him. Magnus tried to focus on his breathing but the burning sensation only grew worse. As a scream of agony was ripped from him he felt the Dark Lady's hair tickle his neck as she lent forward and whispered in his ear. "You and I are going to have so much fun together."

It went on for days. At times the pain was so excruciating that he would pass out and over time the glow of his magic became dimmer and dimmer. It was three, maybe four, days later that the Dark Lady finally unhooked him from the device. He felt as weak as a new born kitten barely able to even turn his head towards her. But when he finally did he saw that she was wearing a self-satisfied smirk on her face. For some reason that made him angry.

"You... You won't get away with this. There will be people looking for me." He tried to put as much strength into his voice as possible. But The Dark Lady only grinned wider.

Leaning in close and looking him directly in the eye she said. "There's no one looking for you. I made sure of it." She let out a chilling giggle. "You should have seen the look on your precious Alexander's face when he read that letter saying how you had decided to leave and go to London after all. That you just didn't think he was worth fighting for anymore." She put on a fake pout. "He just couldn't believe you could do such a thing, abandon him right at the moment he had decided to choose you. That's why he was there you know." She continued mockingly. " To tell you that he wanted to be with you, left poor Lydia in tears back at the Institute. Her already damaged heart breaking all over again." She let out a phony sigh, sadly shaking her head while her eyes laughed. "Well I did warn her. Not that it matters anymore the first thing he did was go running back to her. Blisteringly angry he was." She lent her head on her hand as she carried on conversationally. "Though can you blame him? He laid it all on the line for you, hurt his wife, a woman he cares deeply for, risked the wrath of his parents and the judgement of his fellow Shadowhunters not to mention the risk of tearing his entire family apart, all to be with you. And then he got there just to find out that you really didn't even care all that much, you didn't even care enough to stay and say goodbye." She finished dramatically. After a moments silence she suddenly let out a manic laugh clearly delighted with herself.

Magnus could feel anger brewing in his chest burning worse than her magic had previously. "He'll know!" Magnus spat out. "He'll know it wasn't from me! He'll try and contact me in London and when I don't answer he'll figure it out! He won't give up on me that easily!" He said confidently his cat eyes burned a fierce golden in the dim light.

The Dark Lady just chuckled softly. "Oh come now Magnus you know Alexander better than that. It took every ounce of courage and strength he had to finally take the plunge and choose you. When he did he was humiliated by your letter..."

"You mean _your_ letter!" He interrupted angrily.

"Well Alexander doesn't know it was from me." She laughed softly again before she shook her thoughts away and turned her eyes back to his. "The point is, his heart was broke and even if his anger subsides and he forgives you he's not going to be in a rush to set himself back up for that kind of pain again. Especially not now he's back in his safe little cocoon of his marriage to Lydia. Alexander is not good at taking risks with his heart, it's just part of who he is. You know I'm right." She whispered as she stroked his face and hair almost tenderly. And as she did all of the strength, all of the fight went out of him. Because he did know Alexander. He did know that it would have taken a lot for him to admit his own feelings and choose him. He knew that receiving that letter would have put all the progress Alexander had made back to square one. He knew that Alexander would find it hard taking another risk like that again.

"It's time to accept it Magnus. There's no one coming for you." The Dark Lady confirmed his fears while madness burned in her green eyes like wildfire.

 **Present Day**

As he began to regain consciousness again Magnus was greeted back by the groans, cries and screams of his fellow captives. Over the months that he had been held captive The Dark Lady had gradually filled the room with Warlocks that she had taken from all over the globe. Each time Magnus regained consciousness there would be a new face twisted in agony as their magic was forcibly ripped from them. By now Magnus didn't pay much attention to what was going on around him. He could barely even manage to open his eyes most of the time. He was periodically visited by The Dark Lady who would hook him up to her torturous machine and he would scream in agony as his magic was drained away. Then after a few days she would return and unhook him, wait until his magic had restored then repeat the painful process all over again.

Nowadays though it was taking less time for his magic to be drained and more time for him to recuperate it. He began to worry how much longer it would be before he could no longer gain his magic back. Where was his breaking point? He knew that some of the Warlocks had already succumbed to the strain. The Dark Lady had taken their bodies and burned them to ash in an incinerator. Was that to be his fate too? To be burnt away as if he never existed at all?

Every moment Magnus spent awake was in excruciating pain. The skin on his chest had began to turn black and his arms were covered in ugly yellow, green and purple bruises. Every breath felt like someone was driving a dagger into his ribs, every muscle ached as if he had ran a marathon and his skin was flushed and hot with fever. He knew it would be easy to just close his eyes and let himself slip away. That he would be free from the pain, at peace. But every time the pain became too much and he felt that despair pulling him down into the shadows he remembered Alexander.

He remembered his smile and the way his eyes lit up whenever Magnus called him Alexander. He remembered the scent of his skin and the feeling of his hand in his. He remembered how his muscles rippled when he was pummelling the punch bag at The Institute. The feeling of his heartbeat speeding up whenever Alexander walked into the room. How his name sounded when Alexander spoke it. He remembered every little thing about him.

As he lay there surrounded by the sounds of pain and hopelessness he sent up a prayer to anyone who might hear and grant him his wish. _Please let me see him again._ He pleaded. _Just let me see him one last time, that's all I ask._

 **Alec's POV**

The Dark Lady's file had produced nothing useful. After spending hours pouring over all the information they had on her she still remained as much a shadow as she always had been. They still had no idea where Magnus or the Warlocks could be hidden. He was frustrated. The morning had been filled with nothing but arguments. At one point he had to stop Lydia and Jace coming to blows. He felt like hitting something himself. He could feel a thousand emotions roiling around inside him yet he was trying to keep them all locked away. He felt like he was going to explode.

"ALRIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!" He yelled over all the arguments. The room fell silent right away as everyone turned to stare at him. He took a calm steadying breath. "Look we're clearly not getting anywhere with this. We're just wasting time and the more time we waste the more Magnus and the others are going to suffer. So if you could all stop jack-assing around and actually be useful that would be great." He said angrily.

"Hey we're all trying our best Alec!" Jace retorted in defence. "I don't see you coming up with any better ideas."

Alec just ignored him and continued. "We need to get out on the streets and start asking around. Lydia go out with Robin and Caitlin start asking around the Warlock community, see if anyone has seen anything weird or out the ordinary. Jace, Clary go through our records see if you can find anyone who has been on Valentine's payroll at any point, start bringing them in, interrogate them and find out if they know anything. Simon contact Luke see if he can get a scent from mine and Lydia's room and if he can track The Dark Lady. Izzy same deal contact the Seelies see if they've got anything that can help."

"And what are you going to do?" Lydia asked curiously.

"I'm going to go back to Magnus' see if there's anything we missed." They all stared at him silently for a moment before there was a murmur of consent and they all got up breaking off into their groups and busying themselves with their tasks.

Alec let out a sigh and rubbed his forehead before grabbing his jacket off the back of his chair and heading for the exit. He kept a keen eye out as he made his way to Magnus' apartment. He didn't expect The Dark Lady to show herself but it was best to be careful. The sun was shining and he could hear the laughter and delighted screams of children playing in the park. It was so at odds with what he was feeling inside. He made his way solemnly up the stairs and entered the apartment.

The place seemed eerily quiet without its owner, lifeless. He began searching for clues, inspecting every inch of the place as he moved from room to room. He found little to help in his quest to find Magnus. On the surface everything looked normal. It really did look as though Magnus had just decided to walk out the door intending to return soon. His drink sat on the coffee table and his shoes lay by the chair. The only indication that Magnus hadn't been there in a while was the thin layer of dust that coated all the surfaces.

Alec made his way into the bedroom, the only room he had yet to search. As he stood in the doorway he had to take a moment to compose himself. Out of all the rooms in the house this is the one that most reminded him of Magnus. It was extravagant but elegant. Rich colours and plenty of metallics and glitter. Magnus loved glitter. Shaking the thoughts from his head he began to look around the room. As he had expected he found nothing. Sitting down on the bed he felt his hand brush against something. It was one of Magnus' jackets that was laying over the foot board. Slowing picking it up he studied the beige material and the black lace embroidery, he let his fingers trace the blue collar. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest and a lump form in his throat as he remembered that it was the same jacket Magnus had been wearing the day they had first met. He raised it up to his face and inhaled deeply. Magnus' familiar scent engulfed him and with it so did the comfort that Magnus always brought to Alec.

It was also what broke him. A sob was wrenched from his chest as tears prickled at his eyes before falling down his cheeks. All of the feelings he had bottled up; the guilt, the regret, the heartache, the pain, the grief, the hopelessness, the worry and the fear, all of it came spilling out. The sobs shook his body as he clung to Magnus' jacket like a lifeline. _Please_ he begged silently, _Please let us find him, let him come back to me._ He gathered up the jacket closer to his heart as he relived a million moments that he shared with Magnus in his head. From their very first meeting and that jolt he had felt to his heart as their eyes had first met. Something had awoken inside him at that moment. It was as if his heart had been a heavy stone in his chest struggling to beat and then the moment he had looked into Magnus' eyes it had sprung to life. He remembered how it felt to hold his hand in his own. He remembered their last moments together. He remembered everything, every second they had spent together.

Alec didn't know how long he sat there clinging to that jacket but he was suddenly broken out of his trance by his phone ringing. Without looking to see who it was he answered. "Alec, it's Lydia come back to The Institute, we think we found something."

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia's eyes itched with tiredness in the mid afternoon sun. She could feel the energy draining from her. They had spent most of the day wandering New York talking to Warlocks but had very little to go on. All any of them could say was that for the last week of two they had all been feeling the same uneasiness. But other than that there was nothing to suggest that The Dark Lady was in the city and Lydia was beginning to feel the tendrils of doubt creep in. Maybe she was wrong and she wasn't here after all. Maybe the others were right and she did just have a bad dream or imagined that The Dark Lady was there. But she had felt so sure. She let out a sigh and rubbed her eyes.

She felt a hand gently rub her back and looked up to see Robin smiling gently at her, concern in his eyes. "Hey, how are you doing?" He asked softly.

Lydia shrugged. "I don't know, ok I guess. Tired." She answered as she looked back up at him. "Doubting myself." She admitted. He smiled and shook his head at her.

"Don't doubt yourself. You saw her, I know you did. You had these feelings about The Dark Lady before and you were spot on." He moved his hands up her arms to rest them on her shoulders. "Lydia, you have always been intuitive. It's what makes you such a good Shadowhunter. When you go with your gut instinct you always make the right decision. Even if it makes no sense to anyone else you're usually always right." He reassured her gently.

"I didn't make the right decision when it came to that Warlock in Rio. I followed my gut then and it was a disaster." She whispered as tears pricked at her eyes. Robin cupped her cheeks and made her meet his eyes.

"Listen to me Lydia. Despite what happened you made the right call." He sighed and dropped his gaze to the floor for a moment before meeting her eyes again she could see the guilt and regret shining in his own. "I know I blamed you for it, I know I reacted badly and you'll never know how sorry I am for that or how much I wish I could change it. But Lydia you were right when you said we wouldn't have been able to live with ourselves if we had gone through with it. As much as it hurt losing John and Arabelle I know that we would have all lost ourselves to something much worse than death if you hadn't made the decision you did." He gently pulled her into a hug as she nodded her head. She sank into his warm, closing her eyes and inhaling his familiar scent. He smelled like cinnamon and the Portuguese sea. He smelled like home. They stayed like that for a moment before drawing apart. As she met his eyes again she noticed he was gazing at her strangely.

"What?" She asked nervously.

"Hmm?"

"You're looking at me funny, like something is bothering you." He let out a sigh and lent back towards her.

"Come here a sec." He said distractedly as he raised a hand up to her hair. She suddenly felt her breath catch and butterflies erupt in her tummy at his close proximity. He gently tugged her hair tie, releasing her hair from it's ponytail and letting it tumble down her back and around her shoulders. "There that's better." He whispered with satisfaction as he brushed a few stray strands away from her face.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Got a problem with my choice in hairstyle." She teased gently. He chuckled as he shook his head again.

"As a matter of fact yes. It doesn't suit you. Makes you look more severe, intimidating." He answered playfully. "This is much better. Makes you look more free spirited, more like the you I remember." He finished gently. She held his gaze for a few moments before she felt a blush creep across her cheeks and she cleared her throat feeling awkward all of a sudden. At that moment Caitlin approached them and Lydia took an unconscious step back from Robin.

"Hey did you find anything?" Lydia asked hopefully.

"I'm not sure. Maybe but its a bit weird." Caitlin answered while wringing her hands. Lydia noticed that she did that a lot when she was nervous or distressed.

"What is it Caitlin?" Robin urged her lightly.

"I was talking to a few Warlock acquaintances and found out that this feeling of uneasiness that they've been getting, its not just in the air of the city. There's this abandoned building not far from here. Apparently whenever a Warlock goes near it they get an inexpiable feeling of panic and fear come over them. It's like there's some kind of enchantment on it to discourage any Warlock from going in."

"Well it sounds like its worth checking it out." Lydia suggested. Robin nodded in agreement.

"I was afraid you were going to say that." Caitlin replied resigned. "It's this way." She gestured.

It didn't take them long to get to the building. It looked like an old warehouse. The nearer they got the more Lydia's skin began to crawl. She could feel her heart rate speed up to a thousand beats a minute. Her palms went clammy and she felt a nauseous feeling rolling around in her stomach. She looked over at Caitlin who was also clearly struggling. Her eyes were as wide as saucers and fear was reflecting from them. She seemed to be shaking and was once again wringing her hands. Then she stopped a few feet from the buildings entrance and closed her eyes tightly. Lydia could see that she was struggling to steady her breathing. "I...I can't do this please...I...I need to g...go." She pleaded in a trembling voice.

"It's ok Caitlin we can take it from here. Head back to The Institute, we'll meet you there." Robin assured her. Then Caitlin dashed away and Robin turned his attention to Lydia. "Whoa are you ok there Lydia, you look really pale?" He asked as he moved towards her.

She shook her head. "Can't you feel that?" She asked shakily. He seemed completely unaffected.

"No, why what can you feel?" He asked urgently gripping her arm to steady her as she stumbled a little. Before Lydia could explain she felt herself go lightheaded, shadows encroaching on her peripheral vision. Then her knees gave out. She was vaguely aware of Robin catching her around her shoulders before he slipped an arm under her knees and lifted her into his arms. Then she blacked out.

When she came to she was in the Infirmary at The Institute. The gang were standing around her looking down at her worriedly. Izzy was stroking her hair gently and Jace had her hand clutched tightly in both of his.

"Hey welcome back. How do you feel?" Clary asked as she smiled in relief at Lydia. Lydia groaned and brought her free hand to her groggy head before she slowly began to sit back up. Robin rushed forward and wrapped a supporting arm around her shoulders.

"What happened?" She asked trying to put the pieces of her memory back together.

"You scared the living daylights out me!" Robin answered. "You just collapsed when you got too near to that warehouse." Lydia gasped as she remembered.

"That's where Magnus and the others are!" She said confidently.

"Ok let's not jump too far ahead. It's definitely something and it most likely has something to do with The Dark Lady but we don't have enough evidence. We need more information." Jace reasoned. Lydia shook her head .

"No, Jace, I know that's where he is! I can feel it. It's like...like..." She locked eyes with Robin. "Like a gut instinct." He smiled back at her nodding his head.

"We should call Alec. Get him back here." Robin said.

"I'll do it." Lydia said feeling some excitement build in her chest. They had found him she was sure of it. Things would be better now, Alec would be ok. She pulled her phone from her jacket pocket and speed dialled Alec. "Alec, it's Lydia." She blurted out when she heard the phone connect. "Come back to The Institute, we think we found something."

 **Alec's POV**

The warehouse looked grey and bleak, there was graffiti scrawled across the face of the building in black spray paint. All of the windows had been bordered up and there was ivy growing up the side. It looked completely and utterly normal, just like any other abandoned warehouse in the city. The only thing that made Alec think there was anything abnormal about the place was Lydia and Caitlin's reactions to it. Caitlin had come along very reluctantly at the groups insistence. They may need a Warlocks magic to get in. Whilst the others walked closer to inspect the building for a way in Caitlin had hung back staying as far away from the building as she could.

Lydia was standing next to her, also some distance from the building. Though not necessarily by choice like Caitlin. Lydia had been stubborn and insisted on coming despite everyone else's concern for her health. She was determined to help get Magnus back no matter the risk to herself, but that was Lydia for you. Always thinking of others before herself, Alec couldn't help but smile to himself a little. However when she had drawn near to the building the most curious thing had happened. It had terrified Alec to no end. All the colour drained from her face and she had began to shake. She looked as if she might be sick and she began to sway like she would pass out. Looking over at her now Alec frowned worriedly, she still looked quite pale. No one could understand why the building was affecting her like this. No one else was effected and that only made Alec worry more. It was clear The Dark Lady had some kind of hold over Lydia and last time she had shown an interest in her Lydia had nearly died, now she had Magnus and who knew what she was doing to him. What state he would be in? At that moment Lydia looked over and noticed him staring, she gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded and smiled back before studying the building again.

They had determined that there was only one way in, through the front door. Jace didn't like it, he said it was too dangerous to risk going in when they didn't know what was inside. But if Alec was honest with himself, he didn't care how dangerous it was. Magnus could be behind those doors and Alec was going to do everything in his power to get him back. He needed to get him back. So with a quick glance around at the others he walked towards the door and slowly reached towards the handle.

It felt cold under his palm as he looked back over his shoulder at the others to make sure they had their weapons drawn. He counted to three on his fingers. Then he gave it sharp hard tug and to his surprise the door slid open easily. Still feeling uneasy Alec pulled his bow from over his shoulder and nocked an arrow ready. They crept forward in to the shadows of the dusty old warehouse.

It was empty. The was nothing there at all. Alec felt all the hope drain out of him. But Lydia had been so sure. He had been so sure that this would be it. He looked at the others and could see the same disappointment and despair reflected in their eyes. He let out a shaky breath, trying to get a grip on the feeling of panic rising in his chest. "Let's search the room, there could be an entrance to another level somewhere." He ordered with steely determination. They all broke away and began to search the room. Alec started on the left and ran his hand along the wall searching for any hidden doors or entrances. He tapped the wall here and there, checking to see if it was hollow anywhere. When he finally made it around the whole room and back to the door without finding a single clue, he rested his head against the wall and closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall.

He looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching. The others gathered around giving him sympathetic looks. "Alec, come on. We should go. There's nothing here." Izzy urged gently putting a hand on his lower arm. Alec just shook his head, desperately looking around the gloomy room again.

"He has to be here, they have to be here." He muttered under his breath grief-stricken. Then he made his way back down the warehouse searching for anything, anything at all. "It doesn't make any sense, why would they spell an empty warehouse?"

"It's probably just a diversion Alec, The Dark Lady most likely has several of them dotted all around the place to throw people off." Jace replied rationally as the others followed him to the other end of the warehouse where Alec had stopped. As much as Alec wanted to deny it he knew that made sense, that it was logical but he found himself shaking his head anyway.

"He has to be here!" He said fiercely. Then more quietly, hanging his head. "I need him to be here."

"I'm sorry Alec but he's not. Look around, there's nobody here. There's nothing here." Clary tried to comfort him while also trying to make him see sense.

"Come on mate, there's nothing more we can do here." Robin patted him on his shoulder before turning back towards the door. Alec nodded in resignation a feeling of numbness coming over him as he too began to make his way back towards the door. However he was barely halfway across the room when he froze. For some reason he suddenly felt like he was being watched, like he was surrounded. He tried to shake the feeling away. Taking in a deep breath he was engulfed in the soft, warm and familiar scent that was so uniquely Magnus. It was a woody smell, like sandalwood mixed with something else, something spicy. He turned on the spot trying to locate where the smell was coming from.

"Alec!?" Izzy called from a little further up the warehouse. "What is it?" She inquired as the group stopped and turned to look at him. He shook his head and stared at the spot to his left. He was sure it was coming from there.

"I'm not sure." He replied as he cautiously inched closer. There was nothing there. Nothing but dust and cobwebs. But still he couldn't help but call out. "Magnus!? Are you there? Can you hear me?" His voice echoed around the room. It was the only reply that he got.

"Alec come on you're starting to freak us out now." Clary pleaded looking uneasily around the room. She looked at him worriedly. "You can see for yourself Alec, there's nothing here." She reminded him again sensibly. Throwing one last look at the empty spot he sighed and rubbed his forehead as the tears he had held back finally broke free and rolled down his cheeks, before turning and heading back out into the sunlit street.

 **Magnus' POV**

He could hear voices. Not the agonised crying and begging of his fellow captives but actual voices. They seemed so familiar to him. He tried desperately to place them. That's when he recognised Alec's voice. Raising his head off the slab he tried to make out what he was saying but it was too far away, too muffled. Maybe he was dreaming? He thought with a huff as he let his head fall back down and closed his eyes again.

But then he heard Jace's voice reply to Alec's. Then he heard Clary, Izzy and Lydia. He still couldn't tell what was being said but he was sure that he could actually hear them. He tried to figure out where their voices were coming from. As he looked around the room he noticed that a lot of the other Warlocks were also looking around.

"Can you hear that?" The Warlock next to him whispered weakly as she feebly tried to raise her head. "Those voices?"

Magnus nodded. "I know those voices." Magnus' voice was scratchy and hoarse from so little use. "They're my friends."

"Where are they coming from?" She asked looking around for them.

"Outside, I think." Magnus tried yanking and twisting his wrists, trying furiously to release himself from his restraints. He needed to get to Alec and the others. Suddenly the Warlock next to him gasped tears springing to her eyes. "What? What is it?" He asked urgently.

"That's Caitlin. That voice talking now. That's my friend! She's here!" Magnus could see happiness and hope light up in her eyes. "CAITLIN! CAITLIN! I'M IN HERE!" She was shouting herself hoarse. Magnus smiled sadly at her.

"I don't think they can hear us. The room is spelled so that no one on the outside can hear." He explained.

"Then we need to get untied, go out and let them know we're here!" She said urgently. He nodded his head and focused back on his own shackles. Trying to ignore the pain he began to attempt to dreg up some of his magic. But The Dark Lady had drained most of it away. He was too weak. He could feel beads of sweat begin to form on his forehead as he tried in vain to cast a spell strong enough to break the chains. He collapsed back onto the table exhausted.

All of a sudden light shone into the room, dazzling them all. Blinking rapidly Magnus looked over towards the now open door. And there he was, his Alexander. He was illuminated by the sunlight streaming in behind him from the doorway. Joy exploded in Magnus' heart at the sight of him. Never before had he looked more like an angel than in that instance. He noticed other shadowy figures moving behind him. They all moved forward cautiously into the room, their weapons drawn.

"Alexander!" He called tenderly as Alec lowered his bow and looked about the room.

"Let's search the room, there could be an entrance to another level somewhere." He called to the others. They all began to move through the room, seemingly looking for something.

"Hey! Guys I'm here. Can't you see me? Alexander! I'm here!" Magnus called to them all desperately. But not a single one of them looked up. It was as if they couldn't see them or hear them. Magnus could feel the desolation creep back into the room as others began to call out to them too; the room was again filled with begging and pleads. But it was no good, they were invisible to them.

Magnus couldn't take his eyes off of Alec. He looked thinner than Magnus remembered him. His skin was paler and there were shadows under his eyes. Magnus wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. To comfort him and make sure he was ok. Instead all he could do was watch as he walked around the room inspecting the walls before coming to a stop by the door. He watched as his shoulders slumped and he rested his head briefly against the wall before he turned back to the others in the group. All of them looked deflated.

"Alec, come on. We should go. There's nothing here." Magnus heard Izzy's voice float across the room.

"He has to be here, they have to be here." He could here the grief in Alec's voice.

"Yes I am." Magnus called in vain. "I am here, Alexander look please." He pleaded again although he knew it was futile. He watched as Alec made his way back down the warehouse further away from the door. "It doesn't make any sense, why would they spell an empty warehouse?" Magnus nodded his head in agreement with him even though he knew he couldn't be seen.

"That's it baby, you know this isn't right, you can work this out." Magnus encouraged him under his breath.

"It's probably just a diversion Alec, The Dark Lady most likely has several of them dotted all around the place to throw people off."

"God dammit Jace!" Magnus spat out in frustration. Sometimes he thought Jace was too good of a Shadowhunter for his own good, always thinking too much. Not even Magnus could argue that the theory made sense.

"He has to be here!" Alec spoke again filling Magnus with hope again. "I need him to be here." He felt his heart twinge at the anguish in Alec's voice.

"I'm sorry Alec but he's not. Look around, there's nobody here. There's nothing here." This time it was Clary being the voice of reason.

"Come on mate, there's nothing more we can do here." Robin patted him on his shoulder before turning back towards the door. Then Alec nodded and followed the others. Magnus felt tears begin to fall from his eyes as he watched them walk further away from him. The rest of the Warlocks were also crying and calling them back. Just when all seemed lost Alec suddenly froze right in front of Magnus. He seemed to take a large breath in before he began looking once again around the room.

"Alec!?" Izzy called from a little further up the warehouse. "What is it?" She inquired as the group stopped and looked back to Alec.

Magnus' breath caught in his chest as Alec turned to look directly at him. Confusion was shining in his eyes and a look of uneasiness was on his face.

"Magnus!? Are you there? Can you hear me?" He suddenly called out to him.

"Yes! Yes I'm here Alexander I'm right in front of you!" Magnus began begging again a feeling of panic erupting as his heart beat thunderously against his rib cage. But he knew from the disappointed look in Alec's eyes that he still could not see or hear him.

"Alec come on you're starting to freak us out now." Clary pleaded to him as she looked uneasily around the room before sending a worried look towards Alec. "You can see for yourself Alec, there's nothing here."

Alec looked back at him and Magnus looked deep into his eyes. He could see that Alec was reluctant to leave. Some part of him knew that Magnus was there. Magnus just needed him to see through The Dark Lady's enchantments. "Please Alexander. Please see me." Magnus whispered lovingly to him. For a split second he thought maybe he had done it, maybe Alec had seen him. But that hope was dashed when Alec turned and with tears rolling down his cheeks walked back towards the door and then disappeared into the sunlight. Magnus felt all of the fight go out of him as if it were an actual entity that had got up and walked out along with Alec. With all his strength gone Magnus slowly closed his eyes and let the darkness swallow him.

 **Alec's POV**

The sun was blinding after the gloom of the warehouse. Alec could feel his heartbreaking. Little fissures spreading out across his heart like cracks in mortar. He looked up and met Lydia's eyes. He didn't need to say anything, she took one look at the tear tracks on his face and the empty look in his eyes and knew the truth. She rushed forward and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so sorry Alec." She whispered as he buried his face in her neck. "I was so sure he would be here." She stroked his back soothingly as Alec tried desperately not to break down into sobs. He could feel the tears burning under his eyelids.

"I don't know how much longer I can be without him." He whispered to her brokenly. He heard her let out a sad sniffle as she tightened her arms around him. He squeezed his eyes shut again when suddenly an image flashed before his eyes. He could see Magnus shackled to a metal table. His arms were bruised and the skin over his heart was blackened. But he was looking at Alec intensely his eyes burning brightly. "Please Alexander. Please see me."

Alec snapped his head back up his heart suddenly pounding. He pulled back from Lydia as she looked at him confused. "Alec what's up?" She asked confused. Alec just shook his head unable to articulate into words what he knew win his heart to be true. He turned and raced back into the warehouse while the others called questioningly after him. He paused in the doorway and looked at the room, really looked at it.

Then he spotted it. A sort of shimmering see through curtain. It was a glamour. There was a glamour on the room. He turned and yelled to the others, "Come quick. You too Caitlin we need you!" They all rushed forward. "Look it's a glamour." He said excitedly. He saw hope return to each of their eyes as they each in turn spotted it.

"Caitlin can you break it?" Robin asked urgently.

"I'm not sure if I have the strength. The Dark Lady's powers far out match my own." She answered biting her lower lip in frustration.

"What if you took strength from us?" Alec inquired. Caitlin looked at him and her face broke into a smile.

"Yes! That might just work." She replied happily. "But it will take a lot out of everyone. We'll all be weakened for a while." She informed them, wringing her hands again. Alec looked to others who in turn were looking at him, waiting to be told what to do.

"It's up to each of you, I can't force any of you to take the risk if you don't want to."

"Of course we're all on board, Magnus is our friend we'll do anything to get him back." Izzy replied fiercely as the others nodded their heads in agreement.

"Ok everyone stand in a line, three on either side of me." Caitlin barked out taking charge. "Link hands. It's really important that no one lets go whilst I cast the spell." Everyone moved into position and took each others hands. "I should also warn you all that it could get rather painful." She cautioned them all. "Last chance to back out." Nobody moved away and Caitlin nodded her head then closed her eyes and began to chant in a strange dialect. Her hands lit up blue and her magic began to spread through them all.

Alec could feel the tug of his strength being drawn out of him. It wasn't too bad at first but then an uncomfortable burning sensation started in his chest. It grew worse and worse until he grit his teeth and closed his eyes tightly against the pain. He felt Lydia's hand tighten around his and knew she too was experiencing the same pain. He suddenly felt worried for her. She had already been weakened by the magic surrounding the building, would she be able to cope with the strain of this spell to?

He quickly reopened his eyes and turned to look at her. Without warning there was a flash of red light, swiftly followed by a flash of blue. Then the entire room was alight; sizzling and sparking, sometimes red and sometimes blue. The colours mixed together to form an eerie purple glow. Then the light dissipated.

The room was suddenly filled with people. There were rows of metal tables and to each one a Warlock was strapped. Many of them were calling out to them feebly. After a moments shock they all leaped forward starting to break the shackles with their seraph blades and helping the Warlocks out and to safety. Alec however began to weave his way through the room searching frantically for Magnus. He was vaguely aware of Caitlin following him calling out her friends name.

He once again smelled the familiar sandalwood scent and rushed forward to see Magnus laying still with his eyes closed. He moved to his side quickly as he heard a cry of joy from behind him.

"Lilian! Oh my god it's you, it's really you! We found you!" He turned to see Caitlin wrapping her arms around a sobbing and badly bruised girl. He couldn't help but smile at the scene. He turned and looked back down at Magnus. He reached a shaky hand forward and gently stroked his hair away from his pale face.

"Magnus, hey come on. Open your eyes for me." Alec begged him. But Magnus remained still. Alec began to feel the panic return. He placed a hand to his neck checking for a pulse. Relief surged through him when he felt Magnus' heartbeat flutter against the skin of his fingers. It was a little weak but it was there. "Come on Mags open your eyes, look at me please."Alec pleaded again. When there was still no response he shook Magnus' hand. Then after a moments hesitation he lent forward and placed a light, tender kiss to his forehead.

As he drew back a little to look at him, Alec noticed Magnus' eyelids flutter. His heart skipped a beat and then a warm feeling spread from his heart throughout his body to his very fingertips, as Magnus' beautiful warm chocolate eyes slowly opened and met Alec's.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: You know the drill I own nothing. This chapter gave me so much trouble but it is finally done so I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you once again to everyone who left reviews they are always appreciated. :)**

* * *

 **Chapter 15: When That Love Comes Back**

 **Alec's POV**

Magnus' skin felt hot under his touch, too hot. His eyes were unfocused and he kept blinking rapidly. "Hey Magnus." Alec whispered to him softly. "Are you ok? Where does it hurt?" He began running his eyes over his body looking for any injuries. His stomach lurched as he took in the blackened skin of his chest, right over his heart and the mottled yellow, purple and blacks of the bruises up his arms. Alec felt tears prick at the back of his eyes. This was all his fault. How could he let this happen to him? Why didn't he fight harder? He was a coward and now Magnus was paying the price, look at the state The Dark Lady had left him in.

Magnus' eyes met Alec's and he slowly raised a hand to his cheek. "Ale...Alexander?" Magnus' voice was weak and hoarse. "You came back. You can see me?"

"I can see you. I'm here." Alec tried to speak past the lump in his throat. "We're gonna get you out of here. Don't worry I won't let her hurt you again." He reassured him fiercely. But Magnus didn't really seem to be listening.

"You can see me." He whispered with a smile on his lips as he stroked Alec's cheek. Just then Lydia appeared next to him.

"Hey we need to get out here. These Warlocks need medical attention and we need to secure the area for investigation. Caitlin has opened a portal back to The Institute and Robin has messaged The Clave requesting back up. But we should still hurry in case The Dark Lady comes back." Lydia informed them urgently. Alec nodded in reply moving to support Magnus around his shoulders.

"Come on Magnus, lets get you out of here." Slowly Magnus began to pull himself into a sitting position with Alec and Lydia's help. They eased him off the table and with both of them supporting him on either side they made it out into the sunlit street.

There were people everywhere. The Clave had sent a team of Shadowhunters as back up and they were helping The Warlocks through the portal one by one. They had set up a triage nearby for those Warlocks who were too injured to move by themselves and needed immediate medical attention. It was there that Lydia and Alec took Magnus. As they approached two Shadowhunters who were wearing bands around their arms to identify them as having medical knowledge, rushed forward and took Magnus from them. They laid him on a gurney and quickly began to flurry around him testing his vitals.

As they stood watching them tend to Magnus, Lydia gently stroked Alec's back. "He'll be ok Alec, I know he will." She reassured him. He could only nod in reply, unable to pull his attention away from Magnus. Robin approached them and patted Alec on the shoulder.

"How's Magnus doing?" He asked. Alec shook his head again still unable to find the words to speak.

"We're not sure, they're tending to him now." Lydia responded for him.

"He's in good hands, The Clave sent the finest healers Idris had to offer." Alec just nodded once again. Robin patted his shoulder once more. "Come on lets get to work we need to get these Warlocks back to The Institute, they're not safe here." Robin continued. With one last look at Magnus Alec reluctantly accepted that there wasn't anything else he could do for him at the moment and followed Robin and Lydia.

It was several hours before all The Warlocks were safely inside The Institute, the Infirmary was fuller than it had ever been. Practically every bed was currently occupied. Alec made his way across to the far end of the room where Magnus was lying looking almost as pale as the white sheets that enveloped him. However his eyes brightened as he spotted Alec and a smile graced his lips.

"Hey how are you feeling?" Alec asked as he sat in the chair next to Magnus' bed.

"I'm still very sore but I'm feeling a lot safer than I did a few hours ago." Magnus replied. His voice still sounded scratchy. It was then that Magnus noticed a clipboard in Alec's hands. "Ah have you come to interrogate me?" Magnus questioned.

Alec chuckled a little and shook his head before replying. "If The Clave asks then yes I have come to get your statement, but in all honesty I'm using it as an accuse to come see you." Magnus gave him a beaming smile in reply.

"Well then ask away."

"Ok starting from the beginning can you tell me what happened? How did The Dark Lady get you and where from?" Alec asked trying to maintain some level of professionalism. It was hard when he kept getting distracted by Magnus' eyes.

Magnus took a steadying, calming breath then began. "I was in my apartment. It was late in the night, early hours of the morning. I had just got back from the club."

Alec nodded, "Was there anything unusual or out of place when you got home? Any sign of a break in or anything?"

Magnus shook his head. "Nothing was out of place, but I kept getting this uneasy feeling, I had felt it on the walk home as well. Like someone was watching me and like something bad was going to happen." Alec listened intently remembering the same feeling both he and Lydia had experienced near Magnus' apartment. He nodded for Magnus to continue after jotting down a few notes. "I looked around the apartment but nothing was out of place so I just shook the feeling off, poured myself a drink and settled down in my chair. But then there was these flashes of red light and then I lost consciousness."

Magnus paused for a moment and fidgeted on the bed getting himself more comfortable. "When I woke up I was in a dark room and was restrained to a table."

"Was anyone else with you?" Alec inquired.

Magnus shook his head. "No I was alone."

So they had been right Magnus was the first one she took, Alec thought to himself making some more notes. He looked back up at Magnus and asked, "Do you know who took you?"

"Yes it was The Dark Lady."

"You saw her? Did she speak to you at all?"

Magnus was silent for a long while before he finally replied. "Yes she approached me pretty much as soon as I woke up. She hooked me up to this machine with a needle."

"Do you know what the machine does?" Alec asked trying not to stare at the bruises on his arms.

"It seemed to drain my magic. She left me hooked up to it for several days then came back and unhooked me so that my magic could replenish. It was then that she told me that she had left a letter at my apartment stating that I had gone to my London house for an extended stay. She wanted me to know that no one was looking for me. Alexander I need you to know that I didn't write that letter, I'm not even entirely sure what it said I can only imagine how hurtful it must have been. But it wasn't me." He finished urgently staring at Alec intensely.

Alec stared at the ground for a moment before looking up to meet Magnus' eyes. "I know that now Magnus. It took me far to long to figure it out though. I'm so sorry Magnus." Alec finished with a whisper as he tried to fight back tears.

"What are you sorry for?" Magnus asked baffled.

"I should have realised you were missing sooner, I should have fought harder for you, been braver." Alec rushed his apology out with an almost pleading tone to his voice. He wouldn't blame Magnus if he didn't forgive Alec. But Magnus just shook his head at him, a small smile playing at the corners of his lips.

"Alexander I don't blame you at all. Why would you question that letter? I had already mentioned to you earlier that I had been thinking of going to my London property. As for fighting harder or being braver the moment you knew I had been taken you did everything you could to get me back."

"But it took me 10 months Magnus! 10 Months for me to realise you were gone!" Alec tried to keep his voice down but the guilt was eating away at him. "I wrote to you at your townhouse and when you didn't reply to my letters I just gave up on you. I should have gone to London then I would have known you were missing. But instead I was a coward."

Magnus let out a deep sigh before reaching out a hand and taking one of Alec's in his. Alec clasped his hand tightly but not so tight that he might hurt Magnus and revelled in the warmth of Magnus' skin against his own. "Alexander look at me." Magnus urged him. Hesitating for only a second or two Alec looked up. "Listen I have always known who you are. You're a Shadowhunter. You were brought up in a society that had strict rules on how to behave and even on what to think. In a black and white world where this was right and that was wrong; no room for arguments. Because of certain views your society has you've felt like you've had to hide who you really are. You've spent your life playing a part. You became the epitome of the perfect Shadowhunter, the perfect son and you did it by building walls around yourself. The act became a safety net for you, a force of habit and I know how hard it is to bring the walls down and break the habit of a lifetime. But you were starting to and that's what's important. You are not going to be able to do it with just one act, in one moment. Its going to take time. You need time to figure out who you really are and what you really think and feel for yourself. I'll be here to support you if you need me to. But please Alexander don't blame yourself for this, the guilt will only tear you apart."

Alec found himself unable to look away from Magnus' eyes. It was if everything but Magnus had fallen away and only the two of them existed, in their own bubble. Every sensation was heightened, the air crackled between them, Magnus' voice flowed over him like silk and the skin on the back of his hand tingled where Magnus' thumb was drawing lazy circles. Alec felt like Magnus was gazing into his very soul. Suddenly it all became too much and Alec blinked looking down at the ground as he pulled his hand from Magnus' breaking the spell. He cleared his throat and shook his head trying to clear his head. "Sorry I...Um... Are you ok if we continue?" He asked gesturing to the clipboard.

"Of course." Magnus answered smoothly giving him an understanding smile.

"When did the other Warlocks appear?"

"The first was about 2 weeks after I was taken. Then they kept showing up pretty regularly, every couple of weeks or so."

"Were they all hooked up to the same machines that you were?"

Magnus nodded his head in reply and Alec continued to make notes while keeping one eye on Magnus. He felt a stabbing pain of guilt in his chest every time he saw Magnus wince and he couldn't help but notice that Magnus was starting to look very tired. He'd better speed this up so that Magnus could get some sleep.

"Other than The Warlocks and The Dark Lady did you see anyone else?"

"No, The Dark Lady either came in with a new captive or she'd be alone."

"Did The Dark Lady give any indication that she might be working with someone else?" Again Magnus shook his head.

"Did she give any hints as to why she was abducting and draining Warlocks' powers?"

"Sorry no. The only time she ever spoke to us was to torment us, reminding us that no one was looking for us, that we would be there with her for a long time and that sooner or later we would succumb to the strain of the torture and die like some of the other less fortunate Warlocks already had." Magnus informed him bitterly.

Alec looked up with a start studying Magnus intently. "Wait some of the Warlocks died!? We never found any bodies."

Magnus shook his head sadly. "No you wouldn't have. She burnt the bodies in an incinerator, there was nothing left to find."

Alec was really struggling with the new information. He could feel a cold shiver running through his blood and a pain in his chest like a clammy hand had closed over his heart and squeezed. He shut his eyes tightly and took deep even breaths trying to slow his heart rate.

"Alexander are you ok?" Magnus asked concern in his voice.

"I could have lost you." He whispered brokenly under his breath. For the first time it was really hitting Alec that Magnus could have died, could have truly been lost to Alec forever.

"But you didn't." Magnus reassured him firmly. "I'm right here." Magnus reached out his hand and once again clasped Alec's tightly. He stroked his thumb over his knuckles until Alec looked back up at him, then he gave him a small smile and let his hand go. "Next question?" He urged Alec with a small smile and a quick wink. Alec couldn't help the smile that sprang to life at Magnus' cheeky wink he had missed it too much.

"Ok last question. Is there anything else that you saw or heard that you think may be relevant to the case?" Alec asked with as steady a voice as he could.

"Nothing that comes to mind." Magnus smiled back at him as he answered.

"Ok if you think of anything please let us know. Do you have any questions for us." Alec asked.

Magnus was silent for a moment but then he took a deep breath and spoke. "Actually there is. Not that I'm not grateful for the hospitality and everything the Institute has done to help me but when can I return home? I would quite like to take a long relaxing shower and then settle down in my own bed so that I can sleep for several days straight."

"I'll talk to the healers and Lydia and see what I can do. I can't promise anything though; it might not be safe for you to leave The Institute." Magnus nodded in reply. "Ok I had best get this report to Lydia. Do you need anything?"

"No I'm ok thank you." Magnus reassured him.

"Ok try and get some rest. You look exhausted." Alec told him sternly his voice laced with worry.

Magnus chuckled, "Yes mum." He jested. Alec grinned and gave a little chuckle himself. With one last squeeze of Magnus' hand he forced himself to stand and walk away from Magnus' bedside and to the office where Lydia was.

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia was in pain. Every bone in her body ached and her head was pounding. She could feel exhaustion pulling at her eyelids urging them to close. Instead she blinked rapidly and shook her head in an effort to clear the fogginess away. She was currently sitting in the office next to Caitlin her arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders as Caitlin wept.

Caitlin had had a stressful few weeks and the last day in particular had been a strain on her. The magic she had used to bring down the glamour at the warehouse and taken its toil but they had found her friend Lilian. However they had just been informed that her time with The Dark Lady had her left in a critical condition and that she may not make it through the night. Caitlin had collapsed into a heap on the floor at the news and it had taken Lydia the best part of an hour to coax her off the floor all the while muttering reassurances to her and trying to comfort her as best as she could.

Lydia looked up at the sharp rap on the door and after giving Caitlin's shoulder a quick pat raised from the sofa where they were sat and opened the door.

"Alec." She greeted him as she stepped aside to let him pass.

"Hey I've got my report from Magnus." He informed her as he entered the room. "Hey Caitlin, is everything ok?" Alec asked as he spotted her sitting on the couch and her red rimmed eyes. Caitlin just shook her head in reply. "Anything I can help with?" Alec asked gently as he moved towards her.

"No, not really. It's ok I'm going to head back to The Infirmary and be with Lil...Lilian." Caitlin sobbed as she said her friends name. Lydia felt a pang of sympathy go through her; she wished there was something she could do to help Caitlin and Lilian.

"Ok well keep us updated on her progress and let us know if there's anything we can do. And please Cait try and get some rest yeah, that spell took a lot out of you." Lydia gave her a tight hug and watched her leave, shutting the door behind her. She turned back to Alec and asked suddenly desperate to know. "How's Magnus doing?"

"He's pretty banged up, he's got a lot of bruises and he's still pretty weak. He gets tired quickly but the healers are pleased with his progress, he'll be ok in a few days to a week." Lydia felt relief rush through her.

"Thank The Angel. I've been so worried about him and I've had one bad morning." She flopped back onto the sofa as she spoke and patted the space next to her.

The sofa dipped a little as he took the seat next to her. "What's going on with Caitlin? She seemed really upset." He asked. Lydia sighed and closed her eyes before replying.

"It's her friend Lilian. While she was held captive by The Dark Lady she sustained an injury to her liver. It seems when The Dark Lady came to hook her up to one of those machines Lilian struggled and fought back. The needle slipped and pierced her side puncturing her liver. The wound was small but she's been bleeding internally for the last 3 weeks and now the wound has became infected as well. It doesn't look good for her, they don't think she's even going to last the night." Alec sighed beside her and she felt him shift so he could wrap an arm around her.

"On top of that The Clave contacted me. They weren't impressed with the fact that Magnus went missing on our watch, although the fact that we do now have him back seems to have appeased them a little. However they did inform me in no uncertain terms that they will once again be keeping a close eye on us. Still I suppose it could have been worse." Lydia laid her head on his shoulder as she told him her morning news. Maybe it was her imagination but she was sure she felt him tense a little when she did. She pulled away a little to look at him but he just smiled at her and then pulled her back to him. She pushed the thought away then continued filling him in.

"Oh and Mum and Dad got in touch."

"Oh Yeah? What did they want?" Alec asked curiously.

"Well in all the stress of the search for The Warlocks I forgot; but our One Year Anniversary is next week. They want to throw us party to celebrate." This time she knew she didn't imagine it, Alec definitely tensed up. "Hey is everything ok?" She asked trying to catch his eye but he refused to look at her. "Alec?" She took him by the chin and gently turned his head towards her. He met her eyes reluctantly and she could see panic, guilt and uncertainty swimming around in his eyes.

"Sorry, I'm fine. You know me. I'm just not big on huge fancy parties, specially ones where I'm the focus." He gave her a forced smile. She nodded not sure that was the issue but sensing that it was best not to push it.

"I'm not a big fan of them either but Max will be there too and it'll be great to have the whole family together. I also think it'll be a good distraction for everyone at The Institute a chance for them to relax and have a good time for a change." Alec just nodded in agreement. Then he cleared his throat, pulled away from her and stood up.

"Anyway here's the report." He held it out to her as she reeled from his sudden change in subject and demeanour. "He didn't see or hear anything that might help really. The Dark Lady didn't give him any indication that she was working with anyone else or what it was exactly she wanted with the Warlocks' magic. But we were right about him being the first one she took. I also found out that some of the Warlocks actually died while captive and that she burnt their bodies in an incinerator so we should alert the team that's out investigating the warehouse."

"Sure I'll get on to that." She forced a smile as she flicked through the paperwork on the clipboard he had given her.

"Um there is one other thing." She looked back up at him and nodded her head for him to continue. "Magnus wants to know if he can go home. He's struggling to get any rest while he's here and would like to be back in his own bed."

"Oh... um... is that a good idea? I mean would it be safe for him to return home?" She understood why Magnus would want to be in the comfort of his own home but that was where The Dark Lady had taken him from in the first place and she was still on the loose.

"Well I spoke to the healers and they are happy for him to go. As for The Dark Lady well if she really wants to capture Magnus again it won't matter if he is here or there as she's proved in the past she's capable of getting in both places."

"True but I feel better knowing he's here where we can keep an eye on him." Lydia replied unsure.

"I know, I do too but Magnus really does want to go home and he'll probably heal better and faster if he's somewhere he feels comfortable. We can all take it in turns popping in on him to make sure he's ok and give him a personal alarm in case something were to happen." Alec reasoned with her.

"Well ok then if the healers are happy with it and if you're happy enough with it too then I suppose we can allow it." She acquiesced.

"Great I'll go let him know and take him home." He smiled at her before awkwardly patting her shoulder and leaving before she could say anything else.

She stood frozen on the spot staring at the door he had just left out of. She tried to push away the sick feeling that had settled in her stomach. The last 10 months of their marriage had been great. They had gotten so much closer, more open with each other and more affectionate. In fact Alec was the person she felt closest to; the one she trusted the most. She knew that what they had wasn't some romantic epic love, but while it may have started as a political arrangement it had built into something more now. They had become partners. Her marriage to Alec was the best thing in her life right now. Their relationship wasn't straight forward or easy to define but it meant a great deal to her, it was special. The idea that Alec might not feel the same way left a stabbing pain in her heart. But just now it seemed as though Alec was determined to avoid anything to do with their marriage at all. He had seemed uncomfortable at her touch and absolutely horrified at the idea of their upcoming anniversary and Lydia couldn't help but feel hurt by that. It was like someone had flicked a switch and all the walls that Alec had taken down between them had suddenly been flung back up, he had once again, like the early days of their marriage, closed himself off from her. She shook the feeling of doom hovering over her away and told herself she was being silly and overreacting. Alec was just stressed and worried about Magnus that was all, if she just gave it a little bit of time everything would go back to normal.

 **Magnus' POV**

"Magnus!" He couldn't help the broad smile that sprung on his face when he looked up at the sound of his name and saw Alec walking towards him. He felt his heart give a flutter and then begin to beat faster. "I've got good news we're springing you from this place." Alec continued once he had reached Magnus' bedside.

"I can go home?" Alec nodded his head and Magnus felt relief rush through him. Being locked in this Infirmary was driving him crazy. It was full to bursting and every time he closed his eyes to attempt to get some sleep the moans of pain coming from the other warlocks would trick him into thinking he was back in the warehouse. He often had nightmares as well. But the main reason he wanted to get out of there was because of Lilian. He had spent the last 3 weeks tied to the table next to her at the warehouse and as fate would have it their beds were next to each other now. In some strange way that made him feel connected to her and he had spent much of the day talking with her and watching her getting weaker and weaker as the day went on. Eventually she had fallen asleep, or at least that's what he had assumed; until he had overheard a couple of the Shadowhunters talking about how she had fallen into a coma and that it was likely she would pass away during the night. He didn't want to be here when that happened; couldn't stand to be here when that happened.

"There are a couple of conditions though." Alec interrupted his thoughts. "One, there will be Shadowhunters periodically checking in on you. You have to let them in or at least answer the door to them so that we can be sure that you are safe."

"That's fair enough." Magnus agreed. "What else?"

Alec held up what looked a little like a key fob. It was small, black and had a button in the middle. "This is a personal alarm. If anything happens, if you feel like you're in danger at all you push this button and it will alert us here at the Institute that you are in danger and we'll come to your aide ok." He passed it over as Magnus nodded his head showing that he understood. "Keep it with you at all times." He warned sternly.

"I will Alexander don't you worry." Alec smiled back at him.

"Ok well whenever you're ready let me know and I'll escort you back home."

"I'm ready right now." Magnus replied eager to get out of there. He rose slowly from the bed with Alec's help. He was somewhat unsteady on his feet but Alec kept a firm hand on him and together they made their way slowly out of the Infirmary and to the front entrance of the Institute. After a short wait a portal suddenly opened filling the entrance hall with purple light.

When they emerged from the portal into his loft Magnus took in a deep breath breathing in the familiar scents of his own home. He sighed in relief as he looked around re-familiarising himself to his surroundings. As Alec helped him towards his bedroom he couldn't help but pause and ran a hand over his favourite chair. He had missed his chair, and his cocktail bar and his bed and his en-suite bathroom with its spacious shower.

Once they had reached his bedroom Alec helped lower him so that he was sitting on the bed. "Ok anything you want me to help with?"

"Well I would kill for a shower so maybe you could start running it so the water gets hot while I grab some clean night clothes to change into?"

"It's ok you stay where you are I can do it all for you." Alec made his way to the en-suite bathroom and after a few moments Magnus heard the shower sputter to life and the sound of water hitting the ceramic of the shower floor. A moment later Alec re-appeared. "Where do you keep your pyjamas?" He asked.

"Second draw down." He answered gesturing to the chest of drawers. "Just bottoms will be fine, my chest and arms are still too tender and any material seems to irritate them." Alec just nodded in reply before pulling out a pair of cobalt blue silk bottoms. He once again helped Magnus up off the bed and wrapped his arm around his shoulders so he could support himself against Alec as they walked towards the bathroom. "Thank you I'll be alright from here."

Alec nodded in reply and handed him his pyjama bottoms, as Magnus took them and shut the door it was to the sight of Alec flopping back onto his bed. Magnus had to admit he looked damn good there.

He carefully removed the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. The water felt wonderfully warm and the steam enveloped him like a warm blanket. The jets of water massaged the tension out of his muscles and he slowly felt himself relax.

Suddenly the image of Alec laying on his bed came to his mind unbidden. The image brought a different kind of tension to his body. Letting out a frustrated sigh he tried to push the picture away and reached for his shower gel. He rubbed the shower gel over his skin being careful not to press to hard over his bruises and trying desperately not to imagine what it would be like to have Alec's hands running over his skin instead of his own. Magnus groaned as the tension in his body increased then reached forward and turned the temperature dial down. A jet of cold water hit him clearing all thoughts from his mind and causing him to take a sharp inhale of breath. He quickly washed the grime and blood out of his hair and rinsed off, then shut off the shower and reached for his towel. He dried off then reached for his silk pyjama bottoms. They were soft against his skin as he pulled them on.

Alec's head snapped in his direction as he opened the door. He was still laying on the bed but he rose to a sitting position as Magnus came out of the bathroom. All of a sudden Magnus felt a dizzy spell come over him. He tried to focus as the room began to swim and his head began to pound. Then he felt himself topple forwards unable to stop himself.

Alec rushed forward to catch him. His arms wrapped around his back as Magnus fell hard against Alec's chest. "Hey Magnus? Are you ok?" Alec asked him urgently still holding him tightly. Magnus blinked a few times and took a few breaths inadvertently breathing in Alec's scent. He straightened up a little and started to feel a little steadier on his feet.

He became aware that he was still enveloped in Alec's arms and of just how close they were. Every nerve ending in his body became electrified as his eyes met Alec's. The air between them crackled, Magnus felt a shiver run down his spine as Alec ran a hand softly across the base of his back before trailing it slowly up his side and coming to a rest on his cheek. His touch left a fiery trail of tingling skin in its wake.

Magnus bit his lip to keep from letting out a moan and cupped the back of Alec's neck. He let his fingers tangle in the hair that he found there, it was soft and dark as ink. He felt his eyes slide closed as Alec lent towards him. He could feel Alec's breath ghost across his own lips in short fast puffs and his heart sputtered in response. Just as their lips were about to meet Alec's phone began to vibrate and sing out a tune from his pocket.

Just like that the spell was broken. Magnus let out a shaky breath as Alec took a small step back breaking all contact and reached into his pocket for his phone. As Magnus watched him he saw a look of guilt flash across his face as he stared at the phone's screen.

"It's Lydia." Alec whispered regretfully as he continued to stare guiltily down at the phone. Magnus felt an answering pang of guilt through him as he too remembered Lydia. When it was just him and his Alexander it was often easy to forget that there was a third person involved in all of this and that their actions would have consequences for her too.

Alec sighed and pushed the reject call button before tossing the phone back in his pocket and collapsing back onto the bed letting out a frustrated groan before covering his face with his arms. The silence stretched out between them until finally Magnus couldn't take it anymore. He sat on the bed next to Alec resting a hand on his knee.

"Talk to me Alexander." He pleaded softly. After a moment Alec lowered his arms and turned his head to look at Magnus.

"It's just so hard."

"What is?" Magnus asked confused.

"Being here with you." Alec sat back up and rubbed the stress from his forehead. "Being without you the last 10 months was hard but when I found out you had been taken it became unbearable. The idea of losing you broke me. The only thing I cared about was getting you back but I was so focused on getting you back that I didn't stop to think about what would happen when you were back in my life. What it would mean for me and Lydia I mean. 10 months ago I was ready to leave her for you but now..." He cut off and looked away from Magnus.

"But now things have changed?" He asked. Alec shook his head.

"I don't know. I know that I care deeply for you Magnus. When I'm with you everything and everyone else just falls away and all I care about is being with you. It's like I loose touch with everything but you. But while you were gone Lydia and I grew closer. She's become so important to me and I care deeply for her too. Not in the same way as I do you but still. Then earlier she reminded me that next week is our first wedding anniversary and my parents want to throw this huge party for us. I know I should be happy at the idea of celebrating our first year together and don't get me wrong a part of me is but another part of me just feels trapped by it. I'm so confused."

"Its ok to be confused Alexander. A lot has happened and I understand that a lot of things have changed while I've been gone as well. But talking about it will help."

"I know. The truth is Magnus. I know I want to be with you. I like how it feels when I'm around you and I can't deny my feelings anymore." He paused and rested his hand on top of Magnus' which was still resting on Alec's knee. He took a deep breath and looked at Magnus intently. "But I also know that I don't want to lose what I have with Lydia. I don't even know how to define our relationship. She's not my wife in the traditional sense of the word but in many other ways she is. She's always been there for me and she's become so ingrained in my life. All I know is that whatever it is I don't want to let it go and I'm not sure if it would survive if we ended our marriage. Things between us would change and I don't want them to. I want both but I know that I can't have both." He finished with a shake of his head.

Magnus sat quietly as he let everything Alec had said sink in. He didn't blame Alec for being confused. It was a complicated situation they found themselves in. He sighed wondering, not for the first time, if things would have been different had he showed up at the wedding in time. He opened his mouth to say something when Alec spoke first.

"You must hate me now." His voice sounded so sad and broken. Magnus shook his head at him.

"Of course I don't."

"How could you not. I've messed you around so much. Anyone else would have given up on me by now but you never have."

"Well there were times when I gave up on love. For a long time before you I had closed my heart off to everyone and I had sworn to myself that I was done with love."

"What changed?" Alec asked curiously.

"A dear friend of mine gave me some advice. He told me that one day I would find someone who would tear down the walls around my heart and that when that love came back to me I should do everything in my power to fight for it." He smiled lovingly at Alec. "So that's what I have done and will continue to do so. I need you to know that Alexander. That I will never stop fighting for you." Alec stared intensely at him for a few moments before a shy smile lit up his eyes. Magnus gave out a small chuckle in return and rubbed his thumb in small circles on Alec's knee. "Take as much time as you need. You don't need to make any decisions today. Think about everything for a bit and talk to Lydia. Get your head and your heart sorted out before making a decision. For now I'm just content with being back in your life and having you in mine in what ever capacity."

Alec looked at him with wonder in his eyes. "You're amazing you know." He whispered tenderly. Magnus felt his heart explode with joy and even felt a blush creeping up his cheeks. Alec's phone started to ring again and sighing he once again pulled it from his pocket.

"Lydia?" Magnus inquired. Alec nodded his head in reply. "You should take it." Alec nodded then answered the phone.

"Hey Lydia... No yeah everything's fine I'm just getting Magnus settled back at his place... By the Angel! Is Caitlin ok?... No yeah of course...Ok I'll see you soon." Alec hung up and turned to Magnus. "Lydia needs me back at The Institute, Caitlin's friend Lilian just passed away." He explained.

Magnus felt a jolt of sorrow pass through him he had hoped that the healers were wrong and that Lilian would find the strength to pull through. "Of course, I understand give my condolences to Caitlin."

"Is there anything else you need?"

"No I'm ok, you should head back, I'll just try and get some sleep." He reassured him. Alec seemed hesitant to leave so Magnus smiled and rubbed his shoulder. "It's ok Alexander, go do your Shadowhunter thing. I'll see you again soon." Alec finally nodded and stood from the bed.

"If you need anything just call. Remember to keep the alarm with you ok." Magnus nodded and Alec looked a little appeased. He hovered by the bed for a moment seeming unsure before a quickly lent down and pressed a gentle kiss to Magnus' forehead. Magnus' eyes once again slid shut as Alec lingered there a moment resting his forehead against Magnus', the two of them sharing the same air. "I missed you." He whispered. Then suddenly he pulled away and was gone. His scent lingered in the air along with his departing words. Those three little words that had been spoken more like I love you.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Hey guys I'm back finally, really sorry for the long absence but this chapter was a nightmare to write. It might just be the longest I've written and that's after I edited alot of it out. This one is an important chapter and I really wanted to do it justice I'm not 100% happy with it but when is a writer ever completely happy with their work lol. Anyway as you now by know I own nothing cassandra clare and the producers of the Shadowhunters tv show do. The title is the title of Kelly Clarkson's song Already Gone which fits with what Lydia and Alec are feeling in this chapter so if you've got the time give it a listen. As always I hope you enjoy reading this chapter and feel free to leave a review ;)**

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 **Chapter 16: Already Gone**

 **Lydia's POV**

Lydia was feeling stressed, really stressed. She pulled her hair away from her face, tying it quickly into a messy ponytail, as she rushed through the hallways of The Institute. It had been non-stop all week and things were starting to pile up. As she walked she ran through the list of things she needed to do in her head. She had a meeting with Caitlin to organise for Lilian's body to be released to the Warlocks so that they could give her a proper burial. Then she had to meet with Jace, Izzy, Clary and Luke to talk about how the search for The Dark Lady and also Valentine was going. Robin had asked if he could talk to her at some point today as well. Plus the Institute wasn't going to run itself and she had paperwork piling up in the office. She also needed to check in on the progress of the Warlocks being cared for in the Infirmary. Then at 1 o'clock Maryse and Robert would be arriving with Max from Idris to begin planning for the party tomorrow.

She pulled her phone from her back pocket and pushed the speed dial button to call Alec. She found herself biting back a groan of frustration when it once again went straight to voicemail. She knew he had gone to see Magnus this morning and she understood that Alec wanted to make sure that he was ok but she could really use his help. An Institute could be run by one person but it was hard work and they were dealing with a lot of other things on top of running the place and Lydia was fast approaching her wits end.

She bundled into the office and had just sat down behind the desk when there was a knock on the door. With a sigh of exhaustion she wearily stood back up and opened the door to reveal a teary eyed Caitlin. "Hey Caitlin come on in, have a seat." Lydia greeted her as kindly as she could, hoping her current mood wasn't reflected in her voice. "How are you doing?" Lydia asked as Caitlin took a seat on the sofa. Caitlin just shrugged and looked down at the floor. Lydia rubbed her arm in sympathy, she knew exactly how Caitlin felt. She had felt the same way after John and Arabelle had passed away. She crouched down in front of Caitlin and took one of her hands. "Hey do you wanna talk for a bit or would you rather just get it over with?" She inquired softly.

Caitlin swallowed then shook her head. "Can we just get it over with?" Lydia nodded in understanding and after giving her hand a quick squeeze of reassurance moved over to the desk, pulled open the bottom drawer and gathered the necessary paperwork. Sitting back down next to Caitlin she handed the papers to her along with a pen and began talking her through everything.

"Ok so if you just sign here." She gestured to a dotted line at the bottom of the page. " Take this sheet to Danielle at the Infirmary and she'll get everything sorted out for you. If there is anything else at all that you need just let us know." Caitlin nodded her head as they walked towards the door. "And Cait if you need someone to talk to you know where I am ok?"

Caitlin gave her a watery smile in return. "I know and thank you for everything Lydia. You have all been so kind to me, I can't thank you all enough for all that you've done." She stepped forward and gave Lydia a tight hug of gratitude before giving her one last smile and exiting the office. Lydia shut the door behind her and sighed. She felt for Caitlin. She knew what it was like to lose a friend like that and she never wanted to feel that way again. Caitlin had been so quiet over the last week since Lilian had died and Lydia couldn't help but worry for her.

In that moment her thoughts drifted to Magnus. She remembered how scared she had been when they had discovered he was missing. How close they had come to losing him. They had been luckier than Caitlin, they had got their friend back safe and sound and he was recovering well from his injures. But Lydia couldn't help but worry about what kind of psychological effect the whole ordeal has had on him. She knew how much The Dark Lady liked to play mind games and who knew what kind of games she had played with Magnus while he was her captive.

As she went to sit back down at the desk she tugged her phone from her pocket again and once again tried to get a hold of Alec. She had a sudden desire to check how Magnus was doing. But she found herself throwing her phone onto the desk as it once again went straight to his voicemail. She rubbed the tension from her temples and forehead for a moment before picking up the phone again and sending a quick text message to Alec.

She took a look at the clock. She had a couple of hours before she was due to meet with Jace and the others, she might as well get started on some of the paperwork. She looked at the large pile of files on the desk and let out a moan, this was going to take forever. She had just picked up the first file when there was once again a knock on the door. She climbed back to her feet and opened it to find Robin standing there.

"Hey you got that minute to talk?" He asked giving her a beaming smile.

She looked at the file in her hand then back at the rest of the pile sitting on the desk. She let out another sigh before turning back to Robin. "Sure come on in." He passed close by her as he entered the room and flopped down onto the sofa. He looked at her for a moment before frowning.

"Hey are you ok? You seem a bit tightly wound."

"Oh... no...I mean yeah I'm fine." She tried to give him a smile as she made her way back towards the desk. But as she passed by him he reached out and grabbed her hand pulling her gently towards him and forcing her to look at him.

"Hey come on now, it's me you're talking to. You know I know you better than that." He smiled at her as he stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. "What's up huh?"

She let out the breath she didn't realise she was holding in and dropped to the sofa next to him. "I'm just a little stressed out and struggling to cope with the workload is all. I've got things piling up and just seems like I don't have enough time in the day to get everything down. Plus the Clave is breathing down our necks and watching our every move so I can't afford any screw ups. I just feel like I'm doing it all on my own."

"You're not doing it on your own, you've got Alec to help you." Robin pointed out in an attempt to be reassuring.

"I know it's just we've been stretched so thin that even with Alec's help things are still backing up. You know I've barely seen him all week, I've barely seen anyone all week. We've been too busy."

"Where is Alec now?" Robin asked lightly.

"Oh..um he's out in the field. Checking up on Magnus amongst other things." She tried to keep her tone light.

"Checking up on Magnus huh? He seems to be doing that a lot lately." Lydia shot a quick look at Robin before shrugging her shoulders casually.

"Well he's been assigned to Magnus' case. Magnus is the best shot we've got against The Dark Lady and with him in his weakened state we are vulnerable. Everyone is just eager to see him recover quickly. Besides Magnus is our friend, we all like to hear how he's doing. We'd all go ourselves but you know everyone's been so busy. So really it's a good thing that Alec is paying such careful attention to Magnus' needs. You know because everyone else is too busy to and besides that Magnus really needs a friend right now, I mean after everything he's been through. You..."

"Wow ok Lydia. Are you sure you're ok?" Robin interrupted her stream of nonsense. "Because you know you're rambling right? And you only ramble like that when you're really worried about something.

"Yes, sorry really I'm fine." She turned to find Robin staring at her intently. She gave him a tight smile. "Don't worry I'll figure it out." The silence stretched between them as he continued to search her face. Eventually it became to much for Lydia so she decided to break it. "What did you want to talk to me about?" She asked.

He shook his head at her. "Later. Come on." He stood and then tugged on her hands and pulled her towards the door.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"You need to shred some of that tension. When was the last time you got a good training session in huh?"

"Oh... um I don't actually remember. But I don't really have the time, I've got a lot of paperwork to get through before my debriefing with the others, and my parents in law will be arriving at 1 o'clock..."

"Lydia relax ok. I've got some free time today I can give you a hand with the paperwork while you deal with your various other tasks ok. But right now you need to take a break and get rid of all that extra energy you've been holding in." He cut across her as he continued pulling her towards the training room. She finally accepted defeat and followed him more willingly. A work out would be nice, it had been a long while since she had trained with Robin.

The training room was empty when they arrived. Robin moved towards the weapon stores and looked back at her. "So what you feeling? Seraph blade? Staff? Daggers?"

"You choose." She answered, he nodded then threw a staff towards her. She caught it easily then moved to the centre of the room. Robin followed and they squared each other up. She watched his body language closely, looking for any hints as to what moves he might make.

He whipped his staff toward her neck. Her left arm shot up and the wood of the staffs clattered as she blocked his strike. In a blink she swung the right end of her staff up towards his face.

Once again the wood clanged together. Vibrations radiated through the staff under her hands. Robin lent his weight forward and pushed her back a step as he thrust the end of his weapon at her stomach. Lydia sidestepped to her right raising the staff above her head, she slammed it down onto his own trapping it against the ground. She snaked out her leg and it connected to the back of his knee bringing him crashing to the floor.

He rolled away as she swung at him again her staff grinding against the tiled floor. In seconds he was back on his feet. She shook her head at him. "You know if I didn't know you so well I'd think you were holding back on me." She teased. Robin was a fantastically skilled warrior and he took training seriously. He was a no holds barred kind of guy when it came to sparring. He and Lydia had trained together almost every morning during her time at Lisbon, so she had come to know his fighting technique well. She knew when he was holding back.

He flashed a smile at her confirming her suspicions. She raised a challenging eyebrow at him. His staff rapped the back of her knuckles, she swore as her grip loosened and her weapon dropped to the floor. She ducked under his next swing and grabbed her staff, her hand red and stinging. She advanced towards him, pushing him back with a series of blows, he blocked every one of them and then smacked his staff against her shoulder. They were breathing rapidly now as they circled each other taking a moment to catch their breath and sizing each other up.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" She asked between breaths as she looked for an opening to attack.

Robin shook his hair out of his eyes and replied. "Well I'm heading back to Lisbon tomorrow morning."

Lydia was so put out by this that she almost took a blow to the face, she just managed to bring her staff up in time. Taking a step back she looked at Robin, shaking her head. "What? Why?" She stammered confused.

Robin sighed and lowered his weapon a little. "Lydia, The Clave sent me here to find the missing Warlocks. They've been found, there's no reason for me to stay." He sounded weary. He raised his weapon rapidly as Lydia swung at him.

"There's plenty of reasons! The Dark Lady! Valentine! They need to be found! You can't just leave!" She punctuated each statement with another blow, the last one hit with enough force to knock Robin's staff from his grip. She didn't understand why she was so upset by the idea of Robin leaving only that she felt a rising sense of panic at the idea of being without him. She swung at him again. Robin caught the blow in his hands and flipped her over his shoulder. She crashed into the floor, the wind knocked right out of her. She kicked at his ankle and Robin lost his balance falling on top of her. He threw his arms out to break his fall and to stop himself from crushing her.

Suddenly he let out a burst of laughter. "What's so funny?" She huffed irritably as she snapped her head to look at him. Her heart skipped a beat as she realised how close they were. He had one arm on either side of her head, caging her in and she could feel each breath he made ghost across her face and neck. It made her skin tingle. He had a huge smile on his face and his eyes were glittering with mirth.

"I forgot how quick tempered you could be sometimes." He grinned as he shook his head at her.

She turned her head away from his gaze again. "I don't want you to go." She whispered as tears began to prick at her eyes. She felt his chest move against hers as he sighed. His hand came up to brush a stray hair back from her face before he cupped her chin and forced her to look at him again.

"Lydia, I don't want to leave you either, I'll miss you. But I have to go back. I have a job to do there, a duty and responsibilities; people who are relying on me."

She nodded her head. "I know... I know that and I understand. It's just, things have been such a mess here lately and it's been a comfort having you with me. I rely on you and it's going to be hard with you gone." She looked at him then. Really looked at him as if she were for the first time. She gazed into his grey-blue eyes and noticed for the first time that he had the tiniest flecks of green. Her gaze followed the lines of his face and she studied the way the sunlight pouring in from the window shone in his sandy blonde hair.

Without thinking she lifted a hand and gently ran her fingers through his hair. When her eyes flicked back to his, Robin was staring at her intensely. She saw him swallow as her hand drifted to the back of his neck. She could feel butterflies roiling in her belly and as he slowly lent towards her closing the gap between them she felt something jolt within her; just below her navel. He was so close. As he breathed out she breathed in, inhaling the same air as his nose brushed against hers.

A flash of gold suddenly caught her eye. She looked down and saw the gold tear drop pendant Alec had given her as a wedding favour. A stab of guilt went through her. What was she doing, shaking her head she pushed urgently on Robin's chest, breaking the spell between them. He broke his gaze away from her and slowly rose off of her. Taking her hand he helped her back to her feet.

She took several steps back from him needing the space. An awkward silence filled the air around them until Lydia sighed and finally looked back up at him. "Can't you stay just a couple more days? Alec and I are celebrating our anniversary tomorrow, his parents are throwing us a party. I'd really like it if you came, you missed the wedding it'd be nice to be able to celebrate this with you." He studied her for a moment or two before slowly nodding his head.

"Ok just a couple more days." He agreed smiling a little.

She gave him a small smile and nodded her head in thanks. Looking up at the clock she nearly swore , it was 10 to 12. She was suppose to be meeting Jace and the others for a debriefing in ten minutes. "I've got to go meet the others, catch up with you later?" Robin nodded his head in reply and with one last quick smile Lydia raced out the door. As she rushed towards her destination she tried to put what had just occurred between her and Robin out of her head.

 **Alec's POV**

Something warm was nestled to his chest and as he slowly began to awake Alec couldn't help but tighten his arms around the object, he felt safe and content. Groggily he opened his eyes and took a couple of moments to figure out his surroundings. The object snuggled up to him was in fact Magnus. Alec groaned a little when he saw the clock and realised how much time had gone by. Alec had come to check up on Magnus at around 8 in the morning. They had chatted a bit then around 10 Magnus admitted he was feeling a little drained and went to lay down for a bit. Alec had sat with him and they must have both drifted off though Alec couldn't quite remember the exact moment he had succumbed to sleep.

He carefully tried to detach himself from Magnus without waking him. Magnus, although recovering at a steady rate, still got tired easily and needed all the rest he could get. He gently rearranged the blanket around him and brushed his hair off his forehead, Magnus smiled a little in his sleep, Alec hoped he was having good dreams. He noticed that the missed call light on his phone was flashing and reached over to grab it off the night stand. He had put it on silent when he noticed Magnus beginning to drift off, not wanting it to disturb him.

Alec swore under his breath when he realised that he had missed five calls from Lydia. There were two text messages as well. He opened up the first and read it quickly.

 _Hey Alec, just wondering how Magnus is doing. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help._

Alec smiled a little, Lydia was so kind and a good friend. He hadn't seen much of her this week, things had been so busy with everything going on and he suddenly realised that he missed her. He scrolled down to the next message and opened it.

 _Hey don't forget Mum and Dad will be here at 1._

"Crap!" Alec swore again. In truth he had forgotten and it was 20 to 1 now. He'd be lucky if he made it back to The Institute in time for their arrival.

"Is something wrong?" Came Magnus' groggy voice from behind him. Alec turned to see him slowly sitting up in bed. His hair was tousled from sleep and Alec thought the look rather suited him. He felt his heart speed up, as it always did whenever he was around Magnus.

"I'm sorry I need to go my parents are on their way." He explained apologetically. Magnus just smiled at him nodded.

"It's ok, go do what you need to do. I'll see you again tomorrow?"

Alec beamed at him. "Of course. It might be quite late in the evening though. Um I've got that anniversary party." He replied sheepishly. He always felt awkward bringing up his marriage around Magnus. "I mean you're welcome to come if you think you're up for it. Lydia and I would love to have you. It's just..." Alec looked down unable to finish the sentence.

"It might not be for the best considering current situations." Magnus finished for him. "You haven't spoken to Lydia yet."

Alec shook his head. "I haven't really seen much of her this week." He answered truthfully. Magnus nodded.

"It's ok Alexander, go enjoy your party. I'll see you tomorrow evening, afterwards." Alec nodded then raised a hand in farewell and headed out the door. Once out on the street he pulled out his phone and dialled Lydia's number.

"Hey, sorry I missed your calls my phone was on silent." He explained when she picked up.

"It's ok, how Magnus?"

"Yeah he's fine." He reassured her. "How's your day been?"

"Busy, I met with Caitlin and organised for Lilian's body to be released. She's going to take her back to Lisbon for a proper burial." Alec could hear the sadness in Lydia's voice and felt of pang of guilt. This week had been hard on everyone but Lydia in particular was under alot of stress and Alec didn't feel like he'd been there to support her enough.

"I'm sorry Lyd's, I should have been there to help you with that."

"Don't be silly Alec, Magnus needed you more, I was fine. It just made me think of how close we came to losing Magnus is all." Alec knew what she meant. Despite not really knowing Lilian her death had still hit close to home because it was a stark reminder of how differently things could have gone for Magnus. How much danger he truly had been in. Alec felt sick every time he thought about it.

"I know I just wished I'd been there to support you. I know how you can get lost in your thoughts when things are tough."

"Alec it really is ok. Besides I didn't have much time to wallow in sorrow, Robin showed up and convinced me to get a training session in to take my mind of things."

Alec nodded his head even though she couldn't see him. "That's good. You know I'm glad you and Robin made up. I feel better knowing that you've got someone you can lean on when I'm not there."

"Yeah I'm glad too." Something in her voice sounded strange but he couldn't put a finger on what.

"Hey are you ok, you sound weird?" He asked concerned.

"What? I mean yeah I'm fine, just thinking is all."

"Ok well I'm on my way back now, I'll be there in 10." He replied letting it go for now.

"Ok I'll see you soon."

When he rushed into the office 15 minutes later it was to find Robin sitting at the desk filing some paperwork.

"Hey, I'm just helping Lydia out with some paperwork. Is everything ok?" Robin explained.

"Yeah just running a little late. Thanks for the help by the way. We kept meaning to do that paperwork but everything has been so hectic."

"Yeah no problem what are friends for right." Robin smiled.

"Don't suppose you know where Lydia is?"

"She just left to go meet your parents at the entrance."

"Thank you." Alec nodded at him then turned back just as he was about to leave. "You're coming tomorrow right? To the party I mean, I know Lydia would love to have you there."

"Yeah, I'll see you then if I don't see you before." Robin confirmed. Alec gave him a smile then once again he was rushing down the corridors of The Institute.

He spotted Lydia and just made it to her side when there was a flash of purple and out stepped his parents and Max. With a huge grin on his face and a shout of laughter Max launched himself at them and both Alec and Lydia caught him up in a double hug. They were all laughing merrily as they eventually broke away.

"Hey Maxie, how have you been? Not causing too much trouble I hope." Lydia smiled as she ruffled Max's hair.

"Oh you know me." Max replied cheekily.

Alec grinned at him, "Yeah we do, so what mischief have you been causing?" Alec said with mock sternness. Max's only reply as a telling wink and a tap to the nose. Alec and Lydia both laughed again and turned to greet his parents.

"Alec, Lydia." Maryse smiled as she stepped forward and kissed them both on the cheek. "Oh look at you both, your first year together and look at all you've accomplished." She beamed at them both with pride shining in her eyes. "I hope you know how proud we are of you."

Alec tried to smile back in return. Seeing his parents so happy and proud ought to make him happy to, but the awful truth was that whenever his parents were around he felt like he was playing a game of charades. Always trying to guess how best to act in order to make them happiest. But he was never himself, his own parents didn't even know who he was.

Glancing at Lydia he noticed that her smile now also seemed slightly forced. For the first time he wondered if she might feel the same way around his parents. He reached out and took her hand drawing some comfort from her and hoping she felt some comfort from him too. She sent him a quick smile.

Just then Jace and Izzy appeared to greet everyone. Max moved to give them hugs as their parents tried to grab everyone's attention.

"Now we've got a lot of preparations to get sorted before the party tomorrow and we're going to need everybody's help." Maryse informed them. "Now has everyone sorted out what they are going to be wearing, Alec? Lydia?" Everyone nodded their heads."Good Izzy you are going to be in charge of the decorations, Jace the catering, make sure to set up the tables for the buffet and that the caterers know where they are going..." His mother continued to bark out orders and one by one they were each sent off to complete their tasks while they were continuously reminded of how little time they had. Throughout the rest of the day they all ran around like headless chickens dealing with this problem or that one and just generally getting stressed out. By the time he and Lydia fell into bed that night they were both exhausted yet they knew tomorrow would be just as hectic. Why couldn't parties ever be simple to plan.

As it turned out his mother was right about there being little time because in what seemed like no time at all the night of the party arrived. He and Lydia were getting ready in their bedroom. Alec was once again trying to knot his bow tie, while Lydia put the finishing touches to her hair. She was wearing a stunning dress that was made entirely of shimmering gold leaves. Each one hand been painstakingly hand sewn on. You could almost mistake her for some kind of greek goddess.

She looked over at him and gave a little laugh.

"Here, let me help." She offered as she approached him. She deftly knotted it into a neat bow then patted his cheek. "Can you believe its been a year?"

"No, it seems like so much longer with everything that's happened... yet weirdly at the same time it doesn't seem like it's been nearly that long at all. Does that make any sense?" He asked meeting her gaze.

"I know exactly what you mean." She smiled and suddenly she had a strange look come over her. For a moment she looked almost sad or maybe it was wistful or maybe even something else entirely, but in a blink it was gone and she was once again beaming at him. "You ready?" He only nodded in reply. He picked up his cobalt blue jacket and slipped it on before taking her hand in his and heading towards the greenhouse with her.

 **Lydia's POV**

The greenhouse was buzzing with life. People flitted about chatting and laughing together. There was a live band playing on a stage and the shrubs and bushes had been decorated with cobalt and gold ribbons and streamers. Two tables had been set up, one was filled with plate upon plate of delicious looking food. The scent of the dishes mingled with the smell of the blossoms filling the air with fragrance. The other table was piled high with gifts, each wrapped in brightly coloured paper and ribbons. There was a huge banner strung up between two trees that read _HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!_ In an elegant gold script. Just behind the dance floor and band a screen had been set up and a slideshow of their wedding photos was being played. Dotted around the place were huge bouquets of flowers which, Lydia realised on closer inspection, were actually made of paper. She couldn't help but stare at them in wonder. Each flower had been so expertly folded that they looked amazingly realistic. Lydia couldn't believe the detail that had gone into them.

"Exquisite aren't they?" Maryse said as she and Robert approached them giving them both hugs. "It's traditional to give paper as a gift on a couple's first anniversary so we decided to be a little creative and get something special for you."

"They are beautiful thank you." Lydia replied smiling.

"Thanks Mum, Dad." Alec nodded at both his parents. Just then Lydia spotted Robin.

"Oh Mum, Dad I'd like you to meet someone." Lydia gestured at Robin beckoning him over. "This is Robin Beaumont, he's a dear old friend of mine from back in my Lisbon days." She smiled widely as she introduced him. Robin held out his hand for them to shake.

"It's nice to meet you both, I've heard alot about you." Robin said politely.

"Robin has been helping us with the hunt for Valentine and The Dark Lady." Alec explained as his parents smiled back at Robin.

"Well it's lovely to meet you Mr Beaumont, we've been hoping to meet some of Lydia's friends for a while now." Robert answered.

"Please call me Robin."

"Well Robin it's nice to put a face to the name we see so often in Lydia's letters, we'd love to have you join us for lunch sometime, are you staying long?" Maryse inquired.

"I'm afraid not, I'll be heading back to Lisbon tomorrow." Robin informed them regretfully.

"Well that's a shame, but you'll come back for a visit sometime I'm sure."

"Of course. We can do lunch then." Robin smiled.

"Wonderful" Robert answered. "Well we'll let you young ones get to the party, go mingle have fun." He said jovially and he and Maryse moved off to greet some more guests.

Robin turned to them both and grinned at them. "Congratulations guys."

"Thanks we're glad you could be here." Alec said as they both smiled back at him.

"Alec would you mind if I would be so bold as to steal your wife away for a dance." Robin asked amicably.

"No of course go ahead."Alec beamed in return, un-linking his arm from Lydia's and passing her hand over to Robin. "I'm going to go chat with Jace and Izzy I'll see you in a bit." He said gently in her ear. She nodded her head in reply and followed Robin onto the dance floor. He placed his hands on her waist as she slipped her arms up around his neck. She tried not to think about what had happened earlier or how close they were now, or how good it felt to be in his arms. She wasn't ready to accept what these feeling might mean or even that she was having feelings.

"You look positively ethereal by the way." He complimented her softly.

"Thank you." Lydia replied as they moved together in time with the music.

"How are you feeling now? Did you manage to get everything done?"

"Yeah thank you for helping out with the paperwork it was a huge help." She smiled back at him. He just nodded his head in reply. Silence stretched between them as they continued to dance. Lydia tried to think of something to say hating the awkwardness between them. She could think of nothing so instead she just laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. As she breathed in his comforting scent that reminded her of home she let herself relax, let the music flow through her as she softly hummed along.

Robin exhaled and tensed for a moment causing Lydia to look back up at him. He looked troubled.

"Hey what's wrong?" She asked worriedly. Robin just shook his head. "Come on Robin, I know something's bothering you, talk to me."

"Now's not the time or place Lydia, besides I know you well enough to know you're not going to want to talk about it. Especially not here at your anniversary party."

"Robin if something is upsetting you I want to know, I want to help and if you want to talk about something then I want to be the one you come to. We used to be able to tell each other anything."

Robin was silent for a few moments longer before he locked his eyes to hers. "I've been thinking about what happened between us earlier, in the training room." Lydia looked away, she couldn't deny that he was right, this wasn't something she wanted to talk about. "I mean I didn't imagine it right? There was something there, we had a... a I don't know... a moment. I'm not alone in this am I? You felt it too?"

Lydia forced herself to look back at him. "No you're not alone in it. There was a moment." She whispered. "But Robin that's all it was and all it can be. I'm married. And although it is just a political union I can't be seen to be unfaithful to Alec. If someone suspects that there's something more than friendship between us then they'll start to gossip and the they'll start to whisper and if those whispers get back to The Clave that could ruin Alec, and me and the whole Lightwood family. You know how it is in our world. Even those most PG of scandals can ruin a family name."

Robin nodded his head slowly. "It's ok I understand, I get it." He had a sad smile on his face as he answered. "Hey who knows maybe in another life somewhere we're together."

She smiled a little at that. "Yeah maybe in another life." She answered wistfully before returning her head to his shoulder and moving a little closer to him.

After a little while Alec reappeared and Robin handed her back over before being pulled away to dance with a laughing Izzy. They watched them go with a smile before turning to share a dance themselves.

"Hey." Alec smiled down at her.

"Hey back at you." She giggled in reply. "So what do you think of the party?"

"Mum and Dad did a good job. It looks great and I got to admit it is nice having all our friends together and seeing them have fun for a change." Lydia looked around for her friends at his words. She saw Robin and Izzy dancing nearby both chatting away. Clary, Jace and Simon were all laughing uncontrollably at Max as he talked animatedly and pulled comic faces at a table nearby. Jace was holding Clary's hand under the table. A smile bloomed across Lydia's face when she spotted Jocelyn and Luke hidden away in a corner kissing as if they were teenagers again. They deserved some happiness. Their's truly was a beautiful love story. Maryse and Robert were also dancing together, Robert was whispering into Maryse's ear as she smiled sweetly at him. Somehow the smile made her seem so much softer. Suddenly the smile slid from her face as she looked for Magnus and realised he wasn't there.

"Hey what's wrong?" Alec asked noticing her change in mood.

"I just wish Magnus could be here. It feels like something's missing without him here too." She told him sadly.

"I wish he was here too." A strange look came across Alec's face for a moment, he opened his mouth like he was about to say something when suddenly he was interrupted by his parents calling for everyone's attention.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec looked up as his parents stood on the stage behind the microphone. It was time for the speeches.

"Robert and I would like to welcome you all and thank you for coming tonight." His Mother began. "A year ago today we were all gathered in this very place celebrating the union between our son Alec Lightwood and his lovely wife Lydia. It seems like a blink of an eye but here we all are again to celebrate in their happiness with them." His Mother paused for a moment before once again continuing. "Last year our celebrations were tainted when the next morning Valentine launched an attack against this Institute." Alec felt sorrow pass through him as he remembered that day, they had lost 27 of their own that day. Looking around he saw that many of the others gathered also shared expressions of sorrow.

"Lives were lost that morning, the lives of friends and loved ones and it was a catalyst for so many troubles that followed. But in the darkest of moments and the toughest of challenges Alec and Lydia stood by each other. They protected and supported each other. Their strength and fortitude was an inspiration to us all, they became the pillars of strength that held up this Institute when we needed it most." A rousing cheer rose from the crowd as nearby guests clapped Alec and Lydia on the shoulders. Alec looked down at Lydia as memories of the last year passed through his mind. It was true they had been through so much together and Lydia had never wavered in her support of him. They had faced so many challenges, days that had early broke them. He remembered the day they had nearly lost Lydia in the boat attack and her troubles with The Dark Lady, he remembered how she had supported him when he thought Magnus had left during those long ten months and how she had let him lean on her when they realised Magnus was missing. There were good memories in there too. Their visit to Idris, nights where they had stayed up just talking and getting to know each other. He truly believed that he never would have coped with the last year if it hadn't been for her and he felt a wave of appreciation for her. When she smiled at him he knew she felt the same way, she mouthed a quiet _thank you_ at him and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders smiling in gratitude.

They both looked back at the stage as his Father stepped up to the microphone. "Lydia, Alec" He smiled at them both. "On your wedding day your Mother and I expressed how proud we were of you, well we want you both to know that that pride has grown day by day as we've watched the two of you grow as a couple and as individuals over the last year. We love you both very much. So if you could all raise your glasses to Alec and Lydia, Happy Anniversary and may you have many happy returns." As the guests raised a toast to them, cheering and clapping Alec felt a queer feeling pass over him. Though he forced a smile on his face he couldn't quite shake the feeling. He felt melancholy like things were coming to an end. The feeling passed quickly however as Max came bounding over.

"Hey guys, come on!" He urged them pulling on their hands. "Come dance with me!" They laughed as they followed him to where Jace and Izzy were on the dance floor. They all spent the next hour and a half dancing and laughing together, teasing each other as only siblings do. Alec's ribs began to ache from all the laughter and he had to take a moment to get a drink. He promised to return soon and made his way over to the refreshments table.

As he stood and sipped on his drink he observed the others. Izzy was now dancing with Simon. As he watched them he noticed that she was playing with the hair at the nape of Simon's neck. He wasn't sure if they were together or not. They had definitely gotten closer lately, either way they seemed happy. His gaze drifted over to Lydia and Max. They were holding hands and spinning around in a circle. Faster and faster all the while letting out bursts of laughter, Lydia had hold of the hem of her dress, her shoes were nowhere to be seen and her hair was beginning to fall out of it's elegant up-do. She looked happy. It was then that he spotted Jace and Clary disappearing quietly hand in hand out of the door. No doubt they were sneaking back to her bedroom for some alone time. It hadn't escaped Alec's notice that Jace had spent more nights in Clary's bedroom than he had his own as of late. He was happy for them both, they deserved a break after everything they had been through. His gaze then wandered to the clock and he saw that it was nearly ten o'clock. He had promised Magnus he would stop by. He looked for Lydia and found that she had left Max and was now chatting to the Inquisitor. He sighed but headed towards her regardless.

"Sorry to interrupt Inquisitor." He spoke politely once he had reached them. "Lydia there's something I need to see to. I won't be too long." He reassured her.

"Ok I'll see you in a bit." She replied looking a little curious but unwilling to question him any further in front of Herondale. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek then headed on his way.

In no time at all he was at Magnus' door. He knocked gently and listened as he heard Magnus' footsteps draw nearer on the other side of the door. Once again he felt his heart begin to beat faster. It skipped a beat entirely when Magnus opened the door and gave him a beaming smile.

"Hey how was the party?" Magnus asked as he stepped aside for Alec.

"Yeah it was fine." Alec answered. Magnus let out a little chuckle. "What?" He asked lightly.

"Oh it's just only you would describe a party as fine."

Alec smiled in return. "Well you know me I'm not one for party's really that's more down your street." Magnus gave him a wink in return and Alec shook his head good–naturedly at him. "No it was nice having the whole family there together and I even had a little fun." Magnus chuckled at that. "It's just I'd rather have been here with you." He finished honestly. Magnus gave him a wide grin in return.

"Well you're here now, so how about a drink?" Magnus moved over to the bar as Alec flopped down into one of the armchairs. As he sank down into the cushions he felt all the tension seep out of him. He always felt better around Magnus. His loft had come to be a kind of refuge for him. Magnus handed him a drink and sat opposite him. They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, as they sat there Alec studied Magnus. He was once again just wearing pyjama bottoms. This time they were red satin. His chest was bare, the bruises that marked his skin were fading away but when Alec looked into Magnus' eyes he could see that the psychological scars would take much longer to heal.

"You look tired." Alec voiced quietly. Magnus looked down and fiddled with the umbrella in his cocktail.

"I've been having some nightmares." He replied wearily. Alec nodded his head in understanding.

"Magnus, you know if you want to talk about what The Dark Lady did I'm here for you."

Magnus gave no reply at first, then after a while he spoke. "The pain wasn't the worst part. The pain I could take, I'd dealt with pain before. It was lying there night after night and hearing the others' screams and cries. You could feel the despair in the air; Feel the hope being sucked out of the room. As time went on it got worse more and more Warlocks were captured and more and more voices would cry out into the darkness. Then the first Warlock died. I remember watching The Dark Lady wheel him over to the incinerator and just toss his body in like a sack of garbage to be disposed of. One by one more Warlocks succumbed to death. I'm sure many of them died of hopelessness more than anything else. I couldn't help but wonder if I would be next, I'll confess that in my darkest moments a part me hoped that I was. But not even that was the worst part. The worst part was thinking that I might not ever see you again,that I could die and you would forever think that I had just abandoned you, given up on you." Tears were streaming down Magnus' cheeks now and so Alec swallowed down the lump in his own throat and moved to kneel in front of Magnus. He gently pulled him towards him and wrapped him in a tight embrace. Magnus' body wracked as he sobbed and all Alec could do was hold him and stroke his back. He felt utterly helpless and tears began to fall from his own eyes. After a while Magnus' sobs slowed but Alec still didn't let him go. So they sat there embraced in each others arms and listening to each others heartbeats until eventually Magnus pulled gently away and gave him a watery smile.

"Come on." Alec urged him gently as he rose from the floor and held his hands out for Magnus. He pulled him up from the floor and led him towards the bedroom. "You need sleep." He helped Magnus into the bed but as he turned to leave Magnus caught his hand.

"Please, stay with me a little while?" Alec nodded and climbed onto the bed next to him. Magnus reached over and entwined his fingers with Alec's.

"Try and get some sleep." Alec encouraged him.

"Talk to me, it might help keep my mind off... well you know." Magnus replied softly.

And so he did, he told him stories from his childhood, talked about his family, his work, he talked and talked and talked until eventually sleep pulled them both under their fingers still entwined.

 **Lydia's POV**

As she slowly opened her eyes after a fitful nights sleep she quickly turned in bed only to find Alec's side still empty. She reached out a hand and found that the bed sheets were cold, they hadn't been slept in. She quickly rose from bed and dressed. Now she was worried. Alec had left the party last night with the promise of returning soon yet she had not seen him again. She tried not to panic or think of all the awful scenarios of what could have happened to him. She spotted Jace ahead of her in the corridor and called after him.

"Hey Jace!" He turned to her.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked.

"Have you seen Alec?"

"Not since the party last night. Why is everything ok?" Lydia shook her head trying to stay calm.

"I waited up for him all last night but he hasn't come back yet."

"Well did he say where he was going?" Jace asked urgently.

Lydia shook her head. "Oh god Jace what if it's The Dark Lady? What if she took him?"

Jace wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Hey now. Don't panic just yet ok. Have you checked the office or anywhere else maybe he just pulled an all nighter while working on some paperwork or something. You know what a workaholic Alec is."

"You're right, sorry for freaking." She smiled apologetically. "I'll have a look around."

"I'll help, I'll ask the others if they've seen him too. I'll give you call if I find anything." He reassured her.

"Thanks." She headed towards the office. He wasn't there. So she continued to search. Just when she had almost given up and let the panic set back in something caught her eye out The Institute window. There below on the street outside was Alec. Relief rushed through her. As she stepped closer to the window she saw that he was holding hands with Magnus. Lydia was happy to see that Magnus looked alot better than the last time she had seen him. He had more colour in his cheeks and seemed to be holding himself straighter. Alec was still wearing his cobalt suit from the night before and his hair was ruffled by sleep. They were both smiling brightly at each other.

As she continued to watch them Magnus said something and Alec laughed in reply. He looked happier than she had ever seen him. His eyes were alight with the purest of loves as he studied Magnus and Lydia felt tears began to roll down her cheeks as she moved away from the window. She had just reached the top of the stairs that led to the Op's centre when Alec and Magnus entered. Izzy and Clary were there and they both rushed forward with cries of joy when they saw Magnus. As they embraced him and he beamed at them Alec raised his eyes and his gaze locked on Lydia at the top of the stairs. The smile fell from his face as he noticed her tears. As she noticed the others turning to see what Alec was looking at Lydia turned and dashed away.

She swatted her tears away and tried to steady her breathing as she walked but it was no use. She felt like her world was crumbling apart, for as she had watched Alec and Magnus through that window she had been hit with a terrible revelation. She had made a huge mistake when she had married Alec but at the time she really had believed they were doing the right thing. She had not helped Alec by marrying him as she had believed for so long, she had trapped him. She remembered how they had convinced each other that they would be ok, that they could somehow pull this off without anyone getting hurt. How stupid and foolish they had been. They could never truly make each other happy and now they are going to hurt so many more people. _But what does this mean for you?_ A selfish voice asked in her head. She thought of Jace and Izzy and Max and even Maryse and Robert. She would lose it all. She'd lose her family, she'd lose The Institute. But she also knew that she could not deny Alec the chance to experience what it was to be happy and in love. She cared about him too much to condemn him to spending the rest of his life living a lie. He deserved to be happy.

But that didn't mean that it didn't hurt and right now all Lydia wanted to do was escape the situation; right now all she wanted to do was run.

 **Alec's POV**

Alec rubbed his eyes and then pushed open the door to his and Lydia's room. She was sitting in the desk chair staring out the window. As he opened his mouth to say something she cut across him.

"Were you with him all night? You never came back?" Her voice sounded strange. Almost too in control.

"No I crashed in Jace's room. We were going over some files on The Dark Lady." He didn't know what was making him lie. He just knew on some basic instinct that she would not like the truth. He moved closer to her, trying to get a better look at her face. He reeled back in shock when he saw the look in her eyes. He reached out a hand to wipe the tears from her cheek but she pulled away from him standing and walking to the other side of the room. When she turned to face him he could see the anger and hurt swimming in her eyes. He swallowed hard and tried to think of something to say, anything but words seemed to escape him.

"You're lying to me. I know you weren't with Jace because when I asked him if he had seen you he said he hadn't since the party!" That was when Alec realised his mistake as the anger in his wife's eyes grew hotter and her tears streamed faster she crossed the room in a flash and began beating at his chest with her small hands. With each hit it felt like a knife was being drove into his chest but he made no attempt to stop her. He just stood there and let her pummel at him as she screamed and cried; as she demanded to know why. She asked that one over and over again why? why? why? And Alec still couldn't answer; still didn't know what to say. Because it was then that he realised the truth of the situation. The reason behind the strange feeling he had felt last night at the party. They weren't happy anymore. He knew what he wanted now and deep down in his heart what he wanted was to be with Magnus. In a moment of dreadful, heart-wrenching epiphany Alec truly realised the mistake he had made in marrying Lydia. The damage he had caused not just to himself or her or Magnus but to his entire family. To The Institute even. Not one person wouldn't be effected by the impending fallout of their decision.

Lydia had stopped beating him now and she just stood wrapped in his arms. She was so close he could feel her heart beating rapidly against his chest. Feel her tears soaking into his shirt. He wrapped his arms tighter around her enveloping her in his warmth. As her sobs slowed to sniffles and her rapid breaths evened out Alec finally found his voice.

"Nothing happened." He whispered. "But yes I was with him all night." Lydia sighed and Alec swore he felt the last of the fight seep from her body. She pulled back slightly and looked up at him. She had never looked more beautiful to him. With her eyes brightened by her tears; some of which glistened as they lingered on her cheeks. Her hair caught the sun and it made it look like it was alight with golden flames.

"I believe you, I do. But I just don't know if I can do this anymore." Her voice was strained. Alec suddenly felt a panic rise in him.

"What does that mean for us? For our marriage?" He was scared and he knew it showed on his face. He was still clinging to some small desperate hope that all of this could be avoided.

"I think its pretty obvious that our marriage is over. It has been for a while now." Lydia replied confirming his own earlier feelings. Still it hurt, it tore at his heart and he felt the tears burning behind his eyes. He swallowed hard and gasped out as the tears rolled from his eyes.

"Lydia I love you." It was true he did, she was his wife. She had been beside him for the last year. Had laughed with him, cried with him, made plans and chased their dreams with him. She had been beside him every night as he slipped away into dreams and been there when he awoke back to reality. And although their's was not a marriage in the traditional sense of the word, she was still his wife in every other way that mattered and he loved her of that he was certain.

"I know. But you're not in love with me." Was her whispered reply. " Alec I love you. I want you to know that you saved me. After I lost John I also lost myself, I became a ghost just going through the motions playing the puppet to The Clave. I was alone and I was dead inside. You gave me a life back, you gave me a family and a purpose. You showed me that it was ok to dream again and to chase those dreams. That it was ok to love again and to live. Now you have to let someone do the same for you. But we both know that I'm not that person. Magnus is the one for you. You deserve to know what it is to be in love, to be yourself. After John I was certain I never wanted to fall in love again, I was too afraid of feeling that pain again if I lost them. So when I met you and you asked me to marry you it seemed like the perfect solution. I had a shot at achieving my dreams of running an Institute and I got to help you in the process and I'd have a partner to stand by me always without any of the messy love business to complicate things. But then the other day something happened that made me realise that I was wrong. I do want to fall in love again, because as much as it hurt to lose John the way I felt with him was the best feeling in the world and it is always worth the risk of getting hurt. You deserve to feel that feeling Alec and you can't do that if you're with me. We've been lucky so far, we've been happy and we've had a good marriage but this can't last, give it another five years and we will wake up and realise that we are bitter and lonely and you don't deserve that, Magnus doesn't either and neither do I."

Suddenly Magnus' words from after Izzy trial so long ago flitted across his mind. _"You'll be lonely for the rest of your life and so will she. Neither of you deserve it. And I don't either."_ He knew they were both right deep in his heart and yet Lydia had become part of his family. This wasn't just going to hurt just him or her it was going to tear the whole family apart. He remembered the pride in his parents faces on his wedding day and again last night at the party and couldn't help but imagine their disappointment when they heard that he and Lydia were separating. He thought of Max and how he had laughed while he danced with Lydia and when they had all played in the park during their visit to Idris. Memory after memory flitted through his mind. The first time Izzy hugged Lydia, the three girls parading about as they got ready for a night out, the first time Jace called Lydia sis.

"I can't." Alec's words caught in his throat. He swallowed then continued. "I can't do it. When I think about how much this is going to hurt our family... Lydia you have to help me... I can't be the one to end this marriage... I know it's the right thing to do but...I..." His stuttering was interrupted when Lydia gently cupped his cheek. She gave him a sad watery smile.

"I know, it's ok." She answered soothingly, then she reached up and unclasped the necklace he had placed around her neck on their wedding day. She placed it in his hand then kissed his cheek and stood up. "I'll stay in one of the guest rooms tonight. I need some time to myself today. We can figure out everything else tomorrow." She hesitated for a moment before walking to the door and picking up a overnight bag that was sitting there already packed. She paused for a moment standing facing the door with her back to him. Then her shoulders rose and fell as she took a deep breath then she walked out the door without once looking back. Alec sat and watched as the sun rose higher in the sky and felt the cold heavy metal of the necklace resting in his hand.

* * *

 **Author's note: Well that's it Lydia and Alec are finally kaput. I know up until this point in the story the focus has mostly been on Lydia and Alec's relationship and building it up but many of you will be happy to know that this is the turning point. Now the focus is going to shift onto Magnus/Alec and Lydia/Robin. So get ready for lots of Malec :) I'll be updating as soon as I can hopefully in a week's time as long as I'm not struck down with a severe case of writers block. So until next time guys.**


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